Everyone Loves Everyone

Author: Editor Category: Connection Tags: psychology

Thursday
Jul 17, 2008

It’s easy for new dudes to get caught up in cocky/funny and negs/teasing and all that. It’s hard to know what to counter-balance it with. So, if you’re new you should try this. And for advanced guys, this vibe might be something you’re already doing; you just need to understand why it works so you can calibrate it properly.

I call this vibe “Everyone loves EVERYONE!” and women get really into it.

What is it?

It’s basically a mixture of friendliness, building commonalities, and over-exaggerating connections with people.

Step 1 – Agree with something she says. Get excited about how much you agree.

“You love Canada? Oh my god I fucking love Canada so much!!!” (Go into a long story about Canada.)

Anticipate whether she will love or hate something, based on her character, and then agree with it instantly.

“Atlantic City? I hate it. You hate it too? Yeah, it sucks!! So scummy! Dirty! Yucky! Never going back again…” (Lead into a long story about AC.)

Step 2 – Play up commonalities, even if it’s a reach.

“Wait, you’re from Nebraska? My Mom used to tell me bedtime stories about Nebraska. She said the sky in Nebraska was made of gumdrops and magical bits of candy corn. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

If it flops, you play it off as ironic. “Ha-ha, just kidding. My mom’s never even heard of Nebraska.”

Play up real commonalities too. “You have a dog? What is its name? I used to have this dog Chico, he’d jump through a hoola hoop and do all these cool tricks. You’re a dog person? Me too!”

Play up commonalities that everyone has (these are the easiest).

“You like movies? Me too! What kind? Oh yeah I love those! I saw it on TBS.”

Step 3 – Talk about all the people you know and how you love them all.

“I’ve only been coming here for 2 weeks, but I feel like I know everyone here and they are like my old friends. You ever get that feeling?”

“Everyone is so nice in Los Angeles. I’ve only been here 2 months, and people are asking me to party every night. Man, it’s the most party-happy town I’ve ever been to in my life.”

Step 4 – Tell stories.

Start stories with the following phrases:

* “When I was little…”
* “My mom used to tell me…”
* “When I was in high school…”

She says she has a boyfriend, you say “Oh sweet, tell me all about it baby” while physically escalating.

She says “I’m not having sex with you” you say “That’s a great idea, ’cause then I can finally have a female friend. I’ve always wanted a purely plutonic friend” while physically escalating and sending mixed signals.

Yeah I know a lot of this stuff sounds like ass-kissing, but it’s a good mix with some of the harder game tactics. And you can use it on the peer group if you get good at it.

Why is this appealing?

Women are always looking for more and more friends, more and more orbiters, more and more social resources. It seems their hunger for this never subsides. It’s never enough. That’s why they keep building to 123865 friends on MySpace. Their instinct tells them that if you can build your social resources, you will always have a backup plan if something goes wrong. You will always be able to regain social value, or get a new guy, or provide for children, or get help taking care of children, or get protection from danger… the list goes on and on.

Some important motivators of female behavior are:

Fear of abandonment – this affects women’s decision making processes all the time. Even little things in daily life are affected by this.

Preservation of relationships – women try to preserve relationships all the time, even when it seems pointless to men. That’s why a woman says “we can stay friends” after a breakup and “let’s just be friends” when she’s discussing some guy who only wants to sleep with her. They just can’t let it go. They want to preserve every relationship. They want to always have the potential for some social advantage… a backup plan… someone to help her… someone to say good things about her and build her overall popularity.

So when you mix all that together, a lot of women go ga-ga for this kind of a vibe. It makes them feel like everyone loves everyone when you’re around. If you watch closely how women interact with their female friends, they’re always trying to create this utopia of everyone loving everyone. The utopia actually occurs for brief moments on Oprah and The View from time to time.

Throw the occasional hard-game tactic in. Play some hard to get. Ignore her for a while. Then come back to this. Throw sexual game in too. And always keep the physical escalation going.

Author: To change this standard text, you have to enter some information about your self in the Dashboard -> Users -> Your Profile box.