This is a technique I use whenever I’m trying to get a girl to give me something. It’s useful, as when you’re pushing for a meet, it can sometimes subcommunicate lower value, and build uncomfortable pressure. To solve this problem we use Distractors when you’re pushing to get something from a girl, particularly in phone game and SMS game.

Let’s say your goal is to get her to come out with you. Your average guy will say:

“Hey let’s go out”
“We should hang out”
“Come with me to X”

That’s all fine, except that you need to add a distractor afterwards. This is because no girl wants to say “yes” without adding more to the sentence because it can make her feel uncomfortable (bad comfort game), stop the natural vibe, and put her on the spot to come back with an interesting reply. So instead we want to add something like:

“Hey let’s go out, but you gotta buy me a present, I’m high maintenance”
“We should hang out; I’m busy, so you better have good chat ready”
“Come with me to X, just so you know if you’re friends with me you have to love white wine, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to hang out”

So this takes the pressure off her saying yes, and she can even deny the distractor, and still say “oh no I’m not buying you a present, I’m broke”; she’s pulling back a bit, while stilling agreeing to the real request.

It’s the same way when you say something like “I like you”, it can make a girl uncomfortable, but if you add a release like “too bad you’re such a dork” to it, it becomes easier for her to respond because it’s not so serious or heavy. Remember, we want to stay away from heavy vibes and be playful.

When you get a girl’s number and you’re picking up the phone to call and “ask her out”, do you get freaked out?

Do you start planning word for word exactly what you’re going to say, how you’re going to say it, how to deal with her rejecting you should it happen… etc.?

Do you get nervous when you’re dialling the number?

You know that feeling when you just start getting anxious for no reason, and however hard you try, you can’t control it?

Have you ever had to actually HANG UP before calling, because you were so freaked out by the prospect and couldn’t go through with it?

Here are a few more interesting questions…

Have you ever called a girl and started a conversation with her, only to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time you spoke or saw each other?

Have you ever had a woman suddenly “go cold” on you?

It’s almost like you’re talking to a different person from that girl you met a few days before, and it makes no sense to you?

Have you ever worked up your courage to make the call, gotten her on the phone with you, had a great conversation with her, but when it came to that time to “ask her out”, you froze up because you didn’t know what to say?

Worse still, have you ever gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out, only to have her respond with:

“I dunno, maybe… call me next week… OK?”

or perhaps…

“Actually, I’m going to be busy all this week, but thanks… (silence)”

…?

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you just sensed that something wasn’t completely right… and that she probably wasn’t going to be taking you up on your offer of a date, or even calling you back, any time soon?

One more question… what is it about this particular few minutes on the phone that constantly ends in problems for men?

I personally believe this problem comes down to a few deep issues: if you don’t have these other issues under control, you’re going to keep running into more and more problems.

It’s bad enough to keep on having a particular problem and not be able to figure out how to solve it… but to make it all worse, the idea that the SOLUTION is in doing something you would never think of, is just too much.

In other words, I think that this is more of a prevention solution than a treatment one. Let me put it this way…

If you’re dialling the phone, and you’re starting to feel nervous, then it’s already too late to solve the problem: no quick fix will help you.

Or, if you’re on the phone with her and you’ve just “asked her out”, and she says “Hey well let me ring you back next week and tell you”… and you start to get that sinking feeling, because you just KNOW she’s blowing you out… IT’S TOO LATE to fix the problem.

The only answer is PREVENTION.

THE MAGIC FORMULA

So let’s take a few minutes and talk about the deeper issues and what CAUSES them in the first place. The problems with phoning girls come from a couple key points:

1) Having no other options.

If you’re sitting at the phone with a single number in your hand, and you haven’t been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling desperate, you’re probably going to get VERY nervous.

When you have no other options, the single one in front of you becomes VERY important.

Translation: It has too much value for you.

This triggers your automatic emotional system, because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it’s all over. And you know that it’s all going to happen in a few minutes.

Way too much pressure!

2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.

If you have a girl you’ve been dating for six months, and you’ve decided that she’s one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with her.

But if you don’t know a girl very well, or you haven’t even dated her at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance on ANY girl.

3) Thinking you need to impress her to make her like you.

This is a CRUCIAL issue.

Most men habitually behave like they’re trying to IMPRESS the woman of their desires.

When you think about this, it makes a lot of sense… of course you’d want to impress the woman you like… then she’ll think you’re a cool guy and she’ll want to be with you.

But have you ever stopped and thought for a moment how an attractive in-demand woman sees it when a guy is TRYING to IMPRESS her?

Well, here’s the INSTANT response that women have:

“He’s trying way too hard. There’s something wrong. This guy must be hiding something… he must be pretty insecure.”

In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman, she will know, and it will kill the attraction.

4) Having expectations and being too attached to them.

You could see this one as a variation of “wanting it too much”… only slightly different.

When you start getting your hopes up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them.

Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your hopes, being dependant on the outcome.

Women just DON’T date guys who assume too much or fall for them too quickly, or put them on a pedestal.

Beautiful women have guys falling for them left, right and centre.

In fact, they EXPECT guys to go out on two or three dates with them, then say “You know, I really like you…” and other equally predictable sentiments. And they hate it.

Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast, and creating expectations, leads to crazy mistakes, too.

Now, think over what I just said…

I’m basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you call women to ask them out, and the problem of screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first… and do some deep maintenance on yourself.

And the GREAT NEWS is that this stuff is not only good for you from a self-improvement point of view, but it also helps you get even MORE dates with interesting women.

So here’s what to do about this problem:

1) Get more options.

If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot girl… and you wind up having a fun conversation, and getting her number, what should you do?

You should go get at least ONE MORE girl’s number. More, if you can.

This way, when you’re picking up the phone to call (or sending out emails, or whatever), you’ve got another woman to call right after her… hence if it doesn’t go well, no big deal. No problem.

Instead of putting all your “hopes” in this one situation, go get more options… this will prevent many problems, as well as giving you more women to date!

Ask yourself: when are you MOST likely to get a girl’s number? When are you the most likely to be in a great state that ATTRACTS women?

Exactly… in the moments after you’ve already gotten another woman’s number.

So take advantage of this!

2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out with this girl.

I have news for you: Most women have something about their personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is going to disqualify them from being good “potential mates” for you.

Now, I’m not saying that “all women are messed up”, etc.

What I AM saying is that you need to see for yourself that the only reason you’re freaking out so much is because your EMOTIONS are running the show.

It’s important that you think about how rare it is that you actually meet a girl that is COMPATIBLE with you… that you’d enjoy spending time with even if she wasn’t hot.

If you keep this in mind as you’re dialling the phone, you won’t have that “I’m desperate” vibe.

3) Instead of asking a woman out, just tell her what you’re doing, and then tell her she can come along if she wants.

Why is “asking a woman out” early on such a bad idea? Because if you don’t have a WORLD CLASS understanding of male/female dynamics, you’re going to come across as a man who is trying to use food as bait.

In other words, if the first thing out of your mouth is “I’d like to take you out to dinner” it’s going to be interpreted as “I think you’re probably not going to accept an invitation to spend time with me unless I throw in something to keep you sweet”.

Weak sauce!

And believe me, that’s how SHE sees it too.

But what’s the alternative?

TELL her that you’re going to be DOING something, and that she should join you.

“Hey, I’m going to go down to Starbucks and get a coffee at 3pm. You should join me. I’m way more fun than whatever else you were going to do… fact!”

Extra bonus points:

Drop in a hint that she’s missing out if she doesn’t accept immediately.

If she hesitates… just interrupt and say “Hey, you’re the one who’s missing out” or something like that.

I also like “You know, never mind. I guess you don’t like to have fun… don’t worry.”

This is solid Cocky & Funny material, and it’s the RIGHT TIME to use it.

You know, I personally used to get VERY freaked out when calling a woman for the first time on the phone… and “asking them out”.

I never get “nervous” anymore when calling women, and I rarely if EVER have a woman “flake out” on me.

Now, in this newsletter I’ve shared a few points to help you get better results in this particular area. Use them and they will help you.

You should read this newsletter right before you call every one of the next 10 women you meet…

But as you can probably tell, this is just one of many crucial parts of developing success with women.

In fact, this is merely scratching the surface of the skills you’ll need if you want to have CONSISTENT success with the women you desire.

The reality of this situation is that if you want to take control of this area of your life right now, and not be clueless with women anymore, you’re going to need to take further steps to get yourself educated on this topic.

And you may ask, what’s the best way to do that quickly, easily, and without spending years of time and lots of money learning the HARD WAY?

Simple. My eBook, Double Your Dating.

It will take you step-by-step through all the key concepts, theories and techniques you’ll need to start meeting and dating more women, starting today.

And here’s another interesting benefit that comes from reading and learning from my eBook…

IT CHANGES HOW YOU SEE THE WORLD.

The first time you read it, you’ll be hitting your head saying “Ah-ha!” every few seconds.

All of those things that have happened to you with women will start to make sense.

All of the screw ups you made will stop bothering you, because you’ll suddenly “get” what happened… and all of the times that things worked will also make sense.

You’ll also be shaking your head as you learn some of the most amazing techniques for approaching women, getting numbers, getting dates, and taking things to a more “physical level” that have ever been created.

But one of the REAL benefits comes AFTER you go through it. This is when the real magic starts to happen.

When you’re out eating at restaurants, watching the couple at the next table, you’ll be able to understand and really see what is happening.

When a woman starts doing something subtle that you would have never noticed before, you’ll SEE it… and she’ll SEE that you see it… and you will instantly be talking to her on a DIFFERENT LEVEL… all because you know something that most other guys don’t.

When you encounter “resistance” or “tests” from women, you will no longer need to get nervous or upset about it, because you’ll know what to DO about it… and when you actually DO the right thing you’ll see that problem disappear, like clockwork.

The point that I’m trying to make is that this education will not only teach you techniques for meeting women, it will also give you a new POWER that you never had before.

If this program had been available five or so years ago when I started learning this stuff, I would have gladly traded ANYTHING I owned for it… or paid any amount of money.

But it wasn’t, so I had to spend many years figuring all of this stuff out for myself.

Order and try it out. If you’re not happy, just say “no thanks” and I’ll refund your money. No questions, no hassles. It’s risk free.

I’m that confident that it will take your success with women to a new world.

Click the link below for all of the details, and be sure to sign up for my free, no-obligations dating tips newsletter while you’re at it:

Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com

…Thanks!

Guys worry a lot about what to do with a girl’s number. What’s the best way to get the girl out with you again? What should you say?

Text First

Braddock of Love Systems says, “After you meet a woman, use a text message to re-initiate contact instead of a phone call. Texts don’t require much commitment. People sometimes don’t answer their phones or listen to their voicemails, but everyone reads their text messages. You don’t have to worry about her mood or her schedule when you text; if she’s not free, she’ll read it when she is. And it takes far less commitment on her part to return a text message than it does to answer the phone or return a call.”

Try Group Texting

If your phone has this feature, this is a great way to try out new text routines. Paul Janka advises “The point is that you can blanket a lot of women, and make demanding, last minute offers (ex. meet me tonight, 10pm at this lounge, in my hood, etc.) and see what the market thinks. You’ll be surprised what a woman will do to avoid sitting at home alone watching “Sex in the City” reruns and eating a tub of ice cream.

Just like a market, you’ll get a huge initial response, and then others will trickle in over the hours as latecomers get the message. There’s nothing better to get a women interested than to tell her you can’t make it anymore, that the offer’s off the table. Do it nicely, though.”

Convey value by having fun

“Always appear to be having a better, more fun and interesting time than she is”. Mr.M of The Mystery Method used text game to convert a Playmate’s number into a solid date. You can read about that here.

“I used all my regular SMS tricks to build attraction - building up a conversation, and then stopping replying, so she’d send me a few messages in a row, a couple of nice little push-away comments that work well over SMS. She asked me to come and meet her at the bar she was at. I told her to fuck off, that I was having too much fun where I was. The frame I wanted was her chasing me.”

Guys often worry about what to do with a girl’s number. What’s the best way of contacting her? How long should you wait? What should you say?

Use A Text Message

Paul Janka, author of Getting Laid in NYC, says “you have time to compose your message calmly, but women love to read and write. Getting little messages via phone gets them excited in the way a little girl gets excited about a letter from Daddy when he’s away. There is something more fun or romantic, and mysterious about texting, I don’t know. Plus you can make outrageous propositions that you could never deliver with aplomb over the phone, much less in person.”

Use A Distractor

DaHunter from The Mystery Method explains “we want to stay away from heavy vibes and be playful.”

He recommends using a distractor.

“It’s useful, as when you’re pushing for a meet, it can sometimes subcommunicate lower value, and build uncomfortable pressure.”

Do Something Fun and Interesting

Mr.M from Love Systems says “Always appear to be having a better, more fun and interesting time than she is”. Mr.M used text game to convert a Playmate’s number into a solid date.

“I used all my regular SMS tricks to build attraction - building up a conversation, and then stopping replying, so she’d send me a few messages in a row, a couple of nice little push-away comments that work well over SMS. She asked me to come and meet her at the bar she was at. I told her to fuck off, that I was having too much fun where I was. The frame I wanted was her chasing me.

Just as bootcamp ends, she sends me an SMS that says “Why don’t you just swing by to my place and we’ll have a drink”. Score.”