How To Know When Marriage Is For You

Author: Scot Mckay Category: Relationships Tags: Relationships

Friday
Sep 19, 2008

You’ve done everything it takes to get your own game together, and you’ve been a man or woman who deserves what you want for sometime now. In fact, you’ve found a partner as terrific as you are, and the question has inevitably surfaced: Is it time to “pop the question” around here?

I believe a lot of us really have not spent enough time ruminating upon what it really takes to consider a decision to make marriage plans. And make no mistake, my friends, this is the kind of thought that should go on long before you are ever in the position to actually act upon what you think and / or feel.

Indeed, getting engaged should never be a “knee-jerk” decision. In fact, nothing involving “jerks” of any kind should ever be a consideration.

So whether you are in a serious relationship right now or not, let’s consider the top ten signs to look for when considering marriage:

1) You are attracted to each other

First, you absolutely, positively must be sexually attracted to the object of your affection. This is NOT being shallow, as we’ve discussed previously. Don’t you appreciate how I freely endorse making this a priority? Thought so. Feel better now? LOL

2) You actually like each other

Laugh if you will, but I’ve seen first-hand how couples justify long-term relationships despite getting on each other’s nerves big time. I personally don’t get it, and if you deserve what you want I surely hope you don’t want that.

3) You’ve spent enough time together to really know each other

Let’s not talk in terms of calendar time here. If a couple is in a long-distance-relationship (LDR) for two years and see each other once a month for two days, they may see each other about as much as a couple who lives two blocks apart and has been joined at the hip since they met a month ago. When you know that you’ve seen the person at his or her most relaxed (and at his or her worst, for that matter), then and only then are you in a position to speculate regarding what the future really holds.

4) You are on the same page spiritually

Don’t underestimate the importance of this. If you believe that God should be at the center of your relationship, it can only be that way if your would-be partner agrees. If this hasn’t been talked about yet, make it a priority to do so. Even if you are both agnostic or atheist, for that matter, it’s still a good idea to discuss your world views and make sure you are in agreement on what your core beliefs are.

5) Your long-term goals are similar

If your futures are taking you in different directions, either someone is going to have to compromise, or your futures don’t have each other in them. Period.

6) You know how to play together

Sure, she goes shoe shopping while he watches the NFL. But do you know how to enjoy leisure time together? We’re not just talking about sex here? I always thought it would be amazing to find a woman who would want to go BMX racing with me. As it turns out, that wasn’t so farfetched. Couples who play together stay together.

7) You both want to be married

Do both of you really desire marriage? If you feel you are trying to persuade someone out of the single life who still wants to be there then guess what…you are not making valuable use of your time.

The basics in your lives are handled

Are you mentally and physically healthy? Is your self-esteem in good shape? If you carry heavy concerns that consume you, it’s not time to invite someone else into your world permanently. After all, that would only give your heavy concerns someone else to consume. And that’s not part of a balanced relationship.

9) You have no doubt in your mind that your partner is committed to you as you are to him/her

Ah yes…the “trust” factor. Kill all jealousy in order to ready yourself for a committed relationship. And make darn skippy sure that’s okay to do. If there are signs your future husband or wife would cheat on you, then forgettaboutit. Really.

10) You have no doubt in your mind that you are committed to your partner as he/she is to you

Turnabout is fair play here. Are you completely sure you are trustworthy? Do you harbor fantasies about cheating on your future spouse? If you are focusing too much on someone else—especially if that “someone else” is potentially available to you, then my suggestion is to get that resolved before feigning “commitment” to someone who would be truly committed to you.

Whether you feel you are ready for marriage or not is okay. One should never feel pressured either way. The framework for a solid marriage with a great long-term prognosis can only be established when both partners truly want to be there…and believe wholeheartedly in both the future and in each other.

After all, isn’t that what love is for?

Author: Scot McKay is a dating coach and the founder of X & Y Communications. You can check out his new program on relationship management called “The Leading Man”