Grow Your Game

One of the biggest problems people have when it comes to approaching someone they’re attracted to is actually overcoming the fear of the initial approach. I suspect every single man on the planet with very few exceptions has at some time felt the familiar fear associated with the idea of approaching a girl they’re attracted to.

Perhaps they’ve spotted her on a train, perhaps it was simply in passing down the street like the girl in the red dress in the movie Matrix. Whatever the situation was the symptoms were the same. Sweating, blushing, the fear of being judged negatively some people will actively search for signs of disapproval in others convincing them that they shouldn’t bother speaking at all, either way most people end up deciding to avoid the situation altogether and move on with their life. They leave the situation as a chance meeting that was never meant to happen. It registered as a blip on their life a small fraction of time, an event that has passed with no more meaning than the next one or the one after that. Each of which of course will be treated in exactly the same way.

These symptoms are what many people within the field of dating refer to as “ Approach Anxiety”, though they were not defined by dating and seduction experts. The roots of Anxiety and it’s symptoms where defined a lot earlier in our history by the psychological community at large including such greats as Sigmund Freud himself.

What we’re going to look at is the symptoms of Approach anxiety and then hopefully the possible solutions enabling you to approach anyone you want at any time.

Anxiety is a state which affects us on a psychological and physiological level. It’s symptoms include a number of different components including perceptual or cognitive components, physical components and even behavioural components. What this means is that we can not only use proven psychological methods to identify the state of anxiety but we can also use the proven solutions to remove it as well, enabling us the confidence to approach anyone we want at any time.

First, lets look a little bit more at anxiety itself. Anxiety is far from an unusual state to us as humans. In fact anxiety is a very normal reaction to stress it is designed to help us observe and deal with difficult situations. Amongst other things the state sends a burst of adrenaline to us to help us cope with the problems. However anxiety often becomes excessive, and rather than giving us the skills to handle the problem it can instead prevent us from even attempting to solve the problem. As soon as an anxiety affects our ability to make action. It becomes known as a phobia. In the case we are specifically looking at, if it were to prevent us from actually approaching someone we were attracted to then it would fall in the category of being a phobia.

Anxiety over meeting or interacting with people whom we do not yet know is a very common stage of development in humans. In fact in infants it is a very normal part of growth and is known as stranger anxiety, symptoms vary but a typical part of growing up. Sometimes this fear can persist into adulthood and then it can develop into social anxiety or even a social phobia. In adults excessive fear of others which inhibits the ability to interact with strangers is called social anxiety.

Social anxiety disorder or social phobia as it is often referred to is an fear of negative public opinion about oneself or a fear of public embarrassment. The fear is often associated with all social interactions however in a good deal of cases it can be specific to certain situations for example the idea of approaching someone you’re attracted to in the street. The experience of social anxiety is characterized by physical components such as sweating or blushing, perceptual components such as the belief that one might be judged in a negative way or perceiving signs of disapproval and finally behavioral components by simply avoiding a situation.

Clinical psychologists and researchers continue to this day to define the problems and definitions of shyness, social anxiety and it’s related assortment of phobias and problems. Many share similarities though also have distinct differences which causes difficulties in defining them. Esspecially the difference between anxiety and the positive feeling of anticipation. However for our purposes thankfully we don’t have to look too deeply into the categorization, what we’ve been concerned with is identifying whether we are suffering from “approach anxiety” the fear of approaching and then looking at the possible remedy’s to remove it and enable us to approach people we’re attracted to at any time.

So if you’ve been reading this and the symptoms do sound similar to those listed above and you have decided that when you see someone you’re attracted to you often do feel unable to approach whatever the reason may be, it may be useful to look at the possible solutions to social anxiety as a means to overcome the problem.

There are a number of different methods to remove anxieties. These range from exposing the subject to their fear directly right through to some more experimental methods of hypnosis. Many psychologists agree, that one of the best ways to remove an anxiety or phobia is by a type of behavioural therapy known as Systematic Desensitization. This type of therapy has its roots in pavlovian therapy or classical conditioning and was developed by a South African psychiatrist by the name of Joseph Wolpe.

This method is essentially a two part therapy. The first part involves teaching the subject relaxation skills so that they can control their fear and anxiety responses. These Can take the part of breathing excersises or focus games. Something you can try is to simply regulate your breathing to match a slow count of ten. By taking slow concentrated breaths and monitoring your own breathing patterns whilst exposing yourself to a fearful situation you can begin to slowly relax, even in the midst of a phobia.

However this technique does only work for mild exposure to a fearful stimulus. This is where the clever part comes in.

The second half of the therapy involves exposing the subject to fearful situations with an ever increasing hierarchy of fear. Starting by exposing them to the smallest fear stimulus and then slowly escalating it until they are ready to face their fear in full! The question still remains however, how can you use this method to help you overcome your fear of speaking to someone you’re attracted to?

There’s a simple five step method I’ve identified to guide you through the process:

Accept
Exercise
Identify
Overcome
Understand

Accept

Accept you have a fear. You realise that you want to improve yourself and do something to help you meet your ideal partner. You have a fear whatever it is and you’re looking to get over it. Buying this book is the first step towards wanting to do something, but it doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t willing to action the processes you’re learning. In this way Accept could also translate into action. As you need to actually do the things you accept you want to change.

Exercise

Develop an exercise to help you get over your fears. Focus your mind on your breathing, take a long slow count of ten while slowly and steadily breathing in and out. Concentrate on your own breathing, he sounds of your breath and the motion of your lungs instead of the fearful situation to hand. This will give you something to help you focus when you’re exposed to a fearful situation.

Identify

Identify your specific phobia or anxiety. What situation scares you the most? Meeting a stranger online? Talking to someone in your current social life? Whatever scares you the most identify the problem and then take steps to designing the best way to gently expose yourself to the fearful situations. For example lets say your fear is approaching in a coffee shop. You want to start by choosing the least fearful situation imaginable.

So perhaps begin by triggering a longer conversation with the shop worker. After this you can move on to perhaps talking to an older person in the same line as you. Then you can move on to talking to someone of the same sex. Eventualy you will move on to someone who you’re not attracted to of the same sex, until finally you’re speaking to someone you are attracted to of the opposite sex. Even if initially the entire conversation only lasts 10 seconds. Eventaully you will work it up until you’re incredibly comfortable talking to people in any coffee shop anytime.

Overcome

Once you’ve managed to build up the fearful situations to a point where you feel you can’t take it much further simple rely on focusing on your breathing instead of the situation at hand, until you realise that you actually can’t be hurt in the situation. Once you make this realisation you should find yourself calming down. Then you can begin to push things further again. You should be able to repeat this process for any of your fears to be able to overcome all of them.

Understand

Finally you should come to the realisation that fears truly are just that. Fears. None of them are actually dangerous enough to hurt you. And beside the odd bruised ego. You should come through every situation completely fine. Esspecially if you follow the advice in this book on how to approach someone you’ve never met before in the correct way. Eventually you should come to the understanding that situations similar to those you’ve already encountered aren’t to be feared and your phobias and anxietys will be a thing of the past allowing you to continue developing your social skills.

The second approach to remove anxiety is a little more drastic.

It is commonly known as flooding, the best way to explain it would be a comparison to the previous method. If you were attempting to overcome a fear of spiders then systematic desensitization would take the form of slow exposure to pictures of spiders, then eventually moving images until eventually you became so comfortable around the images that you were capable of holding a real spider and eventually you would get over your fear.

Flooding would involve throwing you into a bathtub full of spiders, and when you eventually calmed down due to your body becoming exhausted from the fear you would find that the fear disappeared as you observed that mere exposure to the spiders hadn’t actually caused you any permanent harm.

Right now I’m sure you’re thinking that being thrown into a bathtub full of members of the opposite sex doesn’t sound that bad. However unfortunately for the majority of you reading this you don’t actually have a fear of the opposite sex. Your fear is rather one of approaching them. So in that case the “flooding” solution would in fact be to make the approach so unbelievably uncomfortable that once you did it and realised nothing bad happened, doing it normally would be a walk in the park.

In the past I’ve made students wear funny costumes, speak in funny accents, and even begin the conversation using expletives. Though I’ve found the best way is to just wander up to someone and ask for their hand in marriage. It’s a scary situation enough, incredibly awkward but socially acceptable enough to not give you too much trouble with passers by who may over hear. The other benefit of doing this is that if the person says yes, you’ve saved yourself the trouble of having to move on to the next person, and you can finish your quest there after the one approach!

Whichever method you choose to use remember that your chances of success are zero unless you actually begin the conversation, so get over that fear, go out there and start getting the girls you want!

What I’m about to reveal to you may change the way you structure your day entirely, so be prepared to have your mind blown. There is one place, one environment, one setup that is fricking custom made for any kind of confident approach (direct, indirect, opinion, storytelling, situational, etc.) that you’ve probably been missing for years… and I’m about to lose my advantage by sharing, but that’s just me. I’m a giver.

Ready? There is a place to meet healthy, normal, beautiful girls every single day and change your life for the better. Any guesses?

I’ll give you a big hint. It’s not a bar.

The gym.

You cannot find a better setup for creating quick connections with the best possible chance of success. Here’s how I do it.

First, pick a gym that has hotties. Find out when they go. You don’t need to pick the most expensive place (remember, hot single girls do not tend to be rich… they tend to find the gyms with the best classes and nicest stuff that they can afford).

Preferably a slightly off-peak time. You will be doing this for results, not for reps (don’t give yourself a 50 set challenge in the gym). This is all about working efficiently.

Walk in and warm-up by chatting to anyone you see on the way in. Joke with whoever is working the desk. If it’s a girl, flirt your a*s off. Get social on your way in. While walking in, use your peripheral vision to scope the cardio machines on your way to the locker room. Be sly and note where the cutest girls are.

Change and come out. Dress appropriately, but a little colorful (and make sure you smell good… good time to use a cheap ass scent like Axe). You don’t have to be totally studly, but it helps if you have a little tan, and if your arms are in shape, go sleeveless. Look like you mean business. Walk into cardio room and find an open machine next to a cute girl. If there are none, wander around and do some other workout while waiting. You can lift, stretch, whatever.

Keep your eye on the cardio room. This is all about being opportunistic. When you see a spot open next to a cute girl, stroll up and start your workout there. The next step is critical.

Start the machine (it can be anything… bike, treadmill, whatever) and start a light workout.

Turn to the girl next to you, and lightly tap her arm while you look at her with agentle smile on your face, and motion for her to take her headphones off (she will almost always be wearing headphones, which prevents 99.999999% of the known universe of dudes from talking to her, which is what makes you such a stud for being able to do this).

Now smile. Really smile and look as friendly and normal as you can. One technical note… if she’s running flat out on a treadmill, wait till she slows down. You want to be able to do this when she can converse.

Then go into your opener. It can be anything. I’ve used sincere (you are super-cute), pussified indirect (i’m taking a storytelling class and need some feedback), and in-between. Just make sure you get her attention soon with something interesting. I actually like to be playful, then banter and do some storytelling here, because it gives you something interesting to discuss.

Remember, working out, especially on cardio machines, is deathly, deathly dull. If you can make the time go faster by talking, she’ll love you for it (why do you think women walk and jog in groups when they exercise outside? socializing alleviates boredom for them).

Tell your story and start vibing. Get real comfortable. Use light kino where possible (a slow handshake when you get her name, light shoulder taps in stories, high fives at high points). Don’t play games. Introduce yourself early. Get her name and use it in conversation. Go real basic with the small talk (where you from? do you live around here now?) and share interesting stories about yourself. If it’s on at all, she will keep talking. Just make it like a chat between friends… you can game, but keep it light and friendly (i.e., don’t spank her a*s while she’s trying to jog).

Examples of things I say right at the start, all with big big smiles and making things sound as fun as I can. Serious will get you killed in the gym.

“is this machine taken? cool… but if anyone comes back to claim it, i’m telling ‘em you said i could have it, so you better be prepared to protect me.”

“this thing isn’t hard to use, right? i just want to watch tv and have it look like i’m working out. my god, tell me that’s not sweat, you just dumped water on yourself to look cool, right?”

“do me a favor, watch my stuff for a second? if anyone comes and takes it, run them down and kick ‘em in the shins. use your kickboxing skills to protect me, and you can be my new girlfriend.”

“is this tv set to espn? crap. i gotta find the one with the soap operas, or a telenovela. now that’s some good fricking distraction right there… nothing but hot people hooking up with really badly behaved other hot people… girl, can’t you see he’s a dog?!? Not like me. I’m a perfect gentleman, and would never do things like flirt with a cute girl at the gym.”

Anything, really. There’s a basic structure to opening in the gym. For those of you who have taken one of those “outdated” pickup workshops , you may notice that these openers all follow the 1-2-3 structure. You get her attention, then say something that is relevant to what is going on around you, then quickly change gears to playful flirting.

Once you open this way, just start vibing. Here is the practice part. Half the time I go to the gym now, I just get this far… and then slide into some wide rapport.

Try to get in a good 20 minute conversation. If it’s going well, you’ll have good rapport and time will fly by (side benefit… it makes this workout way more fun). When you get to a point where you feel you’ve gotten comfortable and she’s smiling and asking you questions, make your closing pitch. Something like I really have to go and get my real workout in… but I really like talking to you. We should hang out this week. What are you up to Tuesday?

Try to keep your day2 suggestion something very soon so she can try to answer. If she says anything other than an outright rejection, just say, Awesome. Let’s get a drink Tuesday at 7 at (insert standard day2 place here). Give me your number.

Now you can show off a bit. You won’t have your phone with you, and no one will have a pen and paper. So just have her tell you her number, and say “of course I’ll remember. This is destined to be.”

Give her a big smile, and tell her you’ll send her a text later today. Then make your exit and work out for real. You want her to see that you aren’t just there to pickup chicks. If I’m on a treadmill, I like to crank up the incline and speed and start running intervals. Or you can go lift. Pick something basic that you can focus on. And then… well, that’s it.

The cardio approach gives you a captive audience, and once you break the headphone barrier, you have the chance to demonstrate amazing confidence, charisma, and authority. It will be very weird at first, but if you can start doing it, it will change your whole approach to daygame. I now have this planned in my daily workouts, like today I’m doing deadlifts, plyometrics, 20 minutes interval running, and 15 minutes of banter.

Try it out, and let me know your results. If this works, I’m thinking a cross-promotion with 24-Hour Fitness is in order…

As a veteran pickup coach, I’ve seen it all…

I’ve seen guys who were short, scrawny, and nerdy-looking walk into a club and leave with the best looking girl in the place.  I’ve seen good-looking, confident guys freeze up when I told them to approach, and then hide from me the rest of the night!

What I want to talk about today are the common mistakes I see when guys approach women.

Those first thirty seconds of conversation with a woman are crucial, and one mistake can ruin your chances of getting anywhere with her.

Now not every approach is going to be perfect – in fact NO approach will ever be, so give up on trying to be perfect.  One thing I always tell guys is that I’m not the most fancy pickup artist, but I do the basics EXTREMELY well.

But what are these basics?

I know how confusing it can be when you read all the material out there – from books, to forum posts, to seminars…

Sometimes I think average guys have it easy because they don’t know how ignorant they are!

Guys who are trying to get better with women often suffer from paralysis of analysis – they have TOO MUCH
information. This can lead to all sorts of problems – the main one being that they don’t take action.

I know how that feels, believe me.  I struggled for a long time with too much information. And then I let it all go, and had to start my journey all over again, learning completely on my own. But you know what? I’m glad I did.

And now I feel it’s not only a great way to make a living, it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to share what I’ve learned with guys who are struggling in this arena. So let me give you a rundown of the 10 most common mistakes I see guys making when they first approach a woman – and this isn’t just students – this applies to regular guys I observe when I go out.

1. He gives her a lame compliment

This is how most guys open – they say something typical, generic, and overly-approving, like

“You’re hot” or “you’re so beautiful” or “you’re fucking hot”

Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be direct, and I like giving women compliments.

But I make it specific, and I talk more about myself and what I think, rather than “what she is.”

For example, “that’s some laugh you got there…I heard you from across the bar.”

2. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink

The most common thing guys do is offer to buy a woman a drink.

The only time I’ll do this is if I’m getting a round for my buddies, and there’s a woman I want to meet close by – I’ll get her one too.

This is fun, social, and is not too approval-seeking, since I’m already spending money on my friends.

Guys will usually do some kind of favor for a woman, like giving up their chair, or buying her a drink, taking a picture of her.

I REFUSE to take pictures, unless I’m in them.

You don’t want to be serving and appeasing her, EVER. Especially in the first 30 seconds.

3. He approaches from a bad angle, or speaking too quietly

These two might seem different, but they are really flip-sides of the same coing:

You are afraid of making your presence felt.

What kind of message do you think that sends to a woman?

The WRONG one – primarily that you lack self-esteem and you probably suck in bed.

Walk right up to her and speak loudly – make her feel you!

4. He has bad eye contact

Some guys really struggle with eye contact, but it’s one of the main things women look for. A man who can look her in the eye and not flinch is essentially saying,

“I’m not afraid of you – I’m interested in you. I am offering something wonderful to you, and I fully intend on
giving it to you if you want it.”

5. He’s drunk and sloppy

There’s kind of a double standard here. Women often get really drunk and sloppy when they go out.

But if a drunk guy approaches them, he’s toaster strudel.  It just looks bad when a man is out of control of himself – and this is exactly the main purpose alcohol serves – to make you lose self-control.

6. He doesn’t own his space

This is a really subtle sticking but a LOT of guys have it. When you stand or sit, you want to own your space, meaning you don’t want to confine your body to accommodate others. Acquiescing to others physically is a
sure-fire way to show a woman that you  are scared, weak, and insecure.

You don’t have to sit with your arms spread out, or stand like a military sergeant.

You should be physically comfortable, and not hold your body in to accommodate other people – especially other guys.

7. He stalls out because he’s trying to say the right thing

This is HUGE – the most common mistake guys make. I harp on this in just about every newsletter, but I can’t say it enough…

Women are screening for one thing – are you trying to say the right thing to GET something from her?

They can tell so easily, because it’s the main thing they are looking for. And guess what – this focus does NOT serve you. Not only does it make you look like you’re trying to get something (sex) from her, it also stops your mind from flowing.

Here’s why.

You can’t ever guess what another person is thinking. So when you try to say the right thing, you’re second-guessing what that person wants to hear.

It’s almost always impossible, and will only stump you.

Stop trying to be smooth and say the right thing!

8. He doesn’t address her friends

A woman’s friends take top priority, at first.  Woman usually have lots of very fickle, short-lived friendships.

One second they’ll declare “this is my GIRL! I LOVE her!”

The next day,  it’s “oh my god she’s such a bitch, I’m over it.”

But in front of a guy she’s just met, she has to put her friends first. And if you try to talk to her without at
least acknowledging her friends and being friendly to them, you’ll look anti-social, and uncalibrated.

The whole thing will be awkward, and her friends will most likely drag her away.

9. He asks for her number too soon

A lot of times, guys will want to eject from the conversation because they don’t what else to talk about.

So they will just go for the number before it’s really appropriate.  I think of a phone number as a reward I GIVE TO HER.

If she impresses me, I’ll decide that I like her enough to give her a call.

But you have to give her time to impress you – at least get her to express herself in some way that you can approve her for.

There’s one more piece here…

Don’t walk off right after she gives you her number – it makes you look like a player.

Talk about something you could do together, or just shoot the shit a little longer, then go back to your friends, or leave the venue.

10. He doesn’t touch her

What do you want with this woman?  A sexual relationship!

So move in that direction from the VERY START. I cannot stress this point enough.  Most guys who end up in the “Friend Zone” do so because they had FEAR of escalation and “played it safe”

It doesn’t mean that you need to take big risks, in fact, the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder shows you how to escalate in a smooth, safe manner…

…meanwhile making solid progress in your physical escalation.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a defense mechanism. It exists to protect you from abnormal behaviour. Consider a high steel worker. These guys stand on two foot wide beams hundreds of feet off the ground. They’re strapped in, but their body doesn’t understand that. The first few weeks are hell.

After that, it’s no big deal. Heights don’t bother them. Their body has accepted heights as a feature of the environment. It’s normal to that person. Buddy of mine worked high steel a decade ago. Said the heights were nothing to him at the time.

But he’s afraid of heights now. Because his environment changed. He doesn’t work high steel. He’s not surrounded by his anxiety any more. To him, heights are abnormal now, when they were normal a decade ago.

Approach anxiety is a collection of anxieties. Fear of talking to strangers. Fear of interrupting people. Fear of running out of things to say. Fear of looking dumb (social pressure). And fear of success (a personal favorite).

Talking to Strangers

Talking to strangers is the most common. In our hunter/gatherer days, this kind of behaviour could get you killed. We don’t live in a tribal society any more, but our bodies doesn’t understand that. Our biological programming is from the olden days.

If you do not talk to new people every day, how do you expect to sarge at the bar? You’re body will fight you. It will protect you. Unless you acclimate it.

I picked up a pamphlet on breaking habits on the trip to Vegas. It takes 21 days to form or break a habit. If that’s true (and it sounds about right), it takes three weeks to overcome approach anxiety. By talking to strangers everywhere.

That means on the bus, at the gas station, line at the coffee shop, airplanes, work, restaurants, etc. Talk to a new person every day. Use a stock opener on them. Like ‘dental floss’.
Understand that if you stop being a social creature for any length of time, approach anxiety will return.

If lunch-time street approaches are an option, take a walk on your lunch break and open 3 sets. Open and eject if you’re not up to stacking material. This will make bar sarges way easier. It’ll slowly remove the anxiety of talking to strangers.

Fear of interrupting people

Personal skeleton. We are raised from birth to be polite. To be considerate of other’s feelings, opinion and past-times. We are a sensitive society. We’re also a wussy society. The alpha man does take others into consideration. But he doesn’t hesitate to give people the gift of his or her reality.
Why are you worried about interrupting people? Switch places with your target. If you were talking to friends and a supermodel in lingerie interrupted you, would you be pissed? Fuck no. I don’t care if I was about to solve world peace.

Women are always receptive to their knight in shining armour. Walk in, be the cool guy, and don’t care about their conversation. Hell, tease them about it. After you reach the hook point apologize for interrupting and offer to leave. They’ll drag you back.

These people lead boring lives. They wake up in their boring bed, they drive to a boring job in their boring car and they hang with their boring friends and talk about how bored they are.
You’re not interrupting anything important. Not at a bar, not on the bus and not in the casino. It’s your reality. Everyone else is along for the ride.

Fear of running out of things to say

I hear a lot of people saying ‘I hate routines, I just want to talk normal.’ Here’s the thing. You’re not getting laid. Why would you talk normal? Use the damn routines until ‘normal’ to you is ‘attractive’ to women.

Routines are normal conversation from someone else. Someone good with women. You’re wearing the skin of successful PUAs until you develop your own.

This is why MM focuses on routines. Memorize stock routines from the MM forum. After your newbie mission, rotate in personal DHV stories and field test them. You’ll have dozens of things to say.
And don’t worry about forgetting what to say. It continues to amaze me how, out of nowhere, a routine I haven’t used in six months drops into my head in set. Listen to your instincts on this one. If you’re in set and a routine comes to mind, use it.

A bad habit has formed in the seduction community – some guys are more concerned with looking cool for their mates than actually getting the girl.

Too many uncalibrated routine stacks. Too much state-pumping. Too much flash, not enough results. Call me old school, but what happened to focusing on and mastering the basics?

I know, I know – the basics aren’t sexy. It looks much cooler to spin a girl around on the dance floor, to get a girl giggling with some kino escalation elevator or whatever it’s called. Your buddies will “ooh” and “ahh” and call you a P-I-M-P with all the flashy stuff. But I’ve found that all this stuff leads to flaky behavior from the women I meet – and what is the point in attracting that? When the flakes start coming, it’s time to reevaluate your game. It’s time to be Larry Bird.

Larry Bird is a basketball legend. Sure he’s tall. But there are a lot of tall players in the NBA. What made Larry Bird great in his time was his commitment to practicing the basics. He would be on the court before and after practice and every game shooting free throws. Sometimes he would sit in the stands and lob the ball in just to practice his accuracy out of his comfort zone. He wasn’t a flashy player. But he was consistent. He didn’t become an all-star player because he was a rock star. He became a rock star because he was a consistently solid player.

When it comes to being great with women, stick to the basics to develop the tightest game possible. Be consistent and the improvements will follow.

So let’s break down the basics.

I call the concepts below the “Big Four.” These are the four basic elements in every solid pick up. Master them to become consistent. In this article we’re going to talk about the first principle.

1) Talk about yourself. That is right I am telling you to talk more about yourself. Like, probably a lot more. My boss, Juggler, would tell you to use specific language and speak from the “I-Perspective.”

People don’t know who you are until you reveal yourself to them.

They don’t know:
what you stand for
what you believe in
what you care about
what makes you happy
and what kind of treatment you expect
…unless you tell them.

So start talking about yourself. Yes, I know that every business professor you’ve ever had has probably told you to reveal as little about yourself as possible while prompting the other person to divulge all their secrets, but that is not the way it works in the social world. Girls call guys that do that sketchy and flake on them.

I don’t know how you feel, but those kinds of things are important to me when I’m meeting someone new. Why? Because I don’t trust them until I can relate to them.

But this can be misleading. It’s not your job to relate to someone, it is their job to relate to you. The point is to share yourself confidently and give her the chance to latch on to something you say/do that she can relate to. Then she will think “He’s like me.” And that is a very good thing.

It’s better if she is asking you big questions. It’s better if she is relating to you because you are sharing so much of yourself.

When guys spend too much time asking questions and then retroactively relating to her the girls get turned off because you are putting her in the drivers seat of the pick up. When you relate to a girl she is leading the interaction. Write that down somewhere.

Now that we’ve covered some verbal stuff lets get physical with concept number two in the next installment of Mastering the Basics.

What does it really mean to give value, why does spending time with some people make you feel good regardless of whether they actually do anything which directly benefits you. What is it about some people that makes you feel drained after they leave. Why are some people always selfishly taking from others?

Giving value applies not just to us as PUAs in relation to what we give to girls. It also applies to wings as in what value they give to each other and to girls that interact with you.

One thing about value which a lot of PUAs don’t seem to be aware of is what it means to be a good wing. Bad wings can kill not only your state but also your ability to actually PU anyone. I’ve had a few experiences now where wings basically come out, watch you open a set, come in, AMOG you and then relentlessly pursue the hottest girl in the group. Chodes almost always have very bad, hugely selfish wings and it’s one of the reasons they don’t get laid!

I had one set last year go down like this:

Me: Hi guys. What’s up. Vibe Vibe Vibe.

Two minutes of conversation.

Girls: Where are you from, what’s your name, etc..

My ‘friend’ appears: (speaking overly loudly while invading my personal space, grabbing my shoulder hard while also shaking me slightly) Hey dude, it’s your round.. Get me a …

Basically this guy has learned that AMOG / Blowout game makes you look alpha.

Slight digression but naturals do this a lot, a recent example being a guy who said to a 3 set of mine last week “This guy’s a player I’ve seen him doing this with lots of other girls” Obviously this guy’s retarded and forgetting his intent, it’s not exactly a bad thing for him to say.

Anyway how to respond to something like that.

1. Either actively fight for the girls.. “Sorry dude, I’m talking”. Look alpha but also possibly cheap and like you don’t value your friends over the women.

2. Get the drink, allow the wing to loiter about, eventually take set and fuck it up.

I did number two at the time. Now I’d probably just ignore completely which after a few more of these I’ve found worked the best.

Getting back to the main point of this, giving value when your out with wings is that when you’re out with guys you should really feel you have a duty to help them as much as possible. If you don’t, go out alone.

Questions I now ask myself when winging.

How can I help my wings PU move more quickly.?
Will doing this help my wing get laid?

Now the wings I have at the moment are awesome, they generally DHV me to girls, and we work together to ‘own’ venues.

What I think some people need to become aware of is that:

a. Actively pursuing girls who your wing is into is counter productive, actively chatting up girls on behalf of your wing however is a great move and meets little or no resistance.
b. There are millions of women in the world and if you don’t personally know hot chicks who would date you, it’s basically your laziness and fear that’s the problem.
c. AMOG game is not something to unleash on ‘friends’ you are out with. Doing it is loser behaviour! Although it might well get you laid, do this on chodes if you must, provided you actually have the balls.
d. If you find yourself in a venue speaking to groups, involving your wing is always a good idea. If you have any doubts about that, get new wings.
e. Wings should be relentlessly pumping each others state.
f. Wings should be encouraging opening of all sets.
g. When out PUAs need to agree who’s into who early on and stick to it.

Re point a. Chatting up girls on behalf of your wing.

Let’s say your wing opens a set of ridiculously hot girls, chats for 10 mins, they laugh and really like him, he introduces you and you get chatting to the hottest one as frequently happens.

You could do the chode thing and attempt to chat her up yourself BUT if you instead start qualifying her on behalf of your wing, DHV him to her and start making her question whether she is good enough. “My wing is the one of the greatest guys I know”, “you’re not going to be one of those girlfriends who takes people away from their friends are you”, “so can you cook”, “are you good in bed”, “rich”, etc. etc. You not only make yourself seem very cool, you also are 20 times more likely to get in with this girl’s friends. When she inevitably pulls your wing, her mates will now be feeling social pressure to hook up with you.

Wings can either kill the whole thing or get you laid.