I’m about to get a bit personal on you.

A lot of the stuff I teach is a pure reflection of what goes on in my own world.

Here is the general philosophy:

Focus on positive aspects of moving towards a greater vision. A vision of you as a smooth, naturally attractive man. Rather than focusing on negative points that externally confirm the existence of you sucking.

It’s all based on the general premise that ‘What you think about in life - you get’.

What I am trying to communicate through his blog or through a Flawless Natural Bootcamp or the upcoming conference is point out that you actually are a champ!

Empowering the inner man of glory and eliminating the inner bitch of doom.

There is no point focusing on external things that point towards you sucking. Because you will find a million of them.

- Maybe you approached a girl last week and she didn’t want to talk to you… waa waaa little baby YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe one of your little toes is bigger than your big toe… oh no! girls might not like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never kissed a hot girl… OMG! YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have a shitty apartment or live with your parents… DAMN girls don’t like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never done an approach… wow YOU MUST SUCK HUH.

The list goes on forever. Here’s my point: this thinking is pointless and retarded and will kill you.

The key is to focus on internal things that point toward you being deluxe. After all, you are the only constant in this game that you can actually manage or enhance. The rest (girls/environment/external) are all variables that you cannot control.

I have always said that the one difference between the guys that are good and they guys that are superfly deluxe is one thing: creativity.

When you walk into a club and there are 1000 chodes and 3 girls… it’s creativity that will win.

When your night is sucking and you are totally in your head… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the girl but her friends are pulling her away… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the same equal verbal thing to say as the next guy (routines?)… what will separate you? Yep. creativity.

So then… how is creativity built or, better yet, cultivated?

Firstly it’s hard to define creativity or how to generate it. Its something that happens spontaneously and this can be very elusive.

Let’s look at “the game of pickup”, for example.

Ever since the first how to date girls books came out we men have been trying to structure a way to get them consistently.
Which is cool and fair enough but also leads to its own sets of problems.

You see when you define something and try and put a box or structure around it, you are forcing yourself to follow a rigid set of rules.

Therefore your thought patterns follow very straight lined, outcome oriented thinking.

Example of this thinking in its application (i.e what your mind says):

Goal: Makeout and get with the girl.

Process: Approach and Open with Opener. Then Attract with attract stuff. Then Close using Close stuff.

Outcome: Kissing the girl.

What normally ends up happening is this. You see the girl then your head goes okay now what opener should I use, then what? Hmm maybe a story… then I’ll do my famous swirly whirly routine and then I’ll close with the superman makeout tactic!

The point is your mind trips over itself. You get inside your head and outcome oriented. Then by the time you approach, the girl can smell that your not being genuine and probably actually being flat out creepy or weird (especially if your running background processes like monitoring your own body language and other useless things).

Ok - Here is what Flawless Natural thinking looks like:

It is completely free flowing in the moment. It deals with life’s situations and events as soon as they arise, with flexability and ease because there is no thinking about them in the future.

Here is what the mind does in relation to pickup (the opposite of outcome oriented):

Wow I’m in a club… woooo!… high five my friend…. let’s chat to my friend… I like my friend… ohhh awesome look at that chair ahhahha what a silly looking chair… sorry now back to my friend…. cool… ohhh this is fun… wow my shoes are brown that is funny…. “hmmm i was wondering about sea creatures the other day - there is some WEIRD SHIT going on in the sea”… I like lizards too… oh wait ! damn LOOK AT THAT GIRL SHE IS FUCKING HOT…. YESSSSSS…. GO FOLLOW THE GIRL… MUST TALK TO HER…. YUM… “Hey i just had to come meet you I’m Tim!”… “you like sea creatures dont you hahahahah”…. “come here love… kiss me”…..”hahahahah”… this is weird she won’t kiss me yet ahhhh well soon enough… “so back to you and me…what was your name again?

My head is like a magic eight ball. I shake it and whatever floats to the surface I do. I trust that somewhere in the void of my mind something cool will float to the surface.
Something cool to say, or do, or whatever in that exact event or situation.

If something cool/positive/fun doesnt float to the surface - I shake it again

I heard this term twice in the last week.

AA.

What the fuck is AA?

I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? HAHAHA… Lets next this once and for all.

Maybe it is that I have seen the most incredible things happen to guys on our program doing approaches or that I do not feel the slightest of state movement when walking up to a girl (which, i concede, has been built)… but here we go.

In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane.
It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time.

The fact that we call it AA and THINK about it means that it EXISTS. When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… WEIRD?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this hahaha.”

So by talking/thinking about it - it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in OUR world here at RSD.

I know what your thinking… Ok Timmy - so now what - how am I supposed to think this way?

Let me indulge you for a second…

It’s all about the VALUE you ATTRIBUTE to things/objects/stuff in your own mind.

Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree.

Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree - whatever”

A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it.
First I name it TREE.
And within that name it has certain PROPERTIES.
Like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.

How much VALUE does a TREE have to my IDENTITY?

Zero.

It is what it is.

A fucking tree.

Now what if I take the same tree… and put MASSIVE value on it.
(if you didn’t know - if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU)

So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most motherfucking pimp deluxe super rad thing in existence…

Try it now. Just for fun.

Go outside or look out the window and focus on ONE tree.
Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now.
Just look at a tree, and let it make you laugh.

Give it a name…

Pimp Tree of Desire (or similar).

Ha there you go… self amusing yourself.

So this tree is now pretty valuable huh. Woooooo.

Now lets flip it….

Let’s look at a hot girl…

WHOA… your brain is like automatically throwing values on her.
She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better with her. Its so valuable. Looks so good… etc list goes on.

Now if you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediatley and just see her for what she is: JUST SOME GIRL… then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety.

Just LOOK at her… without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing - listing values about her and getting you all worked up! STOP IT.

And think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK

This may sound funny but its true.

The point is to stop putting MASSIVE VALUE on SOME RANDOM girl AUTOMATICALLY. We are conditioned to do this by the way.

Just watch your mind. Observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.

When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree. Who cares anyway.

Now I know I know… here is the dilemma - you can’t have sex with a tree.
(Well I admit - I haven’t tried).

But you CAN control yourself from being a chode and putting massive value on a girl.

Trees ahoy!

You’re about to cross into Abyss of Neediness if:

- You’re wondering for more than 10 minutes if you should call her or not

If you sit there, all day, wondering if you should call her; DO NOT call her. You call should be spontaneous, when you got bored from doing your daily tasks and you want someone new to talk to. Don’t even bother making day2 plans with her if it’s your first call. Just call her, bullshit for several minutes and tell her you have to get back to doing something (exciting).

If you started hesitating whether to call her or not- You’re going to fuck it up. Feel edgy about calling? Get your mind off of it, and go to the mall; sarge someone else. Come back. Call her.

-You’re giving her too much benefit of a doubt, too much slack.

Again, I hear guys talk about it; giving her excuses and why she did this or that. It doesn’t matter. It is your reality. Set up your threshold limit on what is tolerable by you and what is not. I, personally, have three strikes. (or just a BIG ONE). And because she is a 10 or a 9 don’t give her extra slack. If you wouldn’t take shit from a fatty, you shouldn’t take shit from a 10. EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, falls in this trap. I do this shit all the time, except I catch myself giving extra privileges to hotter girls and I stop. THIS IS BAD! Do not do it.

If you’re sitting at home thinking about her action, look at it from a logical point of view: what she did is acceptable by you or not? If not, let her know that you don’t tolerate crap. This falls more into ‘relationship’ portion rather than pre-day2. If bitch stood you up on a date, tell her that it’s rude, and NEVER call her again. Because, we, men, have A LOT OF THINGS ON OUR PLATE and DO NOT HAVE TIME to waste. Stop thinking about her, giving her excuses in your mind, justifying her actions, but be reasonable about it. People do have emergencies;

-You get overly jealous (exclusive or not exclusive relationship)

Hot girls have guy friends: lots of them. Hot girls have orbiters. These guys want to fuck them but can’t. Get used to it. In exclusive relationship there are things that acceptable and not acceptable, define these things between you two. Set rules and stick to them. (ok, correction: make her stick to them)

Just remember, she is probably going to keep her options open. Most likely she will LIKE SOMEONE ELSE while being with you, and there is a possibility she might cheat on you.

Guess what you should be doing? EXACTLY THE SAME THING: Keep your options open. Have other women in your life (even as friends). Have women in your life that are dying to fuck you (but can’t). Go out! Don’t stay at home with her all the time. Meet other women. You don’t have to sleep with them but always have your GAME ON. And if you happened to be in situation where you can cheat on your girl- Well, that’s your moral stand point; I am not giving you advice on this

-You wonder why she didn’t call you, (yet)

Why do you care? She is busy. You’re busy. (Or you should be). Get a life. I used to do this all the time. I would get depressed if some girl I was gaming didn’t call me. Then I learned that the only reason I am depressed is because I let myself be. DO NOT CALL HER. Just go out, hang out with your buddies and STOP CHECKING YOUR CELL PHONE every five minutes. You’re not going to miss a call from her. And if you do, even better; it shows her that you’re too busy and don’t have time to be worrying about her. Man up. She’ll call.

-You’ve spend over 20 hours with her and still haven’t fucked her, yet kissed her.

I don’t want to hear this bullshit: “Well she is not like that; she likes to take it slow” BULLSHIT! This whole taking slow bullshit is her excuse for lack of attraction for you. If Johnny Depp offered her some dick, I am sure she wouldn’t even think about ‘taking it slow’. So don’t be that guy who gets lead on, only to end up in LJBF Zone. I can understand that some girls have issues with sex. Here is word of advice for you: you don’t want these girls. Do not try to play ‘good Samaritan’ and try to help her with her issues. Don’t try to ‘save her’. You’re not a shrink. You’re not her girlfriend. If she is too fucked up or prude to have sex within 20 hours of meeting guy, you’re on for a ride (you don’t want to take). Very few girls are like that though. Somewhere you just failed in attraction (sometimes comfort). Admit it! Stop letting your ego get in a way. You’re acting like a coward. FUCK HER ALREADY! If not, MOVE ON!

-You call/text her, over and over, but she doesn’t return your calls/sms’

DESTINATION CREEPINESS! Welcome aboard! Stop with this shit. Just stop.

You call her, she doesn’t call back. Ok. You call her in few days; she doesn’t call back, leave a voice mail, and delete her number. Let me repeat that again. DELETE HER NUMBER. You gave her two calls over SEVERAL DAYS and on your last call you left her VM- and it’s time to delete her number, because, you ARE NOT going to call her back again. Not going to text her, not going to call her and hang up or whatever creepy thing you could possibly do.

Naturally, if she calls you back, (IF), you’re going to say “Who is this?” …Don’t ask me why, just do it.
Most likely, she won’t (call you back) MOVE ON.

-You take her out on day2 and you would not leave her alone (after)

This is my personal rule. Day 2s are there to re-enforce your game; show her that you’re congruent with whom you were first time she met you, and day2 is there for you to plant several seeds in her head. Your day2 game must be tighter than your game when you first opened her. Going into day2 she should be thinking “Well, this guy is cute/hot/interesting, I want to get to know him better”- leaving day2 she should be thinking “OMIFUCKINGGOD! This guy… wow… like I can’t stop thinking about him… he is just… amazing…maybe he is the one…I haven’t felt like this in a while!!!” (and she really should be leaving WITH YOU thinking THAT… and you should get minimal LMR)

BLOW HER FUCKING MIND! Then don’t call for few days. Let her wonder. Most guys fuck up entire chemistry by calling her THE SAME FUCKING DAY with “Oh hey, had a good time tonight.. I hope you got home ok. Thanks for hanging out with me…” WTF IS THIS SHIT? DO NOT DO THAT! If you feel like you ought to, send her ONE SIMPLE text message “good night “ that’s it.

-you stop seeing other girls because of her

Unless you both agreed to stop seeing other people and decided to start exclusive relationship, you SHOULD NEVER EVER stop seeing other women no matter how good looking she is or how wonderful her personality is.

If you don’t see other women except for her, start meeting more women. Seeing one girl will give you enough confidence boost to start seeing more. But you shouldn’t get stuck on JUST ONE GIRL. (whether you’re fucking her or not)

REALITY CHECK: She IS seeing other guys. She is sleeping with other guys. Sometimes, you might kiss her and you might not even know if she just given a blow job to one of her fuck-buddies. And there is a good chance she might still be fucking around on the side after you start seeing each other exclusively (not always though)

-you read all this and nothing clicked, sounded familiar or made a slight shift in your inner game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was guilty of EVERY SINGLE issue listed above. Some were pre-game days some where during the game days. Most happened while I was in relationship! I would safely say that almost every PUA falls into on or the other trap of ‘neediness’. The good PUA will catch himself before it’s too late. Emotions are hard to control and there is nothing embarrassing if you’ve done on or few or all of these things. Just learn from your ‘mistakes’.

I learned how to deal with these urges and it boosted my game tremendously. I suggest you reconsider how you think about your targets. Someone, who shall remain nameless, once said: “She might be a dime, but you are a fucking hundred dollar bill!”

Now let’s talk about what I really wanted to about- the magic pill mentality. Why do most people not get the results they want from learning a new skill (whether it be pickup, playing the piano, getting in better shape, learning a foreign language, to cook, dance, etc.) they put there mind to? Why does everyone want a magic pill?

It starts with perceptual filters and works trickles it’s way down through the Id. Most people frame the acquirement of a new skillset as work. They see it as a negative (i.e. the glass is half empty), because it is work and it is not reward it is not pleasurable. Any gratification that is not instant will be looked at as negative by the Id (remember we are just talking about the Id not Freud’s model as a whole). Since the new behavior is negative, at the animal level (id, r-complex, etc) they move away from it because if it is not pleasurable then it is must be painful. In fact it is much worse, it is delayed gratification combined with pain (non-pleasure) A good example would be needing to use the bathroom. Sure you want to use it when you have to use it but most of us can hold out for 10 minutes. There is a big difference between that 10 minutes to obtain your goal (gratification) and something like mastering the skillset to get the girl of your dreams or being able to play an instrument to the level you want. Most people do not want to put in the work to get things- they just want some kind of magic pill (and indeed this would be very pleasing to the Id). That is why this is the age of steroids, lotto, lawsuits, breast implants, fad diets, you name it.

No one wants to put in the time or effort it takes to learn the needed skillset. If it was easy to be great with girls EVERYONE would be great with girls. If it was easy to have an amazing body EVERYONE would look great (this btw is the reason things like vanity surgery are so popular, it’s a quick fix with no work.) This is the reason we stress being process oriented vs. being results oriented. Realize that you will have to put in work. Think about how many fights a white belt loses while sparing just to make it to yellow. For some reason this is easier for the male psyche to swallow then it does for a guy who has never done a cold approach getting blown out by a girl who is a 6. There is an actual reason for this that deal with gender roles that maybe we will talk about another time.

What is the solution to this? The solution is beyond the scope of the article. The solution is very simple. First off realize if something is too good to be true it usually is. If someone has some kind of new pickup system, fad diet, 3 minutes a day while you sleep to ripped abs, etc, run like hell. Also realize that the proper frame is not one of negativity and a problem but of opportunity and chance to acquire this new skill (this one is key and will be the focus of my next article).

I am going to leave the reader with two quotes that changed my life. I hope they will have a great impact also. Champions are made when no one is watching and how bad do you want it. How hungry are you?

Catchy title huh? What do these things all have in common? They all have what people have come to call ‘the magic pill mentality’ as the backbone of the thought process. This foundation is rotten, and as such, any structure (thought) built upon it will also be questionable. Before we get ahead of ourselves let’s take a quick detour through the different parts of the brain, perceptual filters, Evolution and Freud’s concept structure of the mind.

Evolution moves at a very slow pace. During most of the course history humanity lived in tribal societies. I actually read some kind of outrageous statistic that said there has been more knowledge created and documented in the last 100 years then in all the thousands of years combined before it! I totally believe this. Growing up I found history to be a really boring topic but now I am fascinated it- so much of what our behavior and our cultures / customs are based on events are based on the past.

One thing I have always found super-interesting are nature shows like the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, National Geographic, etc. Animals are amazing creatures to watch and to see their behavior in their natural surroundings can be breathtaking. Since we evolved from animals (I am not going to get into debate over creationism), a lot of our behaviors can be found in creatures like apes, gorillas, chimps, etc. One extremely interesting theory proposed by Paul D. MacLean is that of the reptilian complex or R-Complex. This theory seeks to explain brain function through the evolution of existing structures of the human brain. The triune brain consists of:

1. The R-complex (also known as the “brainstem”),
2. The Limbic system and
3. The neo-cortex.

The R-complex is named for the most advanced part of the brain higher mammals share with reptiles. It is responsible for rage, xenophobia and basic survival fight-or-flight responses. Often, the R-Complex can override the more rational function of the brain and result in unpredictable, primitive behavior in even the most sentient of creatures, humans included. The reptilian complex is the most ancient part of a very successful brain scheme, evolutionarily speaking.

Now on to Freud’s structure model of the Psyche. This should be a really basic review for anyone who has taken Psyche 101. Dr. Freud proposed there are three parts of the so called ‘psychic apparatus’. These structures are known as the Id, the Ego & the Superego. Today, we are most concerned with the Id.

The Id is dominated by what is called the pleasure principle. Well what is the pleasure principle you ask? The pleasure principle is a psychoanalytical term coined by our friend Dr Freud that deals with the ability to withhold gratification vs. instant gratification. This concept is the fundamental tenet of behavior modification (reward / punishment and pleasure / pain). That is another article unto itself. Back to the Id we find that the Id is responsible our basic (read animal) drives such as food, sex, aggression, protection of our territory and dislike of others not like us. You can picture the Id as a permanent two year who wants what he wants, when he wants, and will not accept no for an answer. The Id is a part of the physce but also functions as a survival mechanism (much like most of our other hardwired behavioral patterns).

Perceptual filters are outside the scope of this article and will be discussed in a forthcoming article but I would still like to touch on it briefly. Our beliefs, values and experiences create almost an aura of how we interpret and perceive reality. It is the glass is half full vs. half empty mentality. Sinn once told me a quote that has always stuck with me. “The person who says they can and the person who says they cant are both right- which person are you?”

There are few people today that really KNOW me today, and of those even less that knew me growing up. People that saw me when I was a totally different person.

Friends that saw me CHANGE.

In fact there’s only three that I can name. Ermin, Mike, and Curtis. While all of them are aware of the community, not one is a community guy.

There are other guys in the community that have seen me grow and transform, one step at a time, but they weren’t there back in the day like those 3 I named off.

Anyways I got a text yesterday regarding some ‘rukus’ on a forum I’m causing by being totally honest and upfront with a guy.

The text convo hit me emotionally, pretty dead on.

Why?

Well basically the guy I’m being blunt with on this forum is coming from a similar place I was at one time in my life.

The text convo basically said that ‘that guy’ is just one of those people who will never “get it”, “never” understand certain things about himself, and that I was not one of those guys.

Why bother trying to help the guy? Why waste a few minutes of my life?

Because I don’t believe in that shit.

I was at the same place this guy was one time, like unbelievably weird/awkward. Almost completely unaware to top it off.

You know whats funny?

Back when I started rising up, back on the original Dream Lounge, people used to tell me I would ‘never’ get it. They would tell me that it’s all a lie, and people CAN’T change.

Well here’s the reality, everyone can.

That’s right, it’s true, the resources are there to become who you were meant to be, to self actualize, without a doubt.

Well here’s part two.

Most people won’t. Regarding success with women, 90% of guys just won’t ever get it.

You know what I decided when people told me all that bluntly negative bull shit?

I am not a FUCKING STATISTIC, I am something MORE.

I was ready to fight for what I wanted, for real.

People telling me it couldn’t be done only pushed me more, pushed me to the breaking point eventually, rock bottom in August of 2007. It’s pretty common human behavior to try to hold others down- I still see this today whenever I do something new and continue to ‘rise’.

You know what a really sneaky trap is though? Something that IMO is built into us to project onto others via evolution.

People telling you you’ve come farther than you have, without someone being totally honest with you.

This is far more lethal in keeping you happy and content, avoiding reality, and avoiding the NOW.

I think most guys that find this community are in a similar boat that I was in once (hey the more personal, the more universal right?)

And their path is going to follow something like mine did. Not all guys though, there are plenty of guys I know personally that will follow a different path to move closer to their potential, but this is like the majority of guys this community attracts.

First the guy has to hit the point of realizing there’s a problem, something deep inside. By realizing I mean a feeling to, most of us have ego’s far to big to let us see something like that up front early on. I know I was one.

And hence, we get into ’self improvement’. This quickly turns into ego-based learning, and tack-ons to ourselves. Things like methods/tactics/routines.

These are all cool, specifically because they lead us to the next step.

The ready to fight level. This is when you make a monumental decision. Your’s may relate to mine, or it may not. Everyone’s different.

Next is rock bottom.

This is when the ‘decision’ becomes nearly universal.

YOU WILL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT TAKES.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

For me, this at first was taking out a huge student loan to buy a bootcamp way out of my price range as a college student.

When I got it I decided that wasn’t the best option at the time, and instead decided to go out every single night until I approached 3,000 sets (was at about 2,000 at that time).

Not 2 weeks in I banged a girl for the first time in over a year, one I liked on top of that (hey fatties need love too, but not from me).

This was not coincidence.

Moving on…

This is when you begin to scramble your brain.

This is when self destruction truly begins.

This is when the healing beings.

There are a few pitfalls to watch out for, and I’ll detail them this summer at the Under 21 Convention.

You eventually get to a point where you’re about to, or are going INSANE, and you KNOW IT.

You push a little more…

And then you let it all go. You see the fucking LIGHT. You may even find some of your self-esteem you lost growing up…

After that is when you pretty much start to fill in the gaps. You make it, but realize there is always room for improvment.

You begin to move on to bigger and better things…

This part is probably different for everyone, but for me, it was just starting to really ENJOY life for what it is.

Living the way I wanted, being the person I am, being AUTHENTIC, and just doing what the fuck I feel like doing.

So for anyone who gets the blunt end of my advice, take it for what it’s worth. I’ve been in your shoes, and mean the best.

Something I kind of stumbled upon in my mind yesterday thinking about this…

The 90/10 ratio for people self actualizing is a catch 22. The resources are there for everyone, but only because 90% won’t ever use them.

90% of people not utilizing what’s available makes it possible for those who want ‘it’ bad enough to pursue ‘it’.

Making the title of this post all the more important…

Are you a statistic, or something MORE?

While in the comfort phase, you don’t want to tease in order to punish a woman for bad behavior, simply because it’s a waste of time and it’s going backwards in the process. You will start to banter, which leads to a playfully fighting vibe. This is the complete opposite of what you want once you are in comfort. In comfort you want to make her say to herself, “where was this guy all my life?”

Inevitably, however, there will be times when a woman will do something that you don’t like, and it’s imperative that you make her understand that this is unacceptable. I have deconstructed the process you need to follow in order to modify such behavior for good.

Change your behavior. Fall silent or otherwise change your attitude to be more dismissive and display a willingness to walk away. The main point of this is to show that things will never be the same unless she changes what she just did. It’s unacceptable.

Wait for her to bring it up. She should realize that you are upset without you having to say anything about it. Remember that 90% of communication is non-verbal? This is the right time to apply that. Turn your body so that you’re not facing towards her, don’t look her in the eyes, be dismissive, and keep your answers short.

Explain what the problem is. Once she asks what’s going on, explain that her behavior is unacceptable. The key to this is to be reluctant to explain it, like you didn’t want to say anything but she had to force it out of you. Once you do start explaining, make sure you let her know that you have a rule against that and you will not tolerate such behavior.

Put a hoop. The key to solving the little drama you just created is by putting a hoop to a new behavior or frame of mind she must accept in order to continue being with you. If the fight is because she flaked out, then the hoop would be that she has to bring you a present in order to make it up to you. Don’t be afraid to make it a big hoop as this is her chance to prove that she likes you after she messed up and it proves that you are willing to walk away if she doesn’t live up to your high standards.

Reward. Once she jumps your hoop, reward her and let her know how awesome she is/the two of you are together. Make her feel like you were meant to be together and that she is great. You can even surprise her (with whatever you may want to do for her), or give her a compliment about her personality after she jumps your hoop.

The four qualities that lead to mating success in the animal kingdom (including humans) are:

Dominant
Attractive
Elite
Access to resources

Now would be a good time for you to figure out what’s been stopping you from showing these qualities in the past. You can easily convey them with your clothing, if only you could stop the blockage inside you that says “I’m scared to wear that.”

I’ve done quite a few makeovers in my live training, and it seems like most men have the same issues holding them back. It’s not a lack of information; the information is out there and it’s yours for the taking. Most guys just filter it out, thinking “Nah, that stuff’s not for me.” They limit themselves before even trying anything new. Let’s take a look at some of the sources of that limited way of thinking.

When I look back on what I was wearing a few years ago, I can see that I was sabotaging all of my interactions with women. I wanted to date and sleep with lots of attractive women, but the way I was dressing was turning them off immediately and I just didn’t realize it. There was an easy way to fix this - the answer was right in front of my face - but I just couldn’t see it.

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I’ve spent the last thirteen years studying psychology and philosophy, so how was it that I could be so blind to something that now seems so obvious?

What I discovered was that like most men, I had layers and layers of self-delusion which prevented me from seeing what was really going on. After I finally figured it out and developed a great look, I started giving makeovers to other guys who were working on succeeding with women. I discovered that almost everyone has their own version of these same delusions.

This is “negative social programming.” It’s almost impossible to avoid picking up some of this from the world around you. It’s imperative that you identify your negative social programming if you ever want to move past it.

Playing It Safe in the Schoolyard

The first obstacle that a man faces is the “play it safe” mentality that we all develop when growing up.

It’s normal for children to make fun of each other and to compete for social dominance in school. That’s how they establish a social hierarchy and learn lessons that will be valuable later in life. At times this competition can be very intense, and all of us have been on the losing end of it at one time or another.

The easiest way for a child to gain a social advantage over others is to make fun of something obvious, something different.

If you make fun of someone different, you can gain the respect and allegiance of the entire school, not just the kid you made fun of. There are massive social benefits if you can successfully taunt other children. As a result, the kids who are different always get teased the most. It could be that the target is of a different ethnicity, from a different social class, has a different way of talking, or that he just looks different.

All it takes to look different is a slightly unusual haircut, a slightly different way of dressing, etc. It doesn’t take much. Think back to your grade school days. Was there a boy with long hair or a girl with short hair that got teased? Was there someone from another country or a kid who was a bit poorer than average?

In the adult world, these differences are accepted and even embraced. In the world of children, these differences are grounds for harassment. This harassment is the fuel that feeds social competition and establishes the social structure that will be enforced day in and day out for the entire school year.

Chances are that at some point in your life you were that kid who was different. The harassment we endure as children causes us to build up a tendency to play it safe, to blend in, to do anything we can to avoid looking different.

Even kids who are normal in every way observe the persecution of those who are different, and this causes them to build up this same “play it safe” tendency.

There’s nothing wrong with this when you’re a child or adolescent. It’s a useful adaptation that allows you to go through life without being damaged and distracted by harassment. The problem is that many people carry this “play it safe” mentality into their adult life and it no longer serves a purpose. The rules have changed, and being different can be an advantage.

This “play it safe” mentality can cause limited belief in yourself and make you seem timid and immature.

The end result is that you have few choices in how you dress. You are unable to employ the best strategies, you are unable to utilize your creativity to the fullest, and you communicate a child-like fearfulness to the people around you.

My reality now is that I’m an average-looking guy who is always going out with three or more girls to clubs in order to go pick up more girls. I have more girlfriends, girl friends, sex partners, dates, and fun than I know what to do with. To be successful with women and socially in general the right attitude is key. Over time I have developed a philosophy that applies directly to the field.

Be social.

This is NOT the ‘evil art of seduction’, you are not going out in the field to ‘get some’ - you are going out in the field to have fun and be yourself and hang out. So don’t go out thinking ‘when am I going to score?’ Women detect that attitude from a mile away and it’s an instant turn off.

Evolve yourself.

If you are reading this, then right now then probably ‘being yourself’ doesn’t create the relationships you want. Social mastery is the hardest endeavor you will ever undertake because there is nothing more discerning than a woman’s intuition. Any problem that you think you have, be it real or imagined, she will detect. To be successful you will have to launch an epic self-improvement program on yourself. Once you have become that new you, and you have evolved socially via practice, you will go right back to being yourself - but a totally awesome, new you. If you are not willing to change and evolve, you will continue to experience a lifetime of mediocre results. So for whatever is bothering you, commit to fixing it yourself and never hesitate to get professional help. Not only will you become more successful socially but you will also become more successful in your entire life. No amount of ‘Game’ can really compensate for a flawed personality.

Give and Love.

When you are hanging out in a social environment, what value do you offer to the people in that environment? Do you expect anything in return? The answer for most men today is Not Much, and Yes, respectively. No wonder women aren’t begging for your phone number. To be successful socially you have to be constantly putting more energy out there than you receive when you begin an interaction. To do this properly you have to actually not care about the outcome of anything you do. You have to put yourself out there and actually expect nothing in return. This has an extremely powerful effect on women. I will frequently just hang out with women that I don’t particularly find attractive because I’m making their night and adding to the karma. Karma comes back. Love every woman for who she is.

Touch.

Everybody wants to be touched in un-creepy ways. The societal code has made physical communication between men and women difficult with a ton of alleged rules and wacky misconceptions. Yet both men and women want to be touched. Learning to communicate via touch will, when you master it, completely flip your own reality. If you are not getting a lot of touching going within the first few minutes of any interaction with a woman, you are living life at half-speed.

Don’t react.

This is one of the most key elements of any social interaction. If you are the truly content, giving, alpha-male, then how does a woman’s reaction to you affect your reality? It just doesn’t. She will test you for it - she will deliberately feel how alpha you really are. And you will be completely and totally unaffected. Being unaffected creates a sense of deep inner peace that extends to other areas of your life.

Create a vibe and lead people into it.

Remember, you are just hanging out. You are not trying to ‘get something’ - therefore you can’t chase it, ask for it, or like many men today, beg for or buy it. Breaking those rules will result in instant blowout. To get results you have to create a compelling vibe - one that has HER chasing YOU. It’s your job to make women feel comfortable and attracted to you. They will not do this by themselves. You have to suck others into your reality. For things to work, women have to be chasing you - asking for your phone number and giving you that ‘make out with me, please’ look. Proper ‘pick-up’ is simply creating a comfortable, romantically-charged environment where the two of you can explore each others personalities.

Don’t try, just be.

You are not ‘trying’ to do any of this - once you have mastered your unique personality performance you become it. It is you. You are not ‘trying’ anything, there is no game - you simply are. But you are that amazing, totally together, fun, happy, social, powerful alpha male that every woman is internally programmed by her evolutionary circuits to align with. ‘Game’ is just training wheels for your own personality evolution. Game is not the answer, you are.

Why does any of this work?

Women respond very powerfully to a giving alpha male.

Imagine walking into a room and seeing nothing but unattractive women. That’s what women see when they get constantly approached by supplicating, interviewing (’Hey, what’s your name?, ‘What do you do?), and braggy (’Yea, baby, that’s my Bentley) chodes. Now imagine further if all these unattractive women came onto you one after the other, night after night, trying to ask your name and buy you drinks and were constantly asking for your phone number. This is the horror movie that most attractive women today experience. The evolved alpha male is here to change the script.

True alphas are scarce.

True alphas are perhaps those five guys in the club with girls around them all the time. Alphas give without expecting anything in return, alphas are just plain ‘cool’, alphas don’t buy women drinks or beg for their phone number, alphas create comfortable vibes, alphas create a warm happy playpen for the women to wander around in. Alphas don’t supplicate, but they treat women as equals and get the same in return. Women will compete for those men, women will work for those men. They are emotionally wired to do so. They will leave their boyfriends to hang out with them. Girls make-out with me while holding their boyfriends hand. They will dump him or hide him or do whatever it takes to align with the alpha male if their current alignment is sub-par. Aren’t they horrible evil sluts for doing so? The answer is NO. They don’t have a choice, women are programmed to align with men just like men are programmed to sleep with women. Women love the true alpha and want to be ‘Picked Up’. If you pull this off right, then literally every woman you approach will love your presence and your energy. They feel honored to be hanging out with you. The direction of your interaction is up to you and her. It will take some time for you to cease being surprised when you find women want far different things than what you formerly thought they wanted. Remember, that most women are with beta men because that is all they can get. If you are an alpha who won’t deceive her about your intentions then you are doing her a huge favor by introducing yourself. All of the women I date know that I see other women and they don’t mind because they would still rather be with me than pretending to be happy with some beta boyfriend. (I’m very open to being a monogamous boyfriend, but I would have to be literally swept off my feet for that to happen.)

But I’m ugly.

Looks don’t really matter.

Odds are, you are far hotter than me anyway. I’m a skinny, pale, balding, thirty-something guy. I look like a six-foot-tall fetus. But my personality turns me into a runway model! Men make the mistake that our reality must be the same as a woman’s. This is just wrong. We are attracted to swimsuit models so we think that women must be attracted to looks just as much as we are. But the biggest attractor for most women is personality. Be a personality model and you will find fashion models calling you during lunch and asking what you are wearing. It is hard to focus on work afterwards. In the old days when I was a card carrying chode, I used to get jealous of super hot girls because they seemed to have unfair power. Now, I reflect on the fact that I get to be a personality model my entire life.
But what if they find out that I ‘game?’

Don’t game, just be.

The skill set that is ‘game’ is actually a tool to evolve YOU into a social creature. Acquiring the skill set is only half of the challenge. You have to merge what you learn into YOU and create your own unique, personality-conveying performance. Mastery is being able to consistently create a performance art that is unique to the woman and you. Every time I have an interaction with a woman it is different and unique. It’s like I’m painting a new painting every time. A lot of guys, when learning the skill-set, get lost in the tactics of things, questions like ‘what do I do when she does X, what do I do at time B?’ This is like asking a master painter, ‘Do I paint blue first or yellow?’ (credit Lovedrop). Only the merging of the skill set with your unique personality will tell you that. Just PAINT, man! If you paint enough you will become your own master painter and women will appreciate you for it.

But what if girls find out my ’secret knowledge’?

There is no secret knowledge.

As students of social interaction all we’re doing is modeling natural phenomenon, there is nothing secret about it. All women already possess the knowledge, that’s how they can tell an alpha from a beta. This is why commonly there is a notion that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’ Men think too logically when they should be learning to appreciate women for who they really are - little purple aliens Learn to speak Venusian.

Innovate.

There are a lot of men out there currently using tried and true ‘material’ on women. They do well with this. Those guys are not going to like the fact that a lot of this is being exposed by the media. Those guys are not the ones that are coming up with their own unique personality conveying performance. Talking with those guys, it is obvious that they are not being themselves. Only use what we teach you to innovate an outward expression of your inner self. Most of you are actually awesome men. You just don’t have the social education to express yourself socially.

Are you ready to learn?

Sure, but what will I get out of all this?

Select.

The skill-set is what you make it. With it you can select the right woman and decide who you want to be in your interaction with her. Having the power to consistently get any woman out there is a life-changing experience. You could become to any woman you choose a playboy, a romancer, a friend, a boyfriend, a socialite or a husband. I love the emotional interaction and the choices I get. If you have the basics of the art down, and you are always hanging out with women that you find attractive, then you can differentiate on things that really matter like her outlook, energy, and personality. Most men today say they discern based on who she is but, in fact, they are just rationalizing their relationship with her based on their desire to sleep with an attractive woman. Additionally, many men will rationalize to extremes because they perceive they have no choice in the long run so they end up in sub-optimal relationships and marriages. What will your romantic life be like? Ironically, the answer to men not being shallow is to teach them how to get all the relationships they want. I’ve noticed that when men stop being desperate, they actually discriminate more based on a woman’s non-physical qualities.

It’s easy for new dudes to get caught up in cocky/funny and negs/teasing and all that. It’s hard to know what to counter-balance it with. So, if you’re new you should try this. And for advanced guys, this vibe might be something you’re already doing; you just need to understand why it works so you can calibrate it properly.

I call this vibe “Everyone loves EVERYONE!” and women get really into it.

What is it?

It’s basically a mixture of friendliness, building commonalities, and over-exaggerating connections with people.

Step 1 - Agree with something she says. Get excited about how much you agree.

“You love Canada? Oh my god I fucking love Canada so much!!!” (Go into a long story about Canada.)

Anticipate whether she will love or hate something, based on her character, and then agree with it instantly.

“Atlantic City? I hate it. You hate it too? Yeah, it sucks!! So scummy! Dirty! Yucky! Never going back again…” (Lead into a long story about AC.)

Step 2 - Play up commonalities, even if it’s a reach.

“Wait, you’re from Nebraska? My Mom used to tell me bedtime stories about Nebraska. She said the sky in Nebraska was made of gumdrops and magical bits of candy corn. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

If it flops, you play it off as ironic. “Ha-ha, just kidding. My mom’s never even heard of Nebraska.”

Play up real commonalities too. “You have a dog? What is its name? I used to have this dog Chico, he’d jump through a hoola hoop and do all these cool tricks. You’re a dog person? Me too!”

Play up commonalities that everyone has (these are the easiest).

“You like movies? Me too! What kind? Oh yeah I love those! I saw it on TBS.”

Step 3 - Talk about all the people you know and how you love them all.

“I’ve only been coming here for 2 weeks, but I feel like I know everyone here and they are like my old friends. You ever get that feeling?”

“Everyone is so nice in Los Angeles. I’ve only been here 2 months, and people are asking me to party every night. Man, it’s the most party-happy town I’ve ever been to in my life.”

Step 4 - Tell stories.

Start stories with the following phrases:

* “When I was little…”
* “My mom used to tell me…”
* “When I was in high school…”

She says she has a boyfriend, you say “Oh sweet, tell me all about it baby” while physically escalating.

She says “I’m not having sex with you” you say “That’s a great idea, ’cause then I can finally have a female friend. I’ve always wanted a purely plutonic friend” while physically escalating and sending mixed signals.

Yeah I know a lot of this stuff sounds like ass-kissing, but it’s a good mix with some of the harder game tactics. And you can use it on the peer group if you get good at it.

Why is this appealing?

Women are always looking for more and more friends, more and more orbiters, more and more social resources. It seems their hunger for this never subsides. It’s never enough. That’s why they keep building to 123865 friends on MySpace. Their instinct tells them that if you can build your social resources, you will always have a backup plan if something goes wrong. You will always be able to regain social value, or get a new guy, or provide for children, or get help taking care of children, or get protection from danger… the list goes on and on.

Some important motivators of female behavior are:

Fear of abandonment - this affects women’s decision making processes all the time. Even little things in daily life are affected by this.

Preservation of relationships - women try to preserve relationships all the time, even when it seems pointless to men. That’s why a woman says “we can stay friends” after a breakup and “let’s just be friends” when she’s discussing some guy who only wants to sleep with her. They just can’t let it go. They want to preserve every relationship. They want to always have the potential for some social advantage… a backup plan… someone to help her… someone to say good things about her and build her overall popularity.

So when you mix all that together, a lot of women go ga-ga for this kind of a vibe. It makes them feel like everyone loves everyone when you’re around. If you watch closely how women interact with their female friends, they’re always trying to create this utopia of everyone loving everyone. The utopia actually occurs for brief moments on Oprah and The View from time to time.

Throw the occasional hard-game tactic in. Play some hard to get. Ignore her for a while. Then come back to this. Throw sexual game in too. And always keep the physical escalation going.

Recently I have been working so much instead of sarging a ton that I got out of state when I went into the field. I noticed that if I spend two weeks out of the field then when I get back in I feel like everything is alien until I get a few sets in and everything reboots.

But a weird thing happened recently - I noticed that I would go in field and feel like total garbage and still do well.

I started to think about why this was and the ’secret’ became apparent to me. Here it is.

To get to state independence you have to have 3 things.

1. Personality
2. Self Esteem
3. Independence Realization

Personality

When we first get into the game we have a personality but we have no idea how to express it to women. We have even less of an idea on how to be that a totally giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy social guy that draws women into his own reality. We attain this through practice. We first start off with routines because we don’t know what to say and through that we learn the underlying structures, sub-communication, and the myriad of other things in game until we start to get a good sense of what types of content and communication really work in relating to women. Once we understand these levels of communication then we often start to experiment with our own material and gain our own attractive personality. What is essential is that we BECOME that awesome, interesting, fascinating guy that women are drawn too. You recognize the moment when without any conscious thought you find yourself in the present and fully representational of who you are and want to be. Everything you do, everything that you are becomes as effective as your “routines” (this btw is how I come up with new “material” it is all improvised in the field). It took me an intense year in the game to get there.

Self Esteem

Self Esteem is not EGO. Ego (and I’m using Eckhart Tolle’s definition of ego from his amazing book “The Power of Now”) is just a mental construct that who you are is what you do, what you own, or any number of other things that come from outside our selves. Self Esteem is a deep seeded belief in yourself that comes from the inside.. The belief that no matter what outside factors or even your own emotions try to affect you - they don’t alter who you are. If you have been practicing game then you have developed a personality that is attractive to women and the ability to communicate it. Self esteem is having an un-touchable belief in that inner “youness” - an untouchable belief that no matter what, you are still that giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy, social guy. You are still YOU even on a night when you don’t exhibit any of those behaviors - you still are personable even when you don’t act like it. Was Miles Davis still Miles Davis when he wasn’t playing his instrument?

Independence Realization

This came to me in field when I realized that despite how I felt on a given night; my self esteem was so strong that I could still be me even though I felt weird or out of state. My display of my character, of my personality, was so intriguing that I still attracted the opposite sex.’ This was awesome to finally realize I was starting to master my emotions. The masters (btw I never think of myself as a master, always as a student) of any art are still artists regardless of their internal state. Do you think Miles Davis could still play if he had a headache? Maybe in an off state he isn’t going to give a 200% performance but he will still be excellent. If I ask most guys ‘If you feel bad are you still you?’ they will say YES. What most guys haven’t realized is that this totally applies in field.

So all you need to do to gain state independence in field is still BE YOU regardless of how you feel. Ignore whatever garbage you have in your head or emotions and just be your personable high self esteem self. To get there you will have to spend a lot of time developing your personality - there is no magic pill that lets you get there overnight but when your personality and self-esteem are ready you will become state independent.

This works because game is when you do and say all the right things at the right time. You are giving a performance. A performance of who you are. If you are always yourself, regardless of state, you will get very similar results regardless of state.

Let’s get a little more concrete here and talk about sexy stereotyping as it relates to your style of dress. Of course there are MANY ways to convey sexiness and tap into positive stereotyping, but how you dress is the easiest one! Why? Because you can take your time and plan it out. Then once you get it figured out you don’t have to work on it again until it’s time to update your style.

Body language and voice tone are much harder to improve; you have to think about them all the time for MONTHS until they become habit.

Let me give you a step by step approach to turning on the power of sexy stereotyping.

1. Stop worrying about what your AFC friends think. Pay less attention to them and more attention to how women perceive you.

2. Take an active interest in style and fashion. As kids, we were all taught that if you’re into fashion, that means you’re a fag. Then our moms would order our clothes from the JC Penny’s catalog and sure enough, a dork is born. Now that you’re a grown man, you can be secure enough to take an interest in fashion and not feel like it makes you less masculine. One of the best places to do research on the topic is myspace.com. There are thousands of people on there who have cutting edge fashion knowledge, and they congregate in the “groups—>fashion” area of the myspace website. These are people who sit home all day getting all dressed up just to take pictures for myspace!

3. Start to identify sexy stereotypes when you see them. If girls are flocking to a guy or group of guys, have a look at how they’re presenting their identity. Pay attention to how they’re expressing their identity through their clothing.

I’m always looking for this, and I think I’ve recently discovered a new sexy stereotype. I saw these guys in a club a few weeks back with bad blazers and short hair in a pony tail. These guys were lanky and had big weird noses, but they were walking around like they owned the place. Girls were digging them. I realized what it was- the European vibe. I dubbed this look “Euro-douche” and filed it away for future use. Watch out for the Euro-douche look!

4. Choose a sexy stereotype that feels natural to you.

5. Find a person who has mastered the style and has a similar body type to yours.

6. Model your style after that person’s look. You must model yourself after the best in order to get similar results. I know your social conditioning is telling you’re that you’re a unique snowflake and you should never copy anything. I’m telling you from experience that modeling is the fastest shortcut to sexy stereotyping. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Don’t make things harder than they need to be. Do it the easy way. Modeling a person who already has it figured out will give you a huge head start. You can customize the look later when you have your developed your fashion sense a bit more.

7. Test it out. Don’t spend $1000 on 7 new outfits all at once. Try on a new stereotype and see what reactions you get. I’m talking about reactions from attractive women, not reactions from your Trekkie looking friends. If you’re getting good reactions from hot chicks, you know you’re onto something. If not, try something else.

8. Expand and refine. Enjoy the success. Watch how much easier it is to attract women when they categorize you as a sexy guy. You’ll find you have less trouble with CBs, fewer blowouts, less LMR, and less flaking.

I work with guys on their style all the time and here are a few guidelines-

Don’t worry about blending in

If you seem like a normal average guy, you’ll often get the normal average result. Most attractive women reject normal guys all the time. This is their default response. Rejecting normal guys becomes a habit.

Normal guys who approach these women are usually needy AFCs. After years of being approached by normal looking guys who are needy, there is a correlation formed in the woman’s subconscious: Normal=Needy. I know it’s not fair, but we must deal with the world the way it really is, not the way we wish it would be. If you’re always worried about “blending in” and “looking normal,” all of the negative stereotypes from needy AFCs will get transferred on to you! YIKES!

REMEMBER: There is massive social pressure on all of us to “blend in.” If you bend to social pressure all the time, you can’t expect to achieve greatness in this area or in life in general.

Are there girls out there who like “normal looking” guys? Yes, of course. But, these girls usually like sexy guys too. They tend to put normal looking guys in the “husband/provider” category, and sexy looking guys into the “seducer” category. Which category would you rather be in?

Don’t be too confusing

Some guys try to mix looks that just don’t go well together. I see it all the time. They’re trying to express the complex individualism that defines their existence.

But- it’s not that deep.

And- girls just don’t care.

You have to make a strong statement so they GET IT right away. Girls stereotype you in the FIRST 2 SECONDS! They’re not going to take the time to process how your glowing necklace reflects off your khakis. Don’t confuse their sense of stereotyping. If they don’t understand what you’re going for right away, you’re going to be right back to digging yourself out of a hole. And who wants that?

How far should you take it?

This is an interesting question. Should you just add a few elements of a sexy stereotype, or should you go all out? The short answer to this is that it’s all relative to your location. If you live in NYC or LA, and you want to do the “Male Model” look, you’d better go all out or it’s not going to work. If you’re in rural Montana, a little goes a long way. As long as you dress like a model more than any other guy she’s seen this month, you probably will get a pretty warm response to your approach.

I’ve traveled all over the world meeting women, and I go all out with sexy stereotyping. “Going all out” will work everywhere, but it is not completely necessary in suburban and rural areas.

I’d advise you to overshoot your goal rather than undershoot it. Think big. If you’re going to do this, go all out! In the beginning you may feel weird. Feeling weird is a sign that you are FORCING your personality to grow. Get yourself a BIG BOLD style and let your reality grow into it. If you feel like you may have gone too far, but you’re getting good reactions from women, that means you’re doing something right. Give your personality some time to grow into your new look. Don’t panic and revert back to a being a scared, pussy-ass dude who looks just like everyone else.

You’d be amazed at the results you can get when girls perceive you as sexy instead of average. It changes the tone of the entire interaction. It changes the balance of power. It makes THEM chase YOU.

My students are sometimes amazed when I get make outs in 30 seconds, or end up dragging some girl off to the bathroom in 10 minutes. They ask how I do it and sexy stereotyping is a big part of why I succeed in 10 minutes while other guys take 10 hours or even 10 days to get in a chick’s pants.

Some have asked me why I’d just give away my secrets like this. What if every guy taps into the power of sexy stereotyping, then I wouldn’t be so successful anymore. The fact of the matter is that VERY FEW of the people reading this right now will have the balls to develop into a sexy guy. Are you one of the few guys who can make it happen, or will you file this away as just another piece of entertainment from the Internet?

Can you leave your comfort zone? Do you have the courage to stand up to social pressure? That is my challenge to you.

If you can take my ideas and turn them into real world results, then you deserve every bit of success you get! There’s plenty of pussy to go around, and I applaud everyone out there whose making it happen.

Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they’re looking for in a guy? Yup, it’s true. I talk pretty openly about my work as a dating guru with lots of different girls, and sometimes they give me some pretty interesting inside information.

One thing I’ve noticed in my own life and when teaching students is that women have certain “sexy stereotypes” hard-coded into their brain. If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything easier moving forward. Let me give you a few examples.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls and she was telling me her roommate wants a guy with 3 qualities:

1. Asian guy
2. Indie rock look
3. With a car

That’s all she’s looking for and she can’t seem to find it. Weird huh? If a guy with these 3 qualities approached her, he’d probably get laid with little or no game.

Another girl was telling a story about how she used to go and hit on any guy that had a “fuzzy in the back.” Translation: fashion mullet. Then she was disappointed because every guy she hit on turned out to be gay. Another hot chick leading a sexually frustrated existence.

A third girl I spoke to told me she immediately liked me because I had the same leather jacket as Uncle Jesse from an old sitcom called “Full House.”

What’s going on here?

Do girls really choose guys based on weird criteria like having a fashion mullet or a John Stamos jacket?

The answer is yes they do. Sounds simple I know, but it’s a deeper concept than you may realize.

The fact of the matter is that girls stereotype you in the first 2 seconds when you approach them. If she stereotypes you as a “sexy guy” the approach is going to go much better than if she stereotypes you as an average guy, or a loser.

Sometimes, girls just light up automatically because you fit their idea of what a sexy guy is.

Other times, you have to dig yourself out of a hole because she already thinks bad things about you before you even do your opener.

You can learn all the techniques and great openers in the world, and that’s a necessary part of the game, but if you haven’t created a look and an identity that are easy for girls to stereotype as “sexy” then you’re making things more of an uphill battle than they need to be.

In our culture, the word “stereotyping” has a bad reputation. It’s been vilified quite a bit in the AFC media. We see it every day- people on TV who say “Stereotyping is WRONG! You have to evaluate people based on the content of their character!”

While we all may agree with this in theory, we also know that this is the real world. Attractive women are not going to give you a chance to show “the content of your character” unless you create powerful attraction in the first few minutes. If you look like a Trekkie, most women will write you off as a loser even if you have great inner game or a great opening line.

Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone, and body language. It’s just not practical to get to know lots and lots of guys. So they go with their “gut instinct.” A lot of that “gut instinct” has to do with how she stereotypes you before you even say anything.

If you can figure out how to make women stereotype you as a sexy guy, amazing things start to happen. You may get same day lays, kiss closes in minutes, fewer cock blockers, logistics get easier. All the other parts of your game seem to suddenly come together and you get RESULTS.

So how does one harness the power of sexy stereotyping?

Start by realizing that there are many stereotypes hard coded into the female brain that you can use to your advantage. We all know what the sexy stereotypes are, even AFCs know that. Here are a few examples:

rocker guys
rappers
bikers
gothic guys
club players
metrosexuals
male models
latin lovers
tough guys
mafia guys
athletes

Even normal, conservative girls are attracted to guys that fit these sexy stereotypes. But very few men have the balls to transform themselves into someone who can be stereotyped as a sexy guy.

Most guys are afraid to change their look and their identity for 2 reasons:

1. It takes them out of their comfort zone.
2. They are afraid friends and family will give them a hard time.

It’s true, if you change the way you present yourself, some narrow minded people will say, “What’s up with you? YOU CHANGED, MAN! You look like a FREAK.”

You have to expect that a few people are going to try to pressure you into being a bland, average type of person. They are afraid that if you raise your social value, you’re going to stop hanging out with them. It’s kind of like when you’re alcoholic friends try to get you to drink your life away. These people are THREATENED by the fact that you are improving. They are afraid they will LOSE you as a friend if you get cooler.

Many people harbor a secret resentment towards anyone with high social value. It’s a defense mechanism that allows them to continue their delusional ways. Is that the kind of person you want to have as a friend?

Get some balls and don’t worry about that. Start experimenting with how you’re presenting yourself.

One key point we tend to come back to again and again on workshop is ’sexual preselection’ just because so much of what else we teach on how to be attractive ultimately comes back to it. So what is ’sexual preselection’?

What sort of things do women say they find attractive in men?

Tall
Confidence
Humour
Status/Power
Financial independence
Ambition
Socially connected

What do you notice? These are almost all non-physical traits! Where as men are largely attracted to the physical features of women, women are looking for how the man acts.

So while a man can see if a woman has the physical qualities he likes in a split second, a woman needs to spend some time talking to a guy to see if he has the qualities she likes (although you can communicate a lot of the above quickly and non-verbally).

And a hot girl hasn’t got time to talk to every guy in the bar who wants to take her home! There are more important things such as dancing on the tables, discussing American Idol with her friends, and applying lipstick.

Say she sees a guy in a bar, with two girls laughing at what he says, touching him and apparently attracted to him. Subconsciously, she’s going to think ‘those girls know that guy and think he is attractive, so he must be attractive’. This is the essence of pre-selection- it allows her to shortcut finding out about some of your attractive traits, as another girl(s) has already spent the time doing that for her.

This is easy to demonstrate in the field - go out and open 10 sets, then go to the same bar on the same night of the week with a female friend and open 10 sets. See the difference in reactions you get. We see this frequently on our London bootcamps, when we send a female instructor into a set to talk to the student for a few minutes. The sets blow open even if the girls were previously not responding.

Go out to a bar with two girls on your arm, and girls will open you. I’ve seen a chick vault a table (seriously!), and physically push other girls out the way to talk to me after I made out with two girls I’d just met in a club.

Let’s imagine for the moment that you currently don’t have any cool female friends to hang out with. Here’s a few other ideas you can use:

Always be ‘in set’. Don’t hang around like a dick with your guy friends holding your beer in front of you and staring at the dance floor. Be seen to be talking to girls.

Merge sets. Introduce your current set to another that you opened earlier ‘hey, come and meet my friends’.

Open a 2-set early in the evening and walk them around the venue- let everyone else see you with your female friends.

Use 2/3 negs early in set- negs convey pre-selection. You are subtly implying ‚ I am used to dealing with hot girls like you and having them react well to me.

Use value-building stories that convey you have girls in your life

A final thing ‚ if you’re ever a bit stumped as to how to act/what to do/how to respond to a text/email/call, think to yourself: “How would a guy who has many hot women in his life act?”

I was in the game once, I was good.

Glory times- Cockfarm Lounge. 2 stunners walk in – a 9 and a 10, hairdresser/models. With them, 2 Abercrombie-jawed model-douches, just as you’d expect- except this time the cards have been shuffled and I’m holding the ace. I approach the 10- damn she’s even hotter up close. Blonde, green eyes, Victoria Secret body. No need for ninja group-theory here, the guys are indifferent, anticipating the impending blow-out- but it never comes. Plough, stack, tease, spike- isolation. Abercrombie and Fitch are confused, what the fuck is going on- send 9 friend to bring the 10 back. Sorry guys- spike- 10 is going nowhere. Her eyes dart around- she’s wondering if I’m a good kisser- I am. Her phone rings, it’s Fitch calling from 10 feet away- give it up mate, you’ve been outgunned, no shame in losing to the best, thanks for playing.

And there were others- strippers and models pulled to rooftops and coat rooms.

It’s easy to forget the hundreds upon hundreds of stalls and blowouts that predicated the glory times- and that my enthusiastic bounce-backs from failure paved the way for my pinnacle successes.

Fatigue – the excitement is lost. Entitlement creeps in, “Doesn’t she know who I am??”, “I’m better than this”, ”I’m too old for this”, ”I just can’t be arsed”, ”back in my day I woulda owned that girl”.

Lost enthusiasm stifles evolution – experience replaces excitement, results in plateau. We try to recapture the phoenix, occasionally we find nimbus and pull.

And we come full circle – needing permission to pimp. When learning pick-up, the single biggest step you can make is giving yourself permission to pimp – to lord, realizing you are the shit. RSD can give you temporary permission, situational confidence like a birthday can do the same, but ultimately the lord mentality will need to sink in on an identity level.

For some of us, it does. We get cocky, and rightfully so. We pull strippers and models to rooftops and coat rooms. Results build confidence.

And then the ego. You tell yourself you’re a pimp. Your friends tell you you’re a pimp. You are a pimp, “gaming is for chodes”. You still pull, but the success justifies the ego and the process-enjoyment is lost.

You learn to fake it, to compensate for it - but the better your compensation gets the more your inward spiral continues. Whereas in the beginning good results actually made way for better results – now good results proceed a crash, and failure becomes a necessary catalyst for achievement.

And of course you can still pimp on birthdays, on special occasion – when you give yourself permission to have fun and be money. When you’ve got just the right balance of vodka and redbull.

And you’ve come full circle.

Or you can break the cycle. Give yourself permission to have fun, to enjoy the process. Tell your ego it’s not serving you and bid it farewell.

Think about how you want to live your life. Do you value giving value in itself as an end? Can you?

Do your emotions serve you or are you victim to their whims?

Take the reigns. Design the lifestyle you want. Let the party begin, give yourself permission. Be the fucking party! You know how, now do it! Really!

Go out, have fun. Approach the FIRST girl you see, tell her she’s fucking beautiful. Give her friend a high-five. Smile, let the game flow freely. It’s in there, believe me, it’s begging to come out.

Party on- we’re not the weathered prize-fighter – we’re yet to reach our prime.

Party on.

If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, than it probably is a duck.

Makes sense right? Well this idea applies hugely to pick-up – allow me to explain.

Have you ever noticed that it’s hard to be unhappy when you smile? Or that you immediately feel looser the instant you take that first sip of your cocktail? What’s happening here is that you’re associating these behaviors with the way you typically feel when engaging them. Your mind is backwards rationalizing – saying “oh, I’m smiling, I smile when I’m happy, therefore I must be happy” or “ah, I’m drinking a cocktail, I’m looser and more relaxed when I drink, therefore I’ll loosen up and relax”.

Well, between our natural instincts and our societal preprogramming, both males and females have similar triggers with regards to feeling attraction and wanting sex. Take for instance a male talking to an attractive female. Odds are he’s going to try to:

1) Establish commonalities with her. Most likely this will take the form of asking a ton of mundane questions until he hits one he can relate to, i.e. “what kind of music do you like? … Oh cool! I love Pearl Jam”.

2) Qualify himself to her. In the beginning he’ll talk about his job, how he makes good money and lives a fun lifestyle. He’ll also avoid disagreement at all costs and even hedge previous statements. For instance:

Guy: I love hamburgers.
Girl: Oh, I’m a vegetarian.
Guy: Oh really? I’ve been wanting to do that. I’m trying to eat healthy so I’ve slowly been cutting meat out of my diet.

3) Establish physical closeness or contact. Depending on how socially competent he is, the degree to which he does this will vary.

So then, in a given interaction, if you see these 3 things taking place it’s a safe bet to assume the guy is seeking to align with the girl who he perceives as having high value – most likely her attractiveness and sex value.

Interestingly enough, girls do the same things with a few minor twists.

For instance, rather than telling about their professional accomplishments, a girl will tell a man she likes about how she loves to cook, went to the gym, or is ‘a cool, drama-free girl’ – basically obvious things girls perceive as being valuable to guys.

So then, in a pick-up something of immense importance is getting the girl to “walk like a duck” – getting her to exhibit the same behaviors she would when trying to attract a guy she really likes. If you can make it LOOK and FEEL like she’s the one chatting you up, you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and greatly increasing your chances of closing.

So then, what are some of these behaviors?

Physical positioning

When a girl flirts with a guy she likes, he’s usually the relaxed ‘anchored’ one and she’s the one “talking in”. Meaning, he’s leaning against the wall while she’s standing facing him. Or he’s reclined and she’s sitting next to him with her legs turned towards him. Well, this can be pretty easily simulated by making sure that you are at all times at least as physically comfortable as the girl, if not more so. This means, if she’s standing, you’re leaning against something. If she’s leaning, you’re sitting. And if she’s sitting, you’re reclining. When you open, as you stand “on the outside” your value drops, you need to create the visual effect that she’s the one chatting to you ASAP. Usually you can just grab her by her arms, and move her a few feet so that you’re leaning against the bar/wall and she’s facing you.

It’s impossible to list out all the logistic ways this applies, but bottom line it should look like she’s hitting on you.

Also, have you ever noticed when you really spike a girl’s attraction, her head tilts down and her eyes look up at you? Again, you can easily simulate this by simply keeping your head positioned above hers – certainly don’t feel like you need to engage her at eye level.

Another cool little thing- sometimes girls go into these little rant-like monologues. When they do, try letting your eyes wander around the room like you’re losing interest just like girls do when guys start telling them about their job. It will look to everyone there like she’s trying to impress you with some story and you’re less than interested; she’ll pick up on this as well after all, it’s the same thing she does when chodes start qualifying to her.

Dialogue

When girls flirt with guys, they A) seek rapport via asking questions. B) Seek to highlight commonalities. C) Talk about the traits that they think the man will value. With a little bit of conversational savvy, you can pretty easily get the girl harping on all 3 of these. Firstly, don’t ask lame questions. The time to exchange life details (job, residence, etc) will come – don’t be the one to initiate it. Also, when she asks you questions, prolong the sequence by giving less forthcoming than she’d expect. Example:

Her: Where are you from?
You: Give it a guess.
Her: Umm, Los Angeles?
You: Haha, terrible guess!
Her: Hahahha, I don’t know! Where?
You: Haha, no worries, I’m from the East Coast. Have you spent much time in Europe?
Her: Yeah, I was in Italy last spring – wait a minute – where on the East Coast?
You: Oh awesome, I grew up in New York, how long were you there for?

So, above we have a totally natural sequence of dialogue, which even if the girl isn’t interested in the guy she’ll still go along with. At the same time though, the way she is almost forced to prod for the exact location is identical to the way she’d prod a guy she really likes for information.

With regards to B) getting her to highlight commonalities, this can also be verbally orchestrated. For example:

You: I love ice cream, how about you?
Her: Oh me too.
You: Cool, I like mint chocolate chip, what’s your favorite flavor?
Her: I like strawberry.
You: Oh man, those two are like polar opposites, haha, I bet we have complete different taste in food.
Her: No they’re not, they’re both sweet and they are both ice cream. Besides, I don’t always eat strawberry, I like mint chocolate chip too.

Ok, so ice cream is a lame example, but fact is, as a hot girl who’s not yet attracted to you she’s not likely to initiate seeking a commonality with you. So what you did is created a commonality (everyone loves ice cream), then took it away (different flavors). Her natural reaction is going to be to re-create that connection by convincing you of the commonality. Just like she would used to try to convince the captain of the football team they liked the same music.

Physical Contact/Kino

Girls are very touchy/feely with guys they like. Again, this can be simulated. We’re all familiar with The Almighty Claw, in all it’s glory. When you claw (arm around shoulder), what does it look like? It looks like you’re a confident guy who’s comfortable with physical contact and also feels a closeness with the girl. This is a great start, but take it one step further – next time you claw, reach behind your own back and guide her to put her arm around your waist. Now you look like a couple…you’re “together”.

Don’t be shy about guiding her to reciprocate kino – if they’re ok with you’re touching them, they’ll most often be fine with touching you in the same way.

We all know what female-to-male attraction looks like- heck we’re bombarded with it everyday in mainstream media. So next time you’re interacting with a girl, think about how things would “look” to an outsider, and align as much of that as you can with how it would look if she were desperately trying to flirt with you. Physical positioning, dialogue, and kino are just a few easily adjusted elements that can greatly change the appearance of an interaction and trigger in her mind “Well, I’m leaning into him, trying to create commonalities, and touching him- I must really like him”.

Jeepers Creepers: “You look like David Bowie.”

Girl: “Who?”

Jeepers Creepers: “What’s your opinion on his pants?”

Girl: “I said I don’t know what a David Bowie is.”

Jeepers Creepers: “I predicted that with my magical Pyramid Cube game.”

Girl: “Cube as in Rubik Cube, the one with all of the squares and colors?”

Jeepers Creepers: “Guess a number between 1 and 4 and I’ll tell you.”

Girl: “10. As in seconds for you to get out of here.”

Jeepers Creepers: “…” (Holy fuck. My routine book doesn’t say anything about a routine for when I run out of routines.)

State of Mind

This is important.

The very reason why one guy says something and succeeds, and another guy says the exact same thing and fails. State of mind. What is it?

It is the type of energy that you’re exuding onto others. I’m not one for mirroring, as it has been found to make the second party feel uneasy. For that, I have something better. I’ve been doing it my entire life, and it’s probably the single most useful trait that I have.

What psychologists have come to find, is that when interacting with one another, people tend to find a middle ground in their behaviors. Example? Let’s say that you’re loud, and the other person is quiet. What you’ll find when the two of you are interacting, is that you’ll lower your voice, and they’ll speak up until the two of you meet somewhere in the middle.

But what happens when you have a dominating personality in general, whether it’s good or bad? I’ll tell you what happens. When interacting with people, they’ll come up to your level.

Evidence of what I mean? Have you ever seen someone walk into a room, usually the charismatic partier, and all of a sudden, everyone else lights up because of his or her presence? Or what about the downer guy, like your typical boss figure, that comes around and all of a sudden, everyone is depressed?

Ever watch a martial arts movie, and all of a sudden you want to kick ass? Or what about when a woman watches a love film, and she starts to feel all lovey-dovey? What this is, is the transfer of dominant energy.

The characters in those films aren’t going to change no matter what, so in essence, their energy is dominant. The viewer brings him or herself to the other parties’ emotional state of mind.

How does this relate to conversation? If you go into conversation with anyone, and you hold your energy level to wherever you want it to be, the people around you will have no choice but to come to your level. Use it to your advantage.

If I’m happy, like I am most of the time, people want to be around me because I make them feel happy. If I’m really excited about something, then the people around me become excited. If I’m sexual, then the girl has no choice but to become sexual, resulting in sex. And if you’re like Jeepers Creepers:

Jeepers Creepers: “Assanova, watch me transfer my energy by leering at her…”

Girl: “Uhhh, get away from me. You’re creepy.”

…and the girl feels crept out.

If you have a dominating state of mind, why do women come to your level? Because you’re not meeting her at her emotional level, or anywhere in between- you’re holding your position. She will naturally come meet you until there is equilibrium in your states of mind.

My point is that you need to choose a pleasurable emotional state when talking, and stick to it, no matter what. Transfer your energy to her, and don’t let anyone transfer his or hers to you. You do this, and you control her emotional state, as well as those around you.

Even Jeepers Creepers sticks to his emotional state. And this is why so many women are crept out by him. Like him or not, he has a dominant emotional state that he transfers to
those around him.

A lot of men I meet have developed an open hosility towards women. Their resentment and pain always has a source, and I try to reframe their situation so that they can benefit from it instead of wallowing in self-pity and hate. The misogyny that some men display helps no one and will take you down a path of existential misery if you choose to follow it.

Many guys complain that they bought a girl drinks all night and then she left with another guy. They whine about how they took her to one expensive dinner after another, took her out clubbing, shopping, paid off her credit card bill and then she tells them ‘Let’s just be friends’. These guys don’t get their phone calls returned by women consistently and they assume that there must be something wrong with women.

To help them get some perspective I frequently tell them this metaphor to reframe their experiences.

The Fishing Line

I like to go fishing. Every so often I’ll go out to a beautiful, deep freshwater lake where the water is completely clear. You can see right down to the bottom, and the lake is full of spectacular fish. I’ll go there with my simple rod, settle in for a few hours and pull in some really impressive catches!

There are some people who go out to the same place I do hoping to get the same results- only they’ve spent a fortune on the latest gear. They’ve got expensive Teflon rods, LED-augmented lures, pheromonally-scented worms, the whole deal.

They’ll set up about 40 feet away from me and I’ll watch them toss out their lines into the water. Like I said, the water is completely clear so you can watch everything as the fish swim right up to their line, sniff around for a moment and then swim away.

Sometimes you’ll see the fish swim up to their line and nibble on the bait, and as the fish are nibbling, the guys will get really excited, because they can see the fish too. They’ll sit there and watch as the fish nibble until there’s no bait left and then simply swim away.

Sometimes a really beautiful fish will come by and grab their line, and you’ll see the guys get into position as the fish starts to swim away with the hook, only to watch in depression as the fish breaks the line and disappears with their bait.

I’ll watch their frustration and angst, as they go about setting their gear up again, precisely the same way as before - and their angry distress at having exactly the same results - time and again.

When any of these guys are there, I KNOW they’ll have been watching me, as I’m making great pulls with ease, and I can see in their eyes that their stares are filled with daggers. So I’ll go up to these guys, in a friendly and supportive way and ask, ‘Wow, lousy day, huh?’

They’ll reply, hotly: “Oh, those STUPID, EVIL FISH! They’re so manipulative, they’re out to get me, they hate me! They just want my bait, but they know I’ll keep putting more worms out there as long as it looks like I might get lucky!”

The reality is that they’re fish - and they are doing what’s in their nature- and they don’t hate us; but they are certainly wary of us, and cautious around us… because they don’t want to become anyone’s trophy!

So I say to these guys, ‘Hey guys! You’ve got the right equipment; you’ve got the right bait… but you’re not pulling any fish out of this lake?

IN THAT CASE, THE PROBLEM IS YOU! The fish are here! They’ve been biting all day - it’s what you are doing that isn’t working.

Stop looking at the fish like they’re wicked, nasty, evil fish. They aren’t.
They aren’t manipulative, they’re not scandalous - and there’s absolutely no justification to be angry with them.

If you’d been doing things in the way the fish ACTUALLY WANTED, rather than in the ways that you presuppose fish would want, you’d have no-room left in your boat from all the fish!

So take a step back and say ‘Gee, why don’t I see whether or not what I’m doing is the reason I’m not succeeding?’ and stop blaming the objects of your desire for your own inability to pull them in.