Lets talk a little bit about body language and how it relates to your attitude and confidence. We all know that people communicate with each other on multiple levels. But did you know that spoken words is just 7% of what we communicate? The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.

You may ask why body language is so important. First, because it is how we sub-communicate with others. This sub-communication is even more important that ever before, because society has created a link between our actions and how people feel. For example, when you are in room and you feel really nervous, everyone in the room will pick up that you are nervous by your actions, tonality, and speed of your movements. Such things are very obvious, especially to children who are not preoccupied with speech as much as many adults. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry. Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down. This guy probably can’t look anybody in the eyes and is sub-communicating that he is insecure. Somebody who is hunched over, with her feet together, is subconsciously trying to not be noticed at all.

We can find wealth of information about other people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are saying on a deeper level. An outgoing woman will do the exact same to you, she could tell you a zillion things that you are projecting, just by your image. Let me quote my girlfriend here: “I can see if a guy is good in bed, just by the way he walks.” That is so true. They can tell everything about you, just by the way you look. It comes from all those years of experience of guys hitting on them.

If you go out dressed like you do not care about your image at all, you probably don’t care, and women will notice this. On the other hand, if you go out dressed as a socially cool guy, you probably are a pretty damn smooth dude. As for the woman, this process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn’t want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser, or some boring guy who doesn’t know how to give her some fun in her life. So they screen you and try to find out as many things about you as possible in a very short period of time.

Imagine, if you are a HOT girl, would you give 30 minutes of your time to each boring geek that hit on you?? No, you would give him 30 seconds and then the “F#*& off” line.

This is because she already knows that he is a boring, lame-ass guy. But what if some super-ultra confident guy, who is well dressed, comes into a room, walks slowly towards a hot girl with a smile on his face, and starts a conversation with a girl? Would she reject him??

Exactly. She would not.

Now let me ask you who the really confident in our society are, the ones with an attitude larger then life. Who are they?? Rockstars, company directors, successful managers, doctors, politicians…. etc.

Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you’ll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates with super-confidence.

Lets take a look at what the most common mistakes are when somebody tries to pick up a girl:

• Talking too fast (being nervous)
• Talking too much (trying to impress her)
• Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
• Drinking (to become comfortable)
• Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
• Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)
• Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
• Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)

Does any of this radiate with any confidence??? Hell no!! Take a look and see that every action here projects INSECURITY!!

Ok, let’s correct this poor body language together. Here is list of things that you must FIX…

• Keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Stand with you feet wider apart.
• Never look down when you walk, look above the horizon
• Stand with your chest pushed outwards
• Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
• Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
• Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
• Pay attention to how you dress
• Always lean back.
• Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual), because you must create conversation on all levels, not just verbal. (Later she is going to be used to your touch, and that is perfect for the pre-sex stage!)
• All your body language should be comparable in speed. For instance, moving with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast at the same time.

One more really important thing my friend would tell you, “Pick-Up doesn’t start when you approach her, it starts when you WAKE UP in morning!” and that’s so true!

Let’s move on to the subject of attraction:

In order to attract a woman, you must first understand why and how they think. Why the state of attraction exists, and how it happens.

The easiest way to understand and explain this is through something known as ‘Switches theory’. You know those on/off switches you have in your house for electricity? Now imagine you have 15 of them in one box. That’s an analogy for how our minds work. Women have switches such as “Is he attractive?, is he good at sex?” on or off.

Every girl out there has a different set of switches, because it really depends on their culture, their childhood, their beliefs and their age, plus a few other minor things. However, there are some common switches you must turn ON to all girls out there.

You must be:

• Challenging
• Alpha
• Interesting
• Unpredictable
• Stylish
• Not needy
• A good lover
• Humorous
• Capable of building strong rapport
• Secure
• Trustworthy
• Conversational

Now, those switches can be either ON or OFF. There is no value in-between… for geeks, it’s all off.

What happens when you switch on most of those switches?? Wow… she starts to be interested in you… actually… she starts to show IOIs (indication of interest). This reaction is totally normal. When she meets a guy who is funny, good looking, interesting, romantic, and not needy, she becomes interested in getting to know him better (read: sleeping with him).

Switching on these switches is what demonstrates personality to a woman. You can tell stories where you were romantic. You can hook her with interesting snippets of your life and make her ask you questions where you get to reveal your romantic side. It doesn’t matter, as long as the you flip the romantic switch to the ON position. Every story or routine you have in your arsenal is saying something to her (flipping switches.) When designing routines and stories, you need to first take a look at what you want to convey to her.

The easiest way to switch on lot of switches is through good body language, behavior, and a sense of style.

Lets take a look at me for example. If you’ve never seen the way I look, take a look at my webpage photo here…

Okay, let’s analyze this together… what do you think about this guy just from this photo? Here is what others have said:

• He has a lot of confidence
• He looks like some badboy or a really adventurous guy
• Good looking (average)
• He is drinking expensive cocktails, so he probably has some money…
• Sex must be amazing with him
• He is alpha, he doesn’t worry what others think
• He doesn’t look like some predictable guy…
• Not so needy

Ok, guys, you get my point… I switched On like 10 switches just by the way I look and behave. There are also switches I haven’t flipped yet:

I don’t have trust, rapport, I am not romantic, interesting… and that’s it fellas!!!!

That means 5 stories for 5 more switches. That’s like 5 X 5 minutes = 25 minutes to get a girl.

Of course you can convey all those things through conversation, and that’s fine. But it will take 10X longer! This is the way it works for me, and I am happy.

We all know how important inner game is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what inner game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I perfected the delivery of my voice?

Actually, inner game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted to you. That’s how most naturals get women. They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they’re the prize, which is exactly what attracts women.

I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because they radiate confidence and are not overly concerned with outside criticism. They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goals. I am willing to teach you how to become a leader and how to make people follow you and even respect you. These steps are essential to leading a successful life.

I am 25 years old, but what I have lived through, you cannot even imagine. I believe I’ve learned a lot in these 25 years - possibly more wisdom than the average joe acquires in his entire lifetime.

The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that is intangible, so they say a person “has charisma,” or “is a charismatic person.” If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you will see that they actually have one major quality in common. They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality. They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they punish it.

You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living successfully on this planet. Let’s take respect for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work?

First, start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don’t respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself poorly, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that you aren’t worth anything.

Next, you must develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that reflects poorly upon your integrity. Tell the offenders you disapprove, and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. Make them know that they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you badly and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people will see this and learn to disrespect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.

For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only three times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return, I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow. Otherwise you won’t see me ever again.

I also make options for myself so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I so choose. For now, even if you don’t have any other options, make it seem like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my women. I love them and will treat them like queens, but only as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how, when women don’t get what they want, they call me a jerk. They may not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.

Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you’ll get punished, and trust me, you won’t make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It’s funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that these tests are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, such tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That’s just normal behavior.

My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner.

What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not disobeying its owner, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.

Now, let’s get back to charismatic people. It’s funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. Examples include Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.

Strong leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from them.

So, the first step towards developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will have noticed something really unusual: as soon as I approach a group, I am not sucked into its frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach any group of people, I don’t position myself so that the whole group can hear me, and I certainly don’t try to yell so that the whole group can hear me.

First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. For example, I approach them, let them welcome me, sit down, and use the space around me to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modeled or learned, but it’s been a part of my personality for a long time.

I really can’t stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter “S,” and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. He makes it more important than his health or his body. This is really sad. Why should I be in an uncomfortable position when I talk to some average frustrated woman. What is she to me?

You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a group or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can’t be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can’t hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone’s lips for ten minutes is really sexual.

You’re about to cross into Abyss of Neediness if:

- You’re wondering for more than 10 minutes if you should call her or not

If you sit there, all day, wondering if you should call her; DO NOT call her. You call should be spontaneous, when you got bored from doing your daily tasks and you want someone new to talk to. Don’t even bother making day2 plans with her if it’s your first call. Just call her, bullshit for several minutes and tell her you have to get back to doing something (exciting).

If you started hesitating whether to call her or not- You’re going to fuck it up. Feel edgy about calling? Get your mind off of it, and go to the mall; sarge someone else. Come back. Call her.

-You’re giving her too much benefit of a doubt, too much slack.

Again, I hear guys talk about it; giving her excuses and why she did this or that. It doesn’t matter. It is your reality. Set up your threshold limit on what is tolerable by you and what is not. I, personally, have three strikes. (or just a BIG ONE). And because she is a 10 or a 9 don’t give her extra slack. If you wouldn’t take shit from a fatty, you shouldn’t take shit from a 10. EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, falls in this trap. I do this shit all the time, except I catch myself giving extra privileges to hotter girls and I stop. THIS IS BAD! Do not do it.

If you’re sitting at home thinking about her action, look at it from a logical point of view: what she did is acceptable by you or not? If not, let her know that you don’t tolerate crap. This falls more into ‘relationship’ portion rather than pre-day2. If bitch stood you up on a date, tell her that it’s rude, and NEVER call her again. Because, we, men, have A LOT OF THINGS ON OUR PLATE and DO NOT HAVE TIME to waste. Stop thinking about her, giving her excuses in your mind, justifying her actions, but be reasonable about it. People do have emergencies;

-You get overly jealous (exclusive or not exclusive relationship)

Hot girls have guy friends: lots of them. Hot girls have orbiters. These guys want to fuck them but can’t. Get used to it. In exclusive relationship there are things that acceptable and not acceptable, define these things between you two. Set rules and stick to them. (ok, correction: make her stick to them)

Just remember, she is probably going to keep her options open. Most likely she will LIKE SOMEONE ELSE while being with you, and there is a possibility she might cheat on you.

Guess what you should be doing? EXACTLY THE SAME THING: Keep your options open. Have other women in your life (even as friends). Have women in your life that are dying to fuck you (but can’t). Go out! Don’t stay at home with her all the time. Meet other women. You don’t have to sleep with them but always have your GAME ON. And if you happened to be in situation where you can cheat on your girl- Well, that’s your moral stand point; I am not giving you advice on this

-You wonder why she didn’t call you, (yet)

Why do you care? She is busy. You’re busy. (Or you should be). Get a life. I used to do this all the time. I would get depressed if some girl I was gaming didn’t call me. Then I learned that the only reason I am depressed is because I let myself be. DO NOT CALL HER. Just go out, hang out with your buddies and STOP CHECKING YOUR CELL PHONE every five minutes. You’re not going to miss a call from her. And if you do, even better; it shows her that you’re too busy and don’t have time to be worrying about her. Man up. She’ll call.

-You’ve spend over 20 hours with her and still haven’t fucked her, yet kissed her.

I don’t want to hear this bullshit: “Well she is not like that; she likes to take it slow” BULLSHIT! This whole taking slow bullshit is her excuse for lack of attraction for you. If Johnny Depp offered her some dick, I am sure she wouldn’t even think about ‘taking it slow’. So don’t be that guy who gets lead on, only to end up in LJBF Zone. I can understand that some girls have issues with sex. Here is word of advice for you: you don’t want these girls. Do not try to play ‘good Samaritan’ and try to help her with her issues. Don’t try to ‘save her’. You’re not a shrink. You’re not her girlfriend. If she is too fucked up or prude to have sex within 20 hours of meeting guy, you’re on for a ride (you don’t want to take). Very few girls are like that though. Somewhere you just failed in attraction (sometimes comfort). Admit it! Stop letting your ego get in a way. You’re acting like a coward. FUCK HER ALREADY! If not, MOVE ON!

-You call/text her, over and over, but she doesn’t return your calls/sms’

DESTINATION CREEPINESS! Welcome aboard! Stop with this shit. Just stop.

You call her, she doesn’t call back. Ok. You call her in few days; she doesn’t call back, leave a voice mail, and delete her number. Let me repeat that again. DELETE HER NUMBER. You gave her two calls over SEVERAL DAYS and on your last call you left her VM- and it’s time to delete her number, because, you ARE NOT going to call her back again. Not going to text her, not going to call her and hang up or whatever creepy thing you could possibly do.

Naturally, if she calls you back, (IF), you’re going to say “Who is this?” …Don’t ask me why, just do it.
Most likely, she won’t (call you back) MOVE ON.

-You take her out on day2 and you would not leave her alone (after)

This is my personal rule. Day 2s are there to re-enforce your game; show her that you’re congruent with whom you were first time she met you, and day2 is there for you to plant several seeds in her head. Your day2 game must be tighter than your game when you first opened her. Going into day2 she should be thinking “Well, this guy is cute/hot/interesting, I want to get to know him better”- leaving day2 she should be thinking “OMIFUCKINGGOD! This guy… wow… like I can’t stop thinking about him… he is just… amazing…maybe he is the one…I haven’t felt like this in a while!!!” (and she really should be leaving WITH YOU thinking THAT… and you should get minimal LMR)

BLOW HER FUCKING MIND! Then don’t call for few days. Let her wonder. Most guys fuck up entire chemistry by calling her THE SAME FUCKING DAY with “Oh hey, had a good time tonight.. I hope you got home ok. Thanks for hanging out with me…” WTF IS THIS SHIT? DO NOT DO THAT! If you feel like you ought to, send her ONE SIMPLE text message “good night “ that’s it.

-you stop seeing other girls because of her

Unless you both agreed to stop seeing other people and decided to start exclusive relationship, you SHOULD NEVER EVER stop seeing other women no matter how good looking she is or how wonderful her personality is.

If you don’t see other women except for her, start meeting more women. Seeing one girl will give you enough confidence boost to start seeing more. But you shouldn’t get stuck on JUST ONE GIRL. (whether you’re fucking her or not)

REALITY CHECK: She IS seeing other guys. She is sleeping with other guys. Sometimes, you might kiss her and you might not even know if she just given a blow job to one of her fuck-buddies. And there is a good chance she might still be fucking around on the side after you start seeing each other exclusively (not always though)

-you read all this and nothing clicked, sounded familiar or made a slight shift in your inner game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was guilty of EVERY SINGLE issue listed above. Some were pre-game days some where during the game days. Most happened while I was in relationship! I would safely say that almost every PUA falls into on or the other trap of ‘neediness’. The good PUA will catch himself before it’s too late. Emotions are hard to control and there is nothing embarrassing if you’ve done on or few or all of these things. Just learn from your ‘mistakes’.

I learned how to deal with these urges and it boosted my game tremendously. I suggest you reconsider how you think about your targets. Someone, who shall remain nameless, once said: “She might be a dime, but you are a fucking hundred dollar bill!”

Ever wonder what people are thinking about you?

Do you ever see a group of people chattering and laughing, and wonder if they’re talking about you? Then, do you wonder whether they’re saying good or bad things about you?

Are you ever talking to a woman, and you say something that could be interpreted the wrong way, and suddenly you feel really awkward and feel the need to explain yourself?

It’s called self-consciousness, and it’s a really bad habit.

I was really self-conscious when I started out in the game. I think smart, analytical types fall into self-consciousness a lot easier than others, and as a really analytical guy, I was constantly trying to guess what people thought of me.

It was like I had a mental video camera (or a mirror) pointed at myself, playing back everything I did, so I could make sure I was coming off right. Sometimes, at night, I would sit and play my “tapes” of that day, wondering what I could have done better, or beating myself up over things I said.

Then I turned the camera off, and my life got way better.

As it turns out, that video camera wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I used it to try and improve myself, to make people like me, but it didn’t work. It didn’t make me an attractive person, and it didn’t give me good feedback on what others thought of me. In fact, it just messed me up, and getting rid of it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

At first, though, it seems like the video camera would be a good idea. Self-consciousness is, basically, being concerned about what others think of you, and of how you “come across.” I’ll be the first to agree that how you come across is really, really important. Why wouldn’t having a little mental video camera help you come across better? There are several reasons.

First, people don’t judge you nearly as harshly as you judge yourself. The fact is, 90% of the time when two people meet, each person is thinking “I wonder what [the other] thinks of me, I hope [the other] likes me.” They’re so worried about themselves that they’re not passing judgment.

Think about how often you pass judgment on others; now think of how often you’re worried about others passing judgment on you. Personally, unless someone is being a total idiot or is really awesome, I rarely think much of someone I just met. 95% of people fall into the “yeah, they’re okay” category, and the other 5% is split between “ugh, this person sucks” and “this person is really cool.”

Basically, if you’re concerned about what people think of you, 95% of the time you’re wasting your time.

Second, people actually like others better when they’re showing their flaws and not apologizing for them. You’re better off being “yourself,” saying a few things here or there that are moderately dumb, and handling those mess-ups with grace, than you are trying to be flawless.

Self-conscious people are boring and sterile. They don’t say anything funny or interesting because they’re afraid of saying something wrong. Interesting people are willing to say something wrong here or there, as long as the overall interaction is fun.

Third, that little video camera uses a lot of brain power! I actually used to stutter and run out of things to say when I was self-conscious because I was constantly multi-tasking. Once I took all that brain power I was using to analyze myself and applied it to my conversations, my conversational IQ went up by 20 points in one night. My wit and reaction times went up dramatically once I didn’t have to filter my actions through my self-consciousness filter.

So, how do you deal with self-consciousness? There are a bunch of different strategies, some of which work better for different people. I recommend that anyone who has issues with self-consciousness should try all of these, and find out which works best for you.

The first thing you have to do is realize, logically, that self-consciousness is counterproductive and wrong, and be able to recognize when you’re being self-conscious.

But, convincing your logical brain that self-consciousness doesn’t work is pretty easy compared to teaching and training your subconscious and emotional mind to stop a destructive thought pattern.

The best way to get over self-conscious thoughts is to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and blast your way through. Public speaking is a great way to do this. And of course, meeting women, either during the day or at a bar, is the best way to get over this.

Also, I highly recommend improv classes for eliminating self-consciousness. Next to going out and pushing yourself into meeting women, this is the best thing you can do. Improv classes are pretty much designed to break down self-consciousness. Basically, they involve making a fool of yourself in front of a small group of people who are also making fools of themselves. Oh, and you have to be clever at the same time – it’s pretty tough.

Finally, one thing that worked really well for me was shifting my attention. I took that part of my brain that was trying to guess what people thought of me, and I devoted it to observing how people were reacting. I started focusing on watching a woman’s face, and not speculating about what might be going on in her mind. So if I said, for example, a joke that was a bit rude, and I was worried that I had offended her, I would look into her eyes. If she looked like she was getting offended I would say “aww, Sarah’s so nice, she’s totally offended” to diffuse the situation. If she laughed at the joke, though, I’d just keep going.

This is important because you still need to be conscious of how people perceive you if you want to be socially calibrated, but self-consciousness is not the way to do it. Watching body language and reaction is objective and reliable, whereas self-consciousness is subjective and unreliable. By watching how a person reacts, instead of trying to guess what she’s thinking, you can do a much better job of knowing what is going through her mind.

And most of the time, she’s just enjoying the ride.

Most guys get really worried when they are confronted with a shit test. They breathe faster, and they being to sweat as they hope they’ll give the right answer. That’s because they feel that shit tests are bad things. Shit tests are chances to show how attractive you are. They keep out all the other chodes who aren’t as attractive as you and give you a chance to shine.

Think about it from the perspective of you buying a laptop. If the price was way too high and unattainable you won’t even bother checking it out, or if it was clearly shitty and useless you wouldn’t look at it either.

But, if it looked like an amazing opportunity, such as a really cool looking one with great specs, that happened to be right there in front of you on sale, you would be interested- but hesitant. And you’ll ask yourself the following questions:

Why is it on sale?
Is it really a good deal, or does it just appear to be one?
Is there a hidden cost or negative about it that I don’t see yet?
Should I take it home?

You’ll start trying to find anything possibly wrong with the deal, looking deep into the hidden specifications, testing durability, size, weight, battery life, and basically figuring out if it really is what you hope it is- an amazing opportunity. This is the same as a girl shit testing you because, if she clearly isn’t interested in you, that’s one thing- but if you are a seemingly cool, alpha, high value guy coming to approach her- she’ll be interested but hesitant. She’ll ask herself the following questions:

Why is he approaching me?
Is he really this amazing guy, or is it just a front/facade?
Is there something I don’t know about him yet that’s bad or negative?
Should I take him home?

The good news is, in both situations, the buyer/the girl is secretly hoping that this really is the chance of a lifetime and that everything is as amazing and perfect as it seems. So next time a girl starts giving you shit tests, think of it as an opportunity and not an obstacle. No matter how bitchy she may seem, she’s a sweetheart deep down, so appreciate that shit tests are just your chance to show how awesome you are. Have fun!

Recently I have been working so much instead of sarging a ton that I got out of state when I went into the field. I noticed that if I spend two weeks out of the field then when I get back in I feel like everything is alien until I get a few sets in and everything reboots.

But a weird thing happened recently - I noticed that I would go in field and feel like total garbage and still do well.

I started to think about why this was and the ’secret’ became apparent to me. Here it is.

To get to state independence you have to have 3 things.

1. Personality
2. Self Esteem
3. Independence Realization

Personality

When we first get into the game we have a personality but we have no idea how to express it to women. We have even less of an idea on how to be that a totally giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy social guy that draws women into his own reality. We attain this through practice. We first start off with routines because we don’t know what to say and through that we learn the underlying structures, sub-communication, and the myriad of other things in game until we start to get a good sense of what types of content and communication really work in relating to women. Once we understand these levels of communication then we often start to experiment with our own material and gain our own attractive personality. What is essential is that we BECOME that awesome, interesting, fascinating guy that women are drawn too. You recognize the moment when without any conscious thought you find yourself in the present and fully representational of who you are and want to be. Everything you do, everything that you are becomes as effective as your “routines” (this btw is how I come up with new “material” it is all improvised in the field). It took me an intense year in the game to get there.

Self Esteem

Self Esteem is not EGO. Ego (and I’m using Eckhart Tolle’s definition of ego from his amazing book “The Power of Now”) is just a mental construct that who you are is what you do, what you own, or any number of other things that come from outside our selves. Self Esteem is a deep seeded belief in yourself that comes from the inside.. The belief that no matter what outside factors or even your own emotions try to affect you - they don’t alter who you are. If you have been practicing game then you have developed a personality that is attractive to women and the ability to communicate it. Self esteem is having an un-touchable belief in that inner “youness” - an untouchable belief that no matter what, you are still that giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy, social guy. You are still YOU even on a night when you don’t exhibit any of those behaviors - you still are personable even when you don’t act like it. Was Miles Davis still Miles Davis when he wasn’t playing his instrument?

Independence Realization

This came to me in field when I realized that despite how I felt on a given night; my self esteem was so strong that I could still be me even though I felt weird or out of state. My display of my character, of my personality, was so intriguing that I still attracted the opposite sex.’ This was awesome to finally realize I was starting to master my emotions. The masters (btw I never think of myself as a master, always as a student) of any art are still artists regardless of their internal state. Do you think Miles Davis could still play if he had a headache? Maybe in an off state he isn’t going to give a 200% performance but he will still be excellent. If I ask most guys ‘If you feel bad are you still you?’ they will say YES. What most guys haven’t realized is that this totally applies in field.

So all you need to do to gain state independence in field is still BE YOU regardless of how you feel. Ignore whatever garbage you have in your head or emotions and just be your personable high self esteem self. To get there you will have to spend a lot of time developing your personality - there is no magic pill that lets you get there overnight but when your personality and self-esteem are ready you will become state independent.

This works because game is when you do and say all the right things at the right time. You are giving a performance. A performance of who you are. If you are always yourself, regardless of state, you will get very similar results regardless of state.

With kino there is an obvious ladder of escalation. Grabbing a girl’s ass is obviously more escalated than touching her shoulder, and for the most part it’s pretty common sense. So when we talk to girls, we start out at an initial kino level, either a touch on the arm or the claw, then escalate progressively from there.

Similar to kino, there is also a verbal escalation ladder. We all have a natural basic understanding of this which looks like:

Friendly topics (movies, music, good bars, etc.) -> personal topics (grew up in Chicago, etc.) -> sexual discussion (I want to turn you around and fuck you from behind while I pull your hair)

What separates verbal escalation from kino escalation is that verbal de-escalations can actually hurt the pick-up. So for instance while slapping a girl’s arse then touching her arm is fine, you generally don’t want to go from talking about sex to talking about names for 80’s dogs.

Every statement/question falls somewhere on a verbal escalation scale.

Some examples of different types of statements -

80’s dogs opener – non sexual, non personal.
“So what is it about social work that you love?” - non-sexual, personal
“I think you’ve got the most amazing eyes” – sexual and personal.

Here’s the Verbal Escalation Ladder as I understand it (the top being the most escalated):

Statement about both sexually – I can see the two of us on a beach naked just going at it in the sand.

Question about both sexually – Oh man, can you imagine what would happen if the two of us were left alone together?

Statement about both personally – I can tell we’re two of a kind, it’s really rare.

Question about both personally – Why does it feel like we know each other so well?

Statement about her sexually – You have the sexiest grin.

Question about her sexually – What is it that a guy does that drives you wild?

Statement involving you/her personally – You would love ____ book.

Question involving you/her personally – What made you decide to move to SF?

Statement involving you/her impersonally – you have a southern accent/that’s a cool hat.

Question involving her impersonally – what’s the occasion/have you been to NYC?

Statement involving neither you nor her – American Beauty is a great movie

Question involving neither you nor her – What’s a good name for my friend’s puppies?

The idea is clearly to progressively make your way up the ladder. Usually this takes the form of 2 steps forward, one step back, bob around there for a while, move forward again to test the water, back down again etc. Just like with kino, I’ve found that you can actually progress up the ladder a lot quicker than you might think, so push the boundaries and see how much unnecessary banter you can actually cut out of the interaction – assuming you’re going for a day1 pull.

De-Escalation – The quickest way to blow your value

In my experience, there is no more sure-fire way to ruin a set than to de-escalate either because you’re scared or insecure. An obvious example would be, she says “I like it when guys rub my shoulders” and you get scared and say “ha, heh, hey are you going to that party on Saturday?” (oh man, I used to always do this back in my chode days. Then I’d try to revive the escalation and talk about back massages after I’d already mucked it up- makes me cringe now thinking about it)

Interestingly enough, people’s natural reaction to a perceived drop in their own value is to verbally de-escalate. (I’m using “verbally de-escalate” to mean jump from one point on the ladder to a lower point.) While in any interaction you’re going have to naturally de-escalate anyway (you can’t be talking about sex forever), I’m talking specifically about de-escalations as a result of a perceived self value drop.

For instance, say you’re talking about how she has a sexy grin, then some dude carrying a tray squeezes by you, placing you in an awkward position physically as you make room for him. Your natural reaction is going to be once he passes to verbally de-escalate down to talking about a good movie or something and from here to re-climb the ladder. This is weak sauce. Resuming at the same escalation level will actually build your value and increase her attraction to you.

This is in many ways what inner-game is all about. Being self-assured and internally centered so that external events (the guy with the tray) don’t elicit a negative reaction from you (de-escalating).

Another common verbal de-escalation following a perceived drop in value happens when guys get in their own head after ‘messing something up’. For instance if the girl gives a shit test and the guy feels like he didn’t pass it well (this is a total chode mindset, but we’re talking about his perception here). The guy will almost always step back and verbally de-escalate. Or if he spills his drink, same thing- there’s really no shortage of examples.

Interestingly enough, de-escalating after the failed shit-test is more damaging than actually failing the shit test (or spilling the drink or anything else). Whereas continuing un-phased is going to significantly boost your value to the girl. So ultimately the only factor of significance to the girl is your self-perceived value, which is completely determined by you and only you.

Develop your inner game and let the pieces fall into place.

Sincerity is truth.

Some say that truth needs to be embraced. I believe in the opposite. What does embrace mean? To take hold- to encage. The truth. Your true self, your true thoughts, your true desires. They need to be released. Sincerity is what gives you character- charm. It’s not so much that I am straightforward when it comes to approaching women or sex even, it’s that I truly express my emotions, my true thoughts, at all times. This is what gives me my charm.

You know, one second I’ll be this very pissed off asshole, and the next, I’ll be extremely nice. I’m not going to front and try to act like I don’t have a heart, because I too, am human. Nor am I going to kiss ass, just for a piece of it. Being too hardcore Mr. Pimpdaddy, or Mr. Perfectniceguy are both fake. And women hate fake men. They want someone real. You hear women say that they want a nice guy. And you also hear them say that they love badboys. Which is it? What they mean by this, is that they want a man who is touch with himself at all times, and not afraid to express it. Nice guys try to hide the fact they want sex and want to say something that might be considered rude. Bad boys try to
hide that they have a heart. The majority of men fall into one of the two categories (most in the nice guy category).

Example? I’ll give a couple from The Real Assanova blog. In an older story that took place at least two years ago, there were two blondes that walked into the former two story Steak N Shake on campus. These women looked like porn stars, and the place was crowded full of guys just staring and making random comments from afar. I was scared shitless to approach these women (I was still terrified of approaching then), but acting on my emotions, I went over and said ‘How are you ladies doing tonight?’. Everyone in the entire restaurant laughed, and the two women just stared at me. What happened? These two women knew that it took an enormous amount of balls to just approach them in front of everyone, and they invited me to sit down to talk to them. Stunned in disbelief, everyone shut up. The point is, if I wasn’t being sincere with myself about what I wanted, and acted on it, saying EXACTLY what was on my mind, I would have never captivated the minds of those two women. That’s what ‘just be yourself’ means. It’s you not holding back. Some say that they’re just being themselves around these women, when the truth is that they’re lying to themselves. Do they honestly, and immediately, tell that attractive woman that they think she’s attractive? No, they don’t. So, in reality, they aren’t being their true selves. Women respond to emotions, of all kinds. The men that get these women, are the men that freely express themselves, both good and bad. This is being sincere, not holding back. Not trying to be too nice, and not trying to be too hardcore. I’ll tell you right now, from experience, when you freely express all extremes of your personality, both good and bad, women fall, and they fall hard. Sincerity at all times, for better, or for worse.

A variety of emotions will give you charm if you’re being REAL, then you should never come off as too nice or too bad- yes, it feels awkward at first, but like doing anything, over time, the “butterflies (queasy gut feeling)” will eventually go away.

WOMEN RESPECT SINCERITY

When any normal woman is asked what men should do to hook up with her, she’ll say ‘Just be yourself!’

What the hell does she mean by that?

She means: please, please, please don’t pretend you’re something you’re not!

You see, most guys put on an act when he’s trying to get into a girl’s pants - he postures and puffs himself up, trying to be ‘impressive’ and present himself in the most attractive ways he can - from his perspective - by demonstrating that he’s just the way he imagines any girl would want him to be.

But women can tell when you’re blowing smoke up their asses - and they don’t appreciate it at all.
Oh, they’ll humor you indulgently, out of politeness, (at least until the end of the date) and then say ‘Let’s just be friends!’

OR worse yet they might actually buy what you’re selling, and after they realize you’re NOT fundamentally the way you portrayed yourself, they will punish you - if not by publicly calling-you-out as a liar (to protect their reputation), then through passive-aggressive manipulation throughout an agonizing long-term relationship.

So at the end of your multi-year relationship, when she tells you “You’re not the man I fell in love with!” and you reply with “How can you say that after you’ve spent our entire relationship trying to change me!” - that’s when you’ll have to face the fact that you were never the man she fell in love with - and it’s all your fault.

The trouble is ‘just being themselves’ leaves them as weak, low-self-esteem guys with very little chance of success. Most guys don’t love themselves, and they aren’t happy in their OWN company - why would any woman select to hook up with them?

Question: How can you both ‘Just be yourself’ and be attractive to women?

Answer: YOU MUST RECRAFT YOURSELF AS AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON!

Sounds like a huge challenge, right? It isn’t.

The answer is very simple, and the community is just waking up to this notion, after years of hypnotricks and false-disqualifications, bullshit DHVs and basically lying to get laid…

It’s practically the easiest thing in the world, but it requires recognizing and accepting that The problem is always you!

So concentrating on your Inner Game is absolutely vital to becoming an attractive, compelling, and worthwhile person - the sort whom women and men will opt to invest their time and energies on… someone people are proud is their friend, someone they can rely upon…

Someone who will deserve their appreciation and respect, and therefore won’t need to misrepresent themselves at all, nor have to work at keeping their interest!

You see, being worthy of their appreciation, respect, friendship, and admiration doesn’t require much at all - You need merely to actually be a good guy, continually self-improving, appreciating and valuing others, and by demonstrating loyalty to yourself first - so that others will see that you have integrity!

Being worthy means you never have to worry that you’re getting more than you deserve - and therefore never having to worry that your luck will run out!

If you happen to get lucky with some hottie who’s ideal for you in every way, and you know she’s with you for the wrong reasons, you’ll also know that she won’t be around long. That’d suck!

As you develop yourself into an interesting, amusing, entertaining, and enlightened man, you’ll find value and interest in most every person of quality - and that will make you very attractive to them.

Mark my words: being truly interested in someone makes you compellingly attractive to them! Male or female - in ‘pick up’ and in every part of life.

This is a problem that everyone faces at some point. Beginners come up against it all the time, and even experienced guys encounter it when they least expect it. Life has a funny way of surprising you, no matter how good you are. The problem is awkwardness.

Have you ever found yourself with nothing left to say? You’re standing there with a stranger and nothing is coming out of your mouth. Anything you think of seems forced and unnatural. You just stand there as the silence begins and pans out, hoping that something will happen. You may even start to think why you’re there in the first place, but don’t just wonder off. And most importantly, don’t panic.

Unless it’s absolutely clear that they’re uncomfortable with you, relax because it’s probably all in your head. Awkwardness is far more likely to be in your mind, than an actual reality.

Now, don’t confuse this with meeting someone early, perhaps at a party, making initial contact, perhaps breaking with “I’ll see you around later” and coming back to them after a while - this is a permanently breaking off from a promising conversation for reasons that feel valid at the time, but on further inspection it makes a lot more sense to stay put. Run out of things to say? Just go quiet for a while, and don’t run away. I’ve tried this myself out of curiosity and it’s amazing how long you can just sit there before anything goes wrong. People are generally too polite to tell you to go away, and as long when you eventually do speak you say something worthwhile it’ll just look like you’re just enjoying their company.

Think it’s not going anywhere? You don’t know that - and the only way you’ll find out is if you hang around for a bit. Crack a smile - persistence is attractive, and shows confidence. The longer you persist, the more confident you appear. Of course you don’t want to push it too far and look like a stalker, but most people will bail long before that happens anyway, so don’t worry. If you’re worrying what you’re doing there in the first place - you’re out being a sociable person. It’s more likely you’re worried about one of the above, don’t worry because talking to people is NEVER a waste of your time.

So, next time the conversation goes a little quiet and you find yourself wondering what you’re going to say next, don’t panic! Just smile, take a few moments to think about what to say next and please, don’t run away! You’ll never know where it could lead if you do.

As I was walking down the street just outside Wood Green tube station this man (who was clearly homeless) started to approach me. I had this really powerful feeling - I knew that he was going to ask for money. He had this desperate look in his eye - I could tell he wanted something just by looking at his eyes, I didn’t need his clothes as a clue. It was clear he was defeated man from his body language. His shoulders were slumped and his face was just giving it all away. He looked hopeless. I knew he’d been turned down 100 times already that day and it made it really easy for me to do the same. He was expecting it. I shook my head even before he asked me for money and he just sauntered along, off to his next target. He wasn’t persistent at and I didn’t expect he would be.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I just thought to myself “Can you imagine if this guy was trying to pick up?”

This guy even with the best clothes, clean shaven and washed would have no chance at all.

He was coming in with “the beggar’s frame”. He’d already been rejected and he was expecting to get rejected again. Not a hint of confidence at all. Any woman would just think “If everyone else has shot him down, I don’t want him either!” He could be the most amazing human being in the world, but with body language and vibe that he was projecting, nobody is ever going to find out! He’s never going to get past the approach.

That brings me to the next point. Vibe. It wasn’t just his physicality that put me off him. It was his overall… being. I could just feel it. He certainly wasn’t in state. He was very, very far from being in state. He was anti-state! I felt that just as much as I noticed his defeated body language.

When a bum approaches us think about how easily we just say “no” and wave them away. It’s automatic. There’s no thought process required. We see them coming and know instinctively they are low value and we just shoo them off. It’s just as easy for a hot girl to shoo you away as well. And it happens almost as automatically.

Think how much easier you make it for a woman to dismiss you in such a manner if you come in with crappy body language!

So for all you guys, next time you approach a set keep that image of that poor, stinky, defeated, hopeless man in your mind. Think about his sorrowful, helpless eyes. His scruffy, unshaven face. His swollen, hungry belly and his slumped shoulders.

Being itself is his ultimate defeat.

Don’t be that man! Avoid the beggar’s frame when you approach a set at all costs! (Hell, avoid it altogether!)

So to summarise, things to avoid:

-Looking down/avoiding eye contact
-Shoulders slumped
-Being twitchy/creepy
-Focusing on negative thoughts/on past failure
-Drug and alchohol abuse
-Not bathing for weeks

Alright the last two were jokes folks.

Hopefully I don’t have to tell anyone out there to avoid walking around unbathed in torn up raggedy clothes. But hey – I’ve met a homeless PUA before so you never know.

With the release of The Game thousands of men have rushed into the pick-up scene. The Game is CLEARLY a condemnation of the empty and hollow lives of most of its players, but an amazing number of people appear to have missed this message, instead only being intrigued by the notion of getting laid by hotter/more/any women. To set the record straight I’ll attempt to frame inner game in a way to help you evolve into your better self gradually instead of being hurried along by the hype.

Inner Game and The Playboy Lifestyle

The more richly developed you are as a person, the less crafty and manipulative you need to be as a player, and the less you need to justify that you DESERVE the playboy lifestyle you have chosen.

Once you grasp this, everything else falls into place: Inner Game isn’t something you get taught, it isn’t something you study - it’s something you must EARN!

By earning your OWN respect, and satisfying yourself that you are becoming more fully-realized with each new experience you have, you begin TRULY to like yourself.

We’re all looking to live the playboy lifestyle, but there is nothing innately positive about the ‘worthless playboy’ stereotype. Oh, it LOOKS like fun, but it’s empty and shallow.

Be The Worthy Playboy

To become a ‘Worthy Playboy’ you must develop yourself as a Renaissance Man; you should endeavour to gain a broad-base of knowledge in areas you believe people who’d interest you will be versed. This will help you to remain interesting to them also; as being interesting is INFINITELY more attractive than being ‘impressive’.

As a Worthy Playboy, you should be comfortable and confident enough to carry on conversations with women on subjects you have historically known nothing about, by candidly and sincerely encouraging them to share THEIR insights with you.

NEVER FORGET: Everyone’s favourite subject is themselves, and NOTHING makes you more attractive to another person than being INTERESTED in what they have to say.

This works for men and women alike - but women are far more impressed when they receive this attention from men (since most men are usually too arrogant to concede they might not know everything… Schmucks.)

A Worthy Playboy is never ashamed of NOT KNOWING, because A) no one can know everything, and B) women will be DELIGHTED that their knowing something you don’t isn’t intimidating to you - and they will be flattered that you’re man-enough to let them teach something to you.

Introspectively interrogate yourself to discover WHO YOU ARE as you develop - to ensure you haven’t lost sight of yourself.

Once you KNOW who you are, you’ll know what you’ll do.

Reasoned Confidence

IF YOU ONLY DO THE THINGS WHICH MAKE SENSE TO YOU, in which you find yourself BOTH cerebrally and emotionally settled, and where your conscience is unperturbed, YOU’LL BE ACTING WITH ‘REASONED CONFIDENCE’.

This is the rational way of leading your life - by following these internal guidelines, you’ll NEVER have reason for regret, and no justification for embarrassment, EVEN if things don’t work out immediately! (In such cases, dispassionately step back from the experience, return to the plan to see whether the problem was situational or persistent, and modify as necessary before trying again.)

By proceeding ONLY with Reasoned Confidence, the only guilt you need EVER feel is the guilt of letting yourself down; the ONLY embarrassment, the embarrassment of making the same mistakes over again; the ONLY regret, the regret of not having come to this epiphany earlier.

Explore your world - expand your horizons, develop new friendships with people of high integrity and ethics, and remain true to yourself and your word. Your relationships and your reputation are your strongest weapons in the battle against psychological misery and emotional defeat - make certain they are solid, just, and dependable as best you can.

Most of all, YOU MUST BECOME SELF-ACTUALIZED - in other words, you need to find your comfort with yourself based on your confidently and successfully following your own path, and NOT narcissistically through the approval of others.

Permitting yourself to be held-back from progressing because you fear the disapproval of people you don’t admire is MADNESS!

We’re on the final day of the Authentic Man Program Course. We’ve had 12 guys go through one of the most transformational experiences in their lives to date, and here’s our leadership team on lunch break at our favourite Indian restaurant.

Perhaps you’d expect us to be talking about personal transformation, or male and female dynamics, or how the course has been going… In fact:

Ray: “Don’t get that masala too close to Bryan’s face, that thing is like a magnet.”

(I’m the messy eater of the group)

Bryan: “I think it would look better on Garrison’s shirt anyway.”

(Garrison is working on letting go of always trying to “look good”)

Garrison: “If this was your shirt there would already be masala on it.”

(That may actually be true)

Decker: “Uh oh, Paul you’re making the ‘left out’ face again. Maybe you should go sit at that table over there.”

(Paul’s edges are feeling excluded and like there’s something wrong with him)

Paul: “I feel better about myself here, and since, as you know, lives are on the line, I need to be where I can help out.”

(Decker is working to ease up around injecting “life-or-death” significance into everything)

Garrison: “Here’s the check–wait, who ordered the ‘whine’? Was that you, Ray?”

(Ray is learning to ask for help instead of keeping it in and later on whining because he didn’t get support)

Decker: Ten bucks says Bryan forgot his wallet again.

(Oh yeah… I’m kinda forgetful too.)

etc etc

The truth is that these guys are amongst the most powerful, intelligent, solid and commited leaders I know. We’ve got a hughe amount of appreciation and respect for each other, and yet in the middle of an intense program … we’re teasing each other mecilessly!

What’s more, we’re teasing each other about the places where most people tend to ‘close down’ or start taking things personally. Why on earth would we do that? Are just insensitive, obnoxious jerks to each other?

Actually: we’re supporting each other. We enjoy finding ways to tease each other about the unconscious behaviours that limit our connections with others. There’s something that’s very powerful about having fun with each other in a masculine, good-natured and loving way.

When you can have humour and laugh about something that triggers us, it has less of a grip on us. Where we’d normally feel ashamed, the insecurity starts to burn away - it’s like a rock polisher - our sharp edges are being worn away by our friends ‘ragging’ us.

The more able we are to laugh at and accept ourselves, and the less seriously we take our ‘image’, the better we get at relating to women, who as we know, are very adept at finding those places where we’re not complete and whole.

Women will often poke and test for the places where you’re not yet solid, where you might posture, or might collapse in to being defensive, apologetic, self-righteous, and angry.

With the ability to laugh at yourself, you’ll be able to welcome openly whatever a woman says or does, without reacting compulsively, and you’ll be far more capable of creating the attraction and profound erotic connections that make life so rewarding.

It’s book review time again, and this time: Michael Jordan, Driven from Within. I was pretty skeptical at first … the book’s very decorous, which is a nice way of saying, it’s largely a picture book. And it has a ghost writer too, which is normally a bad sign.

Having read it, I can say it was truly life-changing. Some of the philosophies espoused in the book are totally paradigm shifting, and seem to come back to me at the most opportune moments.

The book’s written from several perspectives - interviews with the man himself, interviews with his family and people he worked with. It also charts the development of his sneaker brand.

Overcoming Tricks of the Mind

Many of the themes are repeated over and over, one of the most powerful for me being the idea of overcoming adversity using your creativity, rather than letting it get you down:

I remember being at the gym with Michael, and there was this businessman, very successful. He wanted to get back in shape, and he’s laying on the board doing some inverted situps. The guy starts talking about how he’s getrting cramps, and he stops. Michael tells him he has to find a wsay to get past the pain if he really wants to get back in to shape. The guy walks around a little while, comes back, and finally does another set - The mind will play tricks on you.

The mind was telling you that you couldn’t go any further. The mind was telling you how much it hurt. The mind was telling you these things to keep you from reaching your goal. But you have to see past that, turn it all of if you are going to get where you want to be.

Earning What You Want

The entire first chapter is called “Earned”, and it’s another big theme running through the book:

“Players who practice hard when no-one is watching generally play well when everyone is watching”

He talks a lot about greatness. My favourite definition? Greatness is your opponents knowing the have to do their best, when all you’re doing is expressing yourself in the moment, never having to think abuot lifting your game or trying harder - because you’re firing on all cylinders from the core.

No Fear of Failure

Again, best explained by a quote from the book:

There was never any fear for me, no fear of failure. If I miss a shot, so what? You either make it, or you miss it. I could think that way because I knew I have earned the opportunity to take that shot. I had put in all the work, not only in that particular game, but in practice every day. If I missed, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no stress in losing under those circumstances - it just wasn’t meant to be.

I was as prepared as I could possible have been for that mooment. I couldn’t go back and practice a little harder.

If you know you haven’t prepared correctly, or you know you haven’t worked hard enough, that’s when the other thoughts and emotions creep in to your mind. That’s stress. That’s fear.

It’s the same process for doing anything, anywhere in life no matter how big or small the stage. Whether it’s running a corporation, taking a test in second grade, or taking a shot to win a game, at that moment you are the sum total of all the work you have put in, nothing more and nothing less. If you are confident you have done everytyhing possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear.

Women are attracted to men who are confident and unreactive to them. It’s easy to fake confidence though, so women will often try and ‘test’ men and throw them off guard to see if they’re as confident as they’re projecting.

We call these ’shit-tests’, and normally they’re manifested by the woman making a negative assumption or comment about you. The degree to which you either reinforce or reject that ‘frame’ determines if you pass or fail - if she becomes more or less attracted to you.

Let’s take an example: the classic shit test “Are you a player?” If you say “No!” it looks like you’re getting defensive. If you say “Yes!” it looks try-hard. So what can you do?

a) You can ignore the comment entirely, and keep going with your game plan:

Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Man, you know what I saw today? [routine]”

This is my favourite way to hold the frame, but a girl can just keep repeating the question if she wants to be a pain.

b) You can make the question look absurd:

Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “What is it about players you like so much? I’m actually a card-carrying member of the ancient order of Make-Out Whores. My father was a Make-Out Whore, and his father before that. It’s a great honour! Anyway, [routine]”

c) You can throw her a shit-test back

Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Are you just a typical San Diego party girl?”

Like her shit-test, it’s a great double bind - however she answers, she’s playing in to my frame. If she says ‘yes’, I can ‘dismiss’ her and say “I know what those are like, and they’re trouble”. If she says ‘no’, I can tell her that’s good because I’m sick of those girls, but she’s probably not adventurous enough.

d) You can misinterpret what she said, and then disqualify

Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Oh my God, you’re attracted to me! It’s too bad, because you’re really not my type…”

Not only are you labelling her as attracted to you (and people normally play in to labels), but you’re then immediately disqualifying her too - you’re setting up the frame that she wants you, but can’t have you.

e) You can use a total non-sequitur

Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “My friend eats lemons. [Next routine]”

One part ignorance, one part humour, with some illogical chick sense thrown in - it also subtly sends her the message that you won’t jump through her hoops. If you say the same thing every time she throws you a shit-test, it becomes good call-back humour too.

This was originally posted by the now retired Future, who used to work for The Mystery Method.

“How Do You Deal with Haters? I try to ignore them but still there’s that part of me that can’t stand anyone disliking me. I guess… how can I work on that?”

Concern over what other people think is a major problem; it’s the root of approach anxiety, and it’s the murderous threat to progressing your game because it cripples your ability to take chances. Sinn’s response is of vital importance:
“Who cares?

One of the first hurdles to truly getting this at a level that very few people( Like less 10 that I count) that Future and I perceive events at, is getting over the idea that another person’s mental perception of you, matters at all..

There are going to be people who think you are weird or pathetic or loose morealed. Who gives a fuck? Live the life YOU want! As David D said on some program ” What other people think is none of my business”. Seriously you are here for a reason. NO ONE finds TMM by mistake so whatever forces drove you to us, don’t give them the power to control your behavior and your ability to live your lifetime to the fullest.

As far as we know THIS is the ONLY life we get…”

How do you deal with people not liking you? Honestly, the best way to handle it is to go to the store, buy a box of straws, and suck it the fuck up. I don’t know you. You could be big or small, ugly or handsome, fun or boring, smart or stupid. But letting other people define your self-perception by virtue of their emotional state is a weakness that will stand in your way in most endeavors, one of which is your ability to form successful, meaningful, and repeated sexual interactions with women.

The haters will always be there. You will never be everybody’s cup of tea. Someone will find a reason not to like you. Heck, there are countries full of people who might not like you simply because of your skin color or country of birth! I was in the American military! I suspect nearly everyone walking around Baghdad would talk shit about me in the abstract.

So you get over it. You focus on the prize. The sign of strength in this world is to pursue that which you want relentlessly and tenaciously. The sign of virtue is to bring as many people as you can along with you on that journey. But even when you reach the height of success, someone will trudge toward the summit to pull you down.

Fuck them.

This is one of the key parts of being a man. I just finished a book called The Female Brain. The back of the book warns, “Men, get ready to get brain envy!” but I’ll tell you I’ve never been more pleased to be a dude in my life. Women’s brains are constantly saturated with varying levels of hormones that dictate mood switches arbitrarily through the month or day. Modern media and society have pushed a feminist agenda on us in a big way, so we have all pumped up our overall level of vaginositude. There was a time when it would have been ludicrous to see a man of a certain age crying in public. Now I see it every other day on the streets of New York City. People are pussies.

You are a MAN. You are a WARRIOR. You are the one who protects his family from the saber-toothed tiger, finds shelter when the snows come, and kills a mastodon with a spear to help feed the fucking tribe. YOU. Someone in your genetic line understood this, and so you are here. If you were called to serve in battle, you could whimper at the bullets, cower at the explosions, or you could crucify the child in that moment of fear and live up to your own expectations of yourself. And baby, girls ain’t bullets.

Emotions lead us arbitrarily. They change extemporaneously, and they can rarely be trusted. Our positive emotions burn when we are comfortable and lazy. Our negative emotions burn as we shit ourselves before talking to a girl. Emotions are here to stay, but you must learn to acknowledge them without kneeling before them. In the recent New Yorker, there is a stunning interview with billionaire Mort Zuckerman. This dude has made a ton of hard choices, pissed off a lot of people. But he focused on his brass ring and grabbed it without compromise.

When I’m teaching boot camp, it’s not uncommon for a student to stall approaching because he imagines a girl to be this way or that, or he imagines her relationship with the guy she’s talking to as this or that. Most of the time, I shove him in the back, and he returns a while later, stunned by how well the interaction went, how it was absolutely NOT what he predicted. You simply can’t read ANYONE’s mind. You can’t CHANGE anyone’s mind, necessarily. All you can do is be the best you the world has ever seen. You are a man. You do not feel what anyone else tells you or wants you to feel. You feel as you are supposed to feel according to your own designs, and that is all. Every shivering moment you do NOT act this way is another blade’s centimeter toward castration. PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU. The better you are, the more people will hate you for no fucking reason whatsoever, without knowing you, maybe without knowing what you look like.

It hurts. The good thing about that, I feel, is that it means your emotional circuitry is firing. Cool. But successful, effective people look emotions in the eye, bow their head in greeting, and walk past the iniquity resident in their own hearts. Your mission as a human and a man is to stave off the demons while you have them as you retain the spark of what it means to be you. A significant component of that process is taking a good, hard, ugly look in the mirror, staring yourself in the eyes, and reaching for that box of straws.

Hey guys,

Today’s newsletter may be a bit short because I am learning how to type on a Dvorak keyboard. I would love to take the week off, but the newsletter must go on! For more info on what that is, check out my blog or Google.

I’m on day 2 and I am up to 10-15 words per minute or so. Yikes.

Here’s our question for today:

I’m the kind of guy that wants to come across as humble yet confident. I don’t particularly like bragging and I am working on portraying my personality through stories as you have suggested. However, sometimes I think that I am talking too much about my self and do not want people to think I am self-centered or conceited. Any tips on how to come across as purely confident and not insecure cocky?

-CW

Hey CW,

I wouldn’t worry too much about being humble. Confidence is important, of course, but humility really isn’t.

Some of the most attractive guys are very cocky.

In fact, a lot of “being confident” is being who you are and being proud of that. If you’re naturally a cocky guy then it’s a lot better to go with that than to try to fight it.

Insecurity, when you think about it, is really just not fully accepting something about yourself. A confident person accepts himself, including his flaws AND his strengths.

My friend Tyler from Real Social Dynamics has a great phrase, “the self always comes through.”

In other words, if you’re not a cocky guy, don’t worry about it. People will see you for who you are.

There is, however, one guideline to keep in mind. You should never put other people down to make yourself look good. This always has the opposite effect.

I’d like to write more, but this new keyboard is killing me. I should be typing fast again next week.

Tynan

If you want to get good with women, there are two essential things you need.

The first is the technical skills of gaming: how to open, negging properly, false time constraints.

The second, is faith.

Why is it that when guys first learn pickup skills, they have quite so much success with what they’re learning? Is there anything magical about opinion openers, or about the routines that are taught? Not really, BUT, you believe these things will work.

That’s why the students who get the best most quickly are the ones able to throw out their entire view of how picking up women works, and embrace the material we teach.

Their faith ultimately manifests itself as confidence, and thus ‘inner game’, where the skills learned are ‘outer game’. The best thing that can happen to a guy learning pickup is for them to be given material that they have faith in first. Then they start to develop faith in themselves as a guy who can attract women.

If you were truly 100% confident in everything you did, the only thing you’d need to do to get laid would be to escalate sexually. Your faith would overcome your lack of skills.

I was a mess when I started to learn game, BUT I have complete faith that the random guys on the internet were on to something. I truly believed that they could both help me and that they were right. Later I found out that half of them were fucking crazy or charlatans, but that faith and the good information I DID find made all the difference.

I bought in to it, and improved my life dramatically. If I hadn’t believe that a certain guy who’s stuff I was reading could go in to a group of 120 guys with one girl and take the girl out, and steal girls from celebrities, then I wouldn’t have gotten as good as I am.

I still try to maintain this faith. If I read something that sounds ridiculous, I don’t dismiss it out of hand - I try it! I use it. Sometimes that shows me that people are full of shit, but sometimes it blows me away, and I learn - I have to remember that I was skeptical about opinion openers when I first learned them.

The technical parts of game are crucial, BUT, after learning all the technical aspects of game, the final sticking point is learning to have faith in yourself. Learning to view yourself as an attractive guy, and someone able to attract and begin sexual relationships with the women you desire.

It’s important as a a dating coach (and especially important as a coach for big brands like The Mystery Method and Love Systems) to constantly be making progress yourself - to keep the saw sharp. I try to read everything I think might have some value to me - I fill notebook after notebook with ideas and things to try.

Slow Burners and Inner Game Confidence

Some things we teach on The Mystery Method bootcamps are ‘fast burners’ and some are ’slow burners’. A fast burner is a piece of advice that a student can use right away - simple, practical, and effective. A slow burner is often a bit deeper, a more profound piece of advice - students will often email me to tell me how something I said to them in a workshop came back to them a month later, and it was the missing piece of the puzzle they’re trying to solve.

Slow burners are normally about confidence and beliefs, or what we call ‘inner game’. Almost all the practical advice we teach is stuff we’ve taken from guys who are supernaturally confident with women, or have certain highly useful beliefs about women and dating. Getting these beliefs and confidence can be a lengthy process, but in the long-run, they’re key.

Essentially they give you the Winners Edge. People who dominate any field are normally only a small amount better than the pack. But the difference in success that they enjoy is huge. You don’t have to become Mystery or Style to enjoy great success - small changes here and there will have a huge impact.

One of the biggest slow-burners in my personal development has been the idea of a ‘Self Concept’, as found in the book Psycho-Cybernetics.

Self Concept and Self Development

Your Self Concept can be defined as: “How much you truly believe that you are capable of doing something”. Not how much you wish you could, not how much you want to believe it, and not how much you pretend to believe it. How much you genuinely believe it.

My Self Concept for brushing my teeth is high, my Self Concept for playing soccer is pretty low. My Self Concept for teaching seminars is high, my Self Concept for beating co-instructors Sheriff and Sinn at drinking games is low.

Your Self Concept is like a homing device in your head - however hard you push against it, you’ll end up back on the same path eventually.

Does your Self Concept contain a belief that you’re lazy? You’ll be able to push yourself to be productive for a few days, but sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back to wasting time. Believe that you’re a fat slob? You’ll be able to get yourself to the gym for a few days, but pretty soon you’ll snap back to reaching for that twinkie.

Your Self Concept contains beliefs on all aspects of your life - it’s like your mental DNA. If you want to change something about yourself, you have to change your Self Concept, otherwise all the willpower in the world won’t make a difference.

And if you truly believe that you don’t deserve women in your life, then all the tips and tricks you learn won’t help in the long run. You’ll meet women, maybe you’ll date them, but sooner or later the guidance system that is The Self Concept will take over again, and you’ll end up driving them away.

Changing Your Self Concept

Guys who come to workshops often leave with a substantially changed set of beliefs about women in their Self Concept.

There are a couple of reasons for this. Firstly, they see an authority figure (like an instructor) do things they didn’t think were possible. They’ll see a previously bitchy and unresponsive girl turn in to putty in the instructor’s hands. They’ll see an instructor wade in to a large group of girls and come away with the hottest one’s phone number or a kiss. What’s more though, as often as not they’ll hear an instructor talk about a time when he was at the level they were at, and his personal changes - they can relate to it. Authority figures play a large role in the formation of our Self Concept.

Secondly, they’ll see a lot of new evidence about how women treat them. We’ll have changed how attractive they come across dramatically, and women will treat them differently - consistently! Repetition and new evidence play a big part in changing the Self Concept.

If you can’t get yourself to a workshop, what can you take from this?

Firstly: surround yourself with guys who are good with women. I have a rule for the people I let in to my life: would I feel comfortable being more like this person? If the answer is no, I don’t want to spend time with them. Seek out people who act how you want to act, and spend time with them - their behaviours and beliefs will help guide you.

Secondly: surround yourself with women. Get in to the habit of bringing attractive women in to your life as FRIENDS. You’ll learn so much about them: about their insecurities and about how they react to men. You’ll meet the super-hot women who just want strong men who are nice to them - and either meet wimps or assholes. You’ll have your reality blown away by some of their attitudes to sex and men in general.

Thirdly: work on your outer game constantly. Go out and meet new people all the time. Get blown out, get sucked in. If you perfect attractive body language, for example, women will start treating you as a more attractive man - and you’ll start to believe, deep inside, that you are. It’s the perfect feedback loop.

Getting Some Perspective

Ever bought a video game (I highly recommend Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus for Gameboy Advance) and start off sucking at it? Did you then look at yourself in the mirror and say “You know, I suck as a person because I can’t get past Level 1″. No. That’d be bullshit, and you’d know it. It even sounds stupid.

You know that if you play the game enough, you’ll get good soon. You don’t believe that you suck at video games (or life) in general, you believe that you need a little more practice, and you’ll probably get better. If the game’s good, and has a happy ending, you’ll keep playing it until you know what all the buttons do and can kick ass.

The important thing is that you don’t let your incompetence in this one area affect your overall Self Concept and Self Value. This allows you to grow rapidly. You don’t care if you succeed or fail - you care about the process. If you got upset and low every time Barbie got eaten by the Trolls you’d find your progress severely retarded.

The easiest way I know to free yourself from this trap? Keep a success journal. Every night you go out, come home, and only write down the positive things. Only write down the things that went well. Developing competence is about finding what works, and then losing all the bad habits about it - but you need to find the way that works first.

The more you focus on your failures, the more you focus on being a failure. The more you focus on your successes, the more you focus on being a success.

A Realization

One unhealthy thing I see again and again is men worrying far too much about their appearance.

But I’m not talking about what they look like physically - it’s more important than that.

Men worry about giving an ‘appearance’ that they’re not ‘too interested’ in a girl. They try to learn how to say things in a certain way and they even learn things to say to make themselves look ‘disinterested’.

They’re not trying to let go of their need for approval. They’re just trying to gloss over it. The difference is huge.

If you’re trying to pretend on the outside that you don’t need a woman’s approval, while you’re desperate for it on the inside, you’re being inauthentic - you’re tying to present a fake reality. Women are really sensitive to this, so you’re screwed! They can feel it!

I remember when I was getting started, I was desperate for women’s approval. It didn’t matter how I said something, it didn’t matter what I said, and it didn’t matter how much I pretended I didn’t want their approval - they could always feel it. And unless they were as needy as I was (or more!), it was a no-go.

Making a Change

What I really wanted was healthy, non-needy women. To do that, I had to purge my own neediness - I had to remove my burning need for women’s approval. I had to become authentically whole, not just well-practiced at trying to convey some alien persona.

So how the hell do you do that?

Well, I didn’t have to do it alone. I had a fantastic coach, and he gave me a pretty far-out assignment:

I had to practice being fully in love with my life, even if no woman ever found me attractive again.

That was a lot to take on! No woman EVER finding me attractive … again? But I was ready to try anything, so I went with it. I took the task on fully, with all my energy. I stopped approaching and dating women, and just sat in the fire of my need, fully feeling and burning through all my attachments. I stopped resisting it, like I always had, and just allowed myself to feel it fully.

And you know what? It wasn’t that bad.

There was a feeling of exhilarating freedom that arose from fully embracing my own neediness. The more I embraced it, the less of a grip it had on me. And after a few months, and some deep emotional releases, I found myself on the other side of a neediness, an insecurity, that had been running my life for as long as I could remember.

Women who I had been absolutely desperate to date in the past - and who didn’t want to date me - were now experiencing me completely differently. They’d say “Wow, you feel good!”. They became open to me, more than ever before, energetically, emotionally, and sexually.

It’s not that I was doing anything differently. It wasn’t some new gimmick I’d learned. I’d done the work INSIDE MYSELF to remove my neediness, and now they were throwing themselves at me!

Best of all: I wasn’t putting up any appearance. I was simply being my new self.

First Steps

Let me share with you one of our concepts that’ll help you to make the change. It’s the second level of our Inner Game Training Model, and when I first discovered it, it was like the warm light of the sun in what were formerly gloomy, gray, dark waters. I call it ‘Appreciation