How Do I Get Over My Ex?
Tuesday
Dec 25, 2007
Many guys seem to spend their life in one of two states: being with a girl they don’t like and desperately trying to get over the last girl they were with. Neither’s a great place to be, and this site is full of advice on meeting new women. But how do you get over your ex?
Stop Stroking The Sausage
You have to stop jerking off thinking about her. This is huge. Every time you fumble the firkin while fantasizing about her, you’re just strengthening the connection in your brain to her. Even if she keeps popping up, you’ve got to replace this image with someone else.
Diversify Your Mind
Get busy, and keep busy. Start new hobbies and experience new things that aren’t related to her. Breathe some new life in to your social life. If you’ve not got much going on, your brain will keep going back to thoughts that get an emotional reaction from you … such as the fact that you’re feeling heart-broken. Start talking to as many women as you can – you’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do.
Set Boundaries
One of the biggest kickers in being dumped is the sudden feeling of lack of control. Maybe you send her a message, and don’t get a reply, and then you feel even more lonely? Stop that shit. If you must keep in contact, do it on your terms. Promise yourself that you’ll only reply to her messages once a day, and that you won’t speak on the phone. Refuse to get drawn in to any discussions about:
- The possibility of you getting back together
- How you still mean so much to her as a friend
- Her feelings for you
- Your feelings for her
You guys are finished. If she wants to get back together, she can be explicit about it. Even though you split up, she’s still going to get a nice little validation shot from knowing you’re still in to her – and the above topics will all lead to that. Take control back!
It’s Not About Her
However amazing this chick was, she’s just a chick. And even if she sucked, your brain is going to play a mean trick on you: it’ll make you think that this one girl was The One True Girl For You. She isn’t. You have a girl-shaped hole in your emotions, and you’re getting that confused with a her-shaped hole. Yes you liked her for reasons x, y, and z. But you’re coming up with logical reasons here for a very emotional reaction to losing someone, and the more you recognize that, the better.
Stop Caring How She Feels About You
Guys obsess about girls when they’re not sure how the girl feels about them. If the girl would just say it, they could move on, but that never seems to happen. If she dumped you, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve asked her out on a date, and she’s said no, she doesn’t want to be with you. If you’ve made your move, and she didn’t go along with it, she doesn’t want to be with you. Stop trying to find out if there’s a part of her that likes you – whether there is or isn’t, the overall part doesn’t want the two of you together. Be firm with yourself, and accept this!
Conclusion
Like getting over an addiction, your brain will try and create all sorts of rationalizations for your feeling of loss. Just because your brain tells you something, doesn’t mean it’s real.
It will take you a few weeks or months to get over a girl. You will still think about her six months later. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t MEAN anything, other than your brain is working how everyone else’s does.
Take control of the situation, and take control of yourself.
Author: Posted by the Grow Your Game Editor - Travis. 
Comments
lonestar27
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 am
even though i substituted the “girl” part, this has really helped me alot. i think i have that guy-shaped hole that i keep trying to fit him into. i’m bookmarking this, so everytime my brain tries to rationalize his stupid behaviour, i can take control of myself. thank u so much.
FireFly
January 7th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Wow i feel so much better after reading this… everything here was pretty much 100% on the dot… the Stop Stroking The Sausage part, lol funny but also true… im glad someone posted REAL information on the internet. Hopefully this site gets more popular. And hopefully after following these instructions ill feel better. Thanks!
meme
February 27th, 2009 at 4:31 am
this is the best advice ive come across to getting over someone after going through so much crap on the net..thank u so much
George
April 7th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Every time i come here I am not dissapointed, nice post
Mike
July 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
This really did help a lot. But I’ve been trying for a months already to get over her and I still can’t get the thought of her out of my mind. I hate the fact that I was so in love with her and I’m begining to hate myself for getting so caught up. What do I do to fall out of love?
Darrell
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:53 am
i am starting to see thati am not alone i seeing that there are other pseople who are just like me i must say that f or me it has been almost ten since i met this lady i have heard that this is spirtual i am sure that is true has someone figured this out
Larry
December 26th, 2009 at 10:01 am
this helped me a lot and to be frank i actually did exactly what this article has mentioned after breaking up with my ex before reading this article and i realized how stupid it was. i hope i could get over that girl soon enough.
Jonny Balls
May 13th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Damn straight advice. Talk about hitting the nail on the head. The last 3 months of my relationship with my ex I hated her. Couldn’t even stand to hear her voice. When we finally broke up all of sudden I loved the jazzy out of her. You always want what you can’t have. This article really helped. Solid advice.
me
May 16th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
Thanks…It helped. It’s just not enough. See, the story is that I’m the one who dumped her not because that I don’t love her anymore, but because our situation before is hell. We fight every night. But now I already got a new girlfriend and were a year and a half and I loved her more. But I still think of my ex, yesterday we and our friends are together though we are not talking to each other. Then she said goodbye. I felt sad. How do I get over this shit!!!