As a veteran pickup coach, I’ve seen it all…

I’ve seen guys who were short, scrawny, and nerdy-looking walk into a club and leave with the best looking girl in the place.  I’ve seen good-looking, confident guys freeze up when I told them to approach, and then hide from me the rest of the night!

What I want to talk about today are the common mistakes I see when guys approach women.

Those first thirty seconds of conversation with a woman are crucial, and one mistake can ruin your chances of getting anywhere with her.

Now not every approach is going to be perfect - in fact NO approach will ever be, so give up on trying to be perfect.  One thing I always tell guys is that I’m not the most fancy pickup artist, but I do the basics EXTREMELY well.

But what are these basics?

I know how confusing it can be when you read all the material out there - from books, to forum posts, to seminars…

Sometimes I think average guys have it easy because they don’t know how ignorant they are!

Guys who are trying to get better with women often suffer from paralysis of analysis - they have TOO MUCH
information. This can lead to all sorts of problems - the main one being that they don’t take action.

I know how that feels, believe me.  I struggled for a long time with too much information. And then I let it all go, and had to start my journey all over again, learning completely on my own. But you know what? I’m glad I did.

And now I feel it’s not only a great way to make a living, it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to share what I’ve learned with guys who are struggling in this arena. So let me give you a rundown of the 10 most common mistakes I see guys making when they first approach a woman - and this isn’t just students - this applies to regular guys I observe when I go out.

1. He gives her a lame compliment

This is how most guys open - they say something typical, generic, and overly-approving, like

“You’re hot” or “you’re so beautiful” or “you’re fucking hot”

Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be direct, and I like giving women compliments.

But I make it specific, and I talk more about myself and what I think, rather than “what she is.”

For example, “that’s some laugh you got there…I heard you from across the bar.”

2. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink

The most common thing guys do is offer to buy a woman a drink.

The only time I’ll do this is if I’m getting a round for my buddies, and there’s a woman I want to meet close by - I’ll get her one too.

This is fun, social, and is not too approval-seeking, since I’m already spending money on my friends.

Guys will usually do some kind of favor for a woman, like giving up their chair, or buying her a drink, taking a picture of her.

I REFUSE to take pictures, unless I’m in them.

You don’t want to be serving and appeasing her, EVER. Especially in the first 30 seconds.

3. He approaches from a bad angle, or speaking too quietly

These two might seem different, but they are really flip-sides of the same coing:

You are afraid of making your presence felt.

What kind of message do you think that sends to a woman?

The WRONG one - primarily that you lack self-esteem and you probably suck in bed.

Walk right up to her and speak loudly - make her feel you!

4. He has bad eye contact

Some guys really struggle with eye contact, but it’s one of the main things women look for. A man who can look her in the eye and not flinch is essentially saying,

“I’m not afraid of you - I’m interested in you. I am offering something wonderful to you, and I fully intend on
giving it to you if you want it.”

5. He’s drunk and sloppy

There’s kind of a double standard here. Women often get really drunk and sloppy when they go out.

But if a drunk guy approaches them, he’s toaster strudel.  It just looks bad when a man is out of control of himself - and this is exactly the main purpose alcohol serves - to make you lose self-control.

6. He doesn’t own his space

This is a really subtle sticking but a LOT of guys have it. When you stand or sit, you want to own your space, meaning you don’t want to confine your body to accommodate others. Acquiescing to others physically is a
sure-fire way to show a woman that you  are scared, weak, and insecure.

You don’t have to sit with your arms spread out, or stand like a military sergeant.

You should be physically comfortable, and not hold your body in to accommodate other people - especially other guys.

7. He stalls out because he’s trying to say the right thing

This is HUGE - the most common mistake guys make. I harp on this in just about every newsletter, but I can’t say it enough…

Women are screening for one thing - are you trying to say the right thing to GET something from her?

They can tell so easily, because it’s the main thing they are looking for. And guess what - this focus does NOT serve you. Not only does it make you look like you’re trying to get something (sex) from her, it also stops your mind from flowing.

Here’s why.

You can’t ever guess what another person is thinking. So when you try to say the right thing, you’re second-guessing what that person wants to hear.

It’s almost always impossible, and will only stump you.

Stop trying to be smooth and say the right thing!

8. He doesn’t address her friends

A woman’s friends take top priority, at first.  Woman usually have lots of very fickle, short-lived friendships.

One second they’ll declare “this is my GIRL! I LOVE her!”

The next day,  it’s “oh my god she’s such a bitch, I’m over it.”

But in front of a guy she’s just met, she has to put her friends first. And if you try to talk to her without at
least acknowledging her friends and being friendly to them, you’ll look anti-social, and uncalibrated.

The whole thing will be awkward, and her friends will most likely drag her away.

9. He asks for her number too soon

A lot of times, guys will want to eject from the conversation because they don’t what else to talk about.

So they will just go for the number before it’s really appropriate.  I think of a phone number as a reward I GIVE TO HER.

If she impresses me, I’ll decide that I like her enough to give her a call.

But you have to give her time to impress you - at least get her to express herself in some way that you can approve her for.

There’s one more piece here…

Don’t walk off right after she gives you her number - it makes you look like a player.

Talk about something you could do together, or just shoot the shit a little longer, then go back to your friends, or leave the venue.

10. He doesn’t touch her

What do you want with this woman?  A sexual relationship!

So move in that direction from the VERY START. I cannot stress this point enough.  Most guys who end up in the “Friend Zone” do so because they had FEAR of escalation and “played it safe”

It doesn’t mean that you need to take big risks, in fact, the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder shows you how to escalate in a smooth, safe manner…

…meanwhile making solid progress in your physical escalation.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a defense mechanism. It exists to protect you from abnormal behaviour. Consider a high steel worker. These guys stand on two foot wide beams hundreds of feet off the ground. They’re strapped in, but their body doesn’t understand that. The first few weeks are hell.

After that, it’s no big deal. Heights don’t bother them. Their body has accepted heights as a feature of the environment. It’s normal to that person. Buddy of mine worked high steel a decade ago. Said the heights were nothing to him at the time.

But he’s afraid of heights now. Because his environment changed. He doesn’t work high steel. He’s not surrounded by his anxiety any more. To him, heights are abnormal now, when they were normal a decade ago.

Approach anxiety is a collection of anxieties. Fear of talking to strangers. Fear of interrupting people. Fear of running out of things to say. Fear of looking dumb (social pressure). And fear of success (a personal favorite).

Talking to Strangers

Talking to strangers is the most common. In our hunter/gatherer days, this kind of behaviour could get you killed. We don’t live in a tribal society any more, but our bodies doesn’t understand that. Our biological programming is from the olden days.

If you do not talk to new people every day, how do you expect to sarge at the bar? You’re body will fight you. It will protect you. Unless you acclimate it.

I picked up a pamphlet on breaking habits on the trip to Vegas. It takes 21 days to form or break a habit. If that’s true (and it sounds about right), it takes three weeks to overcome approach anxiety. By talking to strangers everywhere.

That means on the bus, at the gas station, line at the coffee shop, airplanes, work, restaurants, etc. Talk to a new person every day. Use a stock opener on them. Like ‘dental floss’.
Understand that if you stop being a social creature for any length of time, approach anxiety will return.

If lunch-time street approaches are an option, take a walk on your lunch break and open 3 sets. Open and eject if you’re not up to stacking material. This will make bar sarges way easier. It’ll slowly remove the anxiety of talking to strangers.

Fear of interrupting people

Personal skeleton. We are raised from birth to be polite. To be considerate of other’s feelings, opinion and past-times. We are a sensitive society. We’re also a wussy society. The alpha man does take others into consideration. But he doesn’t hesitate to give people the gift of his or her reality.
Why are you worried about interrupting people? Switch places with your target. If you were talking to friends and a supermodel in lingerie interrupted you, would you be pissed? Fuck no. I don’t care if I was about to solve world peace.

Women are always receptive to their knight in shining armour. Walk in, be the cool guy, and don’t care about their conversation. Hell, tease them about it. After you reach the hook point apologize for interrupting and offer to leave. They’ll drag you back.

These people lead boring lives. They wake up in their boring bed, they drive to a boring job in their boring car and they hang with their boring friends and talk about how bored they are.
You’re not interrupting anything important. Not at a bar, not on the bus and not in the casino. It’s your reality. Everyone else is along for the ride.

Fear of running out of things to say

I hear a lot of people saying ‘I hate routines, I just want to talk normal.’ Here’s the thing. You’re not getting laid. Why would you talk normal? Use the damn routines until ‘normal’ to you is ‘attractive’ to women.

Routines are normal conversation from someone else. Someone good with women. You’re wearing the skin of successful PUAs until you develop your own.

This is why MM focuses on routines. Memorize stock routines from the MM forum. After your newbie mission, rotate in personal DHV stories and field test them. You’ll have dozens of things to say.
And don’t worry about forgetting what to say. It continues to amaze me how, out of nowhere, a routine I haven’t used in six months drops into my head in set. Listen to your instincts on this one. If you’re in set and a routine comes to mind, use it.

A bad habit has formed in the seduction community – some guys are more concerned with looking cool for their mates than actually getting the girl.

Too many uncalibrated routine stacks. Too much state-pumping. Too much flash, not enough results. Call me old school, but what happened to focusing on and mastering the basics?

I know, I know - the basics aren’t sexy. It looks much cooler to spin a girl around on the dance floor, to get a girl giggling with some kino escalation elevator or whatever it’s called. Your buddies will “ooh” and “ahh” and call you a P-I-M-P with all the flashy stuff. But I’ve found that all this stuff leads to flaky behavior from the women I meet – and what is the point in attracting that? When the flakes start coming, it’s time to reevaluate your game. It’s time to be Larry Bird.

Larry Bird is a basketball legend. Sure he’s tall. But there are a lot of tall players in the NBA. What made Larry Bird great in his time was his commitment to practicing the basics. He would be on the court before and after practice and every game shooting free throws. Sometimes he would sit in the stands and lob the ball in just to practice his accuracy out of his comfort zone. He wasn’t a flashy player. But he was consistent. He didn’t become an all-star player because he was a rock star. He became a rock star because he was a consistently solid player.

When it comes to being great with women, stick to the basics to develop the tightest game possible. Be consistent and the improvements will follow.

So let’s break down the basics.

I call the concepts below the “Big Four.” These are the four basic elements in every solid pick up. Master them to become consistent. In this article we’re going to talk about the first principle.

1) Talk about yourself. That is right I am telling you to talk more about yourself. Like, probably a lot more. My boss, Juggler, would tell you to use specific language and speak from the “I-Perspective.”

People don’t know who you are until you reveal yourself to them.

They don’t know:
what you stand for
what you believe in
what you care about
what makes you happy
and what kind of treatment you expect
…unless you tell them.

So start talking about yourself. Yes, I know that every business professor you’ve ever had has probably told you to reveal as little about yourself as possible while prompting the other person to divulge all their secrets, but that is not the way it works in the social world. Girls call guys that do that sketchy and flake on them.

I don’t know how you feel, but those kinds of things are important to me when I’m meeting someone new. Why? Because I don’t trust them until I can relate to them.

But this can be misleading. It’s not your job to relate to someone, it is their job to relate to you. The point is to share yourself confidently and give her the chance to latch on to something you say/do that she can relate to. Then she will think “He’s like me.” And that is a very good thing.

It’s better if she is asking you big questions. It’s better if she is relating to you because you are sharing so much of yourself.

When guys spend too much time asking questions and then retroactively relating to her the girls get turned off because you are putting her in the drivers seat of the pick up. When you relate to a girl she is leading the interaction. Write that down somewhere.

Now that we’ve covered some verbal stuff lets get physical with concept number two in the next installment of Mastering the Basics.

What does it really mean to give value, why does spending time with some people make you feel good regardless of whether they actually do anything which directly benefits you. What is it about some people that makes you feel drained after they leave. Why are some people always selfishly taking from others?

Giving value applies not just to us as PUAs in relation to what we give to girls. It also applies to wings as in what value they give to each other and to girls that interact with you.

One thing about value which a lot of PUAs don’t seem to be aware of is what it means to be a good wing. Bad wings can kill not only your state but also your ability to actually PU anyone. I’ve had a few experiences now where wings basically come out, watch you open a set, come in, AMOG you and then relentlessly pursue the hottest girl in the group. Chodes almost always have very bad, hugely selfish wings and it’s one of the reasons they don’t get laid!

I had one set last year go down like this:

Me: Hi guys. What’s up. Vibe Vibe Vibe.

Two minutes of conversation.

Girls: Where are you from, what’s your name, etc..

My ‘friend’ appears: (speaking overly loudly while invading my personal space, grabbing my shoulder hard while also shaking me slightly) Hey dude, it’s your round.. Get me a …

Basically this guy has learned that AMOG / Blowout game makes you look alpha.

Slight digression but naturals do this a lot, a recent example being a guy who said to a 3 set of mine last week “This guy’s a player I’ve seen him doing this with lots of other girls” Obviously this guy’s retarded and forgetting his intent, it’s not exactly a bad thing for him to say.

Anyway how to respond to something like that.

1. Either actively fight for the girls.. “Sorry dude, I’m talking”. Look alpha but also possibly cheap and like you don’t value your friends over the women.

2. Get the drink, allow the wing to loiter about, eventually take set and fuck it up.

I did number two at the time. Now I’d probably just ignore completely which after a few more of these I’ve found worked the best.

Getting back to the main point of this, giving value when your out with wings is that when you’re out with guys you should really feel you have a duty to help them as much as possible. If you don’t, go out alone.

Questions I now ask myself when winging.

How can I help my wings PU move more quickly.?
Will doing this help my wing get laid?

Now the wings I have at the moment are awesome, they generally DHV me to girls, and we work together to ‘own’ venues.

What I think some people need to become aware of is that:

a. Actively pursuing girls who your wing is into is counter productive, actively chatting up girls on behalf of your wing however is a great move and meets little or no resistance.
b. There are millions of women in the world and if you don’t personally know hot chicks who would date you, it’s basically your laziness and fear that’s the problem.
c. AMOG game is not something to unleash on ‘friends’ you are out with. Doing it is loser behaviour! Although it might well get you laid, do this on chodes if you must, provided you actually have the balls.
d. If you find yourself in a venue speaking to groups, involving your wing is always a good idea. If you have any doubts about that, get new wings.
e. Wings should be relentlessly pumping each others state.
f. Wings should be encouraging opening of all sets.
g. When out PUAs need to agree who’s into who early on and stick to it.

Re point a. Chatting up girls on behalf of your wing.

Let’s say your wing opens a set of ridiculously hot girls, chats for 10 mins, they laugh and really like him, he introduces you and you get chatting to the hottest one as frequently happens.

You could do the chode thing and attempt to chat her up yourself BUT if you instead start qualifying her on behalf of your wing, DHV him to her and start making her question whether she is good enough. “My wing is the one of the greatest guys I know”, “you’re not going to be one of those girlfriends who takes people away from their friends are you”, “so can you cook”, “are you good in bed”, “rich”, etc. etc. You not only make yourself seem very cool, you also are 20 times more likely to get in with this girl’s friends. When she inevitably pulls your wing, her mates will now be feeling social pressure to hook up with you.

Wings can either kill the whole thing or get you laid.

Hey guys! Welcome to the finale of “Sasha’s Semi Ultimate daygame opening guide!”

Another type of opener is so powerful and so simple it’s almost ridiculous. It’s called HONESTY.

Specifically, in relation to direct openers.

This can be any thought that you think in the moment (i.e a situation opener) such as “hey, that’s the coolest button ever!” but in this case I’m really talking about something genuine. If it doesn’t seem that way, you’ll just be told “it’s just a line”

A lot of guys find their first girl of the day the most difficult to open. How about this:

“Hey I’ve got this rule where I approach the first really cute girl I see. And today, it’s you. There’s no prize or anything. You just get to me meet. Hi, I’m Sasha”

Isn’t that an awesome opener? I just LOVE it! It’s so simple. It’s so GENUINE. And it’s funny!! And direct, too. It’s everything!

If you’re really nervous – tell her!

“Hey. Oh you don’t know me – but I saw you and from over there and I though you were soo cute. And I was nervous about coming up to you. And I’ve got this rule where I do anything that makes me nervous. So… hello there, bringer of fear. How are you?”

Same as above… but if you bring up the fact that you’re nervous when you seem, in fact, nervous it’s congruent. You’ve pre-framed her, she can’t say “you seem nervous!” as you’ve already said it.

This kind of an opener shows weakness/tenderness, it’s real, it’s honest. You will never get blown out harshly when you say something like this to a girl. What kind of complete bitch would turn you out for being sincere with her in this way? I don’t want to get to know that type of girl anyways. Would you?

If you’re going to say something genuine that sounds like a line… say you see a girl who you truly believe is the hottest girl you’ve ever seen in the world, you can tell her that. But add in “ok, I know this sounds like a line, but …. you are truly the hottest girl I have ever seen!”

It will come off as genuine because it is. Not only that, she can’t say it sounds like a line, you’ve already said it. It’s kind of like a pre-frame. Let me just delve into that for a moment. What exactly is a pre-frame and how can it help you in pick up?

A great example is this: One comic on the London circuit has a massive nose. First thing he does is walk on stage and just let the crowed laugh at his nose. He looks left, right, every which way so that everyone can get a look. Then he says “Don’t you hate it, how in pictures, on certain angles, your nose just looks really big?”

Now nobody can heckle him about his big nose – he’s already beat them to the punch!

If it’s genuine, AND you use the pre-frame, there’s nothing she can say but say thanks … and it’s much more likely to be taken as a genuine compliment. Then you just have to transition into your hook story…

So, if you’re really short your opener might involve a joke about that. Then you’ve acknowledged that you’re short, and also shown that you are ok with it. You’ve shown that you’ve got a sense of humour! You’ve turned dis-advantage into advantage!

On occasion (for the stonking hot women) I’ll go super funny/honest/direct

I’ll tell girls they’re so hot they should be in jail.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing walking around looking that GOOD? Guys are going to be smashin their cars up checking you out, fighting each other on the streets!! ARE YOU CRAZY! They’ll be rioting out there!! And you’re making yourself look ever HOTTER on PURPOSE?? Are you crazy! Loose the make up, at least! Put a paper bag over your head when you leave the house! You’re a MENACE TO SOCIETY!! YOU SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS where you can’t cause harm! What the hell is a MATTER with you, woman!??

Again – if you don’t think she’s fucking gorgeous don’t even attempt that move. But if it comes from the heart – why not? It will feel good getting if off your chest!

Whoa! I seem to be going on and on…. Maybe it’s time to bring this baby to a conclusion.

Be honest. Be original. Be bold. BE FUN!!!!

I can sum it up in one quote.

“Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

Oh wait, that quote had nothing to do with it.

“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.”

No wait, that wasn’t it….

“It’s better to burn out, than to fade away!!”

Wait hang on. I’m just getting goofy now. Maybe I got caught up in the moment!

Or maybe I was just having fun! I’ll let you guys decide.

Thanks for reading… I hope you enjoyed reading Sasha’s semi ultimate daygame opening guide as much as I did writing it!

p.s The next time you see a girl that’s so hot she made you shit your pants, tell her! She may be more receptive than you think!

Hey hey! Welcome to part 2 of Sasha’s semi ultimate daygame opening guide:

Last week I covered some popular non-game openers that should be avoided . This week, Let’s get started on what does work! Now, as promised, here’s my little recipe ….

Key ingredients in a Direct Daygame Opener:

A) Getting her attention straight away
B) letter her know she’s hot
C) having fun with it
D) being in the moment
E) being non-outcome dependent

Now let’s go through those….

a) Getting her attention.

So getting her attention right away I’ve mentioned already. This is a very important point. You bore her, she walks away. It’s that simple.

b) Letting her know she’s hot

The next point is letting her know she’s hot. Again, once I found direct there was no going back for me … I absolutely love it. In some situations it will work against you, perhaps. But for daygame pickup I think it’s tremendous and cuts out a lot of bullshit. It saves you time also. If the woman just isn’t up for it, she’ll tell you.

c) Having fun with it

This is probably THE most important thing for me in ANY pickup. If you’re not having fun, what are you doing talking to this woman?? Sure if you’re going purely direct and approaching her for sex, that can work. That DOES work. But that is much more advanced stuff and for most guys not the best place to start day game. By having FUN with your pickups you can get in state and really ENJOY the whole experience. Even if you want to be super direct, being entertaining along the way can be a great help!

d) Being in the moment.

This amounts to two things. First, just going with whatever comes into your head. If you want to say something, it’s probably the right thing to say. Don’t hold back. Don’t be scared to offend or scare the woman off. Obviously if you keep saying the same things that you feel like saying and those aren’t working it maybe be time to figure out what you’re doing wrong and change that. But, as a rule, don’t be scared to say what’s on your mind. Secondly, it means really LISTENING to what the girl is saying… I have this problem myself. The girl is talking, and I get all these ideas of where I could take things next and I blurt them out. It’s try hard… so really LISTEN! If you had something good to say you’ll probably remember it when she stops talking! If you need a moment to recall, just stall! You can get your mouth moving before your brain catches up! E.g “Wow that’s really interesting what you were saying about dolphins…..” (It will come back to you!)

e) Being non outcome dependant.

If you’re only talking to the girl with the intent of trying to get her number, she’ll be able to tell… your outcome should be to have an interesting conversation. To get to know her! If you really take interest in HER and THAT is the reason you’re getting her number – well that’s a different story!! So don’t worry about getting those digits. Worry about enjoying the MOMENT!!

Let’s look at some of my favorite openers and why they are effective. Shall we start with an easy one?

“Heeeey….. (look of recognition/confusion) … I don’t know you at all, do I? Hi, I’m Sasha.”

This one certainly grabs their attention. Once they realize what you’re doing those girls with a sense of humor will appreciate the cheeckyness of it. It’s simple and effective. This one is great because you can easily let her know that you fancy her after it – “Alright. It’s all a lie. I saw you from over there – I though you were so cute and I just had to come talk to you”

Another version involves saying “ok, I see you’re trying to recognize me. Don’t worry, you don’t know me! I just thought you were really cute and I thought I’d come over and meet you. My name is .….”

But for guys who prefer going indirect – you can transition to whatever you like from here. For example “Hey! I see you’re trying to recognize me - Don’t worry, you don’t know me. Hi, I’m Sasha. Who are you? …”

Here’s one of my favorites! Probably to this day the most effective opener I’ve (as far as I know) come up with. It’s so good I actually kept it secret for a while….

Sasha “Hey, I think you owe me an apology….”

HB “Why….?”

Sasha “You made me run all the way from that (wherever) over there to tell you that I think you are absolutely stunning….

“I’m a lazy guy. I’m there chilling with my friends. I didn’t want to have to run, I’m allergic to running, haha!”

This is a very powerful opener.

Do you see why? When is the last time do you think this gorgeous woman had a stranger walk up to her and tell her that she owed him an apology for being so hot? It’s pretty balsy. It’s outrageous, it’s funny - but most importantly – It’s DIFFERENT!!!

As soon as you say “Excuse me, I think you owe me an apology” they are shocked and think they’ve bumped into you or stepped on your foot or something…. In Britain this is doubly as effective with English girls as everyone is brought up to be ultra polite. They always ask why… (in a way in kind of lowers their value like a shotgun neg, because they think they’ve messed up somehow - however this is unintentional as my goal was just to get them to STOP!)

Then you hit them with a genuine compliment it blows their minds. I’ve had great success stopping girls on the street this way.

Also, this opener is DIRECT – you’re telling them that they are HOT! Right there in the beginning… and THEN you’re being funny! (I’m allergic to running!) Not only that, you’re mentioning your friends (value) and also you’re sub communicating a LOT here. You CHASED after her. You’re a man who GOES AFTER what he wants. Do you see that? I love it!

Ok guys, that’s enough for now! I don’t want your heads to explode from all the giggles! I hope you enjoyed part two! Next week: Honesty in openers. Yea, you heard me! You’re going to be telling women the one thing you thought it might be better to avoid. THE TRUTH!!

Hey kids!

Opening is a strongpoint of mine so I though I’d write an article breaking some of my thoughts and strategies down…. So welcome to

“Sasha’s semi ultimate day game opening guide!”
Everyone is always asking “What’s the best opener? I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again - it doesn’t really matter. If you have a good vibe and you’re smiling anything works. It’s really my overall attitude and fun energy that is getting girls interested in talking to me. That being said, a good opener always helps!

Oh - keep in mind I very much have my own style for opening. Not all openers suit all types of guys. Calibration may be required Although there’s plenty of ways to open - direct, indirect, non-verbally - my preferred method in the day time is direct/funny or situational/funny or situational/direct/funny. Hah? Situational/funny/direct? What the hell is that? That’s me!

For example:

“Nice shoes. God damn you’re hot, I almost bumped into that signpost!”

Cute, huh? It’s one of my own. In fact, in parts 2 and 3, I’ll be sharing some of my killer openers that have never been shared outside the LSS (my lair) …. So, let’s get started!

Right, opening is important. It’s really important. If you don’t open – you never meet the girl. And I think you’ll find meeting the girl is really of paramount importance when it comes to…. Well, anything that comes after meeting a girl. : )

It is my belief that you have to make a tremendous impression in the first 5 seconds of the opening. Otherwise, you’re going to lose the woman’s attention. That’s right - 5 seconds!

Imagine a socially awkward, nervous guy approaching a woman. How long before she recognizes his insecurity and blows him out? Imagine it now for a moment.

“Hey, I uhh… my name… uhhh.”

There. He’s done. To stutter then took about 3 seconds in my head. Maybe 4. By 5 seconds she’s already turned her back on him. So – how do you get her attention? By being original. Even before that, by not having bad body language, coming across as needy, or staring at her tits…. do get your basics down as they are very important. But after that the key is…. being DIFFERENT!

Now: I thought I might mention a few “typical” things guys say to pick up girls, … the few that actually have the audacity to approach women in the day.

Now before I share my super fun awesome openers with you guys – let’s take a look at what DOESN’T work! I’ve spoken to a few ladies on the topic and I’ve come up with the few things that women are hearing from the guys out there that DO have the moxy to open during the day. Unfortunately “balls” doesn’t equal “game” … Here are a few examples:

The #1 afc daygame opener is (are you ready for it…?)

“Hey. I’m a banker. Here’s my card, give me a call sometime. (Wink)”

Yep. There you have it folks. No, I’m not kidding.

No, I didn’t just make that up.

Do I really have to break down why this is absolutely horrifically bad?? What you are saying is this “I’m going to try to impress/bribe you with my money. Even though I am more successful than you, I totally fear you because you are beautiful. Hey. I have no idea how to talk to women.”

Next one: Wow, you’re so pretty. Are you a model?

Uggggh. WOW! REALLY? Yeah really. Hell, this used to be my opener pre game. Why? Because I really didn’t know what to say. The woman is soooo hot, I’m blown away. I didn’t know how to deal with it; most guys still don’t.
This is tantamount to simply saying “I have no clue how to talk to desirable women!”

Another popular one:

“Hi you’re cute. Can I get your number?”

“Hi you’re cute. Let’s get a drink sometime”

Going for the number straight away (though it may work on occasion) isn’t exactly tight game. Where’s the comfort? Where’s the attraction? Most #’s attained in this fashion will be flakes. But amazingly some girls will give their number out and meet up with you in this scenario. Looking like Brad Pitt would help. At least here you’ve let the girl know that you like her, which is something.

Those of course, are the unoriginal openers that involve talking.

Then there’s the whistling/cat calling. Oh yeah. That gets the ladies turned on.

In European countries (yes, mainly I’m talking about Italy here) men will whistle as girls walk by. In the US, it’s more like “Heyy hot stuff! Looking gooood!” Which is pretty much the same thing. All I can say is this:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of a women ever, ever, ever turning around after being whistled at by a guy, walking up to them and saying “Say- that’s some nice whistling there. Here, take my number. Maybe we can meet up later and we can see if you can fuck as good as you can whistle?”

Yikes. As I was saying….

An opener should be original, entertaining, and direct. You want to let the woman know you are interested, but in a fun non-needy way that diffuses the awkward tension that might be associated with one stranger approaching another in a public area (for sex.)
At least, that’s my style.

Right – now that’s I’ve covered what NOT to do, I’m going to get into what does work, including my recipe list for what makes a great daygame opener! See you next week!

Download David Wygant’s new dating advice product called “Date To Win”. Click here

A lot of people concentrate on body language to get attraction, but I get way more emails about eye contact, so I’ll address it here. I get all sorts of questions about eye contact. Where do I look? What do I do if I’m nervous? Is there such thing as too much eye contact?

Well, here’s exactly what I say about eye contact. Eye contact is very important. Whenever I talk to a woman, I look directly into her eyes. I don’t care if I’ve met her for the very first time or if I’m having sex with her, I will look at her directly in her eyes.

Women don’t trust people who look all over the room. Nervous eye contact is a guy that looks you in the eyes and then bounces around and looks all over the place. When your eyes are bouncing all over the place, what you are telling a woman – or at least what she thinks in her mind – is that you are looking at someone else, or checking somebody else out.

The reason that women like direct eye contact so much is that they feel like you are completely engrossed. When someone looks at you directly in your eyes, they feel like they are getting all of your attention. There’s a key element to this whole thing as well – when you’re looking at someone directly in their eyes, you’d better not look at them like a stone statue.

You’d should be looking at them very animatedly – if they’re telling a story, don’t just stare directly at them without a smile on your face. React to the words that they say. If they say something funny, smile! If they say something sad, show sadness in your face.

You can’t just stare directly at them, because that type of direct eye contact is going to make them nervous. You need to make sure that your facial expressions also match your eye contact.

Another thing that makes women nervous is when you are talking to them, you look at them in the eyes, and then you keep looking down. Looking down shows women that you’re an insecure man. Women will not feel secure around you, and they will actually start wondering whether or not they want to continue talking to you. They wonder why you keep looking at your shoes. They wonder if you’re reading the Nike label on your sneaker or whatever it might be – but it shows the signs of a weak man.

Don’t forget – 80% of what you do and how you communicate with women is nonverbal. You never have another opportunity to make a good first impression. By looking down, you are showing a sign of weakness.

Women are looking for strong men, so the eye contact you give has to be backed by animation on your face as well. So if you don’t know how to animate your face, or how to react to something, what you need to do is hang out with a friend of yours and have them tell you a story. Look directly in the mirror (instead of looking directly at your friend) and every time they talk, check out your smile. Check out how you look. Check out the way you nod your head. Check out the way you use hand gestures.

Would you trust yourself? Would you be attracted to yourself? You’ve got to work on it. A lot of men (and women too) have trouble smiling. You’ve got to smile, and you have to be comfortable in your smile. You have to be comfortable in the way you frown, and in the way you animate.

Look at trained actors. This is another great thing – if you take a look at actors, there is something in the industry called ‘eye actors.’ If you look at the way an actor reacts to certain things, there are actors that will move their eyes all around and scrunch their foreheads a bit and get animated.

That’s why a lot of actors are shooting themselves up with Botox. They are really using their eyes all the time – they are penetrating with their eyes. It’s a known thing living in Los Angeles that there are lots of eye actors out there. There are some really good eye actors – take a look at Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy. Look at the way he looks at a woman – look at the way he smiles, the way his face lights up. Look at his eye contact.

Or George Clooney – he does it the same type of way. Tom Cruise is a wonderful eye actor – same thing, he looks directly at you. His facial expressions always match the emotions being shown in his eyes. Don’t be afraid to show emotion when someone tells you an animated story. These are some great ways to practice.

We notice it more and more – eye contact has to be strong, powerful, and has to really show your intent. Not only are you showing that you are really listening to her, but you are also showing that you are not afraid of her. That’s one of the key things that turn a woman on – they can sense that you have a powerful, masculine energy coming off of you.

How do you turn that energy into a more sexual look though? Let’s talk about that another time. It’s important to practice this eye contact in order to master it, before we get to advance the sexual eye contact. Getting the basic eye contact is like walking before we learn how to run, so I’ll address seductive eye contact another time.

Download David Wygant’s new dating advice product called “Date To Win”. Click here

I was talking to someone who’s opinion I respect incredibly highly when it comes to the subject of game, and she brought something to my attention that may be slightly overlooked by the community at large. This is the subject of eye fucking. She mentioned that something alot of naturals do which is often overlooked by the beginner practicioners of game is the ability to ‘undress someone with their eyes’

This takes a considerable amount of confidence, and may be the reason a lot of new PUA’s struggle with this at first. If you take any time to notice how some of the more experienced PUA’s handle girls you will see it is something they almost always use. Potentially the one skill all of them use without fail.

Undressing someone with your eyes is a skill that can be broken down into small parts that are easily duplicable, with a little practice. You may want to practice this in front of a mirror initially or even live with a female friend if she’s amicable to the idea. ( i.e. a close friend who knows that you’re seeking to improve your skills with the opposite sex.). As with any of these skills, the following are not solid hard and fast rules to be stuck to rigidly from set to set, rather they are guidelines that can be used to help you learn the skill. The basics are as follows.

1) Hold your head high

Keep your shoulders back as you walk around with your head high. Don’t look down to the floor. This way you’ll actually give yourself time to notice people around you. Take the time to examine all the people that move past you, sit around you, or are generally in your vicinity. Notice their clothes, their shoes, look at their faces, take a point to notice their emotions, try and work out how they’re feeling. All of this will give you things to think about as you look at someone for what will become naturally longer and longer periods of time without feeling uncomfortable. In the same way as when you actually have sex with someone you need to be comfortable with the situation or it just isn’t gonna happen. If you aren’t comfortable looking at someone you won’t be able to hold their gaze.

2) Lock eye contact

This is a big one, the whole object of the previous excersise is to give the other person the time to notice you looking at them. At some point they should notice the intense gazing into their skull and take the time to look up. At this point your eyes will lock. This is now a very key area. You need to be comfortable holding their gaze. Don’t look away, don’t look down take the time to lock the gaze. Their are differing methods that can be used at this point, some people lead by smiling and make sure the interaction becomes very comfortable, others believe in keeping a straight face and allowing the seduction to run its course. Which ever you prefer make sure you don’t give away the look, let them realise you’re looking at them and that you’re comfortable doing it.

3) Double take

This is a key part, once you’re sure that both of you have noticed each other looking at each other and you’ve ’shared a moment’ it’s okay to look away, take the time to look at someone else, or continue looking at whatever task you have at hand. After a small amount of time rebuild the look. You may both naturally begin to look each other up and down, enjoying the experience of staring at each other intimately, while the entire room moves around you. Essentially you’re looking to repeat the situation over and over until both of you are constantly looking for the other one wherever you are. Naturally this technique is more suited to a stationary venue i.e. a bar/club or party. However it could still happen in a moving street set, you’ll just have to make sure you opened quite quickly to avoid losing them into obscurity.

From this point you should have enough comfort that any approach towards the person would no longer be a cold approach but rather it would be an incredibly warm approach. It would almost be rude not to approach after the conection you have shared.

Eye Rape

A word of warning, it is possible to misjudge the concept of undressing someone with your eyes. And instead of simply eye fucking you would step into the realms of eye rape. This is where instead of locking eyes you end up staring at the girl with a cheesy look on your face before slowly rubbing your eyes over every part of her body without her permission. This will almost always go down badly. The easiest way to avoid this is to concentrate on looking into her eyes only, and start by practicing making her smile, simply by leading with a small smile yourself. This way the eye locking and gazing remains almost innocent and resiprical between the two of you. Then as you gain more confidence and congruency through practice you can move onto a more serious gaze.

Lots of guys seem to have mental blocks about picking up girls at the gym. Even more so … in the sauna at the gym!

I like looking as good as I can, so I go to the gym regularly, but most of all, I like spending time in the sauna afterwards. As I go in, there’s this beautiful brunette with a tight body.

Adam, a sauna, a beautiful lady? Hardly seems fair … on her!

After a minute, she starts singing. As with pretty much everything, I interpret it as a sign that she’s interested. But I’m torn - should I talk to her, or just appreciate her beauty - she’s likely to get less attractive once I start talking to her. But, I’m a professional, so:

Adam: That first song was Amazing Grace, but I couldn’t work out the second one [Breaking rapport, as I already had comfort - she was singing for me after all...]

Her: Oh God! I’m embarrassed! You could hear me?!

Well, I’m not deaf, so that chances of me hearing her in a tiny, quiet wooden room were going to be pretty high …

Adam: Sure, it reminds me of when my mother used to sing to me as a child - she’s Ukranian.

A bit over-the-top? Perhaps. Especially considering it wasn’t true. But we’re in the business of trying new things here, and I’d heard a Russian accent, so we’ll chalk this up to experimentation in the name of science. As it turns out, it hits:

Her: Really? I’m from Russia!

Adam: No, really? That’s great.

Her: So … what are you doing here?

Lady luck seems to be on my side here. She’s hot, and she’s hitting on me. I’d be lying if I said it was always this easy, but: we have a gameplan, and we stick to it. Even if she’s asking stupid questions, which is a great sign she’s interested.

Adam: Well, uh, I was working out … at the gym.

Her: What do you do?

Well, we started off cheesy, so we might as well continue in that thread, right? I’d be letting you, my readers, down otherwise.

Adam: Lots of things. I’ve always believe you need to live each moment as if it were your last. I’ve seen too many people waste their time, and then live to regret it. I’m not one of those people …

She’s hooked. Big comfort builder. We fluff-talk for a little while, then I see it’s time to do a big rapport break. I make an overly-positive assumption about her, that I know she’ll fail on:

Adam: A friend of mine was showing me some photo-proofs for a campaign she’s running for Calvin Klein - you look familiar - were you in them?

Her: Oh, uh no. I don’t do any modelling.

Bang. Got you. Now I capitalize on that by punishing her for not meeting my standards:

Adam: Oh, right. Hey, I’m heading to the jacuzzi, I’ll see you around.

I wait for ten minutes, and then go to the lounge area - I know she’ll need to walk past it on the way of the pool, so I’ll see her there. As she comes through, I take my chance:

Adam: Following me, eh? [said with a smile]

We chat for a bit longer, just following the game plan. I tell her I have to go, but that I’ll take her up on her offer of taking me out to the Rose Garden Cafe (she didn’t offer, but she did mention it - might as well make the assumption!).

I decide to mess with her a little bit more, just to really lock in my value. So I tell her I don’t have a pen to take her number, and how much longer she’ll be at the gym.

Her: I’ve only just arrived

Adam: How about I go and get changed, and you meet me at the reception in 10 minutes, and then you can give me your number.

Her: OK, sure!

She’s only just arrived, but now she’s agreeing to go and get dressed to give me her number, only to have to go back in! The more you make her work for it, the more interested she’ll be …

Lots of guys ask me about picking up girls during the day, so I thought I’d write up some details of the last girl I picked up with day game.

I’m sat with two friends in a park, and I see this cute dark-haired chick. She’s reading, and pulls out a pen and starts writing on the book. Stop, think: she’s got to be a student, right?

But that’s all the stopping to think I do - I go right over to start talking to her:

Adam: Hey, sorry to bother you, but I’m curious - you’re a student, right? [Building comfort]

Her: Sure. I study English.

Adam: Cool! You’re pretty good - much better than my Italian anyway!

Her: Really?

Adam: Yep. Bella ragazzi.

Her: Thank-you!

Adam: What for?

Her: For your nice words

Adam: Hey, I’ve got no idea what I just said. My friend said to say it, but also to add ‘bella cuolo’ … [Breaking rapport - you'll see why...]

Her: Your friend is mean! It means “beautiful lady” but the other part means “nice ass”

Adam: Oh, that’s funny! So typical of her …

Her: You’re English? [She's starting to show an interest here]

Adam: Born and raised in the East-End of London. I’ve always wanted to see Venice - is that where you’re from?

Her: No, I’m from Sardinia. Do you know where that is?

Adam: Of course! [No idea, but in for a penny, in for a pound ...]

Her: It’s an island …

Adam: I knew that. Me and my buddy are just chilling out in the park. Do you have many friends here? [Starting to make her qualify herself to me]

Her: Sadly most of them are back in Italy

Adam: Well you should come and join us. Come on. [Leading, and assuming attraction]

Her: OK then

So she hung out with me and my friends, who are cool people - can’t overestimate the benefits of having great friends. We had a play fight, threw grass at each other, piggy back ride - we concentrated on having fun, rather than anything too serious.

As we left the park, I grabbed her by the waist, and put her arm in mine, and kissed her on both cheeks. I kissed her forehead too, which is a nice piece of suspense-building escalation. We’re seeing each other again in a few days time!