Grow Your Game

With kino there is an obvious ladder of escalation. Grabbing a girl’s ass is obviously more escalated than touching her shoulder, and for the most part it’s pretty common sense. So when we talk to girls, we start out at an initial kino level, either a touch on the arm or the claw, then escalate progressively from there.

Similar to kino, there is also a verbal escalation ladder. We all have a natural basic understanding of this which looks like:

Friendly topics (movies, music, good bars, etc.) -> personal topics (grew up in Chicago, etc.) -> sexual discussion (I want to turn you around and fuck you from behind while I pull your hair)

What separates verbal escalation from kino escalation is that verbal de-escalations can actually hurt the pick-up. So for instance while slapping a girl’s arse then touching her arm is fine, you generally don’t want to go from talking about sex to talking about names for 80’s dogs.

Every statement/question falls somewhere on a verbal escalation scale.

Some examples of different types of statements -

80’s dogs opener – non sexual, non personal.
“So what is it about social work that you love?” – non-sexual, personal
“I think you’ve got the most amazing eyes” – sexual and personal.

Here’s the Verbal Escalation Ladder as I understand it (the top being the most escalated):

Statement about both sexually – I can see the two of us on a beach naked just going at it in the sand.

Question about both sexually – Oh man, can you imagine what would happen if the two of us were left alone together?

Statement about both personally – I can tell we’re two of a kind, it’s really rare.

Question about both personally – Why does it feel like we know each other so well?

Statement about her sexually – You have the sexiest grin.

Question about her sexually – What is it that a guy does that drives you wild?

Statement involving you/her personally – You would love ____ book.

Question involving you/her personally – What made you decide to move to SF?

Statement involving you/her impersonally – you have a southern accent/that’s a cool hat.

Question involving her impersonally – what’s the occasion/have you been to NYC?

Statement involving neither you nor her – American Beauty is a great movie

Question involving neither you nor her – What’s a good name for my friend’s puppies?

The idea is clearly to progressively make your way up the ladder. Usually this takes the form of 2 steps forward, one step back, bob around there for a while, move forward again to test the water, back down again etc. Just like with kino, I’ve found that you can actually progress up the ladder a lot quicker than you might think, so push the boundaries and see how much unnecessary banter you can actually cut out of the interaction – assuming you’re going for a day1 pull.

De-Escalation – The quickest way to blow your value

In my experience, there is no more sure-fire way to ruin a set than to de-escalate either because you’re scared or insecure. An obvious example would be, she says “I like it when guys rub my shoulders” and you get scared and say “ha, heh, hey are you going to that party on Saturday?” (oh man, I used to always do this back in my chode days. Then I’d try to revive the escalation and talk about back massages after I’d already mucked it up- makes me cringe now thinking about it)

Interestingly enough, people’s natural reaction to a perceived drop in their own value is to verbally de-escalate. (I’m using “verbally de-escalate” to mean jump from one point on the ladder to a lower point.) While in any interaction you’re going have to naturally de-escalate anyway (you can’t be talking about sex forever), I’m talking specifically about de-escalations as a result of a perceived self value drop.

For instance, say you’re talking about how she has a sexy grin, then some dude carrying a tray squeezes by you, placing you in an awkward position physically as you make room for him. Your natural reaction is going to be once he passes to verbally de-escalate down to talking about a good movie or something and from here to re-climb the ladder. This is weak sauce. Resuming at the same escalation level will actually build your value and increase her attraction to you.

This is in many ways what inner-game is all about. Being self-assured and internally centered so that external events (the guy with the tray) don’t elicit a negative reaction from you (de-escalating).

Another common verbal de-escalation following a perceived drop in value happens when guys get in their own head after ‘messing something up’. For instance if the girl gives a shit test and the guy feels like he didn’t pass it well (this is a total chode mindset, but we’re talking about his perception here). The guy will almost always step back and verbally de-escalate. Or if he spills his drink, same thing- there’s really no shortage of examples.

Interestingly enough, de-escalating after the failed shit-test is more damaging than actually failing the shit test (or spilling the drink or anything else). Whereas continuing un-phased is going to significantly boost your value to the girl. So ultimately the only factor of significance to the girl is your self-perceived value, which is completely determined by you and only you.

Develop your inner game and let the pieces fall into place.

Sincerity is truth.

Some say that truth needs to be embraced. I believe in the opposite. What does embrace mean? To take hold- to encage. The truth. Your true self, your true thoughts, your true desires. They need to be released. Sincerity is what gives you character- charm. It’s not so much that I am straightforward when it comes to approaching women or sex even, it’s that I truly express my emotions, my true thoughts, at all times. This is what gives me my charm.

You know, one second I’ll be this very pissed off asshole, and the next, I’ll be extremely nice. I’m not going to front and try to act like I don’t have a heart, because I too, am human. Nor am I going to kiss ass, just for a piece of it. Being too hardcore Mr. Pimpdaddy, or Mr. Perfectniceguy are both fake. And women hate fake men. They want someone real. You hear women say that they want a nice guy. And you also hear them say that they love badboys. Which is it? What they mean by this, is that they want a man who is touch with himself at all times, and not afraid to express it. Nice guys try to hide the fact they want sex and want to say something that might be considered rude. Bad boys try to
hide that they have a heart. The majority of men fall into one of the two categories (most in the nice guy category).

Example? I’ll give a couple from The Real Assanova blog. In an older story that took place at least two years ago, there were two blondes that walked into the former two story Steak N Shake on campus. These women looked like porn stars, and the place was crowded full of guys just staring and making random comments from afar. I was scared shitless to approach these women (I was still terrified of approaching then), but acting on my emotions, I went over and said ‘How are you ladies doing tonight?’. Everyone in the entire restaurant laughed, and the two women just stared at me. What happened? These two women knew that it took an enormous amount of balls to just approach them in front of everyone, and they invited me to sit down to talk to them. Stunned in disbelief, everyone shut up. The point is, if I wasn’t being sincere with myself about what I wanted, and acted on it, saying EXACTLY what was on my mind, I would have never captivated the minds of those two women. That’s what ‘just be yourself’ means. It’s you not holding back. Some say that they’re just being themselves around these women, when the truth is that they’re lying to themselves. Do they honestly, and immediately, tell that attractive woman that they think she’s attractive? No, they don’t. So, in reality, they aren’t being their true selves. Women respond to emotions, of all kinds. The men that get these women, are the men that freely express themselves, both good and bad. This is being sincere, not holding back. Not trying to be too nice, and not trying to be too hardcore. I’ll tell you right now, from experience, when you freely express all extremes of your personality, both good and bad, women fall, and they fall hard. Sincerity at all times, for better, or for worse.

A variety of emotions will give you charm if you’re being REAL, then you should never come off as too nice or too bad- yes, it feels awkward at first, but like doing anything, over time, the “butterflies (queasy gut feeling)” will eventually go away.

WOMEN RESPECT SINCERITY

When any normal woman is asked what men should do to hook up with her, she’ll say ‘Just be yourself!’

What the hell does she mean by that?

She means: please, please, please don’t pretend you’re something you’re not!

You see, most guys put on an act when he’s trying to get into a girl’s pants – he postures and puffs himself up, trying to be ‘impressive’ and present himself in the most attractive ways he can – from his perspective – by demonstrating that he’s just the way he imagines any girl would want him to be.

But women can tell when you’re blowing smoke up their asses – and they don’t appreciate it at all.
Oh, they’ll humor you indulgently, out of politeness, (at least until the end of the date) and then say ‘Let’s just be friends!’

OR worse yet they might actually buy what you’re selling, and after they realize you’re NOT fundamentally the way you portrayed yourself, they will punish you – if not by publicly calling-you-out as a liar (to protect their reputation), then through passive-aggressive manipulation throughout an agonizing long-term relationship.

So at the end of your multi-year relationship, when she tells you “You’re not the man I fell in love with!” and you reply with “How can you say that after you’ve spent our entire relationship trying to change me!” – that’s when you’ll have to face the fact that you were never the man she fell in love with – and it’s all your fault.

The trouble is ‘just being themselves’ leaves them as weak, low-self-esteem guys with very little chance of success. Most guys don’t love themselves, and they aren’t happy in their OWN company – why would any woman select to hook up with them?

Question: How can you both ‘Just be yourself’ and be attractive to women?

Answer: YOU MUST RECRAFT YOURSELF AS AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON!

Sounds like a huge challenge, right? It isn’t.

The answer is very simple, and the community is just waking up to this notion, after years of hypnotricks and false-disqualifications, bullshit DHVs and basically lying to get laid…

It’s practically the easiest thing in the world, but it requires recognizing and accepting that The problem is always you!

So concentrating on your Inner Game is absolutely vital to becoming an attractive, compelling, and worthwhile person – the sort whom women and men will opt to invest their time and energies on… someone people are proud is their friend, someone they can rely upon…

Someone who will deserve their appreciation and respect, and therefore won’t need to misrepresent themselves at all, nor have to work at keeping their interest!

You see, being worthy of their appreciation, respect, friendship, and admiration doesn’t require much at all – You need merely to actually be a good guy, continually self-improving, appreciating and valuing others, and by demonstrating loyalty to yourself first – so that others will see that you have integrity!

Being worthy means you never have to worry that you’re getting more than you deserve – and therefore never having to worry that your luck will run out!

If you happen to get lucky with some hottie who’s ideal for you in every way, and you know she’s with you for the wrong reasons, you’ll also know that she won’t be around long. That’d suck!

As you develop yourself into an interesting, amusing, entertaining, and enlightened man, you’ll find value and interest in most every person of quality – and that will make you very attractive to them.

Mark my words: being truly interested in someone makes you compellingly attractive to them! Male or female – in ‘pick up’ and in every part of life.

This is a problem that everyone faces at some point. Beginners come up against it all the time, and even experienced guys encounter it when they least expect it. Life has a funny way of surprising you, no matter how good you are. The problem is awkwardness.

Have you ever found yourself with nothing left to say? You’re standing there with a stranger and nothing is coming out of your mouth. Anything you think of seems forced and unnatural. You just stand there as the silence begins and pans out, hoping that something will happen. You may even start to think why you’re there in the first place, but don’t just wonder off. And most importantly, don’t panic.

Unless it’s absolutely clear that they’re uncomfortable with you, relax because it’s probably all in your head. Awkwardness is far more likely to be in your mind, than an actual reality.

Now, don’t confuse this with meeting someone early, perhaps at a party, making initial contact, perhaps breaking with “I’ll see you around later” and coming back to them after a while – this is a permanently breaking off from a promising conversation for reasons that feel valid at the time, but on further inspection it makes a lot more sense to stay put. Run out of things to say? Just go quiet for a while, and don’t run away. I’ve tried this myself out of curiosity and it’s amazing how long you can just sit there before anything goes wrong. People are generally too polite to tell you to go away, and as long when you eventually do speak you say something worthwhile it’ll just look like you’re just enjoying their company.

Think it’s not going anywhere? You don’t know that – and the only way you’ll find out is if you hang around for a bit. Crack a smile – persistence is attractive, and shows confidence. The longer you persist, the more confident you appear. Of course you don’t want to push it too far and look like a stalker, but most people will bail long before that happens anyway, so don’t worry. If you’re worrying what you’re doing there in the first place – you’re out being a sociable person. It’s more likely you’re worried about one of the above, don’t worry because talking to people is NEVER a waste of your time.

So, next time the conversation goes a little quiet and you find yourself wondering what you’re going to say next, don’t panic! Just smile, take a few moments to think about what to say next and please, don’t run away! You’ll never know where it could lead if you do.

As I was walking down the street just outside Wood Green tube station this man (who was clearly homeless) started to approach me. I had this really powerful feeling – I knew that he was going to ask for money. He had this desperate look in his eye – I could tell he wanted something just by looking at his eyes, I didn’t need his clothes as a clue. It was clear he was defeated man from his body language. His shoulders were slumped and his face was just giving it all away. He looked hopeless. I knew he’d been turned down 100 times already that day and it made it really easy for me to do the same. He was expecting it. I shook my head even before he asked me for money and he just sauntered along, off to his next target. He wasn’t persistent at and I didn’t expect he would be.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I just thought to myself “Can you imagine if this guy was trying to pick up?”

This guy even with the best clothes, clean shaven and washed would have no chance at all.

He was coming in with “the beggar’s frame”. He’d already been rejected and he was expecting to get rejected again. Not a hint of confidence at all. Any woman would just think “If everyone else has shot him down, I don’t want him either!” He could be the most amazing human being in the world, but with body language and vibe that he was projecting, nobody is ever going to find out! He’s never going to get past the approach.

That brings me to the next point. Vibe. It wasn’t just his physicality that put me off him. It was his overall… being. I could just feel it. He certainly wasn’t in state. He was very, very far from being in state. He was anti-state! I felt that just as much as I noticed his defeated body language.

When a bum approaches us think about how easily we just say “no” and wave them away. It’s automatic. There’s no thought process required. We see them coming and know instinctively they are low value and we just shoo them off. It’s just as easy for a hot girl to shoo you away as well. And it happens almost as automatically.

Think how much easier you make it for a woman to dismiss you in such a manner if you come in with crappy body language!

So for all you guys, next time you approach a set keep that image of that poor, stinky, defeated, hopeless man in your mind. Think about his sorrowful, helpless eyes. His scruffy, unshaven face. His swollen, hungry belly and his slumped shoulders.

Being itself is his ultimate defeat.

Don’t be that man! Avoid the beggar’s frame when you approach a set at all costs! (Hell, avoid it altogether!)

So to summarise, things to avoid:

-Looking down/avoiding eye contact
-Shoulders slumped
-Being twitchy/creepy
-Focusing on negative thoughts/on past failure
-Drug and alchohol abuse
-Not bathing for weeks

Alright the last two were jokes folks.

Hopefully I don’t have to tell anyone out there to avoid walking around unbathed in torn up raggedy clothes. But hey – I’ve met a homeless PUA before so you never know.

With the release of The Game thousands of men have rushed into the pick-up scene. The Game is CLEARLY a condemnation of the empty and hollow lives of most of its players, but an amazing number of people appear to have missed this message, instead only being intrigued by the notion of getting laid by hotter/more/any women. To set the record straight I’ll attempt to frame inner game in a way to help you evolve into your better self gradually instead of being hurried along by the hype.

Inner Game and The Playboy Lifestyle

The more richly developed you are as a person, the less crafty and manipulative you need to be as a player, and the less you need to justify that you DESERVE the playboy lifestyle you have chosen.

Once you grasp this, everything else falls into place: Inner Game isn’t something you get taught, it isn’t something you study – it’s something you must EARN!

By earning your OWN respect, and satisfying yourself that you are becoming more fully-realized with each new experience you have, you begin TRULY to like yourself.

We’re all looking to live the playboy lifestyle, but there is nothing innately positive about the ‘worthless playboy’ stereotype. Oh, it LOOKS like fun, but it’s empty and shallow.

Be The Worthy Playboy

To become a ‘Worthy Playboy’ you must develop yourself as a Renaissance Man; you should endeavour to gain a broad-base of knowledge in areas you believe people who’d interest you will be versed. This will help you to remain interesting to them also; as being interesting is INFINITELY more attractive than being ‘impressive’.

As a Worthy Playboy, you should be comfortable and confident enough to carry on conversations with women on subjects you have historically known nothing about, by candidly and sincerely encouraging them to share THEIR insights with you.

NEVER FORGET: Everyone’s favourite subject is themselves, and NOTHING makes you more attractive to another person than being INTERESTED in what they have to say.

This works for men and women alike – but women are far more impressed when they receive this attention from men (since most men are usually too arrogant to concede they might not know everything… Schmucks.)

A Worthy Playboy is never ashamed of NOT KNOWING, because A) no one can know everything, and B) women will be DELIGHTED that their knowing something you don’t isn’t intimidating to you – and they will be flattered that you’re man-enough to let them teach something to you.

Introspectively interrogate yourself to discover WHO YOU ARE as you develop – to ensure you haven’t lost sight of yourself.

Once you KNOW who you are, you’ll know what you’ll do.

Reasoned Confidence

IF YOU ONLY DO THE THINGS WHICH MAKE SENSE TO YOU, in which you find yourself BOTH cerebrally and emotionally settled, and where your conscience is unperturbed, YOU’LL BE ACTING WITH ‘REASONED CONFIDENCE’.

This is the rational way of leading your life – by following these internal guidelines, you’ll NEVER have reason for regret, and no justification for embarrassment, EVEN if things don’t work out immediately! (In such cases, dispassionately step back from the experience, return to the plan to see whether the problem was situational or persistent, and modify as necessary before trying again.)

By proceeding ONLY with Reasoned Confidence, the only guilt you need EVER feel is the guilt of letting yourself down; the ONLY embarrassment, the embarrassment of making the same mistakes over again; the ONLY regret, the regret of not having come to this epiphany earlier.

Explore your world – expand your horizons, develop new friendships with people of high integrity and ethics, and remain true to yourself and your word. Your relationships and your reputation are your strongest weapons in the battle against psychological misery and emotional defeat – make certain they are solid, just, and dependable as best you can.

Most of all, YOU MUST BECOME SELF-ACTUALIZED – in other words, you need to find your comfort with yourself based on your confidently and successfully following your own path, and NOT narcissistically through the approval of others.

Permitting yourself to be held-back from progressing because you fear the disapproval of people you don’t admire is MADNESS!