Whatever you’ve heard about not paying compliments to women is bullshit. Women like flattery, they like flirting and sexual tone and many of them appreciate a direct approach. I can’t remember the last time I used a “line”, both because they sound cheesy and are retarded, and also because who has time to remember that shit when a hot chic passes in front of the radar.
Women are animals, just like us, and they sense things from a gut level, as all animals do. Confidence and a sense of urgency are your two allies in this endeavor. The confidence will come as you continue to hone your craft and reap the prodigious benefits of your system. In general, women respond to body language and timing as much, if not more, than the content of what you are saying. You can tell in 2 seconds if she’s interested, and get a good sense if she’s a yes/no/maybe girl.
“Yes” girls will be appreciative, reciprocate your attention, stop what they are doing, give you their attention, and in general enjoy the interaction and the feeling of sexual tension between the two of you. The other “maybe” girls will give you some leeway, but in general will be difficult and you’ll feel the work you’re doing.
My friend Jeff is the master at reeling them in. Persistence is the key here, as is a sense of humor and a feeling that it’s your prerogative to engage these women:
You are never “bothering” a girl by hitting on her. Remember that it’s your duty as a man to engage the opposite sex and initiate contact. Don’t get into thinking you’re being intrusive, she will let you know.
I remember a funny comment this black guy made on a street corner in the city. He was checking out a hot chic as she walked around the corner and I caught him staring. We made eye contact and he says, “I’m just doing my job.” He was, and I appreciated it. I’ve also found other men to be generally admiring and supportive of the pick-up. By that I mean guys understand the rap, and don’t look down on a guy who takes the shot. I’ve tried to rap to a girl in a crowded subway before and she just gave me air and the look away or a few unfriendly one-word replies.
My shtick fell flat, and 5 guys were right there watching. Not a one smirked or laughed; most guys give props for taking the shot. They’ve been there, or appreciate that you went in for the kill.
Back to the “maybe” girls. They are the ones that engage reluctantly and have unwelcoming body language, or keep question the pretext of your meeting: “But I don’t know you?” Also, I’ve gotten the “I’m in a hurry to blah, blah, blah”. You’re in a hurry too, tell them. I guarantee you their time is no more valuable than yours. The “no” girls are unresponsive or snobby, or give you the “Who are you?” look. Walk away immediately. They give off bad energy and can kill an unpracticed guy’s spirit. For some reason these types want to discourage sex and playfulness between the sexes. Brutal. Don’t be afraid to walk away mid-sentence. I’ve literally stopped talking and turned and left in situations where I’m up against a brick wall. You can’t win those, and remember, “Next!”
Regarding the approach, there’s no right way to initiate conversation. The “head on” is decent. Also the side by side, “My, you’re in quite a hurry!” works well. I’ve had tremendous luck with the Two-Step Look Back(TM), in which I make strong, suggestive eye contact and then give a look back a couple of seconds later. If the girl is likewise craning her neck, you’re golden. She’s interested; just wave her over as you get your phone out. You “can’t talk”, though. Remember, you’re late for __________.
Also, a word about nerves or guts. My friend Arefin asked me this little riddle:
“What killed the warrior?”
“I don’t know,” I replied.
“Hesitation,” he said. We were talking about girls.
I’m sure all of us guys, no matter how dashing, suave and successful today, once had real trepidation at the thought of approaching a female stranger and making conversation. First of all, it becomes second nature the more you do it. The benefits of a good rap reinforce the exercise, as well. Also, recognize that you will fall on you face many times, especially if you’re young. But, practice makes perfect, and if you can practice in an anonymous setting like NYC, then there’s no fall-out when you totally bomb. Also, as I’ll say more than once, confidence, body language and appearance are more important than what you say.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Hey Paul,
I saw you on the Dr. Phil show and just wanted to say that in my opinion YOUR THE MAN and nothing like the other gentleman(Fr.Atlanta)featured on the show. He makes men look bad. Seems to me that your just dating and have taken the time to figure it out instead of doing nothing and complain about it. I’m from Bklyn, NY so I know how it is. As far as hitting on a woman and failing, I say,”Some will, some won’t, so what, Next”! In my opinion the only thing the women in the audience were really upset about was not the fact that you have slept with 132 woman at that time(cause you weren’t cheating on anyone of them)or the fact that you keep a record of your escapades, cause I believe that most of them would still date you despite this fact. I think what bothered them was actually hearing and seeing how easy they are first hand. You had more hits in approximately 25mins than most guys have all day, all week even. Some will, some won’t, so what, next! It’s a numbers game. No pun intended. That being said, I want to thank you because you’ve unknowingly and to my surprise inspired me to get back into the dating game. Keep doing you. Don’t let what anyone says change you until your ready to….Peace!
June 11th, 2008 at 6:01 am
Tom, as a very unexperienced male, I appreciate your advice. You look like Tommy Vercetti from Grand Theft Auto 3 by the way.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:47 am
I also saw the show and another thing I noticed was that Paul didn’t falter and sink to their level by returning their insults. He remained completely professional and un-moved. Dr. Phil and the women seemed shocked with Paul’s “no free dinners” approach. That gave me the impression that some women are obsessed with keeping the upper hand and and they fear Paul had figured a way for men to get some dignity back.
Paul you’re my new hero. I wish you great success.