Grow Your Game

Help me I don’t have any friends, how do I make friends?

Or

All my friends are AFCs/Losers/Nerds/Dorks, should I ditch them?

And

My friends piss in my Cheerios when I run game!

And of course,

I always get AMOGed by my ‘friends’ and they make fun of me, please help!?

Alright, pretty common questions, and I hear them a lot. Everyone wants to have ‘cool’ friends to hang out with. Friends, that are healthy mix of females and males, Friends that do not cockblock you in sets, friends that understand you, and most importantly friends that WANT to hang out with YOU and not other way around! So where do you get them? You can’t go to grocery store and buy them in bulk! You have to create them.

I know. Tough, isn’t it?

Let me tell you why and how I learned to make friends with ease.

I never went to kindergarten and did not learn essential social skills. In grade school (Elementary school) and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I was bullied, embarrassed and humiliated every day. I went to city schools, in Ukraine, where it’s not unusual for teachers and counselors to embarrass their students and call them out on their ‘stupidity’. It was pretty rough.

When I moved to United States, I was 14, and started high school as a freshman. At that time, I could barely able to put a sentence together, in English; I was “that weird foreign guy”. I couldn’t understand anything about American culture, and my high school was filled with prejudice rednecks. They hated foreigners. They hated me. I, would come home, cried. I wanted to go home; at least I could speak in my native language there. It was worst experience ever. I guess, I don’t need to say, that I was virgin too.

I switched schools again, and started big city school as a junior. It was the worst time to make friends, as all the cliques have been formed, and I got stuck with ‘leftovers’ Again, I had no friends, but now I could speak decent English, so only people who liked me where high school outlanders (Nerds, retards, dorks, ugly people, foreigners, etc.) No popularity = no girls. So, still a virgin.

College. Again, HUGE 50,000 student-body University: I was lost among the crowd. Me being dorky computer-science-major-guy, with no value to offer, no good looks or muscles on my back, having fucked only two girls which literally fell in my lap by some weird ‘lucky magic’. And now, college girls never looked at me, and I, AGAIN, got stuck hanging out with dorks. On top of that, my high school girlfriend dumped me, for someone else. That’s when I got fed up with this shit and decided to take actions. This is about time I stumbled on first excerpts from this community.

This is what I learned:

Perception

People live in world of perceptions. NOTHING IS REAL. Your value is NOT REAL. It’s ONLY A PERCEPTION. It’s like a matrix.

And matrix is fun to play. So let’s learn how to play social matrix, and play it well.

First of all: everything starts from within. What are you doing, right now?

I am going to talk about three out of four stages of your (consensual) life:

High school – Don’t stress this much. (I’ll say a little bit, because, once you graduate, who cares, who your friends are!? You’ll make new friends in college)

College – This is where you MUST SHINE! Your entire career will depend on this aspect of your social time line. If you ARE NOT in college, you’re missing 80% of your life experience. This will shape how your life pans out. In college you get second chance to start everything from scratch and do something with your life. Do eeeet!

Job – Career not a ‘part time’ job. This is also important, because, it’s very easy to fall into routine and get out of touch with social aspect of your life. Most guys get married by the time they graduate college and stop hanging out with friends. It becomes hard for ‘single’ dudes to see their married [pussy-whipped] friends. I am still in college, and I am not married. I don’t really have much to say about that. By then you should already have your social circle established.

Let’s start with high school:

Play Sports

Any kind of sports you can. You’re a MAN and man should play sports. This is adrenaline. If you can’t make it on football team, do wrestling, play basketball, baseball, tennis, at least, play soccer. Everyone can play soccer in US. I wrestled in high school and I LOVED IT. If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be able to meet any friends at all.

Join Clubs

As many as you can! Every high school has clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are in ‘nerdy’ club. It’s not a fucking big deal. The point here is to learn how to socialize. You must interact with and around people to understand people. If you’re on this forum, you ought to be 18, so you have almost a year left before college. Use high school to catch up on your social skills. Talk to everyone. This is your ‘test field’.

Watch Sports

and know major players and big teams. In US it’s Baseball, Football and Basketball, in Europe/Canuck-land add Soccer and Hockey. Either way, know what’s going on. Guys talk about sports all the time; this was big for me, I didn’t understand most of American sport, but I wish I did. I would blank out, when conversations turned to baseball or football.

Learn Your Cliques

Know who’s whose friend. See who’s got beef with who, and why. Try to absorb as much information as you can, but NEVER EVER open your mouth. You can LEARN a lot about people’s insecurities and weaknesses by LISTENING to rumors. When you start realizing that NOBODY is perfect and everyone is afraid of something, talking to these people becomes A LOT less intimidating.

Socialize

Where do you sit at your lunch table?? In the corner? With dorks? Fuck them. Find the LEAST intimidating cool guy; every high school has one. It’s naturally social dude who really, genuinely, loves everyone. He might not be the coolest crème of the crop, but gotta start somewhere. Sit next to him. Shoot shit with this guy; talk about girls, cars, and sports.

Don’t Ever Let Them See You Sweat

Don’t worry about your social status. If you show desperation, you lose respect of people around you. If you show anxiousness, you lose confidence. Don’t let them see your weaknesses.

Possibilities

Respect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn’t know existed. Not because it fulfils them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn’t exist in the reality of most people.

But guys find out its possible and IMMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It’s not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.

Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfil these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.

Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfilment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activities.

Share the Joy

We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don’t become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.

Don’t hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.

Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It’s secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.

Satisfy HER selfish desires.

Share the Joy. The activity doesn’t matter. It’s the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don’t. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.

If I play Rummy with a girl, I’m not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I’m sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.

I’m sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don’t want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.

And activities become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.

Consumption

Don’t allow seduction to consume you. There’s no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existence. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possibilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfil you.

Because you’re experienced. You’ve been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn’t need it.

Recognize it’s your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don’t expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren’t real girls. Not consistently.

Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don’t leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don’t get comfortable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfil you.

Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what’s possible.

Peace out.

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn’t teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.

But they don’t cover relationships. Or lifestyle.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won’t fix that.

Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It’s not the lifestyle for most people.
The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn’t understand what an IT guy does. There’s no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.

It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfilment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.

Dissatisfaction. A man understands his dissatisfaction with women is not a woman’s issue. It was the man’s choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.

This is not a dissatisfaction with women. It’s a dissatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.

Lifestyle

How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let’s consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.

Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as individuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.

Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON’T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existence. It’s the world you find yourself in. It’s your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn’t the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.

I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I’m a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I’m discussing party promotions with a few individuals.

And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They’re introducing me to new things. I’m not sleeping with them. I’m letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I’m no longer with my wife, btw. Separated. The lifestyle that fulfils me isn’t the life of a married man. I let it go.

Social Circle

I’ve dated five women in six weeks. None of them were a cold approach. They were social circle. How do you build a social circle? You find people you like and you hang out with them. Sounds easy. But takes time.

And it takes the social skills you built during the newbie mission. Which I, embarrassingly enough, never completed to my satisfaction. It’s the reason I push it so hard. I did my time, but I never opened the number of sets I should have. I pushed every set as hard as I could. Which means 1-2 hour long sets.
I made a lot of friends doing this. I went nonsexual for awhile, dropping comments about my wife. This was back in December and January. Every friend I have in my life today with two exceptions stems from those two months in one way or another.

The exceptions? Retail clerks. You become a regular at a retail shop. You make a friend. You run game. Qualify. DHV. Comfort. All of it. They love you. You invite them out and you see them socially every week or so.

They introduce you to their circle of friends. And your circle grows.

How do you build your social circle? You don’t. You find established circles. You befriend as much of it as you can. And you get invited to hang. No reason to build your own. Establish yourself as the cool guy in a few circles and the works done for you. You get introduced to new guys and girls every time you go out.

And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not something you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren’t in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you’re unlikely to benefit from their acquaintance.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.

Now let’s talk about what I really wanted to about- the magic pill mentality. Why do most people not get the results they want from learning a new skill (whether it be pickup, playing the piano, getting in better shape, learning a foreign language, to cook, dance, etc.) they put there mind to? Why does everyone want a magic pill?

It starts with perceptual filters and works trickles it’s way down through the Id. Most people frame the acquirement of a new skillset as work. They see it as a negative (i.e. the glass is half empty), because it is work and it is not reward it is not pleasurable. Any gratification that is not instant will be looked at as negative by the Id (remember we are just talking about the Id not Freud’s model as a whole). Since the new behavior is negative, at the animal level (id, r-complex, etc) they move away from it because if it is not pleasurable then it is must be painful. In fact it is much worse, it is delayed gratification combined with pain (non-pleasure) A good example would be needing to use the bathroom. Sure you want to use it when you have to use it but most of us can hold out for 10 minutes. There is a big difference between that 10 minutes to obtain your goal (gratification) and something like mastering the skillset to get the girl of your dreams or being able to play an instrument to the level you want. Most people do not want to put in the work to get things- they just want some kind of magic pill (and indeed this would be very pleasing to the Id). That is why this is the age of steroids, lotto, lawsuits, breast implants, fad diets, you name it.

No one wants to put in the time or effort it takes to learn the needed skillset. If it was easy to be great with girls EVERYONE would be great with girls. If it was easy to have an amazing body EVERYONE would look great (this btw is the reason things like vanity surgery are so popular, it’s a quick fix with no work.) This is the reason we stress being process oriented vs. being results oriented. Realize that you will have to put in work. Think about how many fights a white belt loses while sparing just to make it to yellow. For some reason this is easier for the male psyche to swallow then it does for a guy who has never done a cold approach getting blown out by a girl who is a 6. There is an actual reason for this that deal with gender roles that maybe we will talk about another time.

What is the solution to this? The solution is beyond the scope of the article. The solution is very simple. First off realize if something is too good to be true it usually is. If someone has some kind of new pickup system, fad diet, 3 minutes a day while you sleep to ripped abs, etc, run like hell. Also realize that the proper frame is not one of negativity and a problem but of opportunity and chance to acquire this new skill (this one is key and will be the focus of my next article).

I am going to leave the reader with two quotes that changed my life. I hope they will have a great impact also. Champions are made when no one is watching and how bad do you want it. How hungry are you?

I see lots of guys in the seduction community make the same mistake over and over, regarding where their priorities are. Namely, letting pickup take over their life. Guys spend all their time reading forums, downloading more and more material, studying every guru’s philosophy and eventually it becomes their whole life.

Guys start to look at the world as one big sarge and lose the ability to act like a normal person with friends and other priorities in their life. This is why so many guys you meet in the community are fucking weird. There are plenty of great guys in it, but also a lot of weirdos. Make an effort to be a normal person before being a mPUA. You’ll be happier.

Pickup should be just one of the hobbies you have. Don’t spend more than 2-3 days a week on it and don’t spend all your free time trolling the internet for more info. Learn what you need to to so that you are getting results but then just go out and have fun, go to the gym, do some reading, play sports, learn something new. Girls love guys with a genuinely good lifestyle which is why guys who obsess over only pickup are actually hurting their chances with girls. What they are doing is putting women and their need for validation above all other things and the gaping void that forms in their life because of this will be subcommunicated eventually and drive girls away.

This is a horrible dynamic to create in your life. Sitting in front of a computer, reading forums and spending hours worrying about what opener to use is the worst lifestyle you can have. Your pursuit of women should be a small facet of your overall well-developed lifestyle; not vice-versa.

Go out and make some friends. Real friends. Not just community guys. It’s stupid if all the people you hang out with are community guys. If you do so, you are limiting yourself from all that life has to offer

Starting out, of course take a workshop to get you on the level where you can continue to progress by yourself, then take community guys(wings), and train with them during the 2-3 days a week you dedicate to gaming. Other than that, make sure you have a balanced, interesting, fulfilling life and you will get much better results than if you spend 20 hours a week “studying” pickup.

Start this today, and enjoy!

There are few people today that really KNOW me today, and of those even less that knew me growing up. People that saw me when I was a totally different person.

Friends that saw me CHANGE.

In fact there’s only three that I can name. Ermin, Mike, and Curtis. While all of them are aware of the community, not one is a community guy.

There are other guys in the community that have seen me grow and transform, one step at a time, but they weren’t there back in the day like those 3 I named off.

Anyways I got a text yesterday regarding some ‘rukus’ on a forum I’m causing by being totally honest and upfront with a guy.

The text convo hit me emotionally, pretty dead on.

Why?

Well basically the guy I’m being blunt with on this forum is coming from a similar place I was at one time in my life.

The text convo basically said that ‘that guy’ is just one of those people who will never “get it”, “never” understand certain things about himself, and that I was not one of those guys.

Why bother trying to help the guy? Why waste a few minutes of my life?

Because I don’t believe in that shit.

I was at the same place this guy was one time, like unbelievably weird/awkward. Almost completely unaware to top it off.

You know whats funny?

Back when I started rising up, back on the original Dream Lounge, people used to tell me I would ‘never’ get it. They would tell me that it’s all a lie, and people CAN’T change.

Well here’s the reality, everyone can.

That’s right, it’s true, the resources are there to become who you were meant to be, to self actualize, without a doubt.

Well here’s part two.

Most people won’t. Regarding success with women, 90% of guys just won’t ever get it.

You know what I decided when people told me all that bluntly negative bull shit?

I am not a FUCKING STATISTIC, I am something MORE.

I was ready to fight for what I wanted, for real.

People telling me it couldn’t be done only pushed me more, pushed me to the breaking point eventually, rock bottom in August of 2007. It’s pretty common human behavior to try to hold others down- I still see this today whenever I do something new and continue to ‘rise’.

You know what a really sneaky trap is though? Something that IMO is built into us to project onto others via evolution.

People telling you you’ve come farther than you have, without someone being totally honest with you.

This is far more lethal in keeping you happy and content, avoiding reality, and avoiding the NOW.

I think most guys that find this community are in a similar boat that I was in once (hey the more personal, the more universal right?)

And their path is going to follow something like mine did. Not all guys though, there are plenty of guys I know personally that will follow a different path to move closer to their potential, but this is like the majority of guys this community attracts.

First the guy has to hit the point of realizing there’s a problem, something deep inside. By realizing I mean a feeling to, most of us have ego’s far to big to let us see something like that up front early on. I know I was one.

And hence, we get into ’self improvement’. This quickly turns into ego-based learning, and tack-ons to ourselves. Things like methods/tactics/routines.

These are all cool, specifically because they lead us to the next step.

The ready to fight level. This is when you make a monumental decision. Your’s may relate to mine, or it may not. Everyone’s different.

Next is rock bottom.

This is when the ‘decision’ becomes nearly universal.

YOU WILL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT TAKES.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

For me, this at first was taking out a huge student loan to buy a bootcamp way out of my price range as a college student.

When I got it I decided that wasn’t the best option at the time, and instead decided to go out every single night until I approached 3,000 sets (was at about 2,000 at that time).

Not 2 weeks in I banged a girl for the first time in over a year, one I liked on top of that (hey fatties need love too, but not from me).

This was not coincidence.

Moving on…

This is when you begin to scramble your brain.

This is when self destruction truly begins.

This is when the healing beings.

There are a few pitfalls to watch out for, and I’ll detail them this summer at the Under 21 Convention.

You eventually get to a point where you’re about to, or are going INSANE, and you KNOW IT.

You push a little more…

And then you let it all go. You see the fucking LIGHT. You may even find some of your self-esteem you lost growing up…

After that is when you pretty much start to fill in the gaps. You make it, but realize there is always room for improvment.

You begin to move on to bigger and better things…

This part is probably different for everyone, but for me, it was just starting to really ENJOY life for what it is.

Living the way I wanted, being the person I am, being AUTHENTIC, and just doing what the fuck I feel like doing.

So for anyone who gets the blunt end of my advice, take it for what it’s worth. I’ve been in your shoes, and mean the best.

Something I kind of stumbled upon in my mind yesterday thinking about this…

The 90/10 ratio for people self actualizing is a catch 22. The resources are there for everyone, but only because 90% won’t ever use them.

90% of people not utilizing what’s available makes it possible for those who want ‘it’ bad enough to pursue ‘it’.

Making the title of this post all the more important…

Are you a statistic, or something MORE?