Grow Your Game

Here’s something really interesting. I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, and I realized that men are always looking for Candy Land. Let’s break down exactly what I mean by that.

Men are always looking for women who play certain types of roles. Certain men are attracted to women who dress a little sluttier. Certain men are attracted to women who dress more conservatively. Some men like women with tall, skinny bodies. Others like women with round, bigger bodies.

But every woman signifies Candy Land in some man’s mind, because men look at women like candy. They like to look at women, they like to stare at women, and they like to admire women. So women who understand the art of flirting, understand that in order to meet a man, they have to bring men into Candy Land. They have to dress a certain role and a certain part.

If you’re a man who likes conservative looking women, you have to dress the role. It’s really important to dress the role of the person you’re trying to attract. But that’s only part of it. If you’re dressing a certain role, you’re going to attract a certain type of person.

You also have to become that role, which means the way you dress has to reflect who you really are. If you’re trying to be a rocker dude, and you’re really not into the whole rocker scene, then wearing those clothes just because you think these kind of guys get all the action, is just not you.

You have to find out who you are first. You have to figure out who you are and what you’re all about. After you’ve done that, then you have to figure out what type of image you’re going to project, so you can figure out who you’re going to attract.

Attraction for women is just as visual as it is for men. Women will look at you and they’ll envision what you’re all about. They’ll think about who you might be. They might be trying to see what your vibe is . . . they might see how confident you are as you walk across the room, or they’ll look at you and look at the way your body moves. Women will be watching you, looking at you, and summing you up to see whether or not they want to talk to you.

So . . .

The way you dress is step 1

The way you walk is step 2

The way you project positive energy is step 3

The way you react and talk to other people is step 4

Once you’ve worked on all of this inner stuff, step 5 is walking over with authority and striking up a conversation based on something that’s of strength, i.e., based on something that’s actually happening in the moment.

If you’re a man, and you want women to notice you in Candy Land, you need to basically play a role too. You need to become the man you’ve always wanted to become . .. And you can’t do that from pick-up lines or memorizing routines. The only way to do that is to embrace who you are, be proud of who you are, and don’t play any games.

Yesterday I received about 200 emails from people who saw an article I wrote for Yahoo! Personals, and they asked me “Why does everyone on the Internet seem to be 29 or 39 or ‘fit and trim,’ yet when I walk around I can’t find all these young, fit and trim people?”

There was a survey done a couple of years ago that said that the majority of people dating online are 39. The number one problem on the Internet is that people who are 45 say they’re 43. People who are 41 say they’re 39. Because when people search on the Internet, they tend to search in such tight age parameters that they decide to deduct a few years.

Then there’s another group of people who deduct a few pounds. They’re like a boxer in a heavyweight division, but they really want to fight a welterweight like Sugar Ray Leonard . . . so they drop a few classes. The problem is, when Sugar Ray Leonard shows up for the date, he says “I’m not fighting this person . . . You’re a heavyweight and you’re going to kick my ass!”

Not only that, every single person I talk to says they don’t look their age. What age do you look? I was on the phone the other day with a 55 year old woman who said she doesn’t look her age, but when I see her . . . I see age 55. If 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30, then what is 10 . . . the new 1? And is 0 the new -10?!

In today’s society, there seem to be a run of people classifying themselves as something they’re not. People classifying themselves as “athletic and toned” don’t work out and haven’t since high school. This doesn’t qualify as “athletic and toned.”

The only people who tend to tell the truth online are the ones who describe themselves as “curvy” and “voluptuous,” because they know who they are and they don’t want to misrepresent themselves. On the other hand, it seems like the women who are 10-15 pounds over their ideal weight describe themselves as “hard bodies.”

I have no issues with people who want to better themselves and emphasize their strengths. But if you lie about your age, weight and serial number, you will get exposed when the person you meet is expecting someone different from you to show up to your first date.

Don’t forget you want to be the prize inside the box of Captain Crunch . . . and not be Captain Crunch. You also don’t want to show up on the date with someone who says they’re “athletic and toned,” when their body in truth is more like Frankenberry.

You can’t convince someone to like you based upon what you want to look like or the age you want to be. Bottom line: If you desire deeper connections with people, you need to immediately do these five things to your online profile:

1. List your real age.

2. Post current pictures that show what you really look like (whether you’re bald, chunky, overweight, underweight, or whatever else . . . it’s who you are!)

3. Check off the right body type. They will find out . . . so why lie?

4. Increase the age range of the people you’re searching for by two years. You may meet a few people out of your age range, but . . . you never know what will happen!

5. Write a good profile so people get a sense of who you are of the entire package (not just the physical side of you).

As my lawyer says, misrepresentation without representation will lead to trouble. And if you’re looking for a good lawyer, I know of a few. If you’re looking for a good online profile, I know the man who can write you one.

One last thing .. . embrace who you are. Everybody has plenty of people who are attracted to the exact person they are. You don’t have to be a certain type. There are plenty of people looking for your type.