Grow Your Game

Your First Day

Go to as many freshman-oriented events AS POSSIBLE. Go there even if you’re a sophomore. Almost everyone will be scared and confused by the new environment. Use that to your advantage. They don’t know you. You don’t know them. This is your ONLY chance to start everything from scratch. In high school you might have had ‘bad’ reputation, but in college, you’re given another chance. Don’t fuck it up.

Campus will provide ‘first year experience’ program for its newcomers. Use it. If there is no such thing, find out what is available.

Live In A Fucking Dorm

Don’t be a vagina and live with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Saving money, blah! blah! blah! Explain to your parents, importance of social life! Explain them that you want to make it on your own and you would want to make friends. I know, sometimes, it might be hard, but you HAVE to live in dorms at LEAST for a year. You will mature faster, learn interpersonal communication, learn how to get along with people (your dorm-mates) and acquire a bag full of wonderful ‘that-time-we-were-drunk’ stories. (check out ColegeHumor.com for more motivational material)

ONLY first week after move in, it’s OK to meet people in your hall. First week, everyone tends to keep their doors wide open for random ‘strangers to drop in and say “Hi!”. It’s cool. It’s ok and normal. Try to meet and greet girls and guys. Don’t act weird. When I first moved in, I tried to meet everyone “Hi! I am XYZ, you live in this hall (dorm)??” Most people will smile and say “yeah/no”. Shoot some small talk; ‘where you from, what you studying etc.’. It’s ok, not the best way to meet people but at least you have balls to do it!

Talk To Your Advisor

Advisor is there to help your ass succeed. Ask her what clubs and activities are available to students. Some bigger colleges and universities will have social advisors. These guys know what’s going on around campus.

Volunteer

There are numerous of volunteer organization you should join. A LOT OF HOT CHICKS love to volunteer! There is a logical explanation to that, but who cares, right?

Fliers

Always take fliers and try to attend events. Even religious events, free concerts, hippie festivals, arts and crafts shows, etc. ANYTHING. Exposure is essential! You need as much exposure as possible. Get OUT THERE! Don’t sit in your dorm; nobody wants to be next Seung-Hu Cho. Get out! Make friends!

Join A Fucking Fraternity

YES! I said it. It’s not a “Frat” it’s a FRATERNITY! You want to get laid and become popular? It’s like joining pickup community. In a short period of time, you suddenly have 30-100 people you can relate to. Some fraternities are expensive as top-notch prostitute, but if you can’t afford one, join a smaller one; I would recommend professional fraternity, but social fraternities are good too. I don’t need to tell you how MUCH it will impact your social life. It’s just, great thing! Forget the notion of “Paying for friends”! You don’t. You pay for beer and parties and house… not your friends. The whole “paying for friends” bullshit was created by nerdy and dorky losers who couldn’t get into fraternity; you’re not one of them are you?? Haha! (shit test!)

First year: Do Not Overload yourself

That’s right. You have 4-5 years to graduate. And I don’t want to hear none of that NON-sense: “Oh I just wanna get my bachelors degree in 3 years!” No! College only comes ones in your life. Once you get into real life with real job and real world problems, you will regret that ‘accelerated 3-year program’. ENJOY IT! You’re never too old for college and fun. Take minimum load required. TRUST ME on this one. You might be capable of doing more, but you need to build yourself socially first; you need time for sarging, socializing, studying, drinking, partying, fucking, getting blow jobs, fucking some more, going out with multiple girls, did I say fucking? Anywho, don’t overload yourself with academia at first.

So I covered DO’s and DON’T’s of college life, let’s talk about actual people and how to make friends.

There are several basic guidelines in order to influence people.

Don’t trust people too much.

More they know about you, more vulnerable and weak you seem to them. Withhold very deep and personal information you don’t want people to know. Your fears and insecurities; your community membership or the fact you’re learning ‘the game’. Don’t trust people to “accept you for who you are”

Be adaptable.

But it doesn’t mean bend backwards. Just learn how to ‘not care’ for something you cannot control. If it’s interfering with your goals, cut it out. Bad friends are not your friends. If your friend, Johnny, kills your game, or pushes you in the wrong direction (read: drugs, alcohol), cut him out.

Play on people’s emotions.

This is where great story-telling skills will help you acquire larger social circle. You need to learn how to stir up emotions in people. A little agitation followed by flood of positive emotions will go long ways. Be a little bit stubborn at times, this creates emotional rollercoaster and works well, especially with female friends. Create a little bit of tension; you want to be ‘talked about’; any publicity is good publicity, well, it’s not true all the time, but you should be shooting for neutral towards positive publicity. People need to have ‘feelings’ about you.

Not All Hot Girls Are Fuckable

even hot ones. Make a point to make some HOT girl friends that you do not want to fuck. Having hot girls that want to hang out with you will raise your value ten-fold. In order to make friends with girls, turn down the game and focus on comfort building. It doesn’t matter if she is sexually attracted to you or not, who cares, you’re not trying to fuck her, are you? You should still tease her a bit, but give her more chance to talk and express herself. You need girls as friends, they will help you sarge later on. I don’t see a point of explaining this again; if it didn’t come to you now, it’ll come later.

Take active leadership among your friends.

Always know where to go, what to do, and where to get dinner. Never have “umm whatever you guys wanna do, I don’t care!” attitude. If leadership role is vacant someone will take it before you’d get a chance to blink an eye. Almost all these guidelines are based on act of leadership. Take responsibility as well.

Befriend the leader of the group.

Not just in sets, but anywhere. Every group has a leader; you should come at him with an equal attitude: He is a leader of his group and you’re leader of your group. Game recognizes game, remember that.

Learn how to mix and match friends.

Merge your social circles. If you create a mesh of linked friendships you will realize two things: a) it’s a small fucking world, b) you will be deeply rooted in your social circle.

But be careful, because you can run into problems when there are kinks within your circle. It’s bad idea to introduce your preppy friends to your goth friends. Even though you must be dynamic and you should be able to hang out with ANY kind of crowd, not all people are “dexterous” as you. Some of your best friends could be total haters. You can’t avoid inner conflict, but never put yourself in the middle of it.

Act appropriate but think on your own.

Do not try to go against the grain and form your own counter-culture. Nobody likes outcasts. There are ways to stand out in your social circle with positive aspects instead of negative ones. If your lifestyle is radically different from the one of majority, you’ll find it hard to relate to people. Such is the truth, people judge books by their covers. Tough shit.

Make your achievements seem effortless.

This is gold. Nobody needs to know that you stayed up studying for physics exam all night. Everything is easy to you. People will flock around you just to learn how to be like you. Psychologically, everyone wants ‘easy money’, ‘easy girls’, ‘easy fame’, easy you-name-it’. If you can achieve that ‘easy you-name-it’ or if it seems like you can, soon you’ll have a fan-club. You should NEVER bitch and complain about your problems. Your life is living dream. Your success comes effortlessly! You live in paradise!

Sell people dreams.

This is very big. Especially, with girls. I can really write a book talking about this! Bottom line: people want to live in a fantasy land. Have you ever met a person, whose first impression completely swiped you off your feet? It could have been that “natural PUA” or “guy with cool shit” or “guy with many hot girls around him” or whatever it was you really-really admired about him? BE THAT GUY! You want to imprint yourself in people’s minds, that one day, you might impact their lives in a VERY positive way. Create high hopes for the future. It’s amazing how much you can ‘sell’ by selling the dream first. People seek epiphanies and life-changing situation. Because, one day, someone can come into their lives and make them happy and change their lives for good!… yeah, I know.

Always be the dealer.

Think poker: what position is the best to play? The “button”, of course, because you’re the last one to bet. You know what people are betting! You can almost guess what kind of cards they have.

Give people choices that are in your favor. “Josh, we can do A or we can do B” (where both A and B are favorable to you); even though Josh might want to do C, but it wasn’t part of the choice. When given a choice, people tend to feel false sense of freedom. Most indecisive people will fall into that trap, and while this shows leadership, you’re establishing yourself as a confident person as well. Also, make people wait on you and take your time with delivering your decision. For example, when someone asks me to do something, I usually reply “John, I’ll get back to you tomorrow. I have to check few things”. Meanwhile, John lives rest of the day, night and entire day tomorrow wondering what my answer would be. The more they think about you, the more they like you. Works well, especially, with women.

Disappear for a while and re-charge yourself.

Shut your cell phone off, sign off your messenger and vanish for few days. Give your friends gift of missing you. It helps, if you left a memorable impression right before leaving. Best is to let them hang, waiting, on your decision or contact. Keep things in suspense; keep them guessing what you’re going to do next. Often, don’t answer phone, and wait till they leave voice mail. Call back, few hours later, if not-urgent matter. You’re busy guy.

Avoid The Unhappy And Unlucky.

Shit rubs off on you. Your whining ‘emo’ suicidal friends will destroy your life. Don’t hang out with people that are chronically depressed. Don’t hang out with people that get in trouble all the time. Your friends influence your decisions. That’s law of social dynamics. Don’t let rotten people influence you. You don’t have to be mean to these people, just tell them the truth “Listen, you’re so depressed and so whiney, I can’t deal with this; cheer up, if you can’t, try to find out how, meanwhile, I have a lot of work to do, sorry, buddy!” Be firm, confident and unapologetic. On the same note, never be that “depressed and whiney” person either. Again, you live in paradise, all your success is effortless, and why would you be depressed, anyway?

Make Other People Come to You.

Get your friends to pick you up, drive you places, bring you stuff, invite you to parties, give you free shit, buy you lunch, etc. And all you have to do is ask. I got into habit of asking restaurant clerks to hook me up with free shit. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. You will be amazed how difficult it is for some people to say “NO!” For example: to waitress: “Hey, could you hook me up with a (free) drink? ”. To a bouncer: “Hey, man, forgot to swing by ATM, could you hook me up with no cover?” To a friend: “Hey, come pick me up, we’ll go get some Chinese” Make people do you favors or come to you. Another good way to do create that affect is by body language. In a restaurant sit in the center of the table, in photos stand in the middle, at a bar, turn your back to the bartender, facing outside, while your friends stand there talking TO you. Never forget the magical “Hey, come for a second, please” phrase. Works 9 out of 10 times. Stand in confident stance, places where people have to say “Excuse me!” to get by; if you’re in a bar, turn to a person, smile and in high energy cheerful voice say: “sup man, having good time tonight?!”

I send out mass text messages when I go out “Hey, few friends are meeting me at XYZ, you should come up too!”. That’s DHV! I have friends coming to meet me at XYZ (cool place) and I am inviting *you* along!

Help me I don’t have any friends, how do I make friends?

Or

All my friends are AFCs/Losers/Nerds/Dorks, should I ditch them?

And

My friends piss in my Cheerios when I run game!

And of course,

I always get AMOGed by my ‘friends’ and they make fun of me, please help!?

Alright, pretty common questions, and I hear them a lot. Everyone wants to have ‘cool’ friends to hang out with. Friends, that are healthy mix of females and males, Friends that do not cockblock you in sets, friends that understand you, and most importantly friends that WANT to hang out with YOU and not other way around! So where do you get them? You can’t go to grocery store and buy them in bulk! You have to create them.

I know. Tough, isn’t it?

Let me tell you why and how I learned to make friends with ease.

I never went to kindergarten and did not learn essential social skills. In grade school (Elementary school) and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I was bullied, embarrassed and humiliated every day. I went to city schools, in Ukraine, where it’s not unusual for teachers and counselors to embarrass their students and call them out on their ‘stupidity’. It was pretty rough.

When I moved to United States, I was 14, and started high school as a freshman. At that time, I could barely able to put a sentence together, in English; I was “that weird foreign guy”. I couldn’t understand anything about American culture, and my high school was filled with prejudice rednecks. They hated foreigners. They hated me. I, would come home, cried. I wanted to go home; at least I could speak in my native language there. It was worst experience ever. I guess, I don’t need to say, that I was virgin too.

I switched schools again, and started big city school as a junior. It was the worst time to make friends, as all the cliques have been formed, and I got stuck with ‘leftovers’ Again, I had no friends, but now I could speak decent English, so only people who liked me where high school outlanders (Nerds, retards, dorks, ugly people, foreigners, etc.) No popularity = no girls. So, still a virgin.

College. Again, HUGE 50,000 student-body University: I was lost among the crowd. Me being dorky computer-science-major-guy, with no value to offer, no good looks or muscles on my back, having fucked only two girls which literally fell in my lap by some weird ‘lucky magic’. And now, college girls never looked at me, and I, AGAIN, got stuck hanging out with dorks. On top of that, my high school girlfriend dumped me, for someone else. That’s when I got fed up with this shit and decided to take actions. This is about time I stumbled on first excerpts from this community.

This is what I learned:

Perception

People live in world of perceptions. NOTHING IS REAL. Your value is NOT REAL. It’s ONLY A PERCEPTION. It’s like a matrix.

And matrix is fun to play. So let’s learn how to play social matrix, and play it well.

First of all: everything starts from within. What are you doing, right now?

I am going to talk about three out of four stages of your (consensual) life:

High school – Don’t stress this much. (I’ll say a little bit, because, once you graduate, who cares, who your friends are!? You’ll make new friends in college)

College – This is where you MUST SHINE! Your entire career will depend on this aspect of your social time line. If you ARE NOT in college, you’re missing 80% of your life experience. This will shape how your life pans out. In college you get second chance to start everything from scratch and do something with your life. Do eeeet!

Job – Career not a ‘part time’ job. This is also important, because, it’s very easy to fall into routine and get out of touch with social aspect of your life. Most guys get married by the time they graduate college and stop hanging out with friends. It becomes hard for ‘single’ dudes to see their married [pussy-whipped] friends. I am still in college, and I am not married. I don’t really have much to say about that. By then you should already have your social circle established.

Let’s start with high school:

Play Sports

Any kind of sports you can. You’re a MAN and man should play sports. This is adrenaline. If you can’t make it on football team, do wrestling, play basketball, baseball, tennis, at least, play soccer. Everyone can play soccer in US. I wrestled in high school and I LOVED IT. If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be able to meet any friends at all.

Join Clubs

As many as you can! Every high school has clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are in ‘nerdy’ club. It’s not a fucking big deal. The point here is to learn how to socialize. You must interact with and around people to understand people. If you’re on this forum, you ought to be 18, so you have almost a year left before college. Use high school to catch up on your social skills. Talk to everyone. This is your ‘test field’.

Watch Sports

and know major players and big teams. In US it’s Baseball, Football and Basketball, in Europe/Canuck-land add Soccer and Hockey. Either way, know what’s going on. Guys talk about sports all the time; this was big for me, I didn’t understand most of American sport, but I wish I did. I would blank out, when conversations turned to baseball or football.

Learn Your Cliques

Know who’s whose friend. See who’s got beef with who, and why. Try to absorb as much information as you can, but NEVER EVER open your mouth. You can LEARN a lot about people’s insecurities and weaknesses by LISTENING to rumors. When you start realizing that NOBODY is perfect and everyone is afraid of something, talking to these people becomes A LOT less intimidating.

Socialize

Where do you sit at your lunch table?? In the corner? With dorks? Fuck them. Find the LEAST intimidating cool guy; every high school has one. It’s naturally social dude who really, genuinely, loves everyone. He might not be the coolest crème of the crop, but gotta start somewhere. Sit next to him. Shoot shit with this guy; talk about girls, cars, and sports.

Don’t Ever Let Them See You Sweat

Don’t worry about your social status. If you show desperation, you lose respect of people around you. If you show anxiousness, you lose confidence. Don’t let them see your weaknesses.

Possibilities

Respect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn’t know existed. Not because it fulfils them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn’t exist in the reality of most people.

But guys find out its possible and IMMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It’s not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.

Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfil these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.

Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfilment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activities.

Share the Joy

We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don’t become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.

Don’t hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.

Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It’s secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.

Satisfy HER selfish desires.

Share the Joy. The activity doesn’t matter. It’s the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don’t. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.

If I play Rummy with a girl, I’m not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I’m sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.

I’m sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don’t want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.

And activities become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.

Consumption

Don’t allow seduction to consume you. There’s no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existence. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possibilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfil you.

Because you’re experienced. You’ve been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn’t need it.

Recognize it’s your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don’t expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren’t real girls. Not consistently.

Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don’t leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don’t get comfortable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfil you.

Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what’s possible.

Peace out.

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn’t teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.

But they don’t cover relationships. Or lifestyle.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won’t fix that.

Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It’s not the lifestyle for most people.
The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn’t understand what an IT guy does. There’s no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.

It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfilment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.

Dissatisfaction. A man understands his dissatisfaction with women is not a woman’s issue. It was the man’s choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.

This is not a dissatisfaction with women. It’s a dissatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.

Lifestyle

How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let’s consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.

Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as individuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.

Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON’T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existence. It’s the world you find yourself in. It’s your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn’t the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.

I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I’m a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I’m discussing party promotions with a few individuals.

And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They’re introducing me to new things. I’m not sleeping with them. I’m letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I’m no longer with my wife, btw. Separated. The lifestyle that fulfils me isn’t the life of a married man. I let it go.

Social Circle

I’ve dated five women in six weeks. None of them were a cold approach. They were social circle. How do you build a social circle? You find people you like and you hang out with them. Sounds easy. But takes time.

And it takes the social skills you built during the newbie mission. Which I, embarrassingly enough, never completed to my satisfaction. It’s the reason I push it so hard. I did my time, but I never opened the number of sets I should have. I pushed every set as hard as I could. Which means 1-2 hour long sets.
I made a lot of friends doing this. I went nonsexual for awhile, dropping comments about my wife. This was back in December and January. Every friend I have in my life today with two exceptions stems from those two months in one way or another.

The exceptions? Retail clerks. You become a regular at a retail shop. You make a friend. You run game. Qualify. DHV. Comfort. All of it. They love you. You invite them out and you see them socially every week or so.

They introduce you to their circle of friends. And your circle grows.

How do you build your social circle? You don’t. You find established circles. You befriend as much of it as you can. And you get invited to hang. No reason to build your own. Establish yourself as the cool guy in a few circles and the works done for you. You get introduced to new guys and girls every time you go out.

And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not something you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren’t in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you’re unlikely to benefit from their acquaintance.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.

I see lots of guys in the seduction community make the same mistake over and over, regarding where their priorities are. Namely, letting pickup take over their life. Guys spend all their time reading forums, downloading more and more material, studying every guru’s philosophy and eventually it becomes their whole life.

Guys start to look at the world as one big sarge and lose the ability to act like a normal person with friends and other priorities in their life. This is why so many guys you meet in the community are fucking weird. There are plenty of great guys in it, but also a lot of weirdos. Make an effort to be a normal person before being a mPUA. You’ll be happier.

Pickup should be just one of the hobbies you have. Don’t spend more than 2-3 days a week on it and don’t spend all your free time trolling the internet for more info. Learn what you need to to so that you are getting results but then just go out and have fun, go to the gym, do some reading, play sports, learn something new. Girls love guys with a genuinely good lifestyle which is why guys who obsess over only pickup are actually hurting their chances with girls. What they are doing is putting women and their need for validation above all other things and the gaping void that forms in their life because of this will be subcommunicated eventually and drive girls away.

This is a horrible dynamic to create in your life. Sitting in front of a computer, reading forums and spending hours worrying about what opener to use is the worst lifestyle you can have. Your pursuit of women should be a small facet of your overall well-developed lifestyle; not vice-versa.

Go out and make some friends. Real friends. Not just community guys. It’s stupid if all the people you hang out with are community guys. If you do so, you are limiting yourself from all that life has to offer

Starting out, of course take a workshop to get you on the level where you can continue to progress by yourself, then take community guys(wings), and train with them during the 2-3 days a week you dedicate to gaming. Other than that, make sure you have a balanced, interesting, fulfilling life and you will get much better results than if you spend 20 hours a week “studying” pickup.

Start this today, and enjoy!

This is a pattern I’ve noticed for quite some time that is preventing people from improving their game.

Here’s the way it goes:

-You spend some time each day studying on internet forums or with a CD/DVD.

-You have the strategic/technical part of the game well understood, and you even go out weekly to try this stuff out.

-Results aren’t always that great, even though the pick-up ideas sounded great on paper. It can be discouraging, but you plod on. First 1000 approaches don’t count right?

The major part of the game that I find most people in this situation neglect is developing their identity. None of this stuff is going to work if you have the identity of a loser. You’ll always communicate low value.

Okay, but you already know that. It’s been stressed to you in many CDs, on the internet, in ebooks that you need to change yourself into a cool guy. David D talks all about it. So does Tyler and most other guys who are worth listening to.

Perhaps you identify some areas that need work. Going to the gym would help. Maybe an improv class or acting lessons would make you more socially adept.

But that gym membership doesn’t amount to much, and you never get around to doing that comedy class. You just do the usual 20 minutes a day on ASF while at work then listen to a seduction CD on the car ride home. As a result, your identity and personality don’t really change much. If you started with a loser identity, you now have the identity of loser who is well educated about seduction and social dynamics. Educated loser- not quite what you had in mind.

This is so common, and every time I see it I ask the guy how many hours a week he works. I’m hearing people doing 50, 60, 80 hours a week.

If you’re studying, sarging, and not progressing very fast, there’s a good chance it’s because you’re working too much.

You are not going to improve very quickly if you work that more than 40 hours a week. 30 hours is even better, although that’s a hard situation to find.

Enriching your identity is a HUGE UNDERTAKING. You need time. You need focus. You need leeway for experimentation.

I say this at the risk of draining the seduction community of the cash that pays for these expensive workshops. I say this knowing that there will be resistance to the idea of reducing your workload considerably. This community is comprised largely of guys who in the past tried to succeed with women by making a lot of money, and then when that didn’t work they came here. It’s a great idea to come here. The problem is that people continue to cling to the belief that money creates attraction. Money doesn’t make women horny. It makes them want to go on a shopping spree.

Work less. Change jobs if you have to. Change careers. Get demoted. Do something. All you’re doing is making your boss richer and chasing a paycheck that doesn’t improve your life as much as free time would. You’re cheating yourself by working so much.

Don’t do it for ‘the game’, do it for yourself. Do it to become a more developed person. You can go back to a 70 hour week later if you choose.

Think about how the average college student lives- constantly building social circle, constantly trying to develop himself. Scraping by financially, but getting laid quite a bit. It’s a more effective lifestyle than someone who works 75 hours and buys a big house that women never come to.

Just being in the PROCESS of developing your identity makes you give off a special energy that is attractive to women.

Why do you feel you need to make so much money? Is it filling an empty space inside you? Do you think it’s going to make women like you? Using money as your PRIMARY way to attract women is self-defeating, ineffective, and contradicts most of what you’re learning in this community.

Since the beginning of the industrial revolution, American businesses have escalated their brand of psychological warfare, advertising, to play on your emotions and make you think you need things you really don’t need. Think about how many things you didn’t need 5 years ago that you now feel you can’t live without- iPods, palm pilots, plasma TVs, satellite radio. Corporate America has implanted an artificial sense of emotional neediness in all of us.

I have lawyer friends who tell me about the manipulative ways bosses get people to work insane hours. The senior partners will flaunt fancy cars and high price items in front of the lower partners in an attempt to motivate them to work harder and work longer. It works. What other subtle ways might people manipulating each other in the workplace to encourage the 80 hour work week?

Many people see money as the magic pill to succeeding with women. Even after learning that most women respond more to personality, and that gold digging women are undesirable, they still hold onto their AFC beliefs about money.

The majority of people who work 50+ hours are trapped by their lifestyle. As you go from making 25k to 50k to 100k, you adjust your lifestyle and spending accordingly. You’re always committing yourself to things that are slightly out of your financial reach. “Sure my rent is too high, but with this next raise I’ll be able to afford it easily.” That kind of thinking is how you become trapped by your lifestyle. It’s human nature. We always want just a little bit more. We always want what we can’t have.

If you have money, great. Use it to your advantage. It’s a nice little DHV. Use everything you can to your advantage when dealing with women. But consider what kind of a trade off you’re making when you sacrifice your identity in the pursuit of money. Identity counts more than money.

Seems like this will be an unpopular idea, but I want to help you improve so I hope it’s been thought provoking.