I’m about to get a bit personal on you.

A lot of the stuff I teach is a pure reflection of what goes on in my own world.

Here is the general philosophy:

Focus on positive aspects of moving towards a greater vision. A vision of you as a smooth, naturally attractive man. Rather than focusing on negative points that externally confirm the existence of you sucking.

It’s all based on the general premise that ‘What you think about in life - you get’.

What I am trying to communicate through his blog or through a Flawless Natural Bootcamp or the upcoming conference is point out that you actually are a champ!

Empowering the inner man of glory and eliminating the inner bitch of doom.

There is no point focusing on external things that point towards you sucking. Because you will find a million of them.

- Maybe you approached a girl last week and she didn’t want to talk to you… waa waaa little baby YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe one of your little toes is bigger than your big toe… oh no! girls might not like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never kissed a hot girl… OMG! YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have a shitty apartment or live with your parents… DAMN girls don’t like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never done an approach… wow YOU MUST SUCK HUH.

The list goes on forever. Here’s my point: this thinking is pointless and retarded and will kill you.

The key is to focus on internal things that point toward you being deluxe. After all, you are the only constant in this game that you can actually manage or enhance. The rest (girls/environment/external) are all variables that you cannot control.

I have always said that the one difference between the guys that are good and they guys that are superfly deluxe is one thing: creativity.

When you walk into a club and there are 1000 chodes and 3 girls… it’s creativity that will win.

When your night is sucking and you are totally in your head… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the girl but her friends are pulling her away… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the same equal verbal thing to say as the next guy (routines?)… what will separate you? Yep. creativity.

So then… how is creativity built or, better yet, cultivated?

Firstly it’s hard to define creativity or how to generate it. Its something that happens spontaneously and this can be very elusive.

Let’s look at “the game of pickup”, for example.

Ever since the first how to date girls books came out we men have been trying to structure a way to get them consistently.
Which is cool and fair enough but also leads to its own sets of problems.

You see when you define something and try and put a box or structure around it, you are forcing yourself to follow a rigid set of rules.

Therefore your thought patterns follow very straight lined, outcome oriented thinking.

Example of this thinking in its application (i.e what your mind says):

Goal: Makeout and get with the girl.

Process: Approach and Open with Opener. Then Attract with attract stuff. Then Close using Close stuff.

Outcome: Kissing the girl.

What normally ends up happening is this. You see the girl then your head goes okay now what opener should I use, then what? Hmm maybe a story… then I’ll do my famous swirly whirly routine and then I’ll close with the superman makeout tactic!

The point is your mind trips over itself. You get inside your head and outcome oriented. Then by the time you approach, the girl can smell that your not being genuine and probably actually being flat out creepy or weird (especially if your running background processes like monitoring your own body language and other useless things).

Ok - Here is what Flawless Natural thinking looks like:

It is completely free flowing in the moment. It deals with life’s situations and events as soon as they arise, with flexability and ease because there is no thinking about them in the future.

Here is what the mind does in relation to pickup (the opposite of outcome oriented):

Wow I’m in a club… woooo!… high five my friend…. let’s chat to my friend… I like my friend… ohhh awesome look at that chair ahhahha what a silly looking chair… sorry now back to my friend…. cool… ohhh this is fun… wow my shoes are brown that is funny…. “hmmm i was wondering about sea creatures the other day - there is some WEIRD SHIT going on in the sea”… I like lizards too… oh wait ! damn LOOK AT THAT GIRL SHE IS FUCKING HOT…. YESSSSSS…. GO FOLLOW THE GIRL… MUST TALK TO HER…. YUM… “Hey i just had to come meet you I’m Tim!”… “you like sea creatures dont you hahahahah”…. “come here love… kiss me”…..”hahahahah”… this is weird she won’t kiss me yet ahhhh well soon enough… “so back to you and me…what was your name again?

My head is like a magic eight ball. I shake it and whatever floats to the surface I do. I trust that somewhere in the void of my mind something cool will float to the surface.
Something cool to say, or do, or whatever in that exact event or situation.

If something cool/positive/fun doesnt float to the surface - I shake it again

I heard this term twice in the last week.

AA.

What the fuck is AA?

I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? HAHAHA… Lets next this once and for all.

Maybe it is that I have seen the most incredible things happen to guys on our program doing approaches or that I do not feel the slightest of state movement when walking up to a girl (which, i concede, has been built)… but here we go.

In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane.
It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time.

The fact that we call it AA and THINK about it means that it EXISTS. When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… WEIRD?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this hahaha.”

So by talking/thinking about it - it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in OUR world here at RSD.

I know what your thinking… Ok Timmy - so now what - how am I supposed to think this way?

Let me indulge you for a second…

It’s all about the VALUE you ATTRIBUTE to things/objects/stuff in your own mind.

Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree.

Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree - whatever”

A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it.
First I name it TREE.
And within that name it has certain PROPERTIES.
Like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.

How much VALUE does a TREE have to my IDENTITY?

Zero.

It is what it is.

A fucking tree.

Now what if I take the same tree… and put MASSIVE value on it.
(if you didn’t know - if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU)

So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most motherfucking pimp deluxe super rad thing in existence…

Try it now. Just for fun.

Go outside or look out the window and focus on ONE tree.
Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now.
Just look at a tree, and let it make you laugh.

Give it a name…

Pimp Tree of Desire (or similar).

Ha there you go… self amusing yourself.

So this tree is now pretty valuable huh. Woooooo.

Now lets flip it….

Let’s look at a hot girl…

WHOA… your brain is like automatically throwing values on her.
She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better with her. Its so valuable. Looks so good… etc list goes on.

Now if you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediatley and just see her for what she is: JUST SOME GIRL… then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety.

Just LOOK at her… without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing - listing values about her and getting you all worked up! STOP IT.

And think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK

This may sound funny but its true.

The point is to stop putting MASSIVE VALUE on SOME RANDOM girl AUTOMATICALLY. We are conditioned to do this by the way.

Just watch your mind. Observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.

When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree. Who cares anyway.

Now I know I know… here is the dilemma - you can’t have sex with a tree.
(Well I admit - I haven’t tried).

But you CAN control yourself from being a chode and putting massive value on a girl.

Trees ahoy!

In the previous post I stated that in “SEEKING to become a natural with women, you are actaully DENYING in your own mind that you are a natural ALREADY”.

If you have seen my Transformations piece released by RSD, this is the same as accepting that your GAME IS A 10.

And yes I KNOW this is a hard statement to grasp and actually apply. VERY hard in fact because it seems so SIMPLE.

You see on the surface it gives you that feeling of massive epiphany-

“Wow YES its all inside me ALREADY! I can feel it!” but then you might see a girl and your brain goes “whoooa hold on mr pick up artist YOU ACTUALLY SUCK.” and boom game over.

So here is the way I personally implement this so it works and becomes engrained.

Number 1: I wish to have massive fun for MYSELF as much as possible. Whether that means joking around with my friends OR just smiling to myself and enjoying the environment im in, to creating FUN from NOTHING like naming things the VENUE OF DOOM or the TABLE OF DESIRE, etc.- stuff that makes me chuckle inside.

This means forgetting about everything (including the women if I am in a club) except for stuff that amuses me. You should feel a glowing little smile inside yourself. Maybe even a cheeky smile. When you get good at it, you can generate the cheeky happy smile inside in under a second NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE. Try it.

Then-

There is a CATALYST from this fun that your having inside yourself to the then meeting women. Because you are now your OWN party (on the inside anyway) you now need a way to attract a women into your fun little micro world you have going on.

Now what normally happens when you see the Swedish love princess out at a club?

You’re being the party- but you also FREEZE UP when you see her. Your brain SHUTS YOU DOWN because of her beauty or whatever.

But what if we stopped this automatic freezeup program the brain does and replaced it entirely? Using its freezing mechanism against itself?

I call this catalyst the SPONTANEOUS LOVESTRUCK and it further enhances your self amusing ability.

Here are the specific steps:

1. (refer to above point, get that cheeky smile on the inside)
2. Spot a hottie, walking by or standing somewhere, or in a group or wherever
3. Allow yourself to be “Lovestruck” STOP. PAUSE AND DRINK HER IN FOR A SECOND. DON’T FIGHT IT… inside you should be saying things like
“Damnnnn she is HOT”, “WOW look at that ass”, “Whoa YUM”, “MMM MMM MMMMMMMM YESSSSSS”
4. Harness the lovestruck energy inside BE POSSESED BY IT for a split second - feel it burning you up as a man- imagine her NAKED in YOUR BED
5. Listen to your inner MAN- like “Ohhhh I GOTTA get that”
6. JUST GO without anything else on your mind. LITERALLY. NO THINKING of ANY SORT - even what you are going to say. Its actually BEST if you DONT KNOW what you are going to say to her.
7. You must trust in that energy 100%

Ok seven steps but really it all happens in ONE SECOND.

So:

You are feeling awesome because of the little smile inside
You see a hottie and feel even more awesome
You go up as fast as you can to get her NOTHING will stop you on your quest for glory!

Then what ?

“Hey my name is Tim, I just HAD to come and meet you”

All that BEAMING energy and CORE SEXUAL INTENT inside will be translated through your TONALITY and BODY LANGUAGE and she will open right up. It will feel spontaneous to YOU and HER and this is important - it will feel totally in the moment.

You cannot have one without the other.

BEAMING energy + CORE SEXUAL INTENT = AWESOME BODY LANGUAGE + WICKED TONALITY

Have you ever felt weird opening over your shoulder or indirectly or with some scripted line? Yep- cos it kills your core spontaneity and sexual intent.

What about when you have been talking to a girl forever all indirect and then at some point realise you have to turn sexual… bzzzzt. Nope.

She would have appreciated you as a MAN a lot more if you had of been straight up sexual from the start.

When did men become such pussies that they could not approach straight up sexual in a playful way that is not creepy or weird but just IS ?

You see- if I make a list of body language traits that you should avoid while talking to a girl like DO NOT lean IN, DO NOT approach directly, DO NOT wave your arms around, DO NOT talk queitly…. arrrghhhh the list goes on.

This sort of self-monitoring list KILLS beaming energy and core sexual intent.

Have you ever been talking to a girl thinking “I hope my body language is good- now what do I say next…”?

Then you will notice that that kills your interaction. She doesnt feel core manly passion coming from you therefore no reciprocating female passion will come your way!

It has to be totally in the moment.

The key with it is you are not “Gaming” or “Running a Set” or “in Pickup mode” or whatever. You are 100% enjoying the interaction with the girl nothing more nothing less. When it all comes down to it - you need to remember that you want to be bedding these girls and enjoying the whole interaction.

Then the third step is creating the BUBBLE OF LOVE around you and the girl so that nothing can get in the way of you two hooking up… but I’ll leave that for another day.

Tomorrow… next time… later.

in other words… NEVER!

This is something that I really wanted to share with you from my own personal experience.

The other night I went out with the crew. It was very a quiet night a bunch of dudes at the bar and an empty dancefloor. Only girls in the place I passed as I walked inside they were having a cigarette.

Literally ONE STEP in the door I assess the situation…

I can either:

A) GO inside, scope for more girls if there are any, if not chat to my buddies about how chode the venue is until we slide off back home.

B) Just GO.

The time is now champ.

BOOM i turn and hit up the girls outside… “wow the club is WACK tonight!” they giggle and start asking questions about me.

ME: “Stop all the questionss damn we are in a club lets make the most of it!”

They pull me to the empty dancefloor and all three start grinding me like a music video… lovely.

Now the cutest one is going for it, we are chatting and she is totally comfortable with me grabbing her and putting my arm around her.

Its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT.

I guess my overarching natural frame these days is this (in order):

- I am amusing myself (in a fun chill totally comfortable and relaxed way)
- If there are girls in my reach ill grab them (for my amusement)
- Then I see if ***I*** want to pursue them further
- If yes then I let a girl know CLEARLY its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT (all in the amusing cool atmosphere)
- Ramp it up sexually
- Leave to home

(keep in mind there is a LOT going on under each of these points)

No tricks, no rubbish, just pure fun in my world - and oh girls can join in too!

Anyway so my firends are leaving and I have the girl LOCKED DOWN TO GO. If I just grab her and walk out its over fun times for both of us.

My friend comes up “We gotta go”. SO instead i get her number and leave. She looks sad and confused. In my mind ill just call her and get her later or get a new girl tomorrow or something.

Ummmmm WHAT?! bzzzzzt WRONG TIM.

You have been in this situation 100 times.

This was a challenge I had quite a while ago - the girls are DOWN but i put it off till later for whatever reason and then REGRET it later.

So in the car the girl is texting me flat out but can’t come with me tonight now because her friends won’t drive her.

LESSON LEARNED (again).

DO it now!

No more of this “oh will get it later, tomorrow, next time” rubbish!
It’s bad for me AND the poor girl.

It’s because Im coming from such an abundance mindset, I know I can get another girl later if I want.

Very silly.

This is a reminder to YOU.
Why go to all that effort and fun times without finishing it off ?

Do it now !

Tomorrow… next time… later - does not exist.

I’ve tried to write this a few times before but have had trouble getting it into words, let’s see how it goes.

So, as beginners when we think about building attraction through verbal game, the first thing that comes to mind is power lines, negs, or magic pills/bullets/routines. We all have them, use them, and love them. From Mystery’s “OMG, we’d never get along, we’re too similar” to Swingcat’s pro-active prizing to Tyler’s “Ok we’re broken up…no wait, we’re back together”. Now, there’s a very right way to deliver these, and a very wrong way. Lets start with a good delivery…

HB: Blah blah, i like Paris.
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
HB & PUA: hahahah
HB: haha you don’t get along with people similar?
PUA: blah blah

OK, seems to be good right? Sure - looks to be a smooth delivery, she kept the conversation going, invested, etc. And certainly you can run sets this way, and over time you may build solid attraction. But a few adjustments in timing and with the same line you can build massive attraction very very quickly. Let’s look at a horrible delivery.

HB: Blah blah, I like Paris.
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
HB & PUA: hahahahha
HB & PUA: ha ha ha
HB & PUA: ha
HB: So you don’t get along with people similar?

Ok, subtle difference, but in this instance the PUA is REACTION SEEKING, waiting for the line to sink in to maximize effect - little does he know the longer he lets her reflect on what he’s said, the quicker it loses effect. Lets look at a great delivery-

HB: blah blah, I like Paris
PUA: OMG, I like Paris too, we’d never get along, we’re too similar
HB: hahaha-
PUA: So tell me Sarah, when is the last time you did something really spontaneous and crazy?

In this case, the PUA doesn’t even give her a chance to process the line, he cuts her laughter short and immediately slams her into a different gear - she’s going from recieving humor to accessing and assessing memories, and judging which will be most impressive to the PUA. It’s this slamming through different gears that can create MAJOR attraction FAST.

If you’ve read any of my recent FR’s or LR’s (I’ll start posting more too), you’ll see that they all look like…

GG: So when’s the last time you were in Barcelona
HB: blah blah blah
GG: That’s cool, so one day i was walking and blank happened, ever seen blank?
HB: blah blah blah

The reason I leave the HB response as “blah blah blah” is not that I don’t remember, it’s that IT DOES NOT MATTER. Sure, later on I’ll be interested in getting to know her as a person, but in the first few minutes the only thing on my mind is to build attraction. And when building attraction the HB is pretty much IRRELEVANT. What does this mean? Well, it means you don’t need her to build attraction, in fact, I’m willing to bet a deaf person could build serious verbal attraction just as well as anyone else. Let’s look at a common pitfall people make when talking to a bouncy/talkative girl.

PUA: So, when’s the last time you were in Barcelona?
HB: Omg, I was there in July, i loved it!
PUA: Oh really? Me too, i was there in August, how cool was _____
HB: Yeah totally, omg and my friend was with me and she bla bla bla
PUA: uhuh…
HB: and then we bla bla blal blalbalblbalbalbalbalbalbalbalbalablbalbalbllbalbalbalba
PUA: Really?
HB: And then john did bla bla bla, and omg it was sooooo funny! and bla bla bla
PUA: haha, cool!

Again, looks like a good conversation - but it’s not going to build serious intense attraction. Not the type that will allow you as a PUA to say “hey, shut up, come here…*kiss*” See, common sense tells us “ok great, she’s telling me all these experiences she’s had, shes investing in the conversation, she’s getting excited about things, it’s going great”- but as we know, common sense can go to hell. Let’s see how that could have been done better:

PUA: So, when’s the last time you were in Barcelona?
HB: OMG, I was there in July, I loved it!
PUA: Oh cool, so then you know how at _____ there’s a big _____, right?
HB: I didnt go there, but omg my friend was with me and she bla bla bla
PUA: HOLD ON! Are you actually wearing green socks?!?!??!
HB: haha, ummmm.
PUA: OMG, You are! You’re such a dorkus! Haha, I bet you were on the chess team in grade school weren’t you!?
HB: hahahahahah nooooo! bla bla i got these socks from bla bla.
PUA: Ok ok, so u were saying about Barcelona, and how you got reeeaaallyyy drunk one night and started dancing on the bar for free drinks…
HB: HAHAH NOOOO, I never said that!!!! I was saying…
PUA: I mean cuz it’s cool, I did the same thing, haha, SO, what IS something really crazy you’ve done for free drinks?

See the difference? As soon as she got comfortable in one gear the PUA slams into a totally different gear, engages different parts of her brain, and generally keeps her thoughts pretty scrambled. Now, the tough thing here is to not get too pleased with yourself and to remember to continue no matter how pleased with yourself you are. The natural ‘out’ from this sequence is the qualifier or BIG compliance test. So it looks like

line —–> subject change to better line—–> subject change to even better line—–> subject change to qualifier. In this case it starts with socks/chess-team, changes to dancing on bar, and finally qualifies via adventurousness. Thus- crazy attraction generated very very quickly.

One last example just to drive the point home (the PUA illustrated in this example is an RSD instructor running a 2set with me) - a great example of thought-scrambling to build attraction, ending with a final BIG compliance test from me - kissing her neck and making out.

HB: Bla bla bla, we’re here for a conference.
GG: Oh man, so you guys are like industry girls, maaann, just when I was thinking you guys were cool…
HB: Haha bla
PUA: So, you guys are from out of town, where are you staying? (note, the assertion of ‘out of town’, not asking it as a question)
HB: We’re staying at _____ hotel.
PUA: Yeah thats a solid hotel, i stayed there once, the great thing about it is room service will do anything you ask, you can call down at like 3am and ask for a newspaper, a lobster, a blowjob, a shoe shine.
HB: Hahahah What!??!?!
GG: So what, you all are from Dutcheland? Esprecken ze Doitche?
HB: ?? Actually, OMG! Our hotel room comes included with condoms and packets of lubrication, ready to go in the refrigerator. (Can someone say horny IOI?)
GG: , you smell good, come here -

Ok so, lets review the ground rules for how to Build Massive Attraction Verbally FAST.

1) SUPER IMPORTANT!!! Any time you say something you think is good - like you know, when that voice in your head goes “man…that was smooth”, or a line you read on the internet - CHANGE THE SUBJECT IMMEDIATELY! DO NOT give her time to process it. Trust me, it’ll bounce around in her head and she’ll try to process it between thoughts, and the longer this bounces around in her head, undigested, the more attraction it will build.

2) NEVER feel like you have to address what she’s said. If she says something that you feel really helps you along towards the lay, by all means feel free to address it, but otherwise feel free to totally ignore it with an “ok cool” or “ok anyway”.

3) Cut her off when she starts yapping. Her talking is not going to get her attracted. And the longer she talks the longer she has to get her thoughts in order. Simply raise the energy level and change the subject - I usually do this by pointing out something about her - “Omg, is your hat actually made of Rabbit Fur??? I had a pet rabbit when I was 8!!! You killed Mr. Wigglesworth!!!”

4) Use a qualifier or compliance test to get yourself out of the loop - for instance in the example above: “You killed Mr. Wigglesworth!!! Ha! And look, you’re eyes got all big! Ohhh boy, what’re we gonna do with you? Are you any good at snowboarding??”

So, let’s look at some other considerations though.

Firstly, this is obviously very high energy and requires quick thinking on your part to keep things flowing. It works best for me in bars/clubs/lounges.

Secondly: It’s NOT for the timid. If you’re thinking this is a very quick way to become a dancing monkey, you’re totally right. You need to be in tune with the IOIs coming at you and have NO FEAR to capitalize. Meaning, when you see her give you ‘the look’, stop what you’re saying MID SENTENCE and say “come here” and kiss her. The slightest indication of timidness or de-escalation can really derail this. The attraction can disappear just as fast as it’s created. If you’re not comfortable going for a makeout with a girl you met 2 minutes ago…GET COMFORTABLE!

Thirdly: This type of dialogue can only be sustained for a few minutes, tops, before she is overwhelmed, so while you can start at any point in the interaction, be advised that once you do you’ve only got a few minutes to massivly escalate or you run the risk of over-gaming.

It’s tough to transition away from Extreme Multiple Threading (EMT) without a large phase shift - ideally a make-out - though a venue change to a sofa can work. Once you have successfully phase shifted, and hopefully made out, you really need to develop not only deep comfort/rapport (obviously, as this attraction is very state-based and as such is prone to flakes without proper rapport building) but also VALUE (unless you established value before launching into EMT).

A lot of considerations perhaps, but perhaps no more than other methods. For me, after i’ve downed a few vodka & redbulls, this type of game feels natural and tends to be the most fun. It’s also great for sets at the end of the night when you know you don’t have 2 hours and need to get a quick extraction to a diner or back to yours.

With kino there is an obvious ladder of escalation. Grabbing a girl’s ass is obviously more escalated than touching her shoulder, and for the most part it’s pretty common sense. So when we talk to girls, we start out at an initial kino level, either a touch on the arm or the claw, then escalate progressively from there.

Similar to kino, there is also a verbal escalation ladder. We all have a natural basic understanding of this which looks like:

Friendly topics (movies, music, good bars, etc.) -> personal topics (grew up in Chicago, etc.) -> sexual discussion (I want to turn you around and fuck you from behind while I pull your hair)

What separates verbal escalation from kino escalation is that verbal de-escalations can actually hurt the pick-up. So for instance while slapping a girl’s arse then touching her arm is fine, you generally don’t want to go from talking about sex to talking about names for 80’s dogs.

Every statement/question falls somewhere on a verbal escalation scale.

Some examples of different types of statements -

80’s dogs opener – non sexual, non personal.
“So what is it about social work that you love?” - non-sexual, personal
“I think you’ve got the most amazing eyes” – sexual and personal.

Here’s the Verbal Escalation Ladder as I understand it (the top being the most escalated):

Statement about both sexually – I can see the two of us on a beach naked just going at it in the sand.

Question about both sexually – Oh man, can you imagine what would happen if the two of us were left alone together?

Statement about both personally – I can tell we’re two of a kind, it’s really rare.

Question about both personally – Why does it feel like we know each other so well?

Statement about her sexually – You have the sexiest grin.

Question about her sexually – What is it that a guy does that drives you wild?

Statement involving you/her personally – You would love ____ book.

Question involving you/her personally – What made you decide to move to SF?

Statement involving you/her impersonally – you have a southern accent/that’s a cool hat.

Question involving her impersonally – what’s the occasion/have you been to NYC?

Statement involving neither you nor her – American Beauty is a great movie

Question involving neither you nor her – What’s a good name for my friend’s puppies?

The idea is clearly to progressively make your way up the ladder. Usually this takes the form of 2 steps forward, one step back, bob around there for a while, move forward again to test the water, back down again etc. Just like with kino, I’ve found that you can actually progress up the ladder a lot quicker than you might think, so push the boundaries and see how much unnecessary banter you can actually cut out of the interaction – assuming you’re going for a day1 pull.

De-Escalation – The quickest way to blow your value

In my experience, there is no more sure-fire way to ruin a set than to de-escalate either because you’re scared or insecure. An obvious example would be, she says “I like it when guys rub my shoulders” and you get scared and say “ha, heh, hey are you going to that party on Saturday?” (oh man, I used to always do this back in my chode days. Then I’d try to revive the escalation and talk about back massages after I’d already mucked it up- makes me cringe now thinking about it)

Interestingly enough, people’s natural reaction to a perceived drop in their own value is to verbally de-escalate. (I’m using “verbally de-escalate” to mean jump from one point on the ladder to a lower point.) While in any interaction you’re going have to naturally de-escalate anyway (you can’t be talking about sex forever), I’m talking specifically about de-escalations as a result of a perceived self value drop.

For instance, say you’re talking about how she has a sexy grin, then some dude carrying a tray squeezes by you, placing you in an awkward position physically as you make room for him. Your natural reaction is going to be once he passes to verbally de-escalate down to talking about a good movie or something and from here to re-climb the ladder. This is weak sauce. Resuming at the same escalation level will actually build your value and increase her attraction to you.

This is in many ways what inner-game is all about. Being self-assured and internally centered so that external events (the guy with the tray) don’t elicit a negative reaction from you (de-escalating).

Another common verbal de-escalation following a perceived drop in value happens when guys get in their own head after ‘messing something up’. For instance if the girl gives a shit test and the guy feels like he didn’t pass it well (this is a total chode mindset, but we’re talking about his perception here). The guy will almost always step back and verbally de-escalate. Or if he spills his drink, same thing- there’s really no shortage of examples.

Interestingly enough, de-escalating after the failed shit-test is more damaging than actually failing the shit test (or spilling the drink or anything else). Whereas continuing un-phased is going to significantly boost your value to the girl. So ultimately the only factor of significance to the girl is your self-perceived value, which is completely determined by you and only you.

Develop your inner game and let the pieces fall into place.

From here, it’d be counter-productive to revert to some random DHV story about camping and finding bear shit – as it’s neither personal nor sexual. Instead, you can still establish value, but do so in a personal way, such as “Yeah, it was really hard for me to move back from Europe to the U.S. as a lot of my best friends are still there and blah blah blah”.

Project Sexual State

I don’t want to go too much into this here, but basically the idea is to look her in the eyes and think about her giving you head while you talk to her. Feel your own horniness and imagine bending her over or getting head from her as she speaks. Don’t feel like you need to apologize for being a man – rather, embrace your masculine feelings and let her feel them as well. This has been written about masterfully by others so I’ll avoid going into it further.

Progressively Escalate Kino

This isn’t a linear process. Just realize that obviously rubbing a girl’s ass is more escalated than touching her shoulder. You should kino off the break and keep it escalated. Lots of arm around her, touching her stomach, slapping her ass (if you know how), kissing her neck, etc. Oh, and don’t become the tacky club make-out guy.

Also, leading is key. Lead her from one end of the club to the bar, to the dance floor, to the bar, to the door, etc. And make sure to introduce her to all the social proof you created at the beginning of the night.

Protect Your Buying Temperature

This is absolutely crucial! Not only must you protect your pull from other guys, you also have to watch out for her friends that will pretty quickly catch on and put an end to things if you’re not careful.

So with regards to the friends, never ever let them think you’re leaving to bang the girl – I can’t tell you how many pulls I’ve had sabotaged by the less attractive friends. Obviously you should try to charm the friends and get them on your side. Statement of interests to the friends can be really useful here, along the lines of “I really like your friend, I don’t know why, but I feel like we’re really on the same page with a lot of things”. Also, don’t leave her alone with her friends unless you’re sure you’ve got them on your side.

With regards to other guys, recognize that BUYING TEMP IS TRANSFERABLE! The fact that she was making out with you 5 mins ago means she’s super horny and ultra-receptive to the next guy who comes along. If you must leave her side, either get a wing to keep her occupied, or get her friends to watch her. If you do leave and return to see her with another guy you have a few options.

1) Blow him out (least favorable).
2) Get your wing to engage the guy and scoop her back. (ok)
3) Tell her friends what’s going on and get them to pull her back for you. A simple “Hey I really like your friend, can you help me out by getting her away from this guy?” is really powerful here as you now have the friends HELPING you pick up her friend – so they can hardly object later on.

Pulling to Semi-Private Location

The pull is probably the easiest piece of the puzzle. If you’ve escalated your kino and dialogue properly it’s only a natural extension of the interaction. Especially if you hit the top piece of the verbal escalation scale, in which there’s literally nothing left to say. If her friends aren’t around your job is much easier. I’ve had success being both direct and indirect here, though I prefer the latter. So once I feel like she’s ready, I’ll casually say “Hey, come with me outside to smoke a cigarette” or “Hey, I want to grab my cigarettes from the car but I’ve got really poor night vision, can you walk me?” or “Hey come outside with me” or “Hey, walk me to the bathroom” – you get the point. After you say it, just take her hand and begin walking. Don’t look back – just go.

The moment you have an available semi-isolated location (doorway, hallway, bathroom, alley, etc.) roughly plant her against the wall and begin making out, hard. Do this for maybe half a minute or more (depending on the girl) then turn her around and begin grinding on her ass while you kiss her neck. You start fingering her over her pants, or proceed how ever else you see fit. The key here is dominance. Also, don’t be shy about putting her hand on your cock.

And finally if the girl is with her friends, brief her girl on how things need to go down for the pull to happen. For example:

Ryan: Listen, tell your friends we’re hungry and we’re going to get some food and we’ll be back in a half hour before the club closes.

Or

Ryan: Listen, tell your friends you’re walking with me me to ____ and we’ll be right back.

So somewhere during all this being social and dancing, you will see a girl you’re attracted to. So naturally, let’s get into opening:

Opening

Let’s think about the most popular openers out there- 80’s dogs, who lies more, etc. What is it about these timeless (lame) classics that continually draws countless chodes? The proliferation of the canned opinion opener can be attributed to two key reasons.

1) Since the opener came from the internet, if a girl reacts negatively to it it’s not the guy’s fault, rather either the opener sucks (written by someone else), the girl sucks (she didn’t like the canned money opener), etc. In short, the guy’s ego is protected.
2) They are the safest – or rather lowest on the verbal escalation ladder. They are neither personal (talking about something abstract and not related to the guy or girl), nor are they sexual (puppies names).

Interestingly enough, it’s the same reasoning that makes opinion openers appealing that also makes them suck.

Let’s think about The CLAW- what makes it work so well? We all hear things tossed around like “the claw is firm but fair”, “the claw doesn’t discriminate” etc. But bottom line the claw is DECISIVE! Weakness is the enemy of The Claw. Claw with timidness and face a night of solitude – Claw with conviction and the world is yours.

Ok, enough with the abstract Claw rhetoric. Fact is, there is a ladder to sexual escalation, and by using The Claw you are automatically starting the set at a somewhat physically escalated point (dominant kino). The girl recognizes (most likely subconsciously) your boldness in beginning the interaction at a somewhat physically escalated point and naturally perceives this as a sign of value.

The same applies verbally. Opinion openers are the absolute least escalated form of dialogue possible. So yes, you can open with them – but basically you’re starting at square 0. Instead life can be so much easier if you simply open with the same conviction and verbal escalation that’s mirrored physically with The Claw.

Some examples of my favorite openers are

“Hey, I’m very good looking and I want to meet you, I’m Ryan ”.

“Haha, that’s twice tonight, what’s your deal, who are you? Okay cool so it may be just me, but I’m pretty sure we shared a moment there. We did, didn’t we…”

“Hey, who ARE you?”

“Hey, I’ve got pretty cool hair but THAT is fucking awesome, and coming from me that should mean a lot. I’m Ryan, what’s your name?”

I can keep going but the idea is that all of these convey direct interest in the girl while establishing yourself as coming from a position of value. The first two use humor, but still set the tone ‘I’m hot shit and I get what I want.’ The latter two are more direct but still convey a playful dominance.

From here, you can see how any dialogue is going to be personal in nature. i.e.

Ryan: Who ARE you?
HB: What do you mean who am I? I’m Lisa, who are you?
Ryan: Well little miss Lisa, I’m Ryan, nice to meet you. Why are you here?
HB: Well my friends and I wanted to go out blah blah…
Ryan: No no, I mean, why are you in San Francisco? What are you doing here?

There’s a few things going on here. Firstly, pretty obvious, it’s 100% my frame.

What’s interesting is the tone and positioning from which I frame the interaction. Rather than normal chode-interview dialogue there’s an almost interrogatory tone here and a feeling of tension – as if I’m clearly GOING somewhere rather than just trying to keep the conversation alive. Also notice that she interpreted my questions in the least personal way possible, which I then re-framed and escalated on.

So when I ask “who ARE you?” the least personal answer is “I’m Lisa.” Moving up would be “I’m Lisa Evans.” And even higher on the ladder would be “I’m an artist” or “I’m a dreamer.” So when I say “Why are you here,” she again gives the least escalated response – talking about something completely impersonal and relevant only to a few hours of her life. I escalate a great deal here when I reframe to “no, why are you in San Francisco” – and since she’s already committed to answering the initial question, she’ll oblige and answer this one as well, giving us a great, highly personal verbally escalated starting point.

Ryan: No, no, I mean, why are you in San Francisco? What are you doing here?
HB: Oh…well I moved out here for work last year. I really wanted to be in advertising and this was the best place for me to do it.
Ryan: So you packed up, kissed your family goodbye, and left Iowa for the big city?
HB: Iowa!?!? Haha no, I moved from _____, blah blah, what about you?

So, with a little bit of boldness and some clever steering of the conversation you can see how we pretty quickly get the interaction personal and charge it with tension right from the get-go.

Let’s face it, in our line of work there’s really no such thing as the “slow-game”. For guys like us things either move fast or move really fast. Hopefully with this, I’ll be able to shed some light on how to get things very sexual, very quickly on the day1. This can be broken down into several sub-sections which I’ll go into, but basically the idea is:

1) Create the vibe
2) Open direct.
3) Project sexual state
4) Progressively escalate the conversation
5) Progressively escalate kino / project sexual state
6) Protect your buying temperature!
7) Pull to nearest semi-private location

If you can get the hang of the above, you’ll be able to regularly pull girls right from the bar to the bathroom, alley behind the bar, nearest hotel, or straight back to yours with minimal time spent with her.

The key here really lies in escalating the conversation, which I’ve yet to see mentioned anywhere else, and has also been pretty hard for me to figure out. Essentially the idea is that every type of statement falls somewhere on a scale based on how sexual and how personal it is. The idea is to keep moving forward at all times (maybe a baby-step back here and there) and to pull once you reach the top of the ladder, while managing the other 4 pieces of the puzzle. We’ll get into this in more detail, right now let’s start at the very beginning and talk about being social.

In a bar/club/whatever the identity we want to most avoid is ‘predator chode,’ who hides in his chode crystal waiting to approach the first available attractive girl. This has been harped on by others ad nauseaem yet continues to be seen. There are a couple easy ways to fix this.

A) Say hi to EVERYBODY. I like to arrive early and simply introduce myself to anybody who stands in my proximity, anyone who I need to squeeze by to get to the bar or somewhere, or who anyone makes eye contact with me. (note, if they’re in a group introduce yourself to the whole group) A simple “Hi, I’m Ryan, nice to meet you” works fine. If you like you can even stretch it to a comment about the venue or the person’s outfit and vibe from there. As long as you do so without needyness – i.e. don’t try to hold the person in conversation, simply be content to introduce yourself, swap a line or 2 of banter, and walk away – people will be receptive and will help you out later in the night.

B) Dance! Don’t try to get freaky with girls. Simply dance and smile. Dance at the bar, dance on the dancefloor, dance on the stairs. If a girl crosses your path, just dance in front of her and smile. Maybe she’ll dance with you, maybe she’ll continue on her way, either way you’ve increased your chances of pulling her later in the night. Again, do this without being needy. Learn to enjoy dancing by yourself. And when you do dance with others, do not discriminate! Dance with the BBW to your left for a minute, then dance with the hottie behind you for a minute, then salsa with the 40 year old Spanish woman. Don’t try to get behind them and grind on their ass, just put yourself in front of them and move to the beat with a smile on your face. If they try to grind you, fine- but don’t try for it off the break.

Now when you approach a girl, either on the dance floor or at the bar, you’re not doing so because she’s got nice tits. You’re doing it because that’s what you’ve done with everybody and that’s who you are. You also have a ton of friends now who you can introduce her to (she’ll assume you know them, they’ll assume you know her, everybody will make nice).

Sexual tension is the feeling created when two people mutually desire to escalate beyond self-perceived standards of what is ’socially proper’. ‘Socially proper’ escalation standards are defined both internally (our ideals, usually instilled in us by our parents/friends/bible…) and externally (can’t shag in a restaurant, with people watching, etc.).

It can be as de-escalated as both sides feeling they can’t/shouldn’t flirt (perhaps because they work together), or as escalated as both sides doing everything but having sex though they want to (perhaps she’s on her period).

Let’s take an example. Suppose you and a girl at church are attracted to each other. Sitting in the pews on a crowded Sunday you brush your knuckle against her outer thigh, you both know you can’t escalate further even though you’d like to (definately not socially-proper given where you are). Result: crazy build-up of sexual tension.

So then - if that’s what sexual tension IS, let’s talk about how we can use it.

Think of sexual tension like a rubber band being pulled by two sides (ideas about what is socially proper, and a mutual desire to escalate). If the tension increases to a certain point, the rubber band will snap and fly in off one of two directions - one direction being triggering ASD, the other direction being a BJ in the bathroom.

When trying to bed a girl, we can do one of two things…

1) We calibrate our pace and manner of escalation in such a way that that the constraints of what is ’socially proper’ do not arise, rather you recognize them before they become an issue and you work around them- the ‘rubber band’ is at ease - we call this being ’smooth’.

or

2) You yank the fucking rubber band so hard that it’s certain to fly in the direction you want - in other words, you and the girl mutually agree (spoken or unspoken) to smash through ’social standards’ and say “fuck what people think, lets do what feels good.”

Both methods have a time and a place - the first method however does not really have much sexual tension involved, so we’ll focus on the 2nd.

So then, the idea is that rather than trying to hide from it - you embrace what is taboo and indulge in your primal urges. How can we facilitate this? How can we “yank the shit out of the rubber-band”?

Well, my favorite way of doing this is by creating a false social restriction then smashing through it. So for instance, suppose I gauge that the girl has no qualms about kissing on day1, but doesn’t think it’s ok to give a bj on day1. I’ll create a false social restriction about kissing…let the tension build (we both want to kiss each other but can’t)- then ‘yank the band’/snap the tension by saying ‘fuck it’ and kissing her passionately.

More explicitly, this looks like- when I can tell she’s near-ready to be kissed, I’ll whisper something in her ear like “man, oh man…i so want to kiss you right now…but not with your friends watching.” A few minutes later I may grab her by her arse, pull her against me, and whisper to her “this is driving me crazy, I really want to kiss you, but kissing in a bar is poor form”. From here there’s crazy high sexual tension so she’ll either agree with what I’ve said or if she’s bold she’ll say “who cares”. Either way, I’ll kiss her HARD, then look at her devilishly, knowing we saw the line and crossed it anyway.

And from here on out - we’re already over the line, so we may as well keep going and see where it leads.

In short, the model is (assuming she’s already attracted and compliant with your escalation)

1) Create social constraints impending relatively minor escalation (or acknowledge already existing constraints) - (thus sexual tension is built)
2) Blatantly cross the minor social constraints (easy enough…you created them in the first place!)
3) Since you’re already over the line, you may as well venture further. The sky is the limit.

I wanna talk about a pretty simple principal that is seldom talked about and massively difficult to convert internalize as a behavior. This ability, while seemingly counter-productive and hugely challenging to integrate, can make a world of difference in your game in terms of Actually CLOSING versus just getting rapid attraction. I’m talking about low energy game here, where the players play and the aspiring test their merits.

There’s a pattern in this community – it looks like this.

Stage 1) Low Energy Beginner – This is what you see in guys with nearly 0 reference experience with girls. Their low energy level is reflective of insecurity as the guy feels stifled and possibly unworthy of animated self-expression. Or, it may simply be the guy is unused to self-expression – the challenge here is to get him to actually turn it up, SMILE, express, and essentially be fun.

Stage 2) Entertainer Man – This is the most talked about stage, where most community guys live. The energy level is turned up as a way of maintaining interest and generating attraction. The interest and positive feedback from girls becomes addictive, so most guys never advance past this stage – they end up getting decent results doing this, a few lays here and there, lots of club makeouts, but have huge flake rates.

Stage 3) Sex Worthy Man – The phrase is talked about a lot, along with catch phrases like “self-amusing”, “internally validated”, and “abundance mentality” – and these are actually spot on. The trouble is these are abstract concepts that can be difficult to codify into actual behaviors. I’ll leave it to The Blueprint to vivisect these principals and focus my attention here to an outer-game principal that distinguishes the good from the elite.

One of the biggest rushes when learning game comes from the discovery of Flash Game – when you realize you can enter a set, pump energy level, get attraction and escalate, all within the first 2 minutes. You think “my god I’m good…I can make out with and girl in 30 seconds…” Problem comes when you either A.) Try to extract for sex or B.) Can’t get her to meet you for a day 2. The problem here is substance – or a lack there of. With flash game emotional spiking takes the place of substance, your essence is fluid giving the girl nothing to latch onto, nothing to associate with you other than a sugar-rush like burst of energy. This can be a great skill to have, and with practice you can even sometimes convert the attraction from flash game into ONS or Day2s, but it’s also going to lead to worlds of frustration.

I used to be hugely into Brazillian Jiu Jitsu – my life revolved around it. I’ll never forget my instructor once explaining to me: “You only start learning Jiu Jitsu after you’ve gotten your black belt”. The same goes with game – the first phases are about learning the different elements of calibration, learning to read situations and developing that razor sharp field intuition, mastering the ability to pump state and generate emotional spikes. Once you’ve got all these pieces in place, all these tools at your disposal, that’s when the real learning starts, and there begins the real crystallization of yourself, your essence, your being. Here also begins the real challenge – it’s time to stop relying on energy level and flash to generate attraction, and instead use the only piece that is really YOU, that piece being your PRESENCE.

Once you’ve mastered the art of pumping energy level to generate attraction and maintain interest – it’s time to STOP relying on energy level and move on, grow up, advance. Tone it down. Think you’re good? Can you be the lowest energy guy in the room and STILL get the girl?

Learning to game at a lower energy level was one of the toughest things I’ve had to internalize. But after being driven crazy by a high flake rate, it became a clear necessary step in my advancement.

Do you ever get down when a girl is literally ALL OVER YOU in the club, but then won’t answer your calls the next day? When her friends literally have to drag her away from you, but then you can’t get her to meet up with you to save your life? The missing piece my friends is COMFORT.

And guess what…Everything you’ve read on the subject is WRONG. To this day, I have yet to find someone who effectively addresses comfort. We read all these guides like “Rapport Questions to Ask” and good topics to talk about to build comfort…its all a load of shit.

There is this misconception that comfort is the result of time spent with the girl. That time spent with a girl = comfort. This is totally incorrect. Often comfort is a byproduct of time spent with the girl, but there is absolutely no direct correlation. In truth, comfort is a product of understanding.

How do girls explain comfort? connection?

“We just clicked”
“It felt like we just knew eachother”
“He just got me”

These are not time based, these are moment-based. Comfort happens in shared moments.

It’s when you pause for a moment, stop thinking about what to say next, stop thinking about putting your dick in her, stop thinking about everything. Just pause, look into her eyes and empathize with her. I promise you, no matter how beautiful or rich or anything she is, she is going through something. She’s troubled by something, excited by something, timid about something. Pause for a moment and just realize that she has these things she’s dealing with, she’s going through, and while you may not know what she’s going through, you do know that she’s going through it.

Look at her with all your emotional generosity, and communicate to her “sweetheart, I honestly don’t know what it is you’re going through, but I do know you’re going through it, and I want to be there to tell you it’s going to be okay” Communicate it in such a way that even if she walks away a minute later, she does so feeling a little bit more at ease about her situation.

And even further, try to UNDERSTAND what it is she’s going through.

A little while ago I met a girl who had just moved to the city. She had few friends, no place to live, and was basically completely overwhelmed. To top it off, this small town girl had wandered into the biggest meat-market bar in the city and had tonnes of guys trying every trick imaginable to blow their load in her. They all saw her as nothing more than the cute, easy to talk to blonde. I was one of these guys - until I paused and looked at her. In an instant I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for this girl. She wasn’t some slut looking to get laid on a Thursday night - she was in a new place and wanted to make friends. She wasn’t some powerful hottie who rejected guys for validation - she was just a sweet, small town girl, lost in the city, and in completely over her head.

I paused and looked her in the eyes, just a look of affection. All night she had put on this care-free exterior, confident, absorbing all the male attention. I slowly and lovingly pulled her in to me and gave her a warm hug. I looked her in the eyes again and asked “are you okay - really?” She looked at me with timid expression and said “really?”. I nodded. “Well, I’m a little nervous, I still haven’t found a job, I’ve still got nowhere to live, I’m running out of money, and even little things like doing my laundry are stacking up.” I hugged her again, communicating nothing more than acceptance and empathy. “Sweetheart, I know it can be really daunting starting from scratch in a new city, but believe me, it’s worth it, and once you get through this you’ll be really glad you did.” In an instant her demeanor changed, she became nothing more than the sweet girl, new in town, and unsure of herself, but completely open to me. I genuinely felt for this girl - she was really going through something and I wanted to do something nice for her. “I’ll tell you what… tomorrow we’ll sit down together and go through Gumtree and find you a place to live, and once we’ve got that taken care of the rest will fall into place”.

From then on, the other guys seemed to dissolve away - like they were invisible (do you really think that after that she’d go home with the guy who asked if her nails were real then spent the next 4 hours asking her favorite movies and music, “fractionating” attraction periodically?). She spent the night, and I kept my word. I feel good helping others, and she and I are still friends.

The saying is “the self always shines through”. This is true - girls see your heart, not your words. The thing is, there is no need to fake it. Just be an emotionally affectionate person. Be giving with your sympathy and genuine with your empathy.

If comfort is something you struggle with, I suggest you watch the movie Maria Full of Grace. Think about how you would interact with her - if you could communicate with her what would you express? Would you race to get your dick in? Or would you honestly just give her the little bit of emotional support that would mean the world to her? (for those that haven’t seen it, it’s about a girl who moves to America with little money, not speaking english, and knowing no one).

These days my phone rings a lot - girls like to talk to me. They call me about how their nervous about an upcoming exam. How they’re excited about a new job. How they feel guilty about sleeping with a guy.

Adulthood can be a pretty lonely place - often all we need is just a little bit of compassion, a small amount of understanding - if even just for an instant. Where we share ourselves with someone, put ourselves out there completely open and on the line, and the other person gently tells us “hey, I see you, and it’s ok”. Just to be accepted and not judged. To be reassured but not patronized.

When you can give this to those you interact with, not only will you notice your calls start being returned, you’ll also find the overwhelming joy of sharing compassionate moments with beautiful people.

I’ve often had over-the-top ideas that I want to accomplish. Maybe I weigh 120 pounds and want to make it to the college football team. Maybe I’ve been flunking classes all through high-school but then decide I want to get in to the best college. Or maybe I can’t get a girlfriend and decide I want to be able to meet women any time and any where. My life has been full of ideas like these that I’ve followed through on.

People tell me: “Wow, you’re so dedicated”, but I can’t relate to that. It’s like telling a kid who plays basketball after school for a few years that he’s really dedicated. It’s not dedication, it’s routine. It’s habit. It’s a hobby.

Where do you want to go?

First, I’ll get an idea of exactly what I’m trying to accomplish, and what’ll be involved.

I have this general principle that while I’m not all that smart, neither are most people. They walk through life in a trance, and generally don’t break out of their habits. They listen to and accept what others tell them without looking at the finer details.

Everyone tends to assume that the people at the top of their fields have super-efficient and super-powerful ways of doing things, but normally they’re just as disorganized and using the same methods as everyone else - they just have the right set of habits that they do day in day out. Human habit is human habit.

I tend to think there’s pretty much no limit to the level I can reach as long as I have an idea of what the top looks like. In fact, I tend to assume I can surpass it even before I start.

How to get there?

Next, I try and figure out how long it’ll take to get where I want to go, and what I need to do DAY to DAY. This is proactive and logical reasoning. I don’t wait until some girl dumps me to decide I need to start going out and meeting new people - that is, until I’m emotionally compelled. Instead, I think to myself: “I need to go out 3 to 7 nights a week for a couple of years to get the success with women I want”.

At that point, you have to start showing up.

I fully accept the time commitment I’m making. If I get tempted to change my plans, I stick to it anyway - if I can’t trust myself to go through with the day-to-day commitment in one area of my life, then I can’t trust myself with the next area - and if you can’t do that, why start anything new?

Another important point is to show up whether or not the conditions are ideal. If I’m not dressed properly, I’ll still hit the clubs. If I’m not feeling, I’ll just go out for a short time to keep the habit. It’s the same as going to the gym: even if I’ve not slept properly, or I’m busy, or I’m sick, I’ll work around it. If I’m too tired to have a good workout, I’ll still show up and push through it. If I’m too busy, then I’ll rush through it, and won’t worry about eating before or after. If I’m sick, I’ll show up and just stretch out.

Having these contingency plans in your head before you start is also helpful - if you know what you’ll do in common difficult situations, you won’t have to think about it and talk yourself out of it.

Making Progress

Progress at first is likely to be nearly non-existent. In fact, sometimes, you’ll even go backwards first - a big J curve. If you can push through the initial pain, you’ll find your results take off.

Most people quit because starting something new is really hard, and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that get to a level where progress is fast, noticeable, and the activity becomes fun - it becomes a hobby.

But keep in mind at first you’ll be banging your head against the wall to make the most miniscule advances.

Take picking up chicks. If you’re starting out as a total loser like I was, then you’re going to get zero progress for a few months. You’ll go out, and people will be really unresponsive and hard on you. It’ll stay that way too for a while because you’ll be getting rejected, and you’ll feel pretty bad. On the plus side, however, you are learning you won’t die, which is pretty key.

This is where blind faith comes in. I’ll try and figure out what the basic training is, and do it over and over and over, regardless of it I get a result. I am outcome independent. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to where it’s supposed to be.

My criteria for success isn’t how well I did - it’s if I showed up and did what I was supposed to do.

Final Thoughts

If you think back to the last six months or a year, it seems like nothing. That time passes so fast. You get older and decades start to fly by.

But when you start implementing a habit, you’re thinking about the outcome, and how hard the training is. You go through one session, or you go out one night, and because you’re just starting, you remember every little detail. It seems like a lifetime! Then you think “six months to a year of this?!”

That’s a trap to avoid. If you think like that, you won’t get anywhere. The point is to keep going and not to try and get results. Go out, follow your plan. Don’t think: “six more months”, think: “this is what I’m doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle”.

To me, it comes down to:

1. Get an idea of what you want
2. Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to make it happen
3. Accept that your new activity is a part of your life for the duration you decided, and never decide based on emotions if you’ll show up or not. Just show up.
4. Don’t focus on results, focus on showing up
5. Make it a hobby. Shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you it might help

Remember, don’t focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success showing up, and following your plan. Good luck!

If the hype’s to be believed, the world as we know it will change forever on February 14th 2008. It’s not Peace in the Middle East. It’s not The Return of Christ. It’s not even the return of Tupak.

The Blueprint Decoded will finally be released.

For those of you who haven’t already entered in to a state of total rapture at the very mention of those magical words, ‘The Blueprint Decoded’ is the DVD version of Tyler Durden’s long-awaited book ‘The Blueprint’, 4 years in the making.

The reviews have been almost evangelically enthusiastic. People have described it as “life-changing”, “monumental”, and “sleep-depriving”. Some guy even claimed he couldn’t drive after attending. Our curiosity was, needless to say, somewhat piqued.

Intriguingly, what the reviews DO all have in common though is a lack of hard details on what the program contains. Only one of the jubilant reviews on their forum even hints at what the structure of the program is.

Here at Grow Your Game, we have a weakness for a good story.

So armed with every review we could find on their site, every scrap of information from their preview site, the reading list from Tyler Durden’s blog, a healthy dose of intelligence, and an almost encyclopedic knowledge of virtually every pickup and self-development product on the market, we’ve attempted to make some predictions about the content you’ll find when your hallowed DVD’s finally arrive.

Here’s the first in our series of ‘Preview’ articles, leading up to the release. Obviously these are neither endorsed nor are we claiming they’re an accurate representation. But we think they’re pretty damn good. Enjoy!

Value and Emotional Reactions

Two of the items that caught our eye from the preview site were Survival and Replication Value, and Emotional Reactions. Your Survival and Replication Value is the degree to which you’re able to help (or hinder) those around you survive and successfully replicate. We have Emotional Reactions to these people when we encounter them.

Let’s say you’re walking down a busy street, and a man is coming the other way. You’re unlikely to even notice him. A stranger on a busy street is unlikely to affect your ability to survive and replicate at all.

But what if he stops you, and points a gun at you? How do you react? You’ll freeze up. You’ll clench your shoulders, and your heart will start to race. Your mouth will go dry, your voice tone will get higher, and you’ll start to speak more quickly. You’ll make poor, irrational decisions, and you’ll become hyper-aware of what you’re saying.

Where else might we find such a collection of symptoms?

When we’re talking to a girl much hotter than those we’re used to.

When confronted with a Goddess of epic, Nimbus-defying Glory, most guys start to get a little nervous. They might freeze up. They’ll start to close up their body language. Their brain starts to care about the outcome of the situation. It becomes overwhelmingly important to make a good impression on Turbo-Girl Deluxe, and they start to worry they won’t.

Stop.

Do you think the Brad Pitt of Passion feels that way around hot chicks? How hot, out of ten, would a chick have to be for Brad Pitt to get nervous around her? Ten? Eleven..? Fifteen…? And why? Because Brad Pitt has all the choice in the world.

Chode-Deluxe on the other hand, who has yet to feel the warm touch of a human woman, is in a slightly different situation, choice wise. How hot does a girl have to be for him to start getting nervous around her? 3? 4?

How nervous you are around a woman - that is, the degree to which you appear to be experiencing an Emotional Reaction around her - is a great indicator of if you’re fucking other girls as hot as her. Of if you have that choice in your life. If the unfakeable qualities and themes in your life, and the sum-total of your core value is worthy of her.

The nervous guy worries about what he’s saying. He tries to over-compensate. He talks too quickly. He worries about making a good impression. He worries about the outcome. The result? He telegraphs his low core value to the women he talks to, and finds himself always chasing them.

The RSD Knight of Glory is there for his own amusement. He’s not having an emotional reaction. He’s focusing on having fun and not trying to get anything from the girl. He’s not desperate for the value that she has to offer, and he’s comfortable moving girls around with a claw-like hand. He’s acting with power and dominance and he’s showing that he is entirely worthy. And as a result, the girls chase him.

I always tell guys to focus on having fun and being social when they’re out to meet women, rather than focussing too hard on ‘picking up’ - you don’t want to come across as the next cheesy, sexually needy guy.

A great way to do this is to show a little disinterest, but it’s an idea guys often get confused with. When I talk about showing disinterest, I’m assuming that you already come across as a MAN - that there’s already a sexual vibe between you. How are you going to show disinterest, and why’s she going to care unless there’s already some tension built up between you?

Let’s say I’m talking to three girls in a bar, and we have a good energy going. Then I’ll turn to the hot one directly, move a bit closer to her, and shoot her a quick triangular gaze - hard eye contact down to her lips, look back up, playful smile, and then back away from her and turn towards her friends.

Girls go insane over this. You can even shoot he a quick playful nod like “it’s not gonna happen”, and engage her friends a bit. At this point the hot girl KNOWS there’s something there, so she’ll start to try and cut in to get your attention.

The more she does this, the more she pulls typical “I can get what I want” hot-girl stuff, the more you can gently push her away: “Hey, wait your turn! How do you girls hang out with this chick?” and then give her another very sexual but playful look and back off again. Hell, touch her on the shoulder, raise your eyebrows, and back off.

This is normally the point where she’ll throw herself at you, and then you can game her directly, because she’s chosen you. It’s good to ignore the target at first, but you’ve also got to pull the trigger when the time is right. Wait until she does or say something ‘impressive’ and then reward her for it with your full attention.

Trying to show disinterest before there’s a sexual vibe is like trying to start a fire without fuel. The point is not that you’re not interested, it’s that you’re a bit curious, but it’s you who’s in control, not her. You don’t care if that girl in accounts like you or not until you’ve gotten the idea in your head that she might - at that point, the not knowing can kill you and create attraction in its own right.

Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame, but you’ll notice that some people get insecure when others are in the spotlight.

A guy who’s secure will recognize when it’s someone else’s turn to hold court, and not fight that. When they talk their contribution will add emphasis to a point, not dispute the person who’s talking. He knows he’ll have his chance later, and that right now, someone else is trying to get a point across.

Guys who are insecure will often try and dispute points if they see an opening - they can’t resist the opportunity to try and show off and demonstrate their value. They just CANNOT RESIST the temptation.

Internet forums provide a simple example of this that most people will notice. Something good gets posted, and the insecure guys will split hairs over semantics: “While this is important, it’s only 8/10 on the importance level, not a 10/10 like you initially suggested”.

Maybe you know someone who always has a slightly better story? Or someone who always feels the need to follow one of your stories with their own? If you ask them about it, they’ll say they’re just trying to relate to what you’re talking about, but it’s jarring, and it breaks the social vibe. Why? Because it’s an expression of their insecurity, and often, they don’t consciously even recognise that they’re doing it!

It’s like when guys try to come off as authoritative. Somebody says something of importance, and someone else has to try and qualify that - “it’s good - thanks for finally saying something worthwhile”. He feels insecure that someone else is adding value, especially if he’s set himself up in front of other people as a competitor to that person - maybe by dissing him previously. Needless to say, it never works.

Maybe you’ve done a great presentation at work or school, and some insecure guy comes up to criticise. They don’t realise it’s YOUR TURN to hold court. Their turn is later. So they throw in little negative comments … they always have to give you some advice on how it could have been improved, rather than acting like someone secure: just saying “Good job man”.

As social animals, we’re designed to enjoy socializing and small talk. Not only do they allow us to form important social bonds and alliances with others, but they also help us identify who is, and who is not, a member of our group.

When people are communicating according to these social rules, they act as a social lubricant - the end result is a pleasant flow of conversation and ideas - what we call a vibe.

People who don’t understand these social rules or don’t follow them are doomed to come across badly, even if they’re a totally worthwhile or good person. Why? Because people normally break the vibe when they’re acting on insecurity.

Let’s take the somewhat weird but very common example of ‘rhetorical sequencing’.

James is very excited about a great deal he got on an awesome jacket, and wants to tell his friend Bob:

Good Example

James: Hey man, you’ll never guess how much I paid for this jacket
Bob: Wow, uh … $200?
James: No man, it was $60!
Bob: Awesome! Good job, it looks great

Bad Example

James: Hey man, you’ll never guess how much I paid for this jacket
Bob: Oh, you got a deal. I guess $40 then
James: Uh, actually $60
Bob: Well that’s not bad I guess

Bob here is telegraphing insecurity. His subconscious thought process was: “I’ll show James how smart I am, and how I picked up that he got a deal on the jacket. Then I’ll have shown him I passed his test!” His desire to be right, his desire to try and give an accurate guess to make himself look smart completely killed the vibe.

Secure Bob realises that James got a deal, but also realised that he wasn’t asking a real question - something lower end, but still high enough that even if the guy didn’t get a great deal, he’ll still feel good.

Let’s take another example. James and Bob are vacationing in London:

Good Example

James: Wow man, check out that building! That rocks!
Bob: Whoa, that’s huge!

Bad Example

James: Wow man, check out that building! That rocks!
Bob: Yeah, that’s cool. But dude, you should see New York. New York KILLS this place

The person who’s not vibing correctly is failing to understand something: the purpose of the initial comment isn’t debate - it’s building a social vibe. The content isn’t the communication - it’s the veneer over the subcommunication that says: “Let’s have a nice time, build rapport with each other, and chill out”. Bob is instead using them as opportunities to try and make himself look good - killing the vibe entirely.

Please note: This article itself was not written by Tyler Durden, but’s actually our notes from his excellent but long and somewhat unstructured post titled ‘Most spastic late night ramblings yet’. As all the ideas here are stolen directly from that post, it seems only right to credit him for it. Keep an eye out for his much anticipated book The Blueprint, coming soon.

Most people try subconsciously to portray a certain persona around other people. They want to be perceived in a certain way - normally one that doesn’t include the shortcomings they feel they have.

This puts them at a social disadvantage. People start to react emotionally when confronted with shortcomings, but also when their attempts to subtly manipulate others backfire. This tends to come out as outrage, defensiveness, and anger.

Reacting emotionally to other people gives them control over you - you’re accepting their ‘reality’ over your own. Hot girls will often try to get you to react emotionally to them to ascertain your ‘value’ - do you go to pieces if she tells you you’re too short/poor/ugly for her, or if she tells you to fuck off when you approach her?

It also eats away at your confidence. Will people accept the persona of yourself that you’re trying to project, or will they see through it? Will they realise you’re not the cool, successful guy you’re trying to show yourself as being? Will you be able to keep up the facade? Will you suffer the embarassment that comes from losing social value in the eyes of others?

Genuinely confident people have a strong reality that they draw other people in to. They can’t be easily shaken by other people questioning this reality. They’re not faking their persona, they’re just presenting themselves as they really are. This means they’re not bothered if other people question it in a way that makes the ‘trying to be cool’ guy go to pieces.

You can’t just decide one day to not put out a fake persona. These things are heavily ingrained in your mind. Plenty of guys try, however … and end up putting out a “I don’t care what other people think” fake persona - not an ideal result!

You have to starve your fake persona to death. It’s a gradual but ultimately essential process.

Every time you act in a way that reinforces the fake persona, you feed it, and every time you consciously don’t, and let your real self show, you starve it.

Every time you boast about your new car, or don’t approach a girl because you’re worried other people will see you crash and burn, or in any way try and manipulate the impression of you that other people have, you’re feeding and strengthening your fake persona, and chipping away at the foundations of your social confidence.

Every time you act from the inside, and do what you want, throwing social consequences to the wind, you starve it. Every time you resist the temptation to boast, every time you don’t try and put other people down at your expense, every time you don’t change how you act to try and make yourself look better in someone else’s eye, you starve it.

And when you’ve finally starved it to death, other people will feel it. Other people will assume success, assume high social value. It’s like when a circus lion loses its fear of its trainer - it goes from being a servantile animal back in to a powerful wild beast that can’t be easily stopped, and that commands respect.