Grow Your Game

There’s no way around it. If you want a specific woman real badly, you won’t get her. Why? Maybe it’s because nature has a cruel sense of humor, but the important thing is that this is nature, and that is a rule.

If you want a thing really badly and you would do anything to get it, you will get it.

If you want a woman really badly and you would do anything to get her, forget it.

How do we solve this problem? Doesn’t this create an incongruence? No. For me, this is part of what creates the Zen of meeting women. Most good looking women have an incongruence with guys. When most guys see them, they see perfection. But when they see themselves, they see faults and how they could be better.

You know that feeling you get when an unattractive woman is all over you because she thinks you’re hot? You think “it’s cool but I could do better.” That is you when you’re drooling over a hot woman. She wants you to see her how she sees herself: a person with lots of faults, lots of insecurities, lots of room for improvement, and who is nowhere near perfect.

She’s used to her body, she sees it everyday, it’s normal, and she sees past that. She expects you to do the same. If you’re treating her any differently because of her looks, in her mind you’re a caveman; you’re the simpleton who hasn’t grown past it. You know there’re lots of 5s who want you, but it’s just not something you chose to focus on. You focus on the challenges.

So how do we become desirable?

Other women.

Other women are the key that opens a lot of gates. I don’t care if this woman is your first date ever. If you communicate the fact that if she doesn’t go out with you, other women will, she will be the first one lined up with all of her make-up.

Women are very competitive. Imagine you’re starving in the desert, and there’s a guy with one juicy burger, but he has to choose between you and another five people whom to give that burger. That’s the kind of competitiveness women have.

Women know a lot of this, especially the hottest ones. They have it internalized because unlike you and me, they had no choice about learning it. They have been getting approached over and over and desired by plenty of guys since they were in high school.

This is why desire = lower value. Every other guy acts the same way.

Use the jealousy plotline in every interaction. Tell a story about how you just met the craziest three German women ever, and how you went to the movies and got kicked out because you were all laughing so hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, it matters that she has to take you because otherwise you’re going to have a wild party with those other women and then she missed out.

She’s not that important and she knows it. She just wants regular treatment. Punish bad behavior. Reward good behavior. And for the rest talk about stuff that’s cooler than her.

For the longest time I killed myself trying to figure out what “talking about stuff that’s cooler than her” did. What I realized is that this means talking about cooler people and events than her. Tell a story about the club promoter and how you made up some names like John Smith and Marilyn Monroe to get on the list so you could bring random friends that called you afterwards. Tell her about the party you just threw downtown where all your crazy friends showed up and you all had a blast, and how the place ended up looking like a mess after.

The secret to saying stuff like that is always focusing on the lousy part, so it doesn’t look like you’re bragging. So if you had just bought a BMW, you’d say “I just got my first BMW. It’s not exactly the one I wanted, but hey, it’s a start.”

Talking about the cool people you know or events you attended is a huge display of your positive qualities for a lot of women. The hottest women are very value oriented, so the more value you and your life have, the more value you have to them. So just treat her like a dork, and tell her about you hanging out with your model friends. Always tell her “they’re my friends.” If she asks for more, tell her “they’re just my friends, just like you and I are friends.”

In my experience, this is the way to get hot women out of their shells and get them to chase you. It puts them in a competitive state of mind.

The important thing is never to get distracted and change your state of mind because they just want you to chase after them. You have to be like the carrot dangling at the end of the stick. Foster the illusion that she will never get you, and then act like “it just happened.”

Tell her “hey, we’re just friends.” When you show her proof that you hang out with lots of hot women, she will inevitably let it slip that she wants to be a part of it. Treat that as a test. Do not let her in. Keep her always chasing you until you are in your apartment, then make out with her and go as far as you want. That way “it just happened.”

Focus on the one you want and you will fail. Focus on other women and display that to her and you will be in control. The person with the least interest in an interaction has all the control. For us guys, the way to keep this control is by the threat of other women snatching you. Keep that in mind.

Your First Day

Go to as many freshman-oriented events AS POSSIBLE. Go there even if you’re a sophomore. Almost everyone will be scared and confused by the new environment. Use that to your advantage. They don’t know you. You don’t know them. This is your ONLY chance to start everything from scratch. In high school you might have had ‘bad’ reputation, but in college, you’re given another chance. Don’t fuck it up.

Campus will provide ‘first year experience’ program for its newcomers. Use it. If there is no such thing, find out what is available.

Live In A Fucking Dorm

Don’t be a vagina and live with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Saving money, blah! blah! blah! Explain to your parents, importance of social life! Explain them that you want to make it on your own and you would want to make friends. I know, sometimes, it might be hard, but you HAVE to live in dorms at LEAST for a year. You will mature faster, learn interpersonal communication, learn how to get along with people (your dorm-mates) and acquire a bag full of wonderful ‘that-time-we-were-drunk’ stories. (check out ColegeHumor.com for more motivational material)

ONLY first week after move in, it’s OK to meet people in your hall. First week, everyone tends to keep their doors wide open for random ‘strangers to drop in and say “Hi!”. It’s cool. It’s ok and normal. Try to meet and greet girls and guys. Don’t act weird. When I first moved in, I tried to meet everyone “Hi! I am XYZ, you live in this hall (dorm)??” Most people will smile and say “yeah/no”. Shoot some small talk; ‘where you from, what you studying etc.’. It’s ok, not the best way to meet people but at least you have balls to do it!

Talk To Your Advisor

Advisor is there to help your ass succeed. Ask her what clubs and activities are available to students. Some bigger colleges and universities will have social advisors. These guys know what’s going on around campus.

Volunteer

There are numerous of volunteer organization you should join. A LOT OF HOT CHICKS love to volunteer! There is a logical explanation to that, but who cares, right?

Fliers

Always take fliers and try to attend events. Even religious events, free concerts, hippie festivals, arts and crafts shows, etc. ANYTHING. Exposure is essential! You need as much exposure as possible. Get OUT THERE! Don’t sit in your dorm; nobody wants to be next Seung-Hu Cho. Get out! Make friends!

Join A Fucking Fraternity

YES! I said it. It’s not a “Frat” it’s a FRATERNITY! You want to get laid and become popular? It’s like joining pickup community. In a short period of time, you suddenly have 30-100 people you can relate to. Some fraternities are expensive as top-notch prostitute, but if you can’t afford one, join a smaller one; I would recommend professional fraternity, but social fraternities are good too. I don’t need to tell you how MUCH it will impact your social life. It’s just, great thing! Forget the notion of “Paying for friends”! You don’t. You pay for beer and parties and house… not your friends. The whole “paying for friends” bullshit was created by nerdy and dorky losers who couldn’t get into fraternity; you’re not one of them are you?? Haha! (shit test!)

First year: Do Not Overload yourself

That’s right. You have 4-5 years to graduate. And I don’t want to hear none of that NON-sense: “Oh I just wanna get my bachelors degree in 3 years!” No! College only comes ones in your life. Once you get into real life with real job and real world problems, you will regret that ‘accelerated 3-year program’. ENJOY IT! You’re never too old for college and fun. Take minimum load required. TRUST ME on this one. You might be capable of doing more, but you need to build yourself socially first; you need time for sarging, socializing, studying, drinking, partying, fucking, getting blow jobs, fucking some more, going out with multiple girls, did I say fucking? Anywho, don’t overload yourself with academia at first.

So I covered DO’s and DON’T’s of college life, let’s talk about actual people and how to make friends.

There are several basic guidelines in order to influence people.

Don’t trust people too much.

More they know about you, more vulnerable and weak you seem to them. Withhold very deep and personal information you don’t want people to know. Your fears and insecurities; your community membership or the fact you’re learning ‘the game’. Don’t trust people to “accept you for who you are”

Be adaptable.

But it doesn’t mean bend backwards. Just learn how to ‘not care’ for something you cannot control. If it’s interfering with your goals, cut it out. Bad friends are not your friends. If your friend, Johnny, kills your game, or pushes you in the wrong direction (read: drugs, alcohol), cut him out.

Play on people’s emotions.

This is where great story-telling skills will help you acquire larger social circle. You need to learn how to stir up emotions in people. A little agitation followed by flood of positive emotions will go long ways. Be a little bit stubborn at times, this creates emotional rollercoaster and works well, especially with female friends. Create a little bit of tension; you want to be ‘talked about’; any publicity is good publicity, well, it’s not true all the time, but you should be shooting for neutral towards positive publicity. People need to have ‘feelings’ about you.

Not All Hot Girls Are Fuckable

even hot ones. Make a point to make some HOT girl friends that you do not want to fuck. Having hot girls that want to hang out with you will raise your value ten-fold. In order to make friends with girls, turn down the game and focus on comfort building. It doesn’t matter if she is sexually attracted to you or not, who cares, you’re not trying to fuck her, are you? You should still tease her a bit, but give her more chance to talk and express herself. You need girls as friends, they will help you sarge later on. I don’t see a point of explaining this again; if it didn’t come to you now, it’ll come later.

Take active leadership among your friends.

Always know where to go, what to do, and where to get dinner. Never have “umm whatever you guys wanna do, I don’t care!” attitude. If leadership role is vacant someone will take it before you’d get a chance to blink an eye. Almost all these guidelines are based on act of leadership. Take responsibility as well.

Befriend the leader of the group.

Not just in sets, but anywhere. Every group has a leader; you should come at him with an equal attitude: He is a leader of his group and you’re leader of your group. Game recognizes game, remember that.

Learn how to mix and match friends.

Merge your social circles. If you create a mesh of linked friendships you will realize two things: a) it’s a small fucking world, b) you will be deeply rooted in your social circle.

But be careful, because you can run into problems when there are kinks within your circle. It’s bad idea to introduce your preppy friends to your goth friends. Even though you must be dynamic and you should be able to hang out with ANY kind of crowd, not all people are “dexterous” as you. Some of your best friends could be total haters. You can’t avoid inner conflict, but never put yourself in the middle of it.

Act appropriate but think on your own.

Do not try to go against the grain and form your own counter-culture. Nobody likes outcasts. There are ways to stand out in your social circle with positive aspects instead of negative ones. If your lifestyle is radically different from the one of majority, you’ll find it hard to relate to people. Such is the truth, people judge books by their covers. Tough shit.

Make your achievements seem effortless.

This is gold. Nobody needs to know that you stayed up studying for physics exam all night. Everything is easy to you. People will flock around you just to learn how to be like you. Psychologically, everyone wants ‘easy money’, ‘easy girls’, ‘easy fame’, easy you-name-it’. If you can achieve that ‘easy you-name-it’ or if it seems like you can, soon you’ll have a fan-club. You should NEVER bitch and complain about your problems. Your life is living dream. Your success comes effortlessly! You live in paradise!

Sell people dreams.

This is very big. Especially, with girls. I can really write a book talking about this! Bottom line: people want to live in a fantasy land. Have you ever met a person, whose first impression completely swiped you off your feet? It could have been that “natural PUA” or “guy with cool shit” or “guy with many hot girls around him” or whatever it was you really-really admired about him? BE THAT GUY! You want to imprint yourself in people’s minds, that one day, you might impact their lives in a VERY positive way. Create high hopes for the future. It’s amazing how much you can ‘sell’ by selling the dream first. People seek epiphanies and life-changing situation. Because, one day, someone can come into their lives and make them happy and change their lives for good!… yeah, I know.

Always be the dealer.

Think poker: what position is the best to play? The “button”, of course, because you’re the last one to bet. You know what people are betting! You can almost guess what kind of cards they have.

Give people choices that are in your favor. “Josh, we can do A or we can do B” (where both A and B are favorable to you); even though Josh might want to do C, but it wasn’t part of the choice. When given a choice, people tend to feel false sense of freedom. Most indecisive people will fall into that trap, and while this shows leadership, you’re establishing yourself as a confident person as well. Also, make people wait on you and take your time with delivering your decision. For example, when someone asks me to do something, I usually reply “John, I’ll get back to you tomorrow. I have to check few things”. Meanwhile, John lives rest of the day, night and entire day tomorrow wondering what my answer would be. The more they think about you, the more they like you. Works well, especially, with women.

Disappear for a while and re-charge yourself.

Shut your cell phone off, sign off your messenger and vanish for few days. Give your friends gift of missing you. It helps, if you left a memorable impression right before leaving. Best is to let them hang, waiting, on your decision or contact. Keep things in suspense; keep them guessing what you’re going to do next. Often, don’t answer phone, and wait till they leave voice mail. Call back, few hours later, if not-urgent matter. You’re busy guy.

Avoid The Unhappy And Unlucky.

Shit rubs off on you. Your whining ‘emo’ suicidal friends will destroy your life. Don’t hang out with people that are chronically depressed. Don’t hang out with people that get in trouble all the time. Your friends influence your decisions. That’s law of social dynamics. Don’t let rotten people influence you. You don’t have to be mean to these people, just tell them the truth “Listen, you’re so depressed and so whiney, I can’t deal with this; cheer up, if you can’t, try to find out how, meanwhile, I have a lot of work to do, sorry, buddy!” Be firm, confident and unapologetic. On the same note, never be that “depressed and whiney” person either. Again, you live in paradise, all your success is effortless, and why would you be depressed, anyway?

Make Other People Come to You.

Get your friends to pick you up, drive you places, bring you stuff, invite you to parties, give you free shit, buy you lunch, etc. And all you have to do is ask. I got into habit of asking restaurant clerks to hook me up with free shit. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. You will be amazed how difficult it is for some people to say “NO!” For example: to waitress: “Hey, could you hook me up with a (free) drink? ”. To a bouncer: “Hey, man, forgot to swing by ATM, could you hook me up with no cover?” To a friend: “Hey, come pick me up, we’ll go get some Chinese” Make people do you favors or come to you. Another good way to do create that affect is by body language. In a restaurant sit in the center of the table, in photos stand in the middle, at a bar, turn your back to the bartender, facing outside, while your friends stand there talking TO you. Never forget the magical “Hey, come for a second, please” phrase. Works 9 out of 10 times. Stand in confident stance, places where people have to say “Excuse me!” to get by; if you’re in a bar, turn to a person, smile and in high energy cheerful voice say: “sup man, having good time tonight?!”

I send out mass text messages when I go out “Hey, few friends are meeting me at XYZ, you should come up too!”. That’s DHV! I have friends coming to meet me at XYZ (cool place) and I am inviting *you* along!

Help me I don’t have any friends, how do I make friends?

Or

All my friends are AFCs/Losers/Nerds/Dorks, should I ditch them?

And

My friends piss in my Cheerios when I run game!

And of course,

I always get AMOGed by my ‘friends’ and they make fun of me, please help!?

Alright, pretty common questions, and I hear them a lot. Everyone wants to have ‘cool’ friends to hang out with. Friends, that are healthy mix of females and males, Friends that do not cockblock you in sets, friends that understand you, and most importantly friends that WANT to hang out with YOU and not other way around! So where do you get them? You can’t go to grocery store and buy them in bulk! You have to create them.

I know. Tough, isn’t it?

Let me tell you why and how I learned to make friends with ease.

I never went to kindergarten and did not learn essential social skills. In grade school (Elementary school) and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I was bullied, embarrassed and humiliated every day. I went to city schools, in Ukraine, where it’s not unusual for teachers and counselors to embarrass their students and call them out on their ‘stupidity’. It was pretty rough.

When I moved to United States, I was 14, and started high school as a freshman. At that time, I could barely able to put a sentence together, in English; I was “that weird foreign guy”. I couldn’t understand anything about American culture, and my high school was filled with prejudice rednecks. They hated foreigners. They hated me. I, would come home, cried. I wanted to go home; at least I could speak in my native language there. It was worst experience ever. I guess, I don’t need to say, that I was virgin too.

I switched schools again, and started big city school as a junior. It was the worst time to make friends, as all the cliques have been formed, and I got stuck with ‘leftovers’ Again, I had no friends, but now I could speak decent English, so only people who liked me where high school outlanders (Nerds, retards, dorks, ugly people, foreigners, etc.) No popularity = no girls. So, still a virgin.

College. Again, HUGE 50,000 student-body University: I was lost among the crowd. Me being dorky computer-science-major-guy, with no value to offer, no good looks or muscles on my back, having fucked only two girls which literally fell in my lap by some weird ‘lucky magic’. And now, college girls never looked at me, and I, AGAIN, got stuck hanging out with dorks. On top of that, my high school girlfriend dumped me, for someone else. That’s when I got fed up with this shit and decided to take actions. This is about time I stumbled on first excerpts from this community.

This is what I learned:

Perception

People live in world of perceptions. NOTHING IS REAL. Your value is NOT REAL. It’s ONLY A PERCEPTION. It’s like a matrix.

And matrix is fun to play. So let’s learn how to play social matrix, and play it well.

First of all: everything starts from within. What are you doing, right now?

I am going to talk about three out of four stages of your (consensual) life:

High school – Don’t stress this much. (I’ll say a little bit, because, once you graduate, who cares, who your friends are!? You’ll make new friends in college)

College – This is where you MUST SHINE! Your entire career will depend on this aspect of your social time line. If you ARE NOT in college, you’re missing 80% of your life experience. This will shape how your life pans out. In college you get second chance to start everything from scratch and do something with your life. Do eeeet!

Job – Career not a ‘part time’ job. This is also important, because, it’s very easy to fall into routine and get out of touch with social aspect of your life. Most guys get married by the time they graduate college and stop hanging out with friends. It becomes hard for ‘single’ dudes to see their married [pussy-whipped] friends. I am still in college, and I am not married. I don’t really have much to say about that. By then you should already have your social circle established.

Let’s start with high school:

Play Sports

Any kind of sports you can. You’re a MAN and man should play sports. This is adrenaline. If you can’t make it on football team, do wrestling, play basketball, baseball, tennis, at least, play soccer. Everyone can play soccer in US. I wrestled in high school and I LOVED IT. If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be able to meet any friends at all.

Join Clubs

As many as you can! Every high school has clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are in ‘nerdy’ club. It’s not a fucking big deal. The point here is to learn how to socialize. You must interact with and around people to understand people. If you’re on this forum, you ought to be 18, so you have almost a year left before college. Use high school to catch up on your social skills. Talk to everyone. This is your ‘test field’.

Watch Sports

and know major players and big teams. In US it’s Baseball, Football and Basketball, in Europe/Canuck-land add Soccer and Hockey. Either way, know what’s going on. Guys talk about sports all the time; this was big for me, I didn’t understand most of American sport, but I wish I did. I would blank out, when conversations turned to baseball or football.

Learn Your Cliques

Know who’s whose friend. See who’s got beef with who, and why. Try to absorb as much information as you can, but NEVER EVER open your mouth. You can LEARN a lot about people’s insecurities and weaknesses by LISTENING to rumors. When you start realizing that NOBODY is perfect and everyone is afraid of something, talking to these people becomes A LOT less intimidating.

Socialize

Where do you sit at your lunch table?? In the corner? With dorks? Fuck them. Find the LEAST intimidating cool guy; every high school has one. It’s naturally social dude who really, genuinely, loves everyone. He might not be the coolest crème of the crop, but gotta start somewhere. Sit next to him. Shoot shit with this guy; talk about girls, cars, and sports.

Don’t Ever Let Them See You Sweat

Don’t worry about your social status. If you show desperation, you lose respect of people around you. If you show anxiousness, you lose confidence. Don’t let them see your weaknesses.

Possibilities

Respect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn’t know existed. Not because it fulfils them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn’t exist in the reality of most people.

But guys find out its possible and IMMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It’s not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.

Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfil these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.

Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfilment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activities.

Share the Joy

We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don’t become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.

Don’t hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.

Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It’s secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.

Satisfy HER selfish desires.

Share the Joy. The activity doesn’t matter. It’s the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don’t. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.

If I play Rummy with a girl, I’m not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I’m sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.

I’m sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don’t want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.

And activities become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.

Consumption

Don’t allow seduction to consume you. There’s no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existence. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possibilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfil you.

Because you’re experienced. You’ve been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn’t need it.

Recognize it’s your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don’t expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren’t real girls. Not consistently.

Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don’t leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don’t get comfortable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfil you.

Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what’s possible.

Peace out.

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn’t teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.

But they don’t cover relationships. Or lifestyle.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won’t fix that.

Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It’s not the lifestyle for most people.
The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn’t understand what an IT guy does. There’s no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.

It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfilment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.

Dissatisfaction. A man understands his dissatisfaction with women is not a woman’s issue. It was the man’s choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.

This is not a dissatisfaction with women. It’s a dissatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.

Lifestyle

How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let’s consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.

Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as individuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.

Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON’T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existence. It’s the world you find yourself in. It’s your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn’t the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.

I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I’m a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I’m discussing party promotions with a few individuals.

And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They’re introducing me to new things. I’m not sleeping with them. I’m letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I’m no longer with my wife, btw. Separated. The lifestyle that fulfils me isn’t the life of a married man. I let it go.

Social Circle

I’ve dated five women in six weeks. None of them were a cold approach. They were social circle. How do you build a social circle? You find people you like and you hang out with them. Sounds easy. But takes time.

And it takes the social skills you built during the newbie mission. Which I, embarrassingly enough, never completed to my satisfaction. It’s the reason I push it so hard. I did my time, but I never opened the number of sets I should have. I pushed every set as hard as I could. Which means 1-2 hour long sets.
I made a lot of friends doing this. I went nonsexual for awhile, dropping comments about my wife. This was back in December and January. Every friend I have in my life today with two exceptions stems from those two months in one way or another.

The exceptions? Retail clerks. You become a regular at a retail shop. You make a friend. You run game. Qualify. DHV. Comfort. All of it. They love you. You invite them out and you see them socially every week or so.

They introduce you to their circle of friends. And your circle grows.

How do you build your social circle? You don’t. You find established circles. You befriend as much of it as you can. And you get invited to hang. No reason to build your own. Establish yourself as the cool guy in a few circles and the works done for you. You get introduced to new guys and girls every time you go out.

And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not something you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren’t in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you’re unlikely to benefit from their acquaintance.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.

Now let’s talk about what I really wanted to about- the magic pill mentality. Why do most people not get the results they want from learning a new skill (whether it be pickup, playing the piano, getting in better shape, learning a foreign language, to cook, dance, etc.) they put there mind to? Why does everyone want a magic pill?

It starts with perceptual filters and works trickles it’s way down through the Id. Most people frame the acquirement of a new skillset as work. They see it as a negative (i.e. the glass is half empty), because it is work and it is not reward it is not pleasurable. Any gratification that is not instant will be looked at as negative by the Id (remember we are just talking about the Id not Freud’s model as a whole). Since the new behavior is negative, at the animal level (id, r-complex, etc) they move away from it because if it is not pleasurable then it is must be painful. In fact it is much worse, it is delayed gratification combined with pain (non-pleasure) A good example would be needing to use the bathroom. Sure you want to use it when you have to use it but most of us can hold out for 10 minutes. There is a big difference between that 10 minutes to obtain your goal (gratification) and something like mastering the skillset to get the girl of your dreams or being able to play an instrument to the level you want. Most people do not want to put in the work to get things- they just want some kind of magic pill (and indeed this would be very pleasing to the Id). That is why this is the age of steroids, lotto, lawsuits, breast implants, fad diets, you name it.

No one wants to put in the time or effort it takes to learn the needed skillset. If it was easy to be great with girls EVERYONE would be great with girls. If it was easy to have an amazing body EVERYONE would look great (this btw is the reason things like vanity surgery are so popular, it’s a quick fix with no work.) This is the reason we stress being process oriented vs. being results oriented. Realize that you will have to put in work. Think about how many fights a white belt loses while sparing just to make it to yellow. For some reason this is easier for the male psyche to swallow then it does for a guy who has never done a cold approach getting blown out by a girl who is a 6. There is an actual reason for this that deal with gender roles that maybe we will talk about another time.

What is the solution to this? The solution is beyond the scope of the article. The solution is very simple. First off realize if something is too good to be true it usually is. If someone has some kind of new pickup system, fad diet, 3 minutes a day while you sleep to ripped abs, etc, run like hell. Also realize that the proper frame is not one of negativity and a problem but of opportunity and chance to acquire this new skill (this one is key and will be the focus of my next article).

I am going to leave the reader with two quotes that changed my life. I hope they will have a great impact also. Champions are made when no one is watching and how bad do you want it. How hungry are you?