Subcommuncation and Masculine Polarity
“How do you get comfortable going out alone?”
“What are some strategies you use when people ask why you’re out alone?”
People have this whack set of beliefs around going out alone - like it’s full LOSER or something. Here’s the deal - ANYONE who has traveled and actually had fun is used to going out alone. FACT. Like, you decide to backpack through Europe (which is a fuking pimp thing to do), means you will be going out alone, making friends, and partying with them. This is not lame - it is socially accepted as one of the coolest things a person can do.
I can give you a ton of lines to tell girls in case they ask (”oh, I’m meeting friends here but they’re running a bit late”), but the fact is, YOU GOTTA REALIZE THAT GOING OUT ALONE IS A DOMINANT, MONEY BEHAVIOR! Honestly, it’s a cool behavior. When I go out alone and people ask I get 1 of 2 responses:
1) If it’s a guy asking they say something like “that’s awesome, I wish I had the balls to go out alone”.
2) If it’s a girl they start qualifying about how they too can do things independently and don’t need friends to feel like something is okay and blah blah blah.
That’s it!
Remember, people are going to look to you for how to interpret things - so if you feel all chode like “oh I’m a loser for going out alone” - than guess what…
BUT - as soon as you get over that hang up and realize that being able to have fun by yourself is a cool alpha trait, well guess what - other’s start seeing it that way as well.
And, for the logic nuts here, consider this:
Being internally centered is a very solid/attractive trait. Meaning – you look at someone who does not have his shit together – they will be VERY dependant on the company of others in order to feel good about themselves (interestingly enough this is one of the ways being beta serves you – it ingratiates you with others so they’ll satiate your need for constant company).
And on the flip side, take a look at someone who is internally centered and you’ll be struck by just how little their need is for ego-based self-expression and the companionship of others. So while of course they relish and enjoy the company of friends – they are not dependant on it.
This is what masculine polarity is all about. Being who you are, being on your path, and letting those around you join in. A necessary part of this is a willingness to be on your path even when others don’t join in.
So just as with girls the central tenet of leading successfully is to be indifferent to whether or not she follows – i.e. asking “do you want to come to the bar with me” is weak, instead it’s “Lets go to the bar” and you START WALKING regardless of without even looking to see if she’s following - the same principal applies in all facets of your social life.
So with everyone in your life it’s not “Come on, I really wanna go see Iron Man, please come with me” instead it’s “I’m going to see Iron Man, it’d be funner if you joined”.
Start doing this and you’ll be amazed by just how much people respond and ultimately want to align themselves with the high degree of certainty you have in your life.
Back to going out alone – so when I’m out alone and someone asks “where are your friends?” I answer “probably at home”. What I’m really saying is “I wanted to go out tonight and I’m a man on my path – I do what I want when I want period, and I’m not dependant on the security blanket of others.” Of course I don’t actually say all that verbally, but the self is always shining through. And when the girl replies “oh”, what she’s really saying is “I’m attracted to people that can make their way through the world independently of others and isn’t always subject to the whims of what others think about them. I’m attracted to a leader- not a follower”. But then of course she’s not saying all that verbally either.
So, think about who you are, think about the person you’d like to be, and act accordingly.
July 20th, 2008 at 12:14 am
why is this an 8? this is excellent advice