Grow Your Game

I’m about to get a bit personal on you.

A lot of the stuff I teach is a pure reflection of what goes on in my own world.

Here is the general philosophy:

Focus on positive aspects of moving towards a greater vision. A vision of you as a smooth, naturally attractive man. Rather than focusing on negative points that externally confirm the existence of you sucking.

It’s all based on the general premise that ‘What you think about in life – you get’.

What I am trying to communicate through his blog or through a Flawless Natural Bootcamp or the upcoming conference is point out that you actually are a champ!

Empowering the inner man of glory and eliminating the inner bitch of doom.

There is no point focusing on external things that point towards you sucking. Because you will find a million of them.

- Maybe you approached a girl last week and she didn’t want to talk to you… waa waaa little baby YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe one of your little toes is bigger than your big toe… oh no! girls might not like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never kissed a hot girl… OMG! YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have a shitty apartment or live with your parents… DAMN girls don’t like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never done an approach… wow YOU MUST SUCK HUH.

The list goes on forever. Here’s my point: this thinking is pointless and retarded and will kill you.

The key is to focus on internal things that point toward you being deluxe. After all, you are the only constant in this game that you can actually manage or enhance. The rest (girls/environment/external) are all variables that you cannot control.

I have always said that the one difference between the guys that are good and they guys that are superfly deluxe is one thing: creativity.

When you walk into a club and there are 1000 chodes and 3 girls… it’s creativity that will win.

When your night is sucking and you are totally in your head… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the girl but her friends are pulling her away… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the same equal verbal thing to say as the next guy (routines?)… what will separate you? Yep. creativity.

So then… how is creativity built or, better yet, cultivated?

Firstly it’s hard to define creativity or how to generate it. Its something that happens spontaneously and this can be very elusive.

Let’s look at “the game of pickup”, for example.

Ever since the first how to date girls books came out we men have been trying to structure a way to get them consistently.
Which is cool and fair enough but also leads to its own sets of problems.

You see when you define something and try and put a box or structure around it, you are forcing yourself to follow a rigid set of rules.

Therefore your thought patterns follow very straight lined, outcome oriented thinking.

Example of this thinking in its application (i.e what your mind says):

Goal: Makeout and get with the girl.

Process: Approach and Open with Opener. Then Attract with attract stuff. Then Close using Close stuff.

Outcome: Kissing the girl.

What normally ends up happening is this. You see the girl then your head goes okay now what opener should I use, then what? Hmm maybe a story… then I’ll do my famous swirly whirly routine and then I’ll close with the superman makeout tactic!

The point is your mind trips over itself. You get inside your head and outcome oriented. Then by the time you approach, the girl can smell that your not being genuine and probably actually being flat out creepy or weird (especially if your running background processes like monitoring your own body language and other useless things).

Ok – Here is what Flawless Natural thinking looks like:

It is completely free flowing in the moment. It deals with life’s situations and events as soon as they arise, with flexability and ease because there is no thinking about them in the future.

Here is what the mind does in relation to pickup (the opposite of outcome oriented):

Wow I’m in a club… woooo!… high five my friend…. let’s chat to my friend… I like my friend… ohhh awesome look at that chair ahhahha what a silly looking chair… sorry now back to my friend…. cool… ohhh this is fun… wow my shoes are brown that is funny…. “hmmm i was wondering about sea creatures the other day – there is some WEIRD SHIT going on in the sea”… I like lizards too… oh wait ! damn LOOK AT THAT GIRL SHE IS FUCKING HOT…. YESSSSSS…. GO FOLLOW THE GIRL… MUST TALK TO HER…. YUM… “Hey i just had to come meet you I’m Tim!”… “you like sea creatures dont you hahahahah”…. “come here love… kiss me”…..”hahahahah”… this is weird she won’t kiss me yet ahhhh well soon enough… “so back to you and me…what was your name again?

My head is like a magic eight ball. I shake it and whatever floats to the surface I do. I trust that somewhere in the void of my mind something cool will float to the surface.
Something cool to say, or do, or whatever in that exact event or situation.

If something cool/positive/fun doesnt float to the surface – I shake it again

I heard this term twice in the last week.

AA.

What the fuck is AA?

I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? HAHAHA… Lets next this once and for all.

Maybe it is that I have seen the most incredible things happen to guys on our program doing approaches or that I do not feel the slightest of state movement when walking up to a girl (which, i concede, has been built)… but here we go.

In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane.
It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time.

The fact that we call it AA and THINK about it means that it EXISTS. When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… WEIRD?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this hahaha.”

So by talking/thinking about it – it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in OUR world here at RSD.

I know what your thinking… Ok Timmy – so now what – how am I supposed to think this way?

Let me indulge you for a second…

It’s all about the VALUE you ATTRIBUTE to things/objects/stuff in your own mind.

Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree.

Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree – whatever”

A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it.
First I name it TREE.
And within that name it has certain PROPERTIES.
Like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.

How much VALUE does a TREE have to my IDENTITY?

Zero.

It is what it is.

A fucking tree.

Now what if I take the same tree… and put MASSIVE value on it.
(if you didn’t know – if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU)

So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most motherfucking pimp deluxe super rad thing in existence…

Try it now. Just for fun.

Go outside or look out the window and focus on ONE tree.
Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now.
Just look at a tree, and let it make you laugh.

Give it a name…

Pimp Tree of Desire (or similar).

Ha there you go… self amusing yourself.

So this tree is now pretty valuable huh. Woooooo.

Now lets flip it….

Let’s look at a hot girl…

WHOA… your brain is like automatically throwing values on her.
She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better with her. Its so valuable. Looks so good… etc list goes on.

Now if you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediatley and just see her for what she is: JUST SOME GIRL… then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety.

Just LOOK at her… without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing – listing values about her and getting you all worked up! STOP IT.

And think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK

This may sound funny but its true.

The point is to stop putting MASSIVE VALUE on SOME RANDOM girl AUTOMATICALLY. We are conditioned to do this by the way.

Just watch your mind. Observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.

When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree. Who cares anyway.

Now I know I know… here is the dilemma – you can’t have sex with a tree.
(Well I admit – I haven’t tried).

But you CAN control yourself from being a chode and putting massive value on a girl.

Trees ahoy!

You’re about to cross into Abyss of Neediness if:

- You’re wondering for more than 10 minutes if you should call her or not

If you sit there, all day, wondering if you should call her; DO NOT call her. You call should be spontaneous, when you got bored from doing your daily tasks and you want someone new to talk to. Don’t even bother making day2 plans with her if it’s your first call. Just call her, bullshit for several minutes and tell her you have to get back to doing something (exciting).

If you started hesitating whether to call her or not- You’re going to fuck it up. Feel edgy about calling? Get your mind off of it, and go to the mall; sarge someone else. Come back. Call her.

-You’re giving her too much benefit of a doubt, too much slack.

Again, I hear guys talk about it; giving her excuses and why she did this or that. It doesn’t matter. It is your reality. Set up your threshold limit on what is tolerable by you and what is not. I, personally, have three strikes. (or just a BIG ONE). And because she is a 10 or a 9 don’t give her extra slack. If you wouldn’t take shit from a fatty, you shouldn’t take shit from a 10. EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, falls in this trap. I do this shit all the time, except I catch myself giving extra privileges to hotter girls and I stop. THIS IS BAD! Do not do it.

If you’re sitting at home thinking about her action, look at it from a logical point of view: what she did is acceptable by you or not? If not, let her know that you don’t tolerate crap. This falls more into ‘relationship’ portion rather than pre-day2. If bitch stood you up on a date, tell her that it’s rude, and NEVER call her again. Because, we, men, have A LOT OF THINGS ON OUR PLATE and DO NOT HAVE TIME to waste. Stop thinking about her, giving her excuses in your mind, justifying her actions, but be reasonable about it. People do have emergencies;

-You get overly jealous (exclusive or not exclusive relationship)

Hot girls have guy friends: lots of them. Hot girls have orbiters. These guys want to fuck them but can’t. Get used to it. In exclusive relationship there are things that acceptable and not acceptable, define these things between you two. Set rules and stick to them. (ok, correction: make her stick to them)

Just remember, she is probably going to keep her options open. Most likely she will LIKE SOMEONE ELSE while being with you, and there is a possibility she might cheat on you.

Guess what you should be doing? EXACTLY THE SAME THING: Keep your options open. Have other women in your life (even as friends). Have women in your life that are dying to fuck you (but can’t). Go out! Don’t stay at home with her all the time. Meet other women. You don’t have to sleep with them but always have your GAME ON. And if you happened to be in situation where you can cheat on your girl- Well, that’s your moral stand point; I am not giving you advice on this

-You wonder why she didn’t call you, (yet)

Why do you care? She is busy. You’re busy. (Or you should be). Get a life. I used to do this all the time. I would get depressed if some girl I was gaming didn’t call me. Then I learned that the only reason I am depressed is because I let myself be. DO NOT CALL HER. Just go out, hang out with your buddies and STOP CHECKING YOUR CELL PHONE every five minutes. You’re not going to miss a call from her. And if you do, even better; it shows her that you’re too busy and don’t have time to be worrying about her. Man up. She’ll call.

-You’ve spend over 20 hours with her and still haven’t fucked her, yet kissed her.

I don’t want to hear this bullshit: “Well she is not like that; she likes to take it slow” BULLSHIT! This whole taking slow bullshit is her excuse for lack of attraction for you. If Johnny Depp offered her some dick, I am sure she wouldn’t even think about ‘taking it slow’. So don’t be that guy who gets lead on, only to end up in LJBF Zone. I can understand that some girls have issues with sex. Here is word of advice for you: you don’t want these girls. Do not try to play ‘good Samaritan’ and try to help her with her issues. Don’t try to ‘save her’. You’re not a shrink. You’re not her girlfriend. If she is too fucked up or prude to have sex within 20 hours of meeting guy, you’re on for a ride (you don’t want to take). Very few girls are like that though. Somewhere you just failed in attraction (sometimes comfort). Admit it! Stop letting your ego get in a way. You’re acting like a coward. FUCK HER ALREADY! If not, MOVE ON!

-You call/text her, over and over, but she doesn’t return your calls/sms’

DESTINATION CREEPINESS! Welcome aboard! Stop with this shit. Just stop.

You call her, she doesn’t call back. Ok. You call her in few days; she doesn’t call back, leave a voice mail, and delete her number. Let me repeat that again. DELETE HER NUMBER. You gave her two calls over SEVERAL DAYS and on your last call you left her VM- and it’s time to delete her number, because, you ARE NOT going to call her back again. Not going to text her, not going to call her and hang up or whatever creepy thing you could possibly do.

Naturally, if she calls you back, (IF), you’re going to say “Who is this?” …Don’t ask me why, just do it.
Most likely, she won’t (call you back) MOVE ON.

-You take her out on day2 and you would not leave her alone (after)

This is my personal rule. Day 2s are there to re-enforce your game; show her that you’re congruent with whom you were first time she met you, and day2 is there for you to plant several seeds in her head. Your day2 game must be tighter than your game when you first opened her. Going into day2 she should be thinking “Well, this guy is cute/hot/interesting, I want to get to know him better”- leaving day2 she should be thinking “OMIFUCKINGGOD! This guy… wow… like I can’t stop thinking about him… he is just… amazing…maybe he is the one…I haven’t felt like this in a while!!!” (and she really should be leaving WITH YOU thinking THAT… and you should get minimal LMR)

BLOW HER FUCKING MIND! Then don’t call for few days. Let her wonder. Most guys fuck up entire chemistry by calling her THE SAME FUCKING DAY with “Oh hey, had a good time tonight.. I hope you got home ok. Thanks for hanging out with me…” WTF IS THIS SHIT? DO NOT DO THAT! If you feel like you ought to, send her ONE SIMPLE text message “good night “ that’s it.

-you stop seeing other girls because of her

Unless you both agreed to stop seeing other people and decided to start exclusive relationship, you SHOULD NEVER EVER stop seeing other women no matter how good looking she is or how wonderful her personality is.

If you don’t see other women except for her, start meeting more women. Seeing one girl will give you enough confidence boost to start seeing more. But you shouldn’t get stuck on JUST ONE GIRL. (whether you’re fucking her or not)

REALITY CHECK: She IS seeing other guys. She is sleeping with other guys. Sometimes, you might kiss her and you might not even know if she just given a blow job to one of her fuck-buddies. And there is a good chance she might still be fucking around on the side after you start seeing each other exclusively (not always though)

-you read all this and nothing clicked, sounded familiar or made a slight shift in your inner game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was guilty of EVERY SINGLE issue listed above. Some were pre-game days some where during the game days. Most happened while I was in relationship! I would safely say that almost every PUA falls into on or the other trap of ‘neediness’. The good PUA will catch himself before it’s too late. Emotions are hard to control and there is nothing embarrassing if you’ve done on or few or all of these things. Just learn from your ‘mistakes’.

I learned how to deal with these urges and it boosted my game tremendously. I suggest you reconsider how you think about your targets. Someone, who shall remain nameless, once said: “She might be a dime, but you are a fucking hundred dollar bill!”

Now let’s talk about what I really wanted to about- the magic pill mentality. Why do most people not get the results they want from learning a new skill (whether it be pickup, playing the piano, getting in better shape, learning a foreign language, to cook, dance, etc.) they put there mind to? Why does everyone want a magic pill?

It starts with perceptual filters and works trickles it’s way down through the Id. Most people frame the acquirement of a new skillset as work. They see it as a negative (i.e. the glass is half empty), because it is work and it is not reward it is not pleasurable. Any gratification that is not instant will be looked at as negative by the Id (remember we are just talking about the Id not Freud’s model as a whole). Since the new behavior is negative, at the animal level (id, r-complex, etc) they move away from it because if it is not pleasurable then it is must be painful. In fact it is much worse, it is delayed gratification combined with pain (non-pleasure) A good example would be needing to use the bathroom. Sure you want to use it when you have to use it but most of us can hold out for 10 minutes. There is a big difference between that 10 minutes to obtain your goal (gratification) and something like mastering the skillset to get the girl of your dreams or being able to play an instrument to the level you want. Most people do not want to put in the work to get things- they just want some kind of magic pill (and indeed this would be very pleasing to the Id). That is why this is the age of steroids, lotto, lawsuits, breast implants, fad diets, you name it.

No one wants to put in the time or effort it takes to learn the needed skillset. If it was easy to be great with girls EVERYONE would be great with girls. If it was easy to have an amazing body EVERYONE would look great (this btw is the reason things like vanity surgery are so popular, it’s a quick fix with no work.) This is the reason we stress being process oriented vs. being results oriented. Realize that you will have to put in work. Think about how many fights a white belt loses while sparing just to make it to yellow. For some reason this is easier for the male psyche to swallow then it does for a guy who has never done a cold approach getting blown out by a girl who is a 6. There is an actual reason for this that deal with gender roles that maybe we will talk about another time.

What is the solution to this? The solution is beyond the scope of the article. The solution is very simple. First off realize if something is too good to be true it usually is. If someone has some kind of new pickup system, fad diet, 3 minutes a day while you sleep to ripped abs, etc, run like hell. Also realize that the proper frame is not one of negativity and a problem but of opportunity and chance to acquire this new skill (this one is key and will be the focus of my next article).

I am going to leave the reader with two quotes that changed my life. I hope they will have a great impact also. Champions are made when no one is watching and how bad do you want it. How hungry are you?

Catchy title huh? What do these things all have in common? They all have what people have come to call ‘the magic pill mentality’ as the backbone of the thought process. This foundation is rotten, and as such, any structure (thought) built upon it will also be questionable. Before we get ahead of ourselves let’s take a quick detour through the different parts of the brain, perceptual filters, Evolution and Freud’s concept structure of the mind.

Evolution moves at a very slow pace. During most of the course history humanity lived in tribal societies. I actually read some kind of outrageous statistic that said there has been more knowledge created and documented in the last 100 years then in all the thousands of years combined before it! I totally believe this. Growing up I found history to be a really boring topic but now I am fascinated it- so much of what our behavior and our cultures / customs are based on events are based on the past.

One thing I have always found super-interesting are nature shows like the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, National Geographic, etc. Animals are amazing creatures to watch and to see their behavior in their natural surroundings can be breathtaking. Since we evolved from animals (I am not going to get into debate over creationism), a lot of our behaviors can be found in creatures like apes, gorillas, chimps, etc. One extremely interesting theory proposed by Paul D. MacLean is that of the reptilian complex or R-Complex. This theory seeks to explain brain function through the evolution of existing structures of the human brain. The triune brain consists of:

1. The R-complex (also known as the “brainstem”),
2. The Limbic system and
3. The neo-cortex.

The R-complex is named for the most advanced part of the brain higher mammals share with reptiles. It is responsible for rage, xenophobia and basic survival fight-or-flight responses. Often, the R-Complex can override the more rational function of the brain and result in unpredictable, primitive behavior in even the most sentient of creatures, humans included. The reptilian complex is the most ancient part of a very successful brain scheme, evolutionarily speaking.

Now on to Freud’s structure model of the Psyche. This should be a really basic review for anyone who has taken Psyche 101. Dr. Freud proposed there are three parts of the so called ‘psychic apparatus’. These structures are known as the Id, the Ego & the Superego. Today, we are most concerned with the Id.

The Id is dominated by what is called the pleasure principle. Well what is the pleasure principle you ask? The pleasure principle is a psychoanalytical term coined by our friend Dr Freud that deals with the ability to withhold gratification vs. instant gratification. This concept is the fundamental tenet of behavior modification (reward / punishment and pleasure / pain). That is another article unto itself. Back to the Id we find that the Id is responsible our basic (read animal) drives such as food, sex, aggression, protection of our territory and dislike of others not like us. You can picture the Id as a permanent two year who wants what he wants, when he wants, and will not accept no for an answer. The Id is a part of the physce but also functions as a survival mechanism (much like most of our other hardwired behavioral patterns).

Perceptual filters are outside the scope of this article and will be discussed in a forthcoming article but I would still like to touch on it briefly. Our beliefs, values and experiences create almost an aura of how we interpret and perceive reality. It is the glass is half full vs. half empty mentality. Sinn once told me a quote that has always stuck with me. “The person who says they can and the person who says they cant are both right- which person are you?”

There are few people today that really KNOW me today, and of those even less that knew me growing up. People that saw me when I was a totally different person.

Friends that saw me CHANGE.

In fact there’s only three that I can name. Ermin, Mike, and Curtis. While all of them are aware of the community, not one is a community guy.

There are other guys in the community that have seen me grow and transform, one step at a time, but they weren’t there back in the day like those 3 I named off.

Anyways I got a text yesterday regarding some ‘rukus’ on a forum I’m causing by being totally honest and upfront with a guy.

The text convo hit me emotionally, pretty dead on.

Why?

Well basically the guy I’m being blunt with on this forum is coming from a similar place I was at one time in my life.

The text convo basically said that ‘that guy’ is just one of those people who will never “get it”, “never” understand certain things about himself, and that I was not one of those guys.

Why bother trying to help the guy? Why waste a few minutes of my life?

Because I don’t believe in that shit.

I was at the same place this guy was one time, like unbelievably weird/awkward. Almost completely unaware to top it off.

You know whats funny?

Back when I started rising up, back on the original Dream Lounge, people used to tell me I would ‘never’ get it. They would tell me that it’s all a lie, and people CAN’T change.

Well here’s the reality, everyone can.

That’s right, it’s true, the resources are there to become who you were meant to be, to self actualize, without a doubt.

Well here’s part two.

Most people won’t. Regarding success with women, 90% of guys just won’t ever get it.

You know what I decided when people told me all that bluntly negative bull shit?

I am not a FUCKING STATISTIC, I am something MORE.

I was ready to fight for what I wanted, for real.

People telling me it couldn’t be done only pushed me more, pushed me to the breaking point eventually, rock bottom in August of 2007. It’s pretty common human behavior to try to hold others down- I still see this today whenever I do something new and continue to ‘rise’.

You know what a really sneaky trap is though? Something that IMO is built into us to project onto others via evolution.

People telling you you’ve come farther than you have, without someone being totally honest with you.

This is far more lethal in keeping you happy and content, avoiding reality, and avoiding the NOW.

I think most guys that find this community are in a similar boat that I was in once (hey the more personal, the more universal right?)

And their path is going to follow something like mine did. Not all guys though, there are plenty of guys I know personally that will follow a different path to move closer to their potential, but this is like the majority of guys this community attracts.

First the guy has to hit the point of realizing there’s a problem, something deep inside. By realizing I mean a feeling to, most of us have ego’s far to big to let us see something like that up front early on. I know I was one.

And hence, we get into ’self improvement’. This quickly turns into ego-based learning, and tack-ons to ourselves. Things like methods/tactics/routines.

These are all cool, specifically because they lead us to the next step.

The ready to fight level. This is when you make a monumental decision. Your’s may relate to mine, or it may not. Everyone’s different.

Next is rock bottom.

This is when the ‘decision’ becomes nearly universal.

YOU WILL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT TAKES.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

For me, this at first was taking out a huge student loan to buy a bootcamp way out of my price range as a college student.

When I got it I decided that wasn’t the best option at the time, and instead decided to go out every single night until I approached 3,000 sets (was at about 2,000 at that time).

Not 2 weeks in I banged a girl for the first time in over a year, one I liked on top of that (hey fatties need love too, but not from me).

This was not coincidence.

Moving on…

This is when you begin to scramble your brain.

This is when self destruction truly begins.

This is when the healing beings.

There are a few pitfalls to watch out for, and I’ll detail them this summer at the Under 21 Convention.

You eventually get to a point where you’re about to, or are going INSANE, and you KNOW IT.

You push a little more…

And then you let it all go. You see the fucking LIGHT. You may even find some of your self-esteem you lost growing up…

After that is when you pretty much start to fill in the gaps. You make it, but realize there is always room for improvment.

You begin to move on to bigger and better things…

This part is probably different for everyone, but for me, it was just starting to really ENJOY life for what it is.

Living the way I wanted, being the person I am, being AUTHENTIC, and just doing what the fuck I feel like doing.

So for anyone who gets the blunt end of my advice, take it for what it’s worth. I’ve been in your shoes, and mean the best.

Something I kind of stumbled upon in my mind yesterday thinking about this…

The 90/10 ratio for people self actualizing is a catch 22. The resources are there for everyone, but only because 90% won’t ever use them.

90% of people not utilizing what’s available makes it possible for those who want ‘it’ bad enough to pursue ‘it’.

Making the title of this post all the more important…

Are you a statistic, or something MORE?