Grow Your Game

I’m about to get a bit personal on you.

A lot of the stuff I teach is a pure reflection of what goes on in my own world.

Here is the general philosophy:

Focus on positive aspects of moving towards a greater vision. A vision of you as a smooth, naturally attractive man. Rather than focusing on negative points that externally confirm the existence of you sucking.

It’s all based on the general premise that ‘What you think about in life – you get’.

What I am trying to communicate through his blog or through a Flawless Natural Bootcamp or the upcoming conference is point out that you actually are a champ!

Empowering the inner man of glory and eliminating the inner bitch of doom.

There is no point focusing on external things that point towards you sucking. Because you will find a million of them.

- Maybe you approached a girl last week and she didn’t want to talk to you… waa waaa little baby YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe one of your little toes is bigger than your big toe… oh no! girls might not like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never kissed a hot girl… OMG! YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have a shitty apartment or live with your parents… DAMN girls don’t like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never done an approach… wow YOU MUST SUCK HUH.

The list goes on forever. Here’s my point: this thinking is pointless and retarded and will kill you.

The key is to focus on internal things that point toward you being deluxe. After all, you are the only constant in this game that you can actually manage or enhance. The rest (girls/environment/external) are all variables that you cannot control.

I have always said that the one difference between the guys that are good and they guys that are superfly deluxe is one thing: creativity.

When you walk into a club and there are 1000 chodes and 3 girls… it’s creativity that will win.

When your night is sucking and you are totally in your head… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the girl but her friends are pulling her away… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the same equal verbal thing to say as the next guy (routines?)… what will separate you? Yep. creativity.

So then… how is creativity built or, better yet, cultivated?

Firstly it’s hard to define creativity or how to generate it. Its something that happens spontaneously and this can be very elusive.

Let’s look at “the game of pickup”, for example.

Ever since the first how to date girls books came out we men have been trying to structure a way to get them consistently.
Which is cool and fair enough but also leads to its own sets of problems.

You see when you define something and try and put a box or structure around it, you are forcing yourself to follow a rigid set of rules.

Therefore your thought patterns follow very straight lined, outcome oriented thinking.

Example of this thinking in its application (i.e what your mind says):

Goal: Makeout and get with the girl.

Process: Approach and Open with Opener. Then Attract with attract stuff. Then Close using Close stuff.

Outcome: Kissing the girl.

What normally ends up happening is this. You see the girl then your head goes okay now what opener should I use, then what? Hmm maybe a story… then I’ll do my famous swirly whirly routine and then I’ll close with the superman makeout tactic!

The point is your mind trips over itself. You get inside your head and outcome oriented. Then by the time you approach, the girl can smell that your not being genuine and probably actually being flat out creepy or weird (especially if your running background processes like monitoring your own body language and other useless things).

Ok – Here is what Flawless Natural thinking looks like:

It is completely free flowing in the moment. It deals with life’s situations and events as soon as they arise, with flexability and ease because there is no thinking about them in the future.

Here is what the mind does in relation to pickup (the opposite of outcome oriented):

Wow I’m in a club… woooo!… high five my friend…. let’s chat to my friend… I like my friend… ohhh awesome look at that chair ahhahha what a silly looking chair… sorry now back to my friend…. cool… ohhh this is fun… wow my shoes are brown that is funny…. “hmmm i was wondering about sea creatures the other day – there is some WEIRD SHIT going on in the sea”… I like lizards too… oh wait ! damn LOOK AT THAT GIRL SHE IS FUCKING HOT…. YESSSSSS…. GO FOLLOW THE GIRL… MUST TALK TO HER…. YUM… “Hey i just had to come meet you I’m Tim!”… “you like sea creatures dont you hahahahah”…. “come here love… kiss me”…..”hahahahah”… this is weird she won’t kiss me yet ahhhh well soon enough… “so back to you and me…what was your name again?

My head is like a magic eight ball. I shake it and whatever floats to the surface I do. I trust that somewhere in the void of my mind something cool will float to the surface.
Something cool to say, or do, or whatever in that exact event or situation.

If something cool/positive/fun doesnt float to the surface – I shake it again

I heard this term twice in the last week.

AA.

What the fuck is AA?

I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? HAHAHA… Lets next this once and for all.

Maybe it is that I have seen the most incredible things happen to guys on our program doing approaches or that I do not feel the slightest of state movement when walking up to a girl (which, i concede, has been built)… but here we go.

In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane.
It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time.

The fact that we call it AA and THINK about it means that it EXISTS. When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… WEIRD?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this hahaha.”

So by talking/thinking about it – it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in OUR world here at RSD.

I know what your thinking… Ok Timmy – so now what – how am I supposed to think this way?

Let me indulge you for a second…

It’s all about the VALUE you ATTRIBUTE to things/objects/stuff in your own mind.

Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree.

Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree – whatever”

A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it.
First I name it TREE.
And within that name it has certain PROPERTIES.
Like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.

How much VALUE does a TREE have to my IDENTITY?

Zero.

It is what it is.

A fucking tree.

Now what if I take the same tree… and put MASSIVE value on it.
(if you didn’t know – if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU)

So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most motherfucking pimp deluxe super rad thing in existence…

Try it now. Just for fun.

Go outside or look out the window and focus on ONE tree.
Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now.
Just look at a tree, and let it make you laugh.

Give it a name…

Pimp Tree of Desire (or similar).

Ha there you go… self amusing yourself.

So this tree is now pretty valuable huh. Woooooo.

Now lets flip it….

Let’s look at a hot girl…

WHOA… your brain is like automatically throwing values on her.
She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better with her. Its so valuable. Looks so good… etc list goes on.

Now if you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediatley and just see her for what she is: JUST SOME GIRL… then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety.

Just LOOK at her… without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing – listing values about her and getting you all worked up! STOP IT.

And think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK

This may sound funny but its true.

The point is to stop putting MASSIVE VALUE on SOME RANDOM girl AUTOMATICALLY. We are conditioned to do this by the way.

Just watch your mind. Observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.

When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree. Who cares anyway.

Now I know I know… here is the dilemma – you can’t have sex with a tree.
(Well I admit – I haven’t tried).

But you CAN control yourself from being a chode and putting massive value on a girl.

Trees ahoy!

In the previous post I stated that in “SEEKING to become a natural with women, you are actaully DENYING in your own mind that you are a natural ALREADY”.

If you have seen my Transformations piece released by RSD, this is the same as accepting that your GAME IS A 10.

And yes I KNOW this is a hard statement to grasp and actually apply. VERY hard in fact because it seems so SIMPLE.

You see on the surface it gives you that feeling of massive epiphany-

“Wow YES its all inside me ALREADY! I can feel it!” but then you might see a girl and your brain goes “whoooa hold on mr pick up artist YOU ACTUALLY SUCK.” and boom game over.

So here is the way I personally implement this so it works and becomes engrained.

Number 1: I wish to have massive fun for MYSELF as much as possible. Whether that means joking around with my friends OR just smiling to myself and enjoying the environment im in, to creating FUN from NOTHING like naming things the VENUE OF DOOM or the TABLE OF DESIRE, etc.- stuff that makes me chuckle inside.

This means forgetting about everything (including the women if I am in a club) except for stuff that amuses me. You should feel a glowing little smile inside yourself. Maybe even a cheeky smile. When you get good at it, you can generate the cheeky happy smile inside in under a second NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE. Try it.

Then-

There is a CATALYST from this fun that your having inside yourself to the then meeting women. Because you are now your OWN party (on the inside anyway) you now need a way to attract a women into your fun little micro world you have going on.

Now what normally happens when you see the Swedish love princess out at a club?

You’re being the party- but you also FREEZE UP when you see her. Your brain SHUTS YOU DOWN because of her beauty or whatever.

But what if we stopped this automatic freezeup program the brain does and replaced it entirely? Using its freezing mechanism against itself?

I call this catalyst the SPONTANEOUS LOVESTRUCK and it further enhances your self amusing ability.

Here are the specific steps:

1. (refer to above point, get that cheeky smile on the inside)
2. Spot a hottie, walking by or standing somewhere, or in a group or wherever
3. Allow yourself to be “Lovestruck” STOP. PAUSE AND DRINK HER IN FOR A SECOND. DON’T FIGHT IT… inside you should be saying things like
“Damnnnn she is HOT”, “WOW look at that ass”, “Whoa YUM”, “MMM MMM MMMMMMMM YESSSSSS”
4. Harness the lovestruck energy inside BE POSSESED BY IT for a split second – feel it burning you up as a man- imagine her NAKED in YOUR BED
5. Listen to your inner MAN- like “Ohhhh I GOTTA get that”
6. JUST GO without anything else on your mind. LITERALLY. NO THINKING of ANY SORT – even what you are going to say. Its actually BEST if you DONT KNOW what you are going to say to her.
7. You must trust in that energy 100%

Ok seven steps but really it all happens in ONE SECOND.

So:

You are feeling awesome because of the little smile inside
You see a hottie and feel even more awesome
You go up as fast as you can to get her NOTHING will stop you on your quest for glory!

Then what ?

“Hey my name is Tim, I just HAD to come and meet you”

All that BEAMING energy and CORE SEXUAL INTENT inside will be translated through your TONALITY and BODY LANGUAGE and she will open right up. It will feel spontaneous to YOU and HER and this is important – it will feel totally in the moment.

You cannot have one without the other.

BEAMING energy + CORE SEXUAL INTENT = AWESOME BODY LANGUAGE + WICKED TONALITY

Have you ever felt weird opening over your shoulder or indirectly or with some scripted line? Yep- cos it kills your core spontaneity and sexual intent.

What about when you have been talking to a girl forever all indirect and then at some point realise you have to turn sexual… bzzzzt. Nope.

She would have appreciated you as a MAN a lot more if you had of been straight up sexual from the start.

When did men become such pussies that they could not approach straight up sexual in a playful way that is not creepy or weird but just IS ?

You see- if I make a list of body language traits that you should avoid while talking to a girl like DO NOT lean IN, DO NOT approach directly, DO NOT wave your arms around, DO NOT talk queitly…. arrrghhhh the list goes on.

This sort of self-monitoring list KILLS beaming energy and core sexual intent.

Have you ever been talking to a girl thinking “I hope my body language is good- now what do I say next…”?

Then you will notice that that kills your interaction. She doesnt feel core manly passion coming from you therefore no reciprocating female passion will come your way!

It has to be totally in the moment.

The key with it is you are not “Gaming” or “Running a Set” or “in Pickup mode” or whatever. You are 100% enjoying the interaction with the girl nothing more nothing less. When it all comes down to it – you need to remember that you want to be bedding these girls and enjoying the whole interaction.

Then the third step is creating the BUBBLE OF LOVE around you and the girl so that nothing can get in the way of you two hooking up… but I’ll leave that for another day.

Tomorrow… next time… later.

in other words… NEVER!

This is something that I really wanted to share with you from my own personal experience.

The other night I went out with the crew. It was very a quiet night a bunch of dudes at the bar and an empty dancefloor. Only girls in the place I passed as I walked inside they were having a cigarette.

Literally ONE STEP in the door I assess the situation…

I can either:

A) GO inside, scope for more girls if there are any, if not chat to my buddies about how chode the venue is until we slide off back home.

B) Just GO.

The time is now champ.

BOOM i turn and hit up the girls outside… “wow the club is WACK tonight!” they giggle and start asking questions about me.

ME: “Stop all the questionss damn we are in a club lets make the most of it!”

They pull me to the empty dancefloor and all three start grinding me like a music video… lovely.

Now the cutest one is going for it, we are chatting and she is totally comfortable with me grabbing her and putting my arm around her.

Its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT.

I guess my overarching natural frame these days is this (in order):

- I am amusing myself (in a fun chill totally comfortable and relaxed way)
- If there are girls in my reach ill grab them (for my amusement)
- Then I see if ***I*** want to pursue them further
- If yes then I let a girl know CLEARLY its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT (all in the amusing cool atmosphere)
- Ramp it up sexually
- Leave to home

(keep in mind there is a LOT going on under each of these points)

No tricks, no rubbish, just pure fun in my world – and oh girls can join in too!

Anyway so my firends are leaving and I have the girl LOCKED DOWN TO GO. If I just grab her and walk out its over fun times for both of us.

My friend comes up “We gotta go”. SO instead i get her number and leave. She looks sad and confused. In my mind ill just call her and get her later or get a new girl tomorrow or something.

Ummmmm WHAT?! bzzzzzt WRONG TIM.

You have been in this situation 100 times.

This was a challenge I had quite a while ago – the girls are DOWN but i put it off till later for whatever reason and then REGRET it later.

So in the car the girl is texting me flat out but can’t come with me tonight now because her friends won’t drive her.

LESSON LEARNED (again).

DO it now!

No more of this “oh will get it later, tomorrow, next time” rubbish!
It’s bad for me AND the poor girl.

It’s because Im coming from such an abundance mindset, I know I can get another girl later if I want.

Very silly.

This is a reminder to YOU.
Why go to all that effort and fun times without finishing it off ?

Do it now !

Tomorrow… next time… later – does not exist.

I’ve tried to write this a few times before but have had trouble getting it into words, let’s see how it goes.

So, as beginners when we think about building attraction through verbal game, the first thing that comes to mind is power lines, negs, or magic pills/bullets/routines. We all have them, use them, and love them. From Mystery’s “OMG, we’d never get along, we’re too similar” to Swingcat’s pro-active prizing to Tyler’s “Ok we’re broken up…no wait, we’re back together”. Now, there’s a very right way to deliver these, and a very wrong way. Lets start with a good delivery…

HB: Blah blah, i like Paris.
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
HB & PUA: hahahah
HB: haha you don’t get along with people similar?
PUA: blah blah

OK, seems to be good right? Sure – looks to be a smooth delivery, she kept the conversation going, invested, etc. And certainly you can run sets this way, and over time you may build solid attraction. But a few adjustments in timing and with the same line you can build massive attraction very very quickly. Let’s look at a horrible delivery.

HB: Blah blah, I like Paris.
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
HB & PUA: hahahahha
HB & PUA: ha ha ha
HB & PUA: ha
HB: So you don’t get along with people similar?

Ok, subtle difference, but in this instance the PUA is REACTION SEEKING, waiting for the line to sink in to maximize effect – little does he know the longer he lets her reflect on what he’s said, the quicker it loses effect. Lets look at a great delivery-

HB: blah blah, I like Paris
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar
HB: hahaha-
PUA: So tell me Sarah, when is the last time you did something really spontaneous and crazy?

In this case, the PUA doesn’t even give her a chance to process the line, he cuts her laughter short and immediately slams her into a different gear – she’s going from recieving humor to accessing and assessing memories, and judging which will be most impressive to the PUA. It’s this slamming through different gears that can create MAJOR attraction FAST.

If you’ve read any of my recent FR’s or LR’s (I’ll start posting more too), you’ll see that they all look like…

GG: So when’s the last time you were in Barcelona
HB: blah blah blah
GG: That’s cool, so one day i was walking and blank happened, ever seen blank?
HB: blah blah blah

The reason I leave the HB response as “blah blah blah” is not that I don’t remember, it’s that IT DOES NOT MATTER. Sure, later on I’ll be interested in getting to know her as a person, but in the first few minutes the only thing on my mind is to build attraction. And when building attraction the HB is pretty much IRRELEVANT. What does this mean? Well, it means you don’t need her to build attraction, in fact, I’m willing to bet a deaf person could build serious verbal attraction just as well as anyone else. Let’s look at a common pitfall people make when talking to a bouncy/talkative girl.

PUA: So, when’s the last time you were in Barcelona?
HB: Omg, I was there in July, i loved it!
PUA: Oh really? Me too, i was there in August, how cool was _____
HB: Yeah totally, omg and my friend was with me and she bla bla bla
PUA: uhuh…
HB: and then we bla bla blal blalbalblbalbalbalbalbalbalbalbalablbalbalbllbalbalbalba
PUA: Really?
HB: And then john did bla bla bla, and omg it was sooooo funny! and bla bla bla
PUA: haha, cool!

Again, looks like a good conversation – but it’s not going to build serious intense attraction. Not the type that will allow you as a PUA to say “hey, shut up, come here…*kiss*” See, common sense tells us “ok great, she’s telling me all these experiences she’s had, shes investing in the conversation, she’s getting excited about things, it’s going great”- but as we know, common sense can go to hell. Let’s see how that could have been done better:

PUA: So, when’s the last time you were in Barcelona?
HB: OMG, I was there in July, I loved it!
PUA: Oh cool, so then you know how at _____ there’s a big _____, right?
HB: I didnt go there, but omg my friend was with me and she bla bla bla
PUA: HOLD ON! Are you actually wearing green socks?!?!??!
HB: haha, ummmm.
PUA: OMG, You are! You’re such a dorkus! Haha, I bet you were on the chess team in grade school weren’t you!?
HB: hahahahahah nooooo! bla bla i got these socks from bla bla.
PUA: Ok ok, so u were saying about Barcelona, and how you got reeeaaallyyy drunk one night and started dancing on the bar for free drinks…
HB: HAHAH NOOOO, I never said that!!!! I was saying…
PUA: I mean cuz it’s cool, I did the same thing, haha, SO, what IS something really crazy you’ve done for free drinks?

See the difference? As soon as she got comfortable in one gear the PUA slams into a totally different gear, engages different parts of her brain, and generally keeps her thoughts pretty scrambled. Now, the tough thing here is to not get too pleased with yourself and to remember to continue no matter how pleased with yourself you are. The natural ‘out’ from this sequence is the qualifier or BIG compliance test. So it looks like

line —–> subject change to better line—–> subject change to even better line—–> subject change to qualifier. In this case it starts with socks/chess-team, changes to dancing on bar, and finally qualifies via adventurousness. Thus- crazy attraction generated very very quickly.

One last example just to drive the point home (the PUA illustrated in this example is an RSD instructor running a 2set with me) – a great example of thought-scrambling to build attraction, ending with a final BIG compliance test from me – kissing her neck and making out.

HB: Bla bla bla, we’re here for a conference.
GG: Oh man, so you guys are like industry girls, maaann, just when I was thinking you guys were cool…
HB: Haha bla
PUA: So, you guys are from out of town, where are you staying? (note, the assertion of ‘out of town’, not asking it as a question)
HB: We’re staying at _____ hotel.
PUA: Yeah thats a solid hotel, i stayed there once, the great thing about it is room service will do anything you ask, you can call down at like 3am and ask for a newspaper, a lobster, a blowjob, a shoe shine.
HB: Hahahah What!??!?!
GG: So what, you all are from Dutcheland? Esprecken ze Doitche?
HB: ?? Actually, OMG! Our hotel room comes included with condoms and packets of lubrication, ready to go in the refrigerator. (Can someone say horny IOI?)
GG: , you smell good, come here –

Ok so, lets review the ground rules for how to Build Massive Attraction Verbally FAST.

1) SUPER IMPORTANT!!! Any time you say something you think is good – like you know, when that voice in your head goes “man…that was smooth”, or a line you read on the internet – CHANGE THE SUBJECT IMMEDIATELY! DO NOT give her time to process it. Trust me, it’ll bounce around in her head and she’ll try to process it between thoughts, and the longer this bounces around in her head, undigested, the more attraction it will build.

2) NEVER feel like you have to address what she’s said. If she says something that you feel really helps you along towards the lay, by all means feel free to address it, but otherwise feel free to totally ignore it with an “ok cool” or “ok anyway”.

3) Cut her off when she starts yapping. Her talking is not going to get her attracted. And the longer she talks the longer she has to get her thoughts in order. Simply raise the energy level and change the subject – I usually do this by pointing out something about her – “Omg, is your hat actually made of Rabbit Fur??? I had a pet rabbit when I was 8!!! You killed Mr. Wigglesworth!!!”

4) Use a qualifier or compliance test to get yourself out of the loop – for instance in the example above: “You killed Mr. Wigglesworth!!! Ha! And look, you’re eyes got all big! Ohhh boy, what’re we gonna do with you? Are you any good at snowboarding??”

So, let’s look at some other considerations though.

Firstly, this is obviously very high energy and requires quick thinking on your part to keep things flowing. It works best for me in bars/clubs/lounges.

Secondly: It’s NOT for the timid. If you’re thinking this is a very quick way to become a dancing monkey, you’re totally right. You need to be in tune with the IOIs coming at you and have NO FEAR to capitalize. Meaning, when you see her give you ‘the look’, stop what you’re saying MID SENTENCE and say “come here” and kiss her. The slightest indication of timidness or de-escalation can really derail this. The attraction can disappear just as fast as it’s created. If you’re not comfortable going for a makeout with a girl you met 2 minutes ago…GET COMFORTABLE!

Thirdly: This type of dialogue can only be sustained for a few minutes, tops, before she is overwhelmed, so while you can start at any point in the interaction, be advised that once you do you’ve only got a few minutes to massivly escalate or you run the risk of over-gaming.

It’s tough to transition away from Extreme Multiple Threading (EMT) without a large phase shift – ideally a make-out – though a venue change to a sofa can work. Once you have successfully phase shifted, and hopefully made out, you really need to develop not only deep comfort/rapport (obviously, as this attraction is very state-based and as such is prone to flakes without proper rapport building) but also VALUE (unless you established value before launching into EMT).

A lot of considerations perhaps, but perhaps no more than other methods. For me, after i’ve downed a few vodka & redbulls, this type of game feels natural and tends to be the most fun. It’s also great for sets at the end of the night when you know you don’t have 2 hours and need to get a quick extraction to a diner or back to yours.

With kino there is an obvious ladder of escalation. Grabbing a girl’s ass is obviously more escalated than touching her shoulder, and for the most part it’s pretty common sense. So when we talk to girls, we start out at an initial kino level, either a touch on the arm or the claw, then escalate progressively from there.

Similar to kino, there is also a verbal escalation ladder. We all have a natural basic understanding of this which looks like:

Friendly topics (movies, music, good bars, etc.) -> personal topics (grew up in Chicago, etc.) -> sexual discussion (I want to turn you around and fuck you from behind while I pull your hair)

What separates verbal escalation from kino escalation is that verbal de-escalations can actually hurt the pick-up. So for instance while slapping a girl’s arse then touching her arm is fine, you generally don’t want to go from talking about sex to talking about names for 80’s dogs.

Every statement/question falls somewhere on a verbal escalation scale.

Some examples of different types of statements -

80’s dogs opener – non sexual, non personal.
“So what is it about social work that you love?” – non-sexual, personal
“I think you’ve got the most amazing eyes” – sexual and personal.

Here’s the Verbal Escalation Ladder as I understand it (the top being the most escalated):

Statement about both sexually – I can see the two of us on a beach naked just going at it in the sand.

Question about both sexually – Oh man, can you imagine what would happen if the two of us were left alone together?

Statement about both personally – I can tell we’re two of a kind, it’s really rare.

Question about both personally – Why does it feel like we know each other so well?

Statement about her sexually – You have the sexiest grin.

Question about her sexually – What is it that a guy does that drives you wild?

Statement involving you/her personally – You would love ____ book.

Question involving you/her personally – What made you decide to move to SF?

Statement involving you/her impersonally – you have a southern accent/that’s a cool hat.

Question involving her impersonally – what’s the occasion/have you been to NYC?

Statement involving neither you nor her – American Beauty is a great movie

Question involving neither you nor her – What’s a good name for my friend’s puppies?

The idea is clearly to progressively make your way up the ladder. Usually this takes the form of 2 steps forward, one step back, bob around there for a while, move forward again to test the water, back down again etc. Just like with kino, I’ve found that you can actually progress up the ladder a lot quicker than you might think, so push the boundaries and see how much unnecessary banter you can actually cut out of the interaction – assuming you’re going for a day1 pull.

De-Escalation – The quickest way to blow your value

In my experience, there is no more sure-fire way to ruin a set than to de-escalate either because you’re scared or insecure. An obvious example would be, she says “I like it when guys rub my shoulders” and you get scared and say “ha, heh, hey are you going to that party on Saturday?” (oh man, I used to always do this back in my chode days. Then I’d try to revive the escalation and talk about back massages after I’d already mucked it up- makes me cringe now thinking about it)

Interestingly enough, people’s natural reaction to a perceived drop in their own value is to verbally de-escalate. (I’m using “verbally de-escalate” to mean jump from one point on the ladder to a lower point.) While in any interaction you’re going have to naturally de-escalate anyway (you can’t be talking about sex forever), I’m talking specifically about de-escalations as a result of a perceived self value drop.

For instance, say you’re talking about how she has a sexy grin, then some dude carrying a tray squeezes by you, placing you in an awkward position physically as you make room for him. Your natural reaction is going to be once he passes to verbally de-escalate down to talking about a good movie or something and from here to re-climb the ladder. This is weak sauce. Resuming at the same escalation level will actually build your value and increase her attraction to you.

This is in many ways what inner-game is all about. Being self-assured and internally centered so that external events (the guy with the tray) don’t elicit a negative reaction from you (de-escalating).

Another common verbal de-escalation following a perceived drop in value happens when guys get in their own head after ‘messing something up’. For instance if the girl gives a shit test and the guy feels like he didn’t pass it well (this is a total chode mindset, but we’re talking about his perception here). The guy will almost always step back and verbally de-escalate. Or if he spills his drink, same thing- there’s really no shortage of examples.

Interestingly enough, de-escalating after the failed shit-test is more damaging than actually failing the shit test (or spilling the drink or anything else). Whereas continuing un-phased is going to significantly boost your value to the girl. So ultimately the only factor of significance to the girl is your self-perceived value, which is completely determined by you and only you.

Develop your inner game and let the pieces fall into place.