Teasing Your Friends to Become Less Insecure?
Saturday
Apr 19, 2008
We’re on the final day of the Authentic Man Program Course. We’ve had 12 guys go through one of the most transformational experiences in their lives to date, and here’s our leadership team on lunch break at our favourite Indian restaurant.
Perhaps you’d expect us to be talking about personal transformation, or male and female dynamics, or how the course has been going… In fact:
Ray: “Don’t get that masala too close to Bryan’s face, that thing is like a magnet.”
(I’m the messy eater of the group)
Bryan: “I think it would look better on Garrison’s shirt anyway.”
(Garrison is working on letting go of always trying to “look good”)
Garrison: “If this was your shirt there would already be masala on it.”
(That may actually be true)
Decker: “Uh oh, Paul you’re making the ‘left out’ face again. Maybe you should go sit at that table over there.”
(Paul’s edges are feeling excluded and like there’s something wrong with him)
Paul: “I feel better about myself here, and since, as you know, lives are on the line, I need to be where I can help out.”
(Decker is working to ease up around injecting “life-or-death” significance into everything)
Garrison: “Here’s the check–wait, who ordered the ‘whine’? Was that you, Ray?”
(Ray is learning to ask for help instead of keeping it in and later on whining because he didn’t get support)
Decker: Ten bucks says Bryan forgot his wallet again.
(Oh yeah… I’m kinda forgetful too.)
etc etc
The truth is that these guys are amongst the most powerful, intelligent, solid and commited leaders I know. We’ve got a hughe amount of appreciation and respect for each other, and yet in the middle of an intense program … we’re teasing each other mecilessly!
What’s more, we’re teasing each other about the places where most people tend to ‘close down’ or start taking things personally. Why on earth would we do that? Are just insensitive, obnoxious jerks to each other?
Actually: we’re supporting each other. We enjoy finding ways to tease each other about the unconscious behaviours that limit our connections with others. There’s something that’s very powerful about having fun with each other in a masculine, good-natured and loving way.
When you can have humour and laugh about something that triggers us, it has less of a grip on us. Where we’d normally feel ashamed, the insecurity starts to burn away – it’s like a rock polisher – our sharp edges are being worn away by our friends ‘ragging’ us.
The more able we are to laugh at and accept ourselves, and the less seriously we take our ‘image’, the better we get at relating to women, who as we know, are very adept at finding those places where we’re not complete and whole.
Women will often poke and test for the places where you’re not yet solid, where you might posture, or might collapse in to being defensive, apologetic, self-righteous, and angry.
With the ability to laugh at yourself, you’ll be able to welcome openly whatever a woman says or does, without reacting compulsively, and you’ll be far more capable of creating the attraction and profound erotic connections that make life so rewarding.
Author: Posted by the Grow Your Game Editor - Travis. 
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