Help me I don’t have any friends, how do I make friends?
Or
All my friends are AFCs/Losers/Nerds/Dorks, should I ditch them?
And
My friends piss in my Cheerios when I run game!
And of course,
I always get AMOGed by my ‘friends’ and they make fun of me, please help!?
Alright, pretty common questions, and I hear them a lot. Everyone wants to have ‘cool’ friends to hang out with. Friends, that are healthy mix of females and males, Friends that do not cockblock you in sets, friends that understand you, and most importantly friends that WANT to hang out with YOU and not other way around! So where do you get them? You can’t go to grocery store and buy them in bulk! You have to create them.
I know. Tough, isn’t it?
Let me tell you why and how I learned to make friends with ease.
I never went to kindergarten and did not learn essential social skills. In grade school (Elementary school) and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I was bullied, embarrassed and humiliated every day. I went to city schools, in Ukraine, where it’s not unusual for teachers and counselors to embarrass their students and call them out on their ‘stupidity’. It was pretty rough.
When I moved to United States, I was 14, and started high school as a freshman. At that time, I could barely able to put a sentence together, in English; I was “that weird foreign guy”. I couldn’t understand anything about American culture, and my high school was filled with prejudice rednecks. They hated foreigners. They hated me. I, would come home, cried. I wanted to go home; at least I could speak in my native language there. It was worst experience ever. I guess, I don’t need to say, that I was virgin too.
I switched schools again, and started big city school as a junior. It was the worst time to make friends, as all the cliques have been formed, and I got stuck with ‘leftovers’ Again, I had no friends, but now I could speak decent English, so only people who liked me where high school outlanders (Nerds, retards, dorks, ugly people, foreigners, etc.) No popularity = no girls. So, still a virgin.
College. Again, HUGE 50,000 student-body University: I was lost among the crowd. Me being dorky computer-science-major-guy, with no value to offer, no good looks or muscles on my back, having fucked only two girls which literally fell in my lap by some weird ‘lucky magic’. And now, college girls never looked at me, and I, AGAIN, got stuck hanging out with dorks. On top of that, my high school girlfriend dumped me, for someone else. That’s when I got fed up with this shit and decided to take actions. This is about time I stumbled on first excerpts from this community.
This is what I learned:
Perception
People live in world of perceptions. NOTHING IS REAL. Your value is NOT REAL. It’s ONLY A PERCEPTION. It’s like a matrix.
And matrix is fun to play. So let’s learn how to play social matrix, and play it well.
First of all: everything starts from within. What are you doing, right now?
I am going to talk about three out of four stages of your (consensual) life:
High school – Don’t stress this much. (I’ll say a little bit, because, once you graduate, who cares, who your friends are!? You’ll make new friends in college)
College – This is where you MUST SHINE! Your entire career will depend on this aspect of your social time line. If you ARE NOT in college, you’re missing 80% of your life experience. This will shape how your life pans out. In college you get second chance to start everything from scratch and do something with your life. Do eeeet!
Job – Career not a ‘part time’ job. This is also important, because, it’s very easy to fall into routine and get out of touch with social aspect of your life. Most guys get married by the time they graduate college and stop hanging out with friends. It becomes hard for ‘single’ dudes to see their married [pussy-whipped] friends. I am still in college, and I am not married. I don’t really have much to say about that. By then you should already have your social circle established.
Let’s start with high school:
Play Sports
Any kind of sports you can. You’re a MAN and man should play sports. This is adrenaline. If you can’t make it on football team, do wrestling, play basketball, baseball, tennis, at least, play soccer. Everyone can play soccer in US. I wrestled in high school and I LOVED IT. If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be able to meet any friends at all.
Join Clubs
As many as you can! Every high school has clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are in ‘nerdy’ club. It’s not a fucking big deal. The point here is to learn how to socialize. You must interact with and around people to understand people. If you’re on this forum, you ought to be 18, so you have almost a year left before college. Use high school to catch up on your social skills. Talk to everyone. This is your ‘test field’.
Watch Sports
and know major players and big teams. In US it’s Baseball, Football and Basketball, in Europe/Canuck-land add Soccer and Hockey. Either way, know what’s going on. Guys talk about sports all the time; this was big for me, I didn’t understand most of American sport, but I wish I did. I would blank out, when conversations turned to baseball or football.
Learn Your Cliques
Know who’s whose friend. See who’s got beef with who, and why. Try to absorb as much information as you can, but NEVER EVER open your mouth. You can LEARN a lot about people’s insecurities and weaknesses by LISTENING to rumors. When you start realizing that NOBODY is perfect and everyone is afraid of something, talking to these people becomes A LOT less intimidating.
Socialize
Where do you sit at your lunch table?? In the corner? With dorks? Fuck them. Find the LEAST intimidating cool guy; every high school has one. It’s naturally social dude who really, genuinely, loves everyone. He might not be the coolest crème of the crop, but gotta start somewhere. Sit next to him. Shoot shit with this guy; talk about girls, cars, and sports.
Don’t Ever Let Them See You Sweat
Don’t worry about your social status. If you show desperation, you lose respect of people around you. If you show anxiousness, you lose confidence. Don’t let them see your weaknesses.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:40 am
You depend on to much outer game. You talk about good looks, muscles, value and status. But trust me: They are not the tools, but most often the side effects of INNER GAME. If you respect and accept (truly and not only saying it) yourself even if you are a nerd or dork, then you don’t care what others think of you. And that my friend is what is attractive to other people. Because the fact you don’t care what they think, gives you value (paradoxically) in their eyes.
And of course there are people that are seen cool because of outer influences (looks, money and whatever). But the risks of depending on these factors for your status is, that you will go down whenever one of these are not present anymore.
Also you are very negative about certain people. Cool people don’t complain about others. You do. And don’t because that is lame and it will drop you value.
Ever wondered why an ugly fat guy with no money can have chicks, I do: Because he accepts himself and ignores people that don’t respect him. This wil be seen by others and this will get him respect.
I hope for your sake you will learn this. Believe me the biggest loser are the ones that rely on outer game and factors as muscles and money are the biggest loser when they lose these, beceuse they have no inner game (personality and respect for their own person).