The four qualities that lead to mating success in the animal kingdom (including humans) are:

Dominant
Attractive
Elite
Access to resources

Now would be a good time for you to figure out what’s been stopping you from showing these qualities in the past. You can easily convey them with your clothing, if only you could stop the blockage inside you that says “I’m scared to wear that.”

I’ve done quite a few makeovers in my live training, and it seems like most men have the same issues holding them back. It’s not a lack of information; the information is out there and it’s yours for the taking. Most guys just filter it out, thinking “Nah, that stuff’s not for me.” They limit themselves before even trying anything new. Let’s take a look at some of the sources of that limited way of thinking.

When I look back on what I was wearing a few years ago, I can see that I was sabotaging all of my interactions with women. I wanted to date and sleep with lots of attractive women, but the way I was dressing was turning them off immediately and I just didn’t realize it. There was an easy way to fix this - the answer was right in front of my face - but I just couldn’t see it.

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I’ve spent the last thirteen years studying psychology and philosophy, so how was it that I could be so blind to something that now seems so obvious?

What I discovered was that like most men, I had layers and layers of self-delusion which prevented me from seeing what was really going on. After I finally figured it out and developed a great look, I started giving makeovers to other guys who were working on succeeding with women. I discovered that almost everyone has their own version of these same delusions.

This is “negative social programming.” It’s almost impossible to avoid picking up some of this from the world around you. It’s imperative that you identify your negative social programming if you ever want to move past it.

Playing It Safe in the Schoolyard

The first obstacle that a man faces is the “play it safe” mentality that we all develop when growing up.

It’s normal for children to make fun of each other and to compete for social dominance in school. That’s how they establish a social hierarchy and learn lessons that will be valuable later in life. At times this competition can be very intense, and all of us have been on the losing end of it at one time or another.

The easiest way for a child to gain a social advantage over others is to make fun of something obvious, something different.

If you make fun of someone different, you can gain the respect and allegiance of the entire school, not just the kid you made fun of. There are massive social benefits if you can successfully taunt other children. As a result, the kids who are different always get teased the most. It could be that the target is of a different ethnicity, from a different social class, has a different way of talking, or that he just looks different.

All it takes to look different is a slightly unusual haircut, a slightly different way of dressing, etc. It doesn’t take much. Think back to your grade school days. Was there a boy with long hair or a girl with short hair that got teased? Was there someone from another country or a kid who was a bit poorer than average?

In the adult world, these differences are accepted and even embraced. In the world of children, these differences are grounds for harassment. This harassment is the fuel that feeds social competition and establishes the social structure that will be enforced day in and day out for the entire school year.

Chances are that at some point in your life you were that kid who was different. The harassment we endure as children causes us to build up a tendency to play it safe, to blend in, to do anything we can to avoid looking different.

Even kids who are normal in every way observe the persecution of those who are different, and this causes them to build up this same “play it safe” tendency.

There’s nothing wrong with this when you’re a child or adolescent. It’s a useful adaptation that allows you to go through life without being damaged and distracted by harassment. The problem is that many people carry this “play it safe” mentality into their adult life and it no longer serves a purpose. The rules have changed, and being different can be an advantage.

This “play it safe” mentality can cause limited belief in yourself and make you seem timid and immature.

The end result is that you have few choices in how you dress. You are unable to employ the best strategies, you are unable to utilize your creativity to the fullest, and you communicate a child-like fearfulness to the people around you.

Clothing

I’m not going to make this section long, because by now, you should know how to dress decently. But what I will say, is that the way you dress should be the similar to the types of women you want to attract.

If you want classy women, then dress classy. If you want rocker chicks, then dress like a rocker. And if you want doped up crack heads? Then shit, you better jump in honey and go roll around in crack rocks.

However, take it a step further, outdo your competition by kicking it up a notch. Although I have no idea of how you’re going to top a guy with crack all over his body, you
can out-dress your competition by wearing one or two items
from another culture.

For instance, although I primarily go to classy bars, I
wear a labret piercing that is primarily seen in punk
culture. Or I sometimes wear a jacket I purchased that has
rainbow stitching and edges all worn out with strings
hanging. Another rocker/punkish item.

The purpose isn’t to make a woman say “Why is this guy
wearing a space suit to a swimming pool?”, but “that’s an
interesting combination.”. There’s a difference between a
two-year old’s Halloween costume, and actually wearing
something that has artistic expression.

In general, when it comes to looks, you want to look clean,
wear the best shoes you can afford, and wear clean clothes. It isn’t rocket science.

Location

The very first mistake that can fuck up your entire night
and kill any chance of getting laid? The place you decide
to go. Yes, it matters that much.

I pick up women in some of the most difficult bars in my
city. In order to get these women, you need status, lots
and lots of status. Fortunately for me, status is what I
have.

And fortunately for all of us, we get to choose the place
we go to pick up women. When you’re looking at location,
you need to ask yourself three things. What are these women looking for? What types of men do they want? And do I meet
these criteria?

For instance, at Brother’s, a bar downtown, there are a lot
of bachelorette parties full of married women. However,
these married women are probably just out to have fun. And
the chances of one of them going home with you are slim.

But at Azuri, an age 25+ crowd up north, the married women
there are promiscuous and are probably looking for a good
fuck. In other words, it’s a completely different bar
culture.

As for types of guys, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Women
will go to clubs that have the highest ratio of men they’d
like to fuck. Being an urban guy that can dance, I’d have a
better chance of getting laid at a club that plays hip-hop
music where women like to dance, than I would at a country
western sports bar.

This rule doesn’t just cater to bars. It works everywhere.
I only attempt to get women at places that are going to
have women with some of the same interests as me.

I think it’s important to visit the wide range of forums that make up The Community from time to time, and to get a feel for the “word on the ground” - it’s all too easy for instructors to lose touch with the ‘middle-class’ - guys who aren’t beginners, but also haven’t made it up to instructor level.

I’ve noticed that a lot of guys who are just starting out are posting questions asking about very advanced techniques - everything from The October Man Sequence to some very high-level inner game stuff.

This is kind of depressing.

Misunderstanding the Hype

Most companies tell guys that their level of success with women is not dependent on what they look like. That’s true, but, what they actually mean is: it doesn’t matter what you were born looking like. You’re going to need a certain level of good looks to get the success you want, but that level is within reach of EVERY guy with a small amount of work.

Instead, guys get caught up with the idea that you can attract and date the most attractive women even if you’re smelly, ugly, socially awkward, introverted and shy. All you need is some magic lines, some trick or routine. It just doesn’t work like that - you can’t be a lame guy and just learn a bunch of lines. You can’t be socially incompetent and then apply a thin veneer over that.

But what you can do, with absolute certainty, is go from being a lame guy to an ultra cool guy - you just need to work on some fundamentals.

Tackling Your Looks

Becoming good looking is about grooming, fashion, and working with your natural looks. It’s actually pretty easy. You don’t need a whole bunch of money (check out second-hand stores like Buffalo Exchange), but you do want clothes that are in style NOW - not five years ago when you were last single. Not clothes you’ve been holding on to since you were in college. If you have the money, get a style consultant - if not, buy GQ, find a few fashion role models, and go from there.

You also need to look after yourself. Hit the gym four times a week - you don’t need to be super-ripped, but the difference you’ll see in your self-esteem, energy, and your natural glow after just a week will be huge.

Get a good, stylish haircut. Spend some money the first time, then take a bunch of photos so a cheap hairdresser can do it next time. Learn how to manage your dental hygiene so you always smell nice (hint: tongue scraper). Get a good deodorant and a good cologne. Hell, why not even experiment with an over-the-counter teeth-whitening program?

Basic Social Confidence

If you can’t make eye-contact, you can’t play. If you need to, go to a strip club, and sit in Pervert’s Alley (the front row of the stage where you have to tip) and focus strictly on holding eye-contact with the naked hottie.

Vocal projection - this is huge. No student is EVER loud enough EVER. Do a quick search online for vocal projection exercises. Practice practice practice. If you need to, start singing kareoke! Work on your tonality - practice speaking in different pitches until you have a wide range that you can use to convey emotions - don’t be like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Can you hold a normal conversation with someone where they walk away thinking you’re normal? Or do you cling to routines, cocky/funny, NLP patterns, etc? You need to be able to maintain a pleasant conversation with anyone anywhere by observing social norms, and not being needy, creepy, or boring. Easiest way to do this: force yourself to socialise. Get a job in a bar if you need to. Take up some new hobbies. This is a skill that needs to be LEARNED, and the only way to learn is to practice.

Conclusion

Fix the above alone, and you’ll see your results go up. Then you can start adding actual game - learning to tease, learning to touch, learning to tell stories.

All of us come here for a reason. You have to destroy and rebuild, not simple slap a layer of external techniques on to a lifetime of bad habits.