Inner Game Vs Outer Game
Sunday
Sep 21, 2008
Imagine that pickup, outer game, is like the leaves of the tree… what people experience on the surface.
It’s extremely helpful for most men to learn the outer game skills (Doing). Sometimes you guys just need something to get started with (”just tell me what to do and I’ll give it a shot”). Sometimes it’s at least a place to start by practicing the traits and appearance of the “alpha male” in hopes of eventually becoming (Being) him. Over time this can help to shift you on an internal level and eventually bring you to a place of mastery. It’s the “fake-it-till-you-make-it” approach, or, as we call it at AMP, the “Top/Down Approach.”
The limitation of this approach goes something like this:
Guy A has a breakthrough with women. Guys B, C, and D enviously study his behaviors in hopes of getting the same results. In a lot of ways this is healthy role modeling, except that, in no time, these guys are just mimicking his external behaviors (the Doing) without exploring what actually shifted in Guy A’s perspectives such that his new actions arose naturally (the Being). It’s like they’re trying to staple the leaves of some other guy’s tree onto their tree…without addressing the roots that gave rise to those leaves in the first place.
I know men who do incredible things with women and don’t have a bunch of funny stories to tell, no magic tricks or nothing. Some of them don’t say a word. There’s no cookie cutter mold for you to fit into to “succeed with women”.
That’s the difference between Top/Down & Bottom/Up (Inner Game) development. In the Bottom/Up approach, which is what AMP focuses on, we shift who we’re Being, and our own unique behaviors (the Doing) arise naturally, as an authentic expression of who we are.
Both can be effective, especially when practiced in tandem.
Author: Bryan Bayer is co-founder and facilitator of the Authentic Man Program, committed to supporting men in having authentic, flourishing, kick-ass relationships with women. He specializes in helping men overcome their "inner game" sticking points with women.
Comments
Infinity
September 21st, 2008 at 9:08 pm
That’s an interesting way to think about it. I feel as though both ways have the potential to work but if you can come out better through the Bottom/Up method, like you said, it will be a more genuine expression of who you are, which makes you more valuable.
Niko
May 27th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I honestly don’t think you can really separate the two.
If you’re anxious as hell, techniques won’t work. You’ll scare her off.
If you’re confident and happy, but don’t have anything interesting to say, you will only progress so far.