A while ago I taught a free inner-game workshop, as I was trying to get some ideas straight in my head. At the time I taught the idea of an ‘ego monster’, who blocks your natural flow of self-esteem - similar to what Ekhart Tolle refers to as a pain body.
The ego-monster (or pain body) is defensive, negative, jealous, overly-competitive, good at hiding himself, and always telling you that your happiness and self contentment are just over the next hill if you’re willing to follow his advice. He’s got two little tools that he uses to great effect to reinforce the ideas he gives you: the promise of a feeling of superiority, and the fear of a feeling of inferiority.
What he wants is total control of your actions. He’s like the deity figure in His Dark Materials - he’s trying to pass himself off as your self-esteem, where really, he’s holding it captive. Every time you respond to one of his suggestions, he gets a little stronger, grows a little bigger. Every time you ignore him, he shrinks a little. Ideally, you want to starve him to death.
What sort of suggestions does he give?
- I need to show this person how important I am by telling him how much I earn
- If I go and talk to that girl, and crash out, every girl in the room will see, and everyone will lose respect for me
- That guy was mean to me, now I have to punish him!
- That girl was bitchy to me, now I must CRUSH HER
Probably not things you feel you can identify with. Why? Because he’s a master of persuasion and rationalization. In the example below, what you’ll actually get is:
- Now seems like a sensible and relevant point in the conversation to tell this person about how much I earn, that incidentally is a high figure
- If I crash out in front of that girl, it’ll be negative pre-selection, and that’ll be bad game. I should get a drink to help myself get in state instead
- It’s important for business/my social standing/whatever that I show that guy his actions were not ok, and that I refuse to accept substandard behaviour from others
- I must show this girl that I don’t accept substandard behaviour from her because I’m the kind of man who chooses not the etc etc etc
Identifying these takes practice. You will not be able to remove his influence over night. But you can start questioning some of your motives in social settings, and start starving him.
But what you can do is raise your awareness of when you’re doing this. Any time you feel uncomfortable, or you find yourself saying something that “doesn’t feel right” ask yourself: are you being driven by your ego monster, or your true self-esteem?
February 16th, 2008 at 5:45 am
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