I heard this term twice in the last week.
AA.
What the fuck is AA?
I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? HAHAHA… Lets next this once and for all.
Maybe it is that I have seen the most incredible things happen to guys on our program doing approaches or that I do not feel the slightest of state movement when walking up to a girl (which, i concede, has been built)… but here we go.
In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane.
It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time.
The fact that we call it AA and THINK about it means that it EXISTS. When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… WEIRD?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this hahaha.”
So by talking/thinking about it - it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in OUR world here at RSD.
I know what your thinking… Ok Timmy - so now what - how am I supposed to think this way?
Let me indulge you for a second…
It’s all about the VALUE you ATTRIBUTE to things/objects/stuff in your own mind.
Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree.
Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree - whatever”
A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it.
First I name it TREE.
And within that name it has certain PROPERTIES.
Like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.
How much VALUE does a TREE have to my IDENTITY?
Zero.
It is what it is.
A fucking tree.
Now what if I take the same tree… and put MASSIVE value on it.
(if you didn’t know - if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU)
So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most motherfucking pimp deluxe super rad thing in existence…
Try it now. Just for fun.
Go outside or look out the window and focus on ONE tree.
Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now.
Just look at a tree, and let it make you laugh.
Give it a name…
Pimp Tree of Desire (or similar).
Ha there you go… self amusing yourself.
So this tree is now pretty valuable huh. Woooooo.
Now lets flip it….
Let’s look at a hot girl…
WHOA… your brain is like automatically throwing values on her.
She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better with her. Its so valuable. Looks so good… etc list goes on.
Now if you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediatley and just see her for what she is: JUST SOME GIRL… then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety.
Just LOOK at her… without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing - listing values about her and getting you all worked up! STOP IT.
And think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK
This may sound funny but its true.
The point is to stop putting MASSIVE VALUE on SOME RANDOM girl AUTOMATICALLY. We are conditioned to do this by the way.
Just watch your mind. Observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.
When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree. Who cares anyway.
Now I know I know… here is the dilemma - you can’t have sex with a tree.
(Well I admit - I haven’t tried).
But you CAN control yourself from being a chode and putting massive value on a girl.
Trees ahoy!
September 1st, 2008 at 7:17 pm
With all due respect - and I mean this sincerely - I just don’t think that you can wish away approach anxiety like that. It is very common, and very natural, that men who don’t have experience in being able to approach strangers, especially beautiful women, will find it genuinely difficult to do so, and, more still, difficult to do with confidence.
I had approach anxiety when I started out, and so do most people I know.
I think a lot of workshop companies congratulate themselves that they have “solved” a student’s approach anxiety by pumping his state, surrounding him with similarly state-pumped students and instructors, create a mob-psychology sort of party, and then declaring victory when the guy makes a couple of tentative approaches.
It feels good at the time, but is this guy then going to be able to approach a woman by himself when the workshop is over? When he sees a beautiful woman at a restaurant the next night, when he’s by himself and NOT in the grips of a workshop company’s artificially-constructed mania, will he approach or make an excuse? No prizes for guessing the answer here.
Making real change in someone requires addressing the CAUSES of an issue, not the SYMPTOMS. Approach anxiety comes in a number of forms. If you were a doctor, and someone came in with a headache, you don’t just start writing prescriptions. You want to know what is causing it, so you can help with the root cause. To use just one example, approach anxiety that comes from fear of rejection is different from approach anxiety that is a manifestation of broader social anxiety. The student that has never approached a woman in his life, but is entirely comfortable with public speaking, doesn’t have a fear of embarassment, and isnt generally inhibited has a different road to beating approach anxiety than the student whose approach anxiety is no different from his nervousness around strangers in general, small talk, ambiguous social situations, or being the center of attention.
It’s way too easy to “get over the hump” yourself and then think “Hey, everyone else just needs to do what I do”. That doesn’t produce lasting results. I don’t care how Love Systems students do while they’re on bootcamp. I care how they do six months down the road. That’s the lasting change that is motivating. Everything else is just performance art.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Thanks for the blog and I just came up with a pickup line…lol
Go up to girl…”hey, you look like a tree(then grab her hair with both hands over her shoulders)….and these are your leaves….