A lot of us, as guys, are telling ourselves we don’t deserve women we ACTUALLY ALREADY DESERVE.

And the results, of course, are disastrous.

It ends up being kind of like one self-fulfilling prophecy after another…which makes perfect sense, when you consider that women FOLLOW OUR LEAD.

Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “You get what you hope for.” Well sometimes, if not usually, you get what you hope AGAINST also.

As you probably know already, the guys who pick up the phone and call me aren’t often guys who are starting from square one with women.

Some are, and that’s fine also. But they aren’t typical.

Most guys who call me are interested in going from GOOD to GREAT with women. They are sick of “settling” and are ready to move on to having the highest-quality women in their lives.

But invariably, guys I talk to—even the ones who are at square one–are genuinely good men with a lot going for them. That goes whether they have a dating life at the moment or not.

I’ve noticed an odd pattern, though. It’s one that is especially evident when they try online dating—although everything I’m about to cover applies to meeting women elsewhere too, so hang with me here.

The pattern is this: They get rejected…A LOT. And they flat-out cannot understand why even average women are repeatedly blowing them out. We’re talking ZERO success.

After all, they’ve got SO MUCH to offer a woman. What’s up with these chicks? Can’t they see that?

Well, here it is: YES…those women they CAN see that. And that’s EXACTLY the problem.

Here’s what I mean.

For the sake of argument, let’s draw a picture of a quintessentially perfect guy who should have no “limiting beliefs” whatsoever.

Consider a successful professional. Let’s say he’s 35-years-old, in peak physical condition and financially stable. Better yet, he’s got the “Big Four” (masculinity, confidence, ability to provide security and character) in full effect.

But perhaps he’s getting over “Mr. Nice Guy” stuff, or he’s coming off a brutal break-up of a multi-year relationship that has knocked him flat.

For some reason, he’s not enjoying a wildly successful dating life at the moment.

So based on advice he picked up somewhere along the way, he decides to go after some “average” women online to “warm up” his skills…and perhaps build his confidence.

Well, that ends up not happening. In fact, his confidence takes a massive hit instead.

NOBODY responds. NOT ONE WOMAN.

His head spins. Clearly his pictures sucked, his profile wasn’t sharp enough and his first-emails lacked SOMETHING…right?

So he tightens everything up and goes for a second round.

Yet…all he hears in return are pins dropping and crickets chirping.

Dejected, he GIVES UP.

Well, guess what?

His initial self-assessment was 100% correct. He DOES have tons to offer a great woman.

The problem? HE WASN’T GOING AFTER GREAT WOMEN.

Instead, he e-mailed women he considered “average” enough that they were sure to like him.

Well, yeah…ironically enough, they DID like him.

But they probably also were fully INTIMIDATED by him, and were left wondering, “What on Earth does a guy like THAT want with a woman like ME?”

Yep…these are the thoughts that go through some women’s minds.

If you think I’m kidding you should read Emily’s mail sometime. Women who don’t value themselves as highly as they should seriously AVOID writing back the sharpest guys.

They automatically assume ulterior motives…and that’s IF they don’t somehow believe that the guy’s profile (and could that be YOUR PROFILE?) is a fake or a scam.

Raise your hand if YOU have ever actually gone through a “slump” online only to finally get a date and have a woman say, “So, um….when’s the REAL version of you going to jump out from behind a bush? You’re TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.”

If that has happened to you, here’s the deal: You are SETTLING before you even get STARTED. Just like I’m talking about here.

Now listen, this isn’t something to beat yourself up over. The “rejection” you are perceiving could really be a series of backhanded compliments.

No joke.

In fact, I personally suffered through an embarrassingly long stage of it myself.

But the breakthrough came for me when I realized that it was time to TRUST the process I had worked so diligently on. I had spent ENOUGH time learning how to be the kind of man women truly want. I had spent ENOUGH time on figuring out how women think.

It was time to “fly without a net” and actually start approaching the VERY SHARPEST WOMEN out there…online OR offline.

I put my fire suit on, believe me. After all, like most of us, I considered the highest-quality women UNTOUCHABLE.

But here’s the thing…when I started focusing on the women I REALLY FELT I DESERVED, great things started happening.

That’s the breakthrough that resulted in solid response rates online. That’s what really started to “raise the bar” all around.

Why?

Well, simply enough, great women realize they DESERVE a high-quality guy. And when he shows up, they TAKE NOTICE.

And guess what? Time and again I’ve watched guys I know experience a similar breakthrough.

It all started for them when they put their thoughts of having lots to offer a great woman into GEAR, once and for all.

So what’s the deal? Do you suspect you are what a great woman should want, but you aren’t going after great women?

Are you feeling rejected, when in reality you’ve been intimidating “average” women with your above average expectations?

Are your requirements in a woman not backed up by your willingness to swing for the fence in trusting the great ones REALLY ARE waiting for you to approach them?

Have you ever stopped to think that were you to actually get those “average” women to go out with you, NEITHER of you would be happy?

Meanwhile, have you ever considered that the truly sharpest women are often the most likely to go DATELESS?

I told you this article was going to involve yet another CRAZY concept. But it’s not so crazy once you discover how your REALITY changes…if only you’ll put what we’re talking about here into practice.

Be a man. Lead. Deserve what you want. And give those great women the rare, desirable experience in a man that they’ve been craving.

My recommendation is to start doing it today. But just in case you could use a real “wake up call” that puts everything into perspective for you, I’m going to cover that for you next week.

So stay tuned. If you are the one who is now suddenly intimidated by going after the high-quality ones, I’ll be sharing with you the mindset for making it happen.

You’ve done everything it takes to get your own game together, and you’ve been a man or woman who deserves what you want for sometime now. In fact, you’ve found a partner as terrific as you are, and the question has inevitably surfaced: Is it time to “pop the question” around here?

I believe a lot of us really have not spent enough time ruminating upon what it really takes to consider a decision to make marriage plans. And make no mistake, my friends, this is the kind of thought that should go on long before you are ever in the position to actually act upon what you think and / or feel.

Indeed, getting engaged should never be a “knee-jerk” decision. In fact, nothing involving “jerks” of any kind should ever be a consideration.

So whether you are in a serious relationship right now or not, let’s consider the top ten signs to look for when considering marriage:

1) You are attracted to each other

First, you absolutely, positively must be sexually attracted to the object of your affection. This is NOT being shallow, as we’ve discussed previously. Don’t you appreciate how I freely endorse making this a priority? Thought so. Feel better now? LOL

2) You actually like each other

Laugh if you will, but I’ve seen first-hand how couples justify long-term relationships despite getting on each other’s nerves big time. I personally don’t get it, and if you deserve what you want I surely hope you don’t want that.

3) You’ve spent enough time together to really know each other

Let’s not talk in terms of calendar time here. If a couple is in a long-distance-relationship (LDR) for two years and see each other once a month for two days, they may see each other about as much as a couple who lives two blocks apart and has been joined at the hip since they met a month ago. When you know that you’ve seen the person at his or her most relaxed (and at his or her worst, for that matter), then and only then are you in a position to speculate regarding what the future really holds.

4) You are on the same page spiritually

Don’t underestimate the importance of this. If you believe that God should be at the center of your relationship, it can only be that way if your would-be partner agrees. If this hasn’t been talked about yet, make it a priority to do so. Even if you are both agnostic or atheist, for that matter, it’s still a good idea to discuss your world views and make sure you are in agreement on what your core beliefs are.

5) Your long-term goals are similar

If your futures are taking you in different directions, either someone is going to have to compromise, or your futures don’t have each other in them. Period.

6) You know how to play together

Sure, she goes shoe shopping while he watches the NFL. But do you know how to enjoy leisure time together? We’re not just talking about sex here? I always thought it would be amazing to find a woman who would want to go BMX racing with me. As it turns out, that wasn’t so farfetched. Couples who play together stay together.

7) You both want to be married

Do both of you really desire marriage? If you feel you are trying to persuade someone out of the single life who still wants to be there then guess what…you are not making valuable use of your time.

The basics in your lives are handled

Are you mentally and physically healthy? Is your self-esteem in good shape? If you carry heavy concerns that consume you, it’s not time to invite someone else into your world permanently. After all, that would only give your heavy concerns someone else to consume. And that’s not part of a balanced relationship.

9) You have no doubt in your mind that your partner is committed to you as you are to him/her

Ah yes…the “trust” factor. Kill all jealousy in order to ready yourself for a committed relationship. And make darn skippy sure that’s okay to do. If there are signs your future husband or wife would cheat on you, then forgettaboutit. Really.

10) You have no doubt in your mind that you are committed to your partner as he/she is to you

Turnabout is fair play here. Are you completely sure you are trustworthy? Do you harbor fantasies about cheating on your future spouse? If you are focusing too much on someone else—especially if that “someone else” is potentially available to you, then my suggestion is to get that resolved before feigning “commitment” to someone who would be truly committed to you.

Whether you feel you are ready for marriage or not is okay. One should never feel pressured either way. The framework for a solid marriage with a great long-term prognosis can only be established when both partners truly want to be there…and believe wholeheartedly in both the future and in each other.

After all, isn’t that what love is for?

I’m a 38 years old, balding, heavy-set man who wears Hawaiian shirts most of the time.

I am also one of the most experienced and socially-mature players in The Game. Despite my looks I do amazingly well with women of all cultures, styles and tastes.

So what is my secret? What is the magic formula that has facilitated my happy life?

I empower women to make their own choices

For the past 15 years I have had a primary girlfriend who I would live with and usually between three and six secondary girlfriends, plus a number of casual partners who might join in the fun sometimes.

The primary girlfriend bears the title of girlfriend and may refer to me as her boyfriend, while the others recognise that they can behave towards me as if I were their boyfriend, but that our relationship is not the overriding one.

I used to manage a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ system with my primary, and the others would respect that they had to keep things quiet, but it was always a losing proposition- the girlfriends would want more and eventually discontent and jealousy would tear my playhouse down.

8 years ago I recognized the trouble- I didn’t want a harem like this!

So I promised myself that I would no longer allow women to live in denial about their rivals; but this made for very uncomfortable situations of nasty infighting, so it needed to be modified once again.

I finally developed my two rules which has served me very well since 2000.

For all of the women in my life, from my primary (with whom I live with in Toronto) to the girls I met and slept with last weekend in Los Angeles, whom I don’t know if I’ll see again this year, the two rules are absolute, inflexible, intractable and adamantine:

Rule One: I will be no woman’s only male lover!

Rule Two: Every girlfriend must commit to do her best to get along with my other girlfriends.

These two simple pillars keep my house happy, my ladies ecstatic and my sacs drained.

Here’s a little more detail in case the beauty of these rules is lost on anyone:

Rule One

Every woman I am with knows immediately (because I tell her outright) that when I’m not with her, I’m with someone else. Therefore I need for her to understand that she will not ever be entitled to unlimited, unrestricted nor exclusive access to me and so she will need to find ways to keep herself amused when I am elsewhere.

No amount of ‘But Baby, I only want to be with YOU!’ will ever shake my resolve, as that situation is a sure fire road to hell, when a girl’s resentment begins to perk up and she becomes a green-eyed monster.

So by insisting she has other male lovers, I remove her justification for being uptight with me when I’m unavailable to satisfy her cravings. I also ensure that she continually expands her skill set and her expectations, thereby keeping me on my toes and preventing my complacency.

Rule Two

Every girl knows I’m sleeping around, just as they are, and they understand that there are others. They begin to realize that there is no such thing as a rival and that putting down other girls in the circle won’t help anyone, and will in fact bring about their own removal from the circle.

The second rule guarantees a fundamentally harmonious and happy lifestyle which has been working for me for most of this decade and shows no signs of slowing down or falling apart.

This is really the most exciting stuff that I’ve ever run into in the community, if you guys were lucky enough to be in NY for Day game a month ago, or Phoenix, or NY this last weekend you guys have gotten a taste of Advanced Comfort.

How this system came to be was as Future and I have become better friends, I would notice that he was getting reactions from girls unlike ANYTHING I had ever seen before, basically girls fell MADLY in love with him. He also didn’t get LMR and converted every day 2. In fact recently he helped me when I was having some problems with HB perfect stripper. The guy’s comfort game is better than ANYONE I’ve seen.

So I started to look at what exactly he was doing and over the course of about 6 months we have backwards engineered comfort to produce THE EXACT SAME RESULTS. It truly is the most powerful system I have ever seen for making woman truly crazy about you. Here’s a brief preview, plus a couple of new things I noticed tonight. This system was responsible for 16 lays of mine in late June early July of last year.

1. Passion/Purpose- You must be able to convey to her convincingly that you are a man of a greater purpose. That you are going places she will want to be. You are driven to pursue your life goals and do so without any sort of hesitation. In fact your purpose has driven you to become pre-selected by women, a leader of men and a protector of your loved ones.

2. Seeing her the way she wants to be seen. Every woman has a purpose that she secretly strives to achieve. There is a reason why she does what she does, or doesn’t do what she wants to. Find out what this value is and you will be able to give her the most amazing compliments she has ever heard. She needs to feel that you see her, as the person that little girl inside her yearns to be.

3. Hot/Cold. The hot comes in the form of the most amazing compliments she has ever heard, the cold comes in the form of SMALL releases. I.E you are absolutely amazing and whatever you want to be I can see you doing that because of x,y and z. Too bad you’re such a douche bag. The key is that you do not tell her that she doesn’t have what it takes to be who she wants to become.

4. Future Projections- This is different from future adventure projections, which are silly. These are plans that you are making with her anytime from a week to a year down the road, that show her that you are a man of action and she can come along if she wishes.

5. Emotional Honesty- The second part of future plans, is that EVERYTHING that you say you are going to do, you must do. If she ever feels that you are not truthful, the entire power of Advanced Comfort will be lost as she will not believe that you actually see her that way. She will think you are just trying to get into her pants.

6. Whirlwind Courtship- Advanced comfort breaks the rules of only seeing a woman once a week or talking to her once a day. In fact the more time you log, the more powerful the method is as it is further reinforcing your legitimacy.

7. The feeling that both of you are bound for greatness and you are on the same path. The key to this is to show her that you are going to be someone AMAZING, then ratifying that she can be someone amazing and helping her on her path. Pushing her in the right directions the way someone did for you earlier. You guys are on the same path, you just happen to be further along.

This is all based on stuff that Future did naturally that I have backwards engineered. This is the real deal. Technology is morally neutral but if you have an understanding of this, I implore you guys not to use it the wrong way.

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over two years now, and some of you have been lucky enough to meet the lady herself. She’s pretty, she’s intimidating intelligent, she’s cultured, she’s a sportswoman, she’s funny, she’s a great cook … but most importantly, she’s lovely. This is the kind of girl I got in to the game to meet.

Two years in to this relationship, with a bunch of relationships behind me that didn’t go sooo well, I think I’m finally in a position to start giving some fairly useful relationship advice.

And the first topic I want to cover is jealousy. Two reasons:

1) I used to be insanely jealous, and I cracked it
2) It seems to be the thing people ask me about the most

Some Background

A girl called Jenny was the reason I got in to the game. I met her in Sweden, at a wedding, and she was lovely. She was really pretty, really lovely, and for some reason, she took a shine to me. She was the second person I had sex with, and I’d just come out of a pretty abusive relationship. She made the whole thing happen, from start, to finish.

On the same night I met her, a ‘friend’ of mine was there, who was a natural, and had also taken a shine to her. After she’d kissed me, straight away he isolated her to try and kiss her too, even though his at-the-time fiancé was there. He lived in a different country tho, so while I was pissed off, after he left I thought nothing of it.

I flew backwards and forwards to Stockholm to see her, almost every week, even though I was earning very little at the time. I was ultimate wuss-nice-guy. I spent lots of money on her, I always made an effort to do the things she wanted to do. All this time spent seeing her meant I was neglecting my friends and family and life in general.

One weekend we went to see mutual friends, and the natural guy was there. He spent the whole time flirting with her, and I could see her responding to it. It really crushed me. I felt powerless. I didn’t know what I could do.

This girl was a pillar of my reality. She was a bright spot in the pretty dreary life I was living at the time. She made me feel good about myself and confident, that I had such a pretty sophisticated woman with me, even though I had no idea how, why, or what had brought her in to my life (actual answer: she was on the rebound in a major way).

Seeing this guy slowly but surely take her away from me was crushing. He tried to kiss her in front of me several times, and I didn’t know what I could do. When I brought it up with her, she got weird about. My Mum had always complained about my Dad getting jealous when I was younger, and made it out to be a terrible terrible character trait, so not only was I jealous, hurt, and scared of losing this girl, I was also filled with self-loathing and shame for being jealous too. Ouch.

A few weeks later, I found out he’d flown to Stockholm to see her. I rang her up and ended it ‘mutually’ just so I wouldn’t have to tell anyone that really she’d dumped me for him. A year later I found out they were married when I saw some photos of the wedding on a friend’s website.

Exegesis

This fucked with me a fair amount. I started to wonder how I could ever trust women again, and also: how could I ever be in a relationship again, if I could go through the pain of watching someone else steal my girlfriend in front of my eyes? Not a great place to be.

More observant readers will have noticed some critical points here however:

• I was using this girl as a source of validation - and a major one at that. I felt good about myself because I was with her, not because of me.
• I spent a lot of time focusing on this girl, and not on my life in general
• I went out of my way to be as ‘good’ a boyfriend as I could be, all the time, and trying to make sure she was happy
• I got weird and acted jealous

Explanation

Of those, the first point is by far the most important. Defining your life in terms of girls will fuck you up. I promise. Whether it’s in terms of one girl, or in terms of “HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ALL THE GIRLS I’M FUCKING” repeated endlessly, it’s a sure-fire way to make yourself very very unhappy in the long run.

You have to see your girlfriend as someone who makes you happy, and someone you want to spend time with. Nothing more, nothing less. Having a girlfriend doesn’t make you a different or more worthy person than you were the day before you had one. Read that line again: it’s a common mental sticking point. In a recent episode of Peepshow, the main weirdo guy has a little monologue about: “Now I can go to the school reunion and show everyone I’m a normal person, with a normal house and a normal fiancé! Ha!”

This is broken. Really broken. Focus your life outside of your girlfriend. Don’t brag about her to your friends. Don’t look at other guy’s girlfriends, and judge yourself against them by that (or by anything, for that matter).

Most importantly: be willing to walk away. Look: your girlfriend should be a source of net joy in your life. Every day. My rule is: if I wake up three mornings in one week and I don’t want to be with my girlfriend at the time, it’s over. Done. Finished. Your girlfriend should be a source of joy and happiness, not a source of drama and misery out of some fucked-up feeling of loyalty. If you’re in a relationship, and it’s not ACTIVELY MAKING YOU HAPPY: end it. Now.

Being a good boyfriend

This has been written on at length elsewhere, and I’m tempted to write something lengthy on it myself at some point, but in short: what you’ve been told makes a good boyfriend, and what actually makes a good boyfriend rarely meet.

Girls do not respond well to being allowed to always do what they want when you’re together. Girls do not respond well to there never being any drama (this doesn’t mean you need to argue a lot - I intend to write a lot about this soon - it’s really key). Girls do not respond well to you always doing what they want you to do. Girls do not respond well to you dropping everything and focusing on them, just because something is a little bit wrong.

In short: do what you want. Almost any time she starts an argument, it’s because she’s not feeling loved enough - do NOT try and engage this shit logically. Read “David Deida - Way of the Superior Man”. Have boundaries. Show her those boundaries. Mark them out. Make sure you take a piss in every corner of her bedroom, 3.5 times a month (just checking you’re paying attention).

Finally, acceptance

The final piece of the puzzle: if your girlfriend fucks another guy, you haven’t changed as a person. You’re still the person you were the day before. To the best of my knowledge, my g/f has never cheated on me - but I’m open to the possibility that some day she’ll fuck another guy. I accept that. She’s human. It happens. It doesn’t affect my value in the slightest.

Were I to sleep with another girl (and I haven’t and won’t), that hasn’t changed my g/f in the least. I’ve slept with a number of married women, engaged women, women with boyfriends. None of them loved their other halves any less after I fucked them. It didn’t mean anything.

What’s more: getting jealous about it doesn’t help in the slightest. It’s entirely negative. The only thing I can do if I think she’s cheating on me, if I’m getting jealous, is try and be the best boyfriend I can be. Try and be the best option that’s on offer. And utter acceptance of this is the only way forward.

She knows I have options. I’d never tell her that, never rub it in her face, but she knows I have female friends who’d jump at the chance to be with me. She knows I’m an attractive guy who other women want to be with. I make an effort to be that attractive guy still. This stops there being a weird power imbalance in the relationship - something that’s really important.

[reddit-me]I had a friend recently complain to me that the women he was attracting were all crazy: he’d dated girls who ran the whole range from self-harming to trying to make him jealous all the time; from those who were attracted to abusive guys to those who always tried to create drama between him and his friends. He’d realised already that all these behaviours came out of self-esteem issues the girls had.

I gave him two points to consider:

Firstly: some guys are actively attracted to girls who they feel have something wrong with them. I had a beautiful deaf friend, who used to get practically stalked by guys when they found out she was deaf. Why? Because they felt they could easily add something to her life; something they didn’t feel confident they could do to a ‘normal’ beautiful girl. While that’s a particularly striking example, guys have been looking for girls they can look after (and women for men they can save) since time began.

This isn’t a healthy place to be: it’s born out of insecurity. Rather than trying to improve the one person who’s showing interest in you, why not increase the number of people who are interested in you, and then find one who doesn’t need improving?

Secondly: people in general will often start to get needy in relationships which they don’t feel they deserve, and this neediness will tend to manifest itself in women as the behaviours he’d been describing.

When people get needy, they’re looking for validation - they’re looking to feel your love and attention. If you give them your attention and emotional investment only when they’re acting in a way you don’t like, you’re going to train them to act like that more often.

If however, you make a point of rewarding them with your attention, and with lots of positive emotion when they’re displaying characteristics about them you do like, you’ll reinforce that instead.

Give the other person explicit ways they can feel validated from you. Pick five things you like about them, give them sincere compliments about it. Example:

My friend John’s gf knows that he will shower her with love and affection whenever she:

• Does something maternal, like making and bringing him food
• Displays a high degree of creativity
• Comes to him with a problem, rather than letting it boil up

As a result, a girl who used to be a fucking nightmare of a gf to another friend of mine, always flirting with other guys, causing problems, etc, is now a near-perfect girlfriend. Why? Because she knows how to get the feeling of security from the relationship. She doesn’t need to do any of the negative things to feel loved - she just needs to act in a way that makes him happy!

Many guys seem to spend their life in one of two states: being with a girl they don’t like and desperately trying to get over the last girl they were with. Neither’s a great place to be, and this site is full of advice on meeting new women. But how do you get over your ex?

Stop Stroking The Sausage

You have to stop jerking off thinking about her. This is huge. Every time you fumble the firkin while fantasizing about her, you’re just strengthening the connection in your brain to her. Even if she keeps popping up, you’ve got to replace this image with someone else.

Diversify Your Mind

Get busy, and keep busy. Start new hobbies and experience new things that aren’t related to her. Breathe some new life in to your social life. If you’ve not got much going on, your brain will keep going back to thoughts that get an emotional reaction from you … such as the fact that you’re feeling heart-broken. Start talking to as many women as you can - you’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do.

Set Boundaries

One of the biggest kickers in being dumped is the sudden feeling of lack of control. Maybe you send her a message, and don’t get a reply, and then you feel even more lonely? Stop that shit. If you must keep in contact, do it on your terms. Promise yourself that you’ll only reply to her messages once a day, and that you won’t speak on the phone. Refuse to get drawn in to any discussions about:

• The possibility of you getting back together
• How you still mean so much to her as a friend
• Her feelings for you
• Your feelings for her

You guys are finished. If she wants to get back together, she can be explicit about it. Even though you split up, she’s still going to get a nice little validation shot from knowing you’re still in to her - and the above topics will all lead to that. Take control back!

It’s Not About Her

However amazing this chick was, she’s just a chick. And even if she sucked, your brain is going to play a mean trick on you: it’ll make you think that this one girl was The One True Girl For You. She isn’t. You have a girl-shaped hole in your emotions, and you’re getting that confused with a her-shaped hole. Yes you liked her for reasons x, y, and z. But you’re coming up with logical reasons here for a very emotional reaction to losing someone, and the more you recognize that, the better.

Stop Caring How She Feels About You

Guys obsess about girls when they’re not sure how the girl feels about them. If the girl would just say it, they could move on, but that never seems to happen. If she dumped you, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve asked her out on a date, and she’s said no, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve made your move, and she didn’t go along with it, she doesn’t want to be with you. Stop trying to find out if there’s a part of her that likes you - whether there is or isn’t, the overall part doesn’t want the two of you together. Be firm with yourself, and accept this!

Conclusion

Like getting over an addiction, your brain will try and create all sorts of rationalizations for your feeling of loss. Just because your brain tells you something, doesn’t mean it’s real.

It will take you a few weeks or months to get over a girl. You will still think about her six months later. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t MEAN anything, other than your brain is working how everyone else’s does.

Take control of the situation, and take control of yourself.

[digg-me]OK player, so you got game. You can walk into a bar, open a set, make out with a few girls, and pull one back to your place. You can pick up a chick. But can you keep her?

Commitment is a critical part of any relationship. I don’t mean the ‘C’ word in the normal way that women use it to express how we’re all ultimately afraid to get into a monogamous relationship with one woman. Forget that - this has nothing to do with monogamy.

It’s about how willing you are to invest in a relationship, and how the other person is to invest in you.

Have you ever slept with a girl a few times, then called her a few weeks later only to have her ignore your calls or not want to see you anymore? Chances are that she wanted you to invest in her more than just sexually, and you didn’t.

Have you ever had a girl ask you to join her and her friends for dinner, and you turned her down and she was pissed? She wanted you to invest time in her social circle. And you didn’t, you bad boy.

What I’ve realised is that there seems to be a very stable “investment equilibrium” at the basis of any good relationship. One person might invest more in the other person at any one moment in time, but ultimately if their investment is not reciprocated then the relationship is almost certain to break down. That investment might involve time, money, emotional or mental energy, but whatever it is, it needs to be reciprocated one way or another.

How is this relevant to developing your skills with women? If you already have great relationship skills, then you’re probably willing to invest in your girlfriend and she invests in you - you reach a stable (but dynamic) equilibrium with her. If you don’t, then why not?

One thing I see with a LOT of guys that start getting good is that they concentrate heavily on generating attraction. If you haven’t got your attraction sorted, you need to read Magic Bullets right now. Once you can generate attraction without even thinking about it, you learn how to make a real emotional connection with a girl – at The Mystery Method we call this comfort and it’s fully explained in Magic Bullets too. Finally, you learn to escalate and seduce a women, and boom, you get laid.

But after attraction, comfort and seduction, after you’ve fucked her a few times and you want to continue seeing her, what it comes down to is this: your chick wants to see that you give a shit about her. She wants to see you laugh when she cracks a joke, she wants you to text her at 3am in the morning when you miss her like crazy, and she wants you to make special surprise plans for her birthday.

It’s easy for people to talk about a relationship as if it were a pick up, making suggestions which are based more on approaching and closing, rather than on “continuing” the pick up. Guess what? If you want to get into a relationship with someone, you need to be able to show them a real side of yourself. That’s investment - it’s being willing to spend time with them show them who you are, and to figure out who they are.

Here are some ways that you can demonstrate real investment in a girl:

• Make time for her. Don’t just fit her into your schedule, if she means that much to you, then (on occasion) move things around just so that you can be with her
• Give her little surprises. Cooking her favourite meal or buying her a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it should just show that you know her and what she likes) are great ideas
• Tell her how much she means to you and why you like her so much
• When she’s dressed up to meet you for a night out, realise that she’s invested her time and money to do so and make her feel GOOD for it: tell her she looks absolutely beautiful tonight!

I say all these with the strong caveat that she should be into you already, and ideally you should have fucked her. If not, investment equilibrium still applies, but make sure you’ve mastered attraction and comfort first – otherwise she won’t want you to be investing so much in her. If you’re having trouble recognising IOIs and when a girl is into you, you can find a bunch of useful information in the free Mystery Method forum.

So next time you’re trying to date a girl and you feel like you’ve done everything correctly but for reason the relationship isn’t as strong as you want it to be, ask yourself if you’ve shown a genuine interest in dating her (or even fucking her, if that’s the type of relationship you want with her) and whether this has been apparent with how you’ve tried to build your relationship with her. As an example, after you slept with her, did you:

1. Text her a week later inviting her around for another shag?
2. Call her to tell her you had great time with her, and that you hope she has a good week?
3. Invite her out with you and your mates at the weekend to get drunk and party?

There’s a whole spectrum of investment strategy there. There’s no right answer, but realise that which option you go for will affect which sort of relationship you might have with her. At the end of the day, whether she meets you on that ground depends on what she wants and what she’s willing to invest in you. The road runs both ways - she might want option c), but maybe that’s not what you want.

Investment equilibrium is something that seems completely obvious, but I think it’s something that all too easily forgotten when you’re learning seduction skills. At the end of the day, no one is going to have a happy relationship with someone that isn’t willing to invest in it as much as they are. This isn’t just about romantic or sexual relationships, it’s about friendships and business relationships too. There needs to be an equilibrium for the relationship to work.

So next time you’re chilling with your girl under the duvet in the crisp cold of a Winter morning, don’t worry about saying something cool, interesting, funny or attractive, just look her in the eye and tell her you fucking love being with her. Invest in her.