Grow Your Game

Lets talk a little bit about body language and how it relates to your attitude and confidence. We all know that people communicate with each other on multiple levels. But did you know that spoken words is just 7% of what we communicate? The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.

You may ask why body language is so important. First, because it is how we sub-communicate with others. This sub-communication is even more important that ever before, because society has created a link between our actions and how people feel. For example, when you are in room and you feel really nervous, everyone in the room will pick up that you are nervous by your actions, tonality, and speed of your movements. Such things are very obvious, especially to children who are not preoccupied with speech as much as many adults. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry. Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down. This guy probably can’t look anybody in the eyes and is sub-communicating that he is insecure. Somebody who is hunched over, with her feet together, is subconsciously trying to not be noticed at all.

We can find wealth of information about other people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are saying on a deeper level. An outgoing woman will do the exact same to you, she could tell you a zillion things that you are projecting, just by your image. Let me quote my girlfriend here: “I can see if a guy is good in bed, just by the way he walks.” That is so true. They can tell everything about you, just by the way you look. It comes from all those years of experience of guys hitting on them.

If you go out dressed like you do not care about your image at all, you probably don’t care, and women will notice this. On the other hand, if you go out dressed as a socially cool guy, you probably are a pretty damn smooth dude. As for the woman, this process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn’t want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser, or some boring guy who doesn’t know how to give her some fun in her life. So they screen you and try to find out as many things about you as possible in a very short period of time.

Imagine, if you are a HOT girl, would you give 30 minutes of your time to each boring geek that hit on you?? No, you would give him 30 seconds and then the “F#*& off” line.

This is because she already knows that he is a boring, lame-ass guy. But what if some super-ultra confident guy, who is well dressed, comes into a room, walks slowly towards a hot girl with a smile on his face, and starts a conversation with a girl? Would she reject him??

Exactly. She would not.

Now let me ask you who the really confident in our society are, the ones with an attitude larger then life. Who are they?? Rockstars, company directors, successful managers, doctors, politicians…. etc.

Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you’ll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates with super-confidence.

Lets take a look at what the most common mistakes are when somebody tries to pick up a girl:

• Talking too fast (being nervous)
• Talking too much (trying to impress her)
• Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
• Drinking (to become comfortable)
• Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
• Body language wrong (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)
• Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
• Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)

Does any of this radiate with any confidence??? Hell no!! Take a look and see that every action here projects INSECURITY!!

Ok, let’s correct this poor body language together. Here is list of things that you must FIX…

• Keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Stand with you feet wider apart.
• Never look down when you walk, look above the horizon
• Stand with your chest pushed outwards
• Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
• Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
• Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
• Pay attention to how you dress
• Always lean back.
• Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual), because you must create conversation on all levels, not just verbal. (Later she is going to be used to your touch, and that is perfect for the pre-sex stage!)
• All your body language should be comparable in speed. For instance, moving with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast at the same time.

One more really important thing my friend would tell you, “Pick-Up doesn’t start when you approach her, it starts when you WAKE UP in morning!” and that’s so true!

Let’s move on to the subject of attraction:

In order to attract a woman, you must first understand why and how they think. Why the state of attraction exists, and how it happens.

The easiest way to understand and explain this is through something known as ‘Switches theory’. You know those on/off switches you have in your house for electricity? Now imagine you have 15 of them in one box. That’s an analogy for how our minds work. Women have switches such as “Is he attractive?, is he good at sex?” on or off.

Every girl out there has a different set of switches, because it really depends on their culture, their childhood, their beliefs and their age, plus a few other minor things. However, there are some common switches you must turn ON to all girls out there.

You must be:

• Challenging
• Alpha
• Interesting
• Unpredictable
• Stylish
• Not needy
• A good lover
• Humorous
• Capable of building strong rapport
• Secure
• Trustworthy
• Conversational

Now, those switches can be either ON or OFF. There is no value in-between… for geeks, it’s all off.

What happens when you switch on most of those switches?? Wow… she starts to be interested in you… actually… she starts to show IOIs (indication of interest). This reaction is totally normal. When she meets a guy who is funny, good looking, interesting, romantic, and not needy, she becomes interested in getting to know him better (read: sleeping with him).

Switching on these switches is what demonstrates personality to a woman. You can tell stories where you were romantic. You can hook her with interesting snippets of your life and make her ask you questions where you get to reveal your romantic side. It doesn’t matter, as long as the you flip the romantic switch to the ON position. Every story or routine you have in your arsenal is saying something to her (flipping switches.) When designing routines and stories, you need to first take a look at what you want to convey to her.

The easiest way to switch on lot of switches is through good body language, behavior, and a sense of style.

Lets take a look at me for example. If you’ve never seen the way I look, take a look at my webpage photo here…

Okay, let’s analyze this together… what do you think about this guy just from this photo? Here is what others have said:

• He has a lot of confidence
• He looks like some badboy or a really adventurous guy
• Good looking (average)
• He is drinking expensive cocktails, so he probably has some money…
• Sex must be amazing with him
• He is alpha, he doesn’t worry what others think
• He doesn’t look like some predictable guy…
• Not so needy

Ok, guys, you get my point… I switched On like 10 switches just by the way I look and behave. There are also switches I haven’t flipped yet:

I don’t have trust, rapport, I am not romantic, interesting… and that’s it fellas!!!!

That means 5 stories for 5 more switches. That’s like 5 X 5 minutes = 25 minutes to get a girl.

Of course you can convey all those things through conversation, and that’s fine. But it will take 10X longer! This is the way it works for me, and I am happy.

We all know how important inner game is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what inner game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I perfected the delivery of my voice?

Actually, inner game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted to you. That’s how most naturals get women. They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they’re the prize, which is exactly what attracts women.

I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because they radiate confidence and are not overly concerned with outside criticism. They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goals. I am willing to teach you how to become a leader and how to make people follow you and even respect you. These steps are essential to leading a successful life.

I am 25 years old, but what I have lived through, you cannot even imagine. I believe I’ve learned a lot in these 25 years – possibly more wisdom than the average joe acquires in his entire lifetime.

The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that is intangible, so they say a person “has charisma,” or “is a charismatic person.” If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you will see that they actually have one major quality in common. They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality. They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they punish it.

You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living successfully on this planet. Let’s take respect for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work?

First, start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don’t respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself poorly, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that you aren’t worth anything.

Next, you must develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that reflects poorly upon your integrity. Tell the offenders you disapprove, and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. Make them know that they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you badly and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people will see this and learn to disrespect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.

For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only three times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return, I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow. Otherwise you won’t see me ever again.

I also make options for myself so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I so choose. For now, even if you don’t have any other options, make it seem like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my women. I love them and will treat them like queens, but only as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how, when women don’t get what they want, they call me a jerk. They may not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.

Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you’ll get punished, and trust me, you won’t make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It’s funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that these tests are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, such tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That’s just normal behavior.

My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner.

What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not disobeying its owner, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.

Now, let’s get back to charismatic people. It’s funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. Examples include Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.

Strong leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from them.

So, the first step towards developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will have noticed something really unusual: as soon as I approach a group, I am not sucked into its frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach any group of people, I don’t position myself so that the whole group can hear me, and I certainly don’t try to yell so that the whole group can hear me.

First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. For example, I approach them, let them welcome me, sit down, and use the space around me to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modeled or learned, but it’s been a part of my personality for a long time.

I really can’t stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter “S,” and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. He makes it more important than his health or his body. This is really sad. Why should I be in an uncomfortable position when I talk to some average frustrated woman. What is she to me?

You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a group or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can’t be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can’t hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone’s lips for ten minutes is really sexual.

You’re about to cross into Abyss of Neediness if:

- You’re wondering for more than 10 minutes if you should call her or not

If you sit there, all day, wondering if you should call her; DO NOT call her. You call should be spontaneous, when you got bored from doing your daily tasks and you want someone new to talk to. Don’t even bother making day2 plans with her if it’s your first call. Just call her, bullshit for several minutes and tell her you have to get back to doing something (exciting).

If you started hesitating whether to call her or not- You’re going to fuck it up. Feel edgy about calling? Get your mind off of it, and go to the mall; sarge someone else. Come back. Call her.

-You’re giving her too much benefit of a doubt, too much slack.

Again, I hear guys talk about it; giving her excuses and why she did this or that. It doesn’t matter. It is your reality. Set up your threshold limit on what is tolerable by you and what is not. I, personally, have three strikes. (or just a BIG ONE). And because she is a 10 or a 9 don’t give her extra slack. If you wouldn’t take shit from a fatty, you shouldn’t take shit from a 10. EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, falls in this trap. I do this shit all the time, except I catch myself giving extra privileges to hotter girls and I stop. THIS IS BAD! Do not do it.

If you’re sitting at home thinking about her action, look at it from a logical point of view: what she did is acceptable by you or not? If not, let her know that you don’t tolerate crap. This falls more into ‘relationship’ portion rather than pre-day2. If bitch stood you up on a date, tell her that it’s rude, and NEVER call her again. Because, we, men, have A LOT OF THINGS ON OUR PLATE and DO NOT HAVE TIME to waste. Stop thinking about her, giving her excuses in your mind, justifying her actions, but be reasonable about it. People do have emergencies;

-You get overly jealous (exclusive or not exclusive relationship)

Hot girls have guy friends: lots of them. Hot girls have orbiters. These guys want to fuck them but can’t. Get used to it. In exclusive relationship there are things that acceptable and not acceptable, define these things between you two. Set rules and stick to them. (ok, correction: make her stick to them)

Just remember, she is probably going to keep her options open. Most likely she will LIKE SOMEONE ELSE while being with you, and there is a possibility she might cheat on you.

Guess what you should be doing? EXACTLY THE SAME THING: Keep your options open. Have other women in your life (even as friends). Have women in your life that are dying to fuck you (but can’t). Go out! Don’t stay at home with her all the time. Meet other women. You don’t have to sleep with them but always have your GAME ON. And if you happened to be in situation where you can cheat on your girl- Well, that’s your moral stand point; I am not giving you advice on this

-You wonder why she didn’t call you, (yet)

Why do you care? She is busy. You’re busy. (Or you should be). Get a life. I used to do this all the time. I would get depressed if some girl I was gaming didn’t call me. Then I learned that the only reason I am depressed is because I let myself be. DO NOT CALL HER. Just go out, hang out with your buddies and STOP CHECKING YOUR CELL PHONE every five minutes. You’re not going to miss a call from her. And if you do, even better; it shows her that you’re too busy and don’t have time to be worrying about her. Man up. She’ll call.

-You’ve spend over 20 hours with her and still haven’t fucked her, yet kissed her.

I don’t want to hear this bullshit: “Well she is not like that; she likes to take it slow” BULLSHIT! This whole taking slow bullshit is her excuse for lack of attraction for you. If Johnny Depp offered her some dick, I am sure she wouldn’t even think about ‘taking it slow’. So don’t be that guy who gets lead on, only to end up in LJBF Zone. I can understand that some girls have issues with sex. Here is word of advice for you: you don’t want these girls. Do not try to play ‘good Samaritan’ and try to help her with her issues. Don’t try to ‘save her’. You’re not a shrink. You’re not her girlfriend. If she is too fucked up or prude to have sex within 20 hours of meeting guy, you’re on for a ride (you don’t want to take). Very few girls are like that though. Somewhere you just failed in attraction (sometimes comfort). Admit it! Stop letting your ego get in a way. You’re acting like a coward. FUCK HER ALREADY! If not, MOVE ON!

-You call/text her, over and over, but she doesn’t return your calls/sms’

DESTINATION CREEPINESS! Welcome aboard! Stop with this shit. Just stop.

You call her, she doesn’t call back. Ok. You call her in few days; she doesn’t call back, leave a voice mail, and delete her number. Let me repeat that again. DELETE HER NUMBER. You gave her two calls over SEVERAL DAYS and on your last call you left her VM- and it’s time to delete her number, because, you ARE NOT going to call her back again. Not going to text her, not going to call her and hang up or whatever creepy thing you could possibly do.

Naturally, if she calls you back, (IF), you’re going to say “Who is this?” …Don’t ask me why, just do it.
Most likely, she won’t (call you back) MOVE ON.

-You take her out on day2 and you would not leave her alone (after)

This is my personal rule. Day 2s are there to re-enforce your game; show her that you’re congruent with whom you were first time she met you, and day2 is there for you to plant several seeds in her head. Your day2 game must be tighter than your game when you first opened her. Going into day2 she should be thinking “Well, this guy is cute/hot/interesting, I want to get to know him better”- leaving day2 she should be thinking “OMIFUCKINGGOD! This guy… wow… like I can’t stop thinking about him… he is just… amazing…maybe he is the one…I haven’t felt like this in a while!!!” (and she really should be leaving WITH YOU thinking THAT… and you should get minimal LMR)

BLOW HER FUCKING MIND! Then don’t call for few days. Let her wonder. Most guys fuck up entire chemistry by calling her THE SAME FUCKING DAY with “Oh hey, had a good time tonight.. I hope you got home ok. Thanks for hanging out with me…” WTF IS THIS SHIT? DO NOT DO THAT! If you feel like you ought to, send her ONE SIMPLE text message “good night “ that’s it.

-you stop seeing other girls because of her

Unless you both agreed to stop seeing other people and decided to start exclusive relationship, you SHOULD NEVER EVER stop seeing other women no matter how good looking she is or how wonderful her personality is.

If you don’t see other women except for her, start meeting more women. Seeing one girl will give you enough confidence boost to start seeing more. But you shouldn’t get stuck on JUST ONE GIRL. (whether you’re fucking her or not)

REALITY CHECK: She IS seeing other guys. She is sleeping with other guys. Sometimes, you might kiss her and you might not even know if she just given a blow job to one of her fuck-buddies. And there is a good chance she might still be fucking around on the side after you start seeing each other exclusively (not always though)

-you read all this and nothing clicked, sounded familiar or made a slight shift in your inner game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was guilty of EVERY SINGLE issue listed above. Some were pre-game days some where during the game days. Most happened while I was in relationship! I would safely say that almost every PUA falls into on or the other trap of ‘neediness’. The good PUA will catch himself before it’s too late. Emotions are hard to control and there is nothing embarrassing if you’ve done on or few or all of these things. Just learn from your ‘mistakes’.

I learned how to deal with these urges and it boosted my game tremendously. I suggest you reconsider how you think about your targets. Someone, who shall remain nameless, once said: “She might be a dime, but you are a fucking hundred dollar bill!”

Ever wonder what people are thinking about you?

Do you ever see a group of people chattering and laughing, and wonder if they’re talking about you? Then, do you wonder whether they’re saying good or bad things about you?

Are you ever talking to a woman, and you say something that could be interpreted the wrong way, and suddenly you feel really awkward and feel the need to explain yourself?

It’s called self-consciousness, and it’s a really bad habit.

I was really self-conscious when I started out in the game. I think smart, analytical types fall into self-consciousness a lot easier than others, and as a really analytical guy, I was constantly trying to guess what people thought of me.

It was like I had a mental video camera (or a mirror) pointed at myself, playing back everything I did, so I could make sure I was coming off right. Sometimes, at night, I would sit and play my “tapes” of that day, wondering what I could have done better, or beating myself up over things I said.

Then I turned the camera off, and my life got way better.

As it turns out, that video camera wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I used it to try and improve myself, to make people like me, but it didn’t work. It didn’t make me an attractive person, and it didn’t give me good feedback on what others thought of me. In fact, it just messed me up, and getting rid of it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

At first, though, it seems like the video camera would be a good idea. Self-consciousness is, basically, being concerned about what others think of you, and of how you “come across.” I’ll be the first to agree that how you come across is really, really important. Why wouldn’t having a little mental video camera help you come across better? There are several reasons.

First, people don’t judge you nearly as harshly as you judge yourself. The fact is, 90% of the time when two people meet, each person is thinking “I wonder what [the other] thinks of me, I hope [the other] likes me.” They’re so worried about themselves that they’re not passing judgment.

Think about how often you pass judgment on others; now think of how often you’re worried about others passing judgment on you. Personally, unless someone is being a total idiot or is really awesome, I rarely think much of someone I just met. 95% of people fall into the “yeah, they’re okay” category, and the other 5% is split between “ugh, this person sucks” and “this person is really cool.”

Basically, if you’re concerned about what people think of you, 95% of the time you’re wasting your time.

Second, people actually like others better when they’re showing their flaws and not apologizing for them. You’re better off being “yourself,” saying a few things here or there that are moderately dumb, and handling those mess-ups with grace, than you are trying to be flawless.

Self-conscious people are boring and sterile. They don’t say anything funny or interesting because they’re afraid of saying something wrong. Interesting people are willing to say something wrong here or there, as long as the overall interaction is fun.

Third, that little video camera uses a lot of brain power! I actually used to stutter and run out of things to say when I was self-conscious because I was constantly multi-tasking. Once I took all that brain power I was using to analyze myself and applied it to my conversations, my conversational IQ went up by 20 points in one night. My wit and reaction times went up dramatically once I didn’t have to filter my actions through my self-consciousness filter.

So, how do you deal with self-consciousness? There are a bunch of different strategies, some of which work better for different people. I recommend that anyone who has issues with self-consciousness should try all of these, and find out which works best for you.

The first thing you have to do is realize, logically, that self-consciousness is counterproductive and wrong, and be able to recognize when you’re being self-conscious.

But, convincing your logical brain that self-consciousness doesn’t work is pretty easy compared to teaching and training your subconscious and emotional mind to stop a destructive thought pattern.

The best way to get over self-conscious thoughts is to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and blast your way through. Public speaking is a great way to do this. And of course, meeting women, either during the day or at a bar, is the best way to get over this.

Also, I highly recommend improv classes for eliminating self-consciousness. Next to going out and pushing yourself into meeting women, this is the best thing you can do. Improv classes are pretty much designed to break down self-consciousness. Basically, they involve making a fool of yourself in front of a small group of people who are also making fools of themselves. Oh, and you have to be clever at the same time – it’s pretty tough.

Finally, one thing that worked really well for me was shifting my attention. I took that part of my brain that was trying to guess what people thought of me, and I devoted it to observing how people were reacting. I started focusing on watching a woman’s face, and not speculating about what might be going on in her mind. So if I said, for example, a joke that was a bit rude, and I was worried that I had offended her, I would look into her eyes. If she looked like she was getting offended I would say “aww, Sarah’s so nice, she’s totally offended” to diffuse the situation. If she laughed at the joke, though, I’d just keep going.

This is important because you still need to be conscious of how people perceive you if you want to be socially calibrated, but self-consciousness is not the way to do it. Watching body language and reaction is objective and reliable, whereas self-consciousness is subjective and unreliable. By watching how a person reacts, instead of trying to guess what she’s thinking, you can do a much better job of knowing what is going through her mind.

And most of the time, she’s just enjoying the ride.

Most guys get really worried when they are confronted with a shit test. They breathe faster, and they being to sweat as they hope they’ll give the right answer. That’s because they feel that shit tests are bad things. Shit tests are chances to show how attractive you are. They keep out all the other chodes who aren’t as attractive as you and give you a chance to shine.

Think about it from the perspective of you buying a laptop. If the price was way too high and unattainable you won’t even bother checking it out, or if it was clearly shitty and useless you wouldn’t look at it either.

But, if it looked like an amazing opportunity, such as a really cool looking one with great specs, that happened to be right there in front of you on sale, you would be interested- but hesitant. And you’ll ask yourself the following questions:

Why is it on sale?
Is it really a good deal, or does it just appear to be one?
Is there a hidden cost or negative about it that I don’t see yet?
Should I take it home?

You’ll start trying to find anything possibly wrong with the deal, looking deep into the hidden specifications, testing durability, size, weight, battery life, and basically figuring out if it really is what you hope it is- an amazing opportunity. This is the same as a girl shit testing you because, if she clearly isn’t interested in you, that’s one thing- but if you are a seemingly cool, alpha, high value guy coming to approach her- she’ll be interested but hesitant. She’ll ask herself the following questions:

Why is he approaching me?
Is he really this amazing guy, or is it just a front/facade?
Is there something I don’t know about him yet that’s bad or negative?
Should I take him home?

The good news is, in both situations, the buyer/the girl is secretly hoping that this really is the chance of a lifetime and that everything is as amazing and perfect as it seems. So next time a girl starts giving you shit tests, think of it as an opportunity and not an obstacle. No matter how bitchy she may seem, she’s a sweetheart deep down, so appreciate that shit tests are just your chance to show how awesome you are. Have fun!

Recently I have been working so much instead of sarging a ton that I got out of state when I went into the field. I noticed that if I spend two weeks out of the field then when I get back in I feel like everything is alien until I get a few sets in and everything reboots.

But a weird thing happened recently – I noticed that I would go in field and feel like total garbage and still do well.

I started to think about why this was and the ’secret’ became apparent to me. Here it is.

To get to state independence you have to have 3 things.

1. Personality
2. Self Esteem
3. Independence Realization

Personality

When we first get into the game we have a personality but we have no idea how to express it to women. We have even less of an idea on how to be that a totally giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy social guy that draws women into his own reality. We attain this through practice. We first start off with routines because we don’t know what to say and through that we learn the underlying structures, sub-communication, and the myriad of other things in game until we start to get a good sense of what types of content and communication really work in relating to women. Once we understand these levels of communication then we often start to experiment with our own material and gain our own attractive personality. What is essential is that we BECOME that awesome, interesting, fascinating guy that women are drawn too. You recognize the moment when without any conscious thought you find yourself in the present and fully representational of who you are and want to be. Everything you do, everything that you are becomes as effective as your “routines” (this btw is how I come up with new “material” it is all improvised in the field). It took me an intense year in the game to get there.

Self Esteem

Self Esteem is not EGO. Ego (and I’m using Eckhart Tolle’s definition of ego from his amazing book “The Power of Now”) is just a mental construct that who you are is what you do, what you own, or any number of other things that come from outside our selves. Self Esteem is a deep seeded belief in yourself that comes from the inside.. The belief that no matter what outside factors or even your own emotions try to affect you – they don’t alter who you are. If you have been practicing game then you have developed a personality that is attractive to women and the ability to communicate it. Self esteem is having an un-touchable belief in that inner “youness” – an untouchable belief that no matter what, you are still that giving, loving, fun, passionate, happy, social guy. You are still YOU even on a night when you don’t exhibit any of those behaviors – you still are personable even when you don’t act like it. Was Miles Davis still Miles Davis when he wasn’t playing his instrument?

Independence Realization

This came to me in field when I realized that despite how I felt on a given night; my self esteem was so strong that I could still be me even though I felt weird or out of state. My display of my character, of my personality, was so intriguing that I still attracted the opposite sex.’ This was awesome to finally realize I was starting to master my emotions. The masters (btw I never think of myself as a master, always as a student) of any art are still artists regardless of their internal state. Do you think Miles Davis could still play if he had a headache? Maybe in an off state he isn’t going to give a 200% performance but he will still be excellent. If I ask most guys ‘If you feel bad are you still you?’ they will say YES. What most guys haven’t realized is that this totally applies in field.

So all you need to do to gain state independence in field is still BE YOU regardless of how you feel. Ignore whatever garbage you have in your head or emotions and just be your personable high self esteem self. To get there you will have to spend a lot of time developing your personality – there is no magic pill that lets you get there overnight but when your personality and self-esteem are ready you will become state independent.

This works because game is when you do and say all the right things at the right time. You are giving a performance. A performance of who you are. If you are always yourself, regardless of state, you will get very similar results regardless of state.