Grow Your Game

Todays video is all about how to create powerful first impression. The whole idea is to have fun and be playful!!

Do you know what is great? Practicing your storytelling. Women are attracted – actually, people in general are attracted to people who are charismatic and can tell a good story.

I know I’ve written blogs about telling stories before, but I want to go even deeper into this today. There are so many emotions that you can convey to people through stories. They tell something about your personality.

When you are there and you are talking to somebody, and they are in quiet mode – sometimes we’re in quiet mode, sometimes we’re in talkative mode – but let’s say this person is in quiet mode. All of a sudden, you start doing the talking – you’d better be interesting! All of us are interesting because we’ve all done things in our lives – but the difference is in the way we share that story.
……

There is something in the air that seems to be going around everywhere from Michigan to Los Angeles. What is up with the men who come on really strong with the text messaging, but then once the hot, sexy action by the side of the car happens they become all indifferent? Two women that I’m friends with had the same experience this weekend.

One met a guy on the third of July, and immediately he was complimenting her on how sexy she is and how much he wants her. They spent the next seven days seducing each other via one, two and even four hour text sessions. This man was perfect in every way. He gave great text . . . but no phone call.

So finally they get together on Thursday night, and the date is hot. They connect on all levels. They head up to Inspiration Point which, by the way, is a Los Angeles landmark (and no . . . Fonzie, Richie Cunningham and the cast of Happy Days are still not hanging out there ). So they’re up on Inspiration Point on Mulholland Drive, on the edge of the car, drinking a bottle of wine, and having a very sexy evening. It seems to my female friend that they’re connecting on all levels.

So, during the course of the night, she says things to him like “Let’s do this again tomorrow night.” She’s being very present and very open to what’s going on between them. He then started coming up with excuses, like “I don’t know about tomorrow night” and “Let’s see . . .” This in turn should have alerted her that this magic text man was not as open as he appeared to be.

My friend texts him the very next day. He texts back, but every time she says “Let’s talk” or “Let’s hang,” he says “Maybe Later.”

Yes, men love the chase, but here’s a woman who says “Want to join me in my bed?” This man should have chased her ass immediately over to her bed! She was like a 7-11 . . . open 24 hours a day to all possibilities. She was also creating a lot of sexual and passionate momentum.

It’s now Monday, and he has not responded to her yet again. He’s what I call an “all text no talk momentum killer.”

In order to date, you need to be open like a 7-11 . . . 24/7, no games, no BS. This man is like a convenience store that closes at midnight. The bottom line here is that if you’re going to date and date successfully, it really doesn’t matter what the other person does. It’s all about you being present and open to everything that happens in the moment.

My other female friend had about the same situation. So from Michigan to Los Angeles, there seem to be a lot of women who are open, present and trying to create great possibilities. Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of man-boys running around with no follow through. Neither one of these women did anything they shouldn’t have done.

And guys, both these women are sexy, successful, and an amazing catch. Would you like to know their phone numbers? I’ll only give them out if you have follow-through . . .

Imagine that pickup, outer game, is like the leaves of the tree… what people experience on the surface.

It’s extremely helpful for most men to learn the outer game skills (Doing). Sometimes you guys just need something to get started with (”just tell me what to do and I’ll give it a shot”). Sometimes it’s at least a place to start by practicing the traits and appearance of the “alpha male” in hopes of eventually becoming (Being) him. Over time this can help to shift you on an internal level and eventually bring you to a place of mastery. It’s the “fake-it-till-you-make-it” approach, or, as we call it at AMP, the “Top/Down Approach.”

The limitation of this approach goes something like this:

Guy A has a breakthrough with women. Guys B, C, and D enviously study his behaviors in hopes of getting the same results. In a lot of ways this is healthy role modeling, except that, in no time, these guys are just mimicking his external behaviors (the Doing) without exploring what actually shifted in Guy A’s perspectives such that his new actions arose naturally (the Being). It’s like they’re trying to staple the leaves of some other guy’s tree onto their tree…without addressing the roots that gave rise to those leaves in the first place.

I know men who do incredible things with women and don’t have a bunch of funny stories to tell, no magic tricks or nothing. Some of them don’t say a word. There’s no cookie cutter mold for you to fit into to “succeed with women”.

That’s the difference between Top/Down & Bottom/Up (Inner Game) development. In the Bottom/Up approach, which is what AMP focuses on, we shift who we’re Being, and our own unique behaviors (the Doing) arise naturally, as an authentic expression of who we are.

Both can be effective, especially when practiced in tandem.

I’m about to get a bit personal on you.

A lot of the stuff I teach is a pure reflection of what goes on in my own world.

Here is the general philosophy:

Focus on positive aspects of moving towards a greater vision. A vision of you as a smooth, naturally attractive man. Rather than focusing on negative points that externally confirm the existence of you sucking.

It’s all based on the general premise that ‘What you think about in life – you get’.

What I am trying to communicate through his blog or through a Flawless Natural Bootcamp or the upcoming conference is point out that you actually are a champ!

Empowering the inner man of glory and eliminating the inner bitch of doom.

There is no point focusing on external things that point towards you sucking. Because you will find a million of them.

- Maybe you approached a girl last week and she didn’t want to talk to you… waa waaa little baby YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe one of your little toes is bigger than your big toe… oh no! girls might not like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never kissed a hot girl… OMG! YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have a shitty apartment or live with your parents… DAMN girls don’t like that YOU MUST SUCK HUH
- Maybe you have never done an approach… wow YOU MUST SUCK HUH.

The list goes on forever. Here’s my point: this thinking is pointless and retarded and will kill you.

The key is to focus on internal things that point toward you being deluxe. After all, you are the only constant in this game that you can actually manage or enhance. The rest (girls/environment/external) are all variables that you cannot control.

I have always said that the one difference between the guys that are good and they guys that are superfly deluxe is one thing: creativity.

When you walk into a club and there are 1000 chodes and 3 girls… it’s creativity that will win.

When your night is sucking and you are totally in your head… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the girl but her friends are pulling her away… it’s creativity that will win.

When you have the same equal verbal thing to say as the next guy (routines?)… what will separate you? Yep. creativity.

So then… how is creativity built or, better yet, cultivated?

Firstly it’s hard to define creativity or how to generate it. Its something that happens spontaneously and this can be very elusive.

Let’s look at “the game of pickup”, for example.

Ever since the first how to date girls books came out we men have been trying to structure a way to get them consistently.
Which is cool and fair enough but also leads to its own sets of problems.

You see when you define something and try and put a box or structure around it, you are forcing yourself to follow a rigid set of rules.

Therefore your thought patterns follow very straight lined, outcome oriented thinking.

Example of this thinking in its application (i.e what your mind says):

Goal: Makeout and get with the girl.

Process: Approach and Open with Opener. Then Attract with attract stuff. Then Close using Close stuff.

Outcome: Kissing the girl.

What normally ends up happening is this. You see the girl then your head goes okay now what opener should I use, then what? Hmm maybe a story… then I’ll do my famous swirly whirly routine and then I’ll close with the superman makeout tactic!

The point is your mind trips over itself. You get inside your head and outcome oriented. Then by the time you approach, the girl can smell that your not being genuine and probably actually being flat out creepy or weird (especially if your running background processes like monitoring your own body language and other useless things).

Ok – Here is what Flawless Natural thinking looks like:

It is completely free flowing in the moment. It deals with life’s situations and events as soon as they arise, with flexability and ease because there is no thinking about them in the future.

Here is what the mind does in relation to pickup (the opposite of outcome oriented):

Wow I’m in a club… woooo!… high five my friend…. let’s chat to my friend… I like my friend… ohhh awesome look at that chair ahhahha what a silly looking chair… sorry now back to my friend…. cool… ohhh this is fun… wow my shoes are brown that is funny…. “hmmm i was wondering about sea creatures the other day – there is some WEIRD SHIT going on in the sea”… I like lizards too… oh wait ! damn LOOK AT THAT GIRL SHE IS FUCKING HOT…. YESSSSSS…. GO FOLLOW THE GIRL… MUST TALK TO HER…. YUM… “Hey i just had to come meet you I’m Tim!”… “you like sea creatures dont you hahahahah”…. “come here love… kiss me”…..”hahahahah”… this is weird she won’t kiss me yet ahhhh well soon enough… “so back to you and me…what was your name again?

My head is like a magic eight ball. I shake it and whatever floats to the surface I do. I trust that somewhere in the void of my mind something cool will float to the surface.
Something cool to say, or do, or whatever in that exact event or situation.

If something cool/positive/fun doesnt float to the surface – I shake it again

Your First Day

Go to as many freshman-oriented events AS POSSIBLE. Go there even if you’re a sophomore. Almost everyone will be scared and confused by the new environment. Use that to your advantage. They don’t know you. You don’t know them. This is your ONLY chance to start everything from scratch. In high school you might have had ‘bad’ reputation, but in college, you’re given another chance. Don’t fuck it up.

Campus will provide ‘first year experience’ program for its newcomers. Use it. If there is no such thing, find out what is available.

Live In A Fucking Dorm

Don’t be a vagina and live with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Saving money, blah! blah! blah! Explain to your parents, importance of social life! Explain them that you want to make it on your own and you would want to make friends. I know, sometimes, it might be hard, but you HAVE to live in dorms at LEAST for a year. You will mature faster, learn interpersonal communication, learn how to get along with people (your dorm-mates) and acquire a bag full of wonderful ‘that-time-we-were-drunk’ stories. (check out ColegeHumor.com for more motivational material)

ONLY first week after move in, it’s OK to meet people in your hall. First week, everyone tends to keep their doors wide open for random ‘strangers to drop in and say “Hi!”. It’s cool. It’s ok and normal. Try to meet and greet girls and guys. Don’t act weird. When I first moved in, I tried to meet everyone “Hi! I am XYZ, you live in this hall (dorm)??” Most people will smile and say “yeah/no”. Shoot some small talk; ‘where you from, what you studying etc.’. It’s ok, not the best way to meet people but at least you have balls to do it!

Talk To Your Advisor

Advisor is there to help your ass succeed. Ask her what clubs and activities are available to students. Some bigger colleges and universities will have social advisors. These guys know what’s going on around campus.

Volunteer

There are numerous of volunteer organization you should join. A LOT OF HOT CHICKS love to volunteer! There is a logical explanation to that, but who cares, right?

Fliers

Always take fliers and try to attend events. Even religious events, free concerts, hippie festivals, arts and crafts shows, etc. ANYTHING. Exposure is essential! You need as much exposure as possible. Get OUT THERE! Don’t sit in your dorm; nobody wants to be next Seung-Hu Cho. Get out! Make friends!

Join A Fucking Fraternity

YES! I said it. It’s not a “Frat” it’s a FRATERNITY! You want to get laid and become popular? It’s like joining pickup community. In a short period of time, you suddenly have 30-100 people you can relate to. Some fraternities are expensive as top-notch prostitute, but if you can’t afford one, join a smaller one; I would recommend professional fraternity, but social fraternities are good too. I don’t need to tell you how MUCH it will impact your social life. It’s just, great thing! Forget the notion of “Paying for friends”! You don’t. You pay for beer and parties and house… not your friends. The whole “paying for friends” bullshit was created by nerdy and dorky losers who couldn’t get into fraternity; you’re not one of them are you?? Haha! (shit test!)

First year: Do Not Overload yourself

That’s right. You have 4-5 years to graduate. And I don’t want to hear none of that NON-sense: “Oh I just wanna get my bachelors degree in 3 years!” No! College only comes ones in your life. Once you get into real life with real job and real world problems, you will regret that ‘accelerated 3-year program’. ENJOY IT! You’re never too old for college and fun. Take minimum load required. TRUST ME on this one. You might be capable of doing more, but you need to build yourself socially first; you need time for sarging, socializing, studying, drinking, partying, fucking, getting blow jobs, fucking some more, going out with multiple girls, did I say fucking? Anywho, don’t overload yourself with academia at first.

So I covered DO’s and DON’T’s of college life, let’s talk about actual people and how to make friends.

There are several basic guidelines in order to influence people.

Don’t trust people too much.

More they know about you, more vulnerable and weak you seem to them. Withhold very deep and personal information you don’t want people to know. Your fears and insecurities; your community membership or the fact you’re learning ‘the game’. Don’t trust people to “accept you for who you are”

Be adaptable.

But it doesn’t mean bend backwards. Just learn how to ‘not care’ for something you cannot control. If it’s interfering with your goals, cut it out. Bad friends are not your friends. If your friend, Johnny, kills your game, or pushes you in the wrong direction (read: drugs, alcohol), cut him out.

Play on people’s emotions.

This is where great story-telling skills will help you acquire larger social circle. You need to learn how to stir up emotions in people. A little agitation followed by flood of positive emotions will go long ways. Be a little bit stubborn at times, this creates emotional rollercoaster and works well, especially with female friends. Create a little bit of tension; you want to be ‘talked about’; any publicity is good publicity, well, it’s not true all the time, but you should be shooting for neutral towards positive publicity. People need to have ‘feelings’ about you.

Not All Hot Girls Are Fuckable

even hot ones. Make a point to make some HOT girl friends that you do not want to fuck. Having hot girls that want to hang out with you will raise your value ten-fold. In order to make friends with girls, turn down the game and focus on comfort building. It doesn’t matter if she is sexually attracted to you or not, who cares, you’re not trying to fuck her, are you? You should still tease her a bit, but give her more chance to talk and express herself. You need girls as friends, they will help you sarge later on. I don’t see a point of explaining this again; if it didn’t come to you now, it’ll come later.

Take active leadership among your friends.

Always know where to go, what to do, and where to get dinner. Never have “umm whatever you guys wanna do, I don’t care!” attitude. If leadership role is vacant someone will take it before you’d get a chance to blink an eye. Almost all these guidelines are based on act of leadership. Take responsibility as well.

Befriend the leader of the group.

Not just in sets, but anywhere. Every group has a leader; you should come at him with an equal attitude: He is a leader of his group and you’re leader of your group. Game recognizes game, remember that.

Learn how to mix and match friends.

Merge your social circles. If you create a mesh of linked friendships you will realize two things: a) it’s a small fucking world, b) you will be deeply rooted in your social circle.

But be careful, because you can run into problems when there are kinks within your circle. It’s bad idea to introduce your preppy friends to your goth friends. Even though you must be dynamic and you should be able to hang out with ANY kind of crowd, not all people are “dexterous” as you. Some of your best friends could be total haters. You can’t avoid inner conflict, but never put yourself in the middle of it.

Act appropriate but think on your own.

Do not try to go against the grain and form your own counter-culture. Nobody likes outcasts. There are ways to stand out in your social circle with positive aspects instead of negative ones. If your lifestyle is radically different from the one of majority, you’ll find it hard to relate to people. Such is the truth, people judge books by their covers. Tough shit.

Make your achievements seem effortless.

This is gold. Nobody needs to know that you stayed up studying for physics exam all night. Everything is easy to you. People will flock around you just to learn how to be like you. Psychologically, everyone wants ‘easy money’, ‘easy girls’, ‘easy fame’, easy you-name-it’. If you can achieve that ‘easy you-name-it’ or if it seems like you can, soon you’ll have a fan-club. You should NEVER bitch and complain about your problems. Your life is living dream. Your success comes effortlessly! You live in paradise!

Sell people dreams.

This is very big. Especially, with girls. I can really write a book talking about this! Bottom line: people want to live in a fantasy land. Have you ever met a person, whose first impression completely swiped you off your feet? It could have been that “natural PUA” or “guy with cool shit” or “guy with many hot girls around him” or whatever it was you really-really admired about him? BE THAT GUY! You want to imprint yourself in people’s minds, that one day, you might impact their lives in a VERY positive way. Create high hopes for the future. It’s amazing how much you can ‘sell’ by selling the dream first. People seek epiphanies and life-changing situation. Because, one day, someone can come into their lives and make them happy and change their lives for good!… yeah, I know.

Always be the dealer.

Think poker: what position is the best to play? The “button”, of course, because you’re the last one to bet. You know what people are betting! You can almost guess what kind of cards they have.

Give people choices that are in your favor. “Josh, we can do A or we can do B” (where both A and B are favorable to you); even though Josh might want to do C, but it wasn’t part of the choice. When given a choice, people tend to feel false sense of freedom. Most indecisive people will fall into that trap, and while this shows leadership, you’re establishing yourself as a confident person as well. Also, make people wait on you and take your time with delivering your decision. For example, when someone asks me to do something, I usually reply “John, I’ll get back to you tomorrow. I have to check few things”. Meanwhile, John lives rest of the day, night and entire day tomorrow wondering what my answer would be. The more they think about you, the more they like you. Works well, especially, with women.

Disappear for a while and re-charge yourself.

Shut your cell phone off, sign off your messenger and vanish for few days. Give your friends gift of missing you. It helps, if you left a memorable impression right before leaving. Best is to let them hang, waiting, on your decision or contact. Keep things in suspense; keep them guessing what you’re going to do next. Often, don’t answer phone, and wait till they leave voice mail. Call back, few hours later, if not-urgent matter. You’re busy guy.

Avoid The Unhappy And Unlucky.

Shit rubs off on you. Your whining ‘emo’ suicidal friends will destroy your life. Don’t hang out with people that are chronically depressed. Don’t hang out with people that get in trouble all the time. Your friends influence your decisions. That’s law of social dynamics. Don’t let rotten people influence you. You don’t have to be mean to these people, just tell them the truth “Listen, you’re so depressed and so whiney, I can’t deal with this; cheer up, if you can’t, try to find out how, meanwhile, I have a lot of work to do, sorry, buddy!” Be firm, confident and unapologetic. On the same note, never be that “depressed and whiney” person either. Again, you live in paradise, all your success is effortless, and why would you be depressed, anyway?

Make Other People Come to You.

Get your friends to pick you up, drive you places, bring you stuff, invite you to parties, give you free shit, buy you lunch, etc. And all you have to do is ask. I got into habit of asking restaurant clerks to hook me up with free shit. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. You will be amazed how difficult it is for some people to say “NO!” For example: to waitress: “Hey, could you hook me up with a (free) drink? ”. To a bouncer: “Hey, man, forgot to swing by ATM, could you hook me up with no cover?” To a friend: “Hey, come pick me up, we’ll go get some Chinese” Make people do you favors or come to you. Another good way to do create that affect is by body language. In a restaurant sit in the center of the table, in photos stand in the middle, at a bar, turn your back to the bartender, facing outside, while your friends stand there talking TO you. Never forget the magical “Hey, come for a second, please” phrase. Works 9 out of 10 times. Stand in confident stance, places where people have to say “Excuse me!” to get by; if you’re in a bar, turn to a person, smile and in high energy cheerful voice say: “sup man, having good time tonight?!”

I send out mass text messages when I go out “Hey, few friends are meeting me at XYZ, you should come up too!”. That’s DHV! I have friends coming to meet me at XYZ (cool place) and I am inviting *you* along!

Help me I don’t have any friends, how do I make friends?

Or

All my friends are AFCs/Losers/Nerds/Dorks, should I ditch them?

And

My friends piss in my Cheerios when I run game!

And of course,

I always get AMOGed by my ‘friends’ and they make fun of me, please help!?

Alright, pretty common questions, and I hear them a lot. Everyone wants to have ‘cool’ friends to hang out with. Friends, that are healthy mix of females and males, Friends that do not cockblock you in sets, friends that understand you, and most importantly friends that WANT to hang out with YOU and not other way around! So where do you get them? You can’t go to grocery store and buy them in bulk! You have to create them.

I know. Tough, isn’t it?

Let me tell you why and how I learned to make friends with ease.

I never went to kindergarten and did not learn essential social skills. In grade school (Elementary school) and middle school, I didn’t have many friends. I was bullied, embarrassed and humiliated every day. I went to city schools, in Ukraine, where it’s not unusual for teachers and counselors to embarrass their students and call them out on their ‘stupidity’. It was pretty rough.

When I moved to United States, I was 14, and started high school as a freshman. At that time, I could barely able to put a sentence together, in English; I was “that weird foreign guy”. I couldn’t understand anything about American culture, and my high school was filled with prejudice rednecks. They hated foreigners. They hated me. I, would come home, cried. I wanted to go home; at least I could speak in my native language there. It was worst experience ever. I guess, I don’t need to say, that I was virgin too.

I switched schools again, and started big city school as a junior. It was the worst time to make friends, as all the cliques have been formed, and I got stuck with ‘leftovers’ Again, I had no friends, but now I could speak decent English, so only people who liked me where high school outlanders (Nerds, retards, dorks, ugly people, foreigners, etc.) No popularity = no girls. So, still a virgin.

College. Again, HUGE 50,000 student-body University: I was lost among the crowd. Me being dorky computer-science-major-guy, with no value to offer, no good looks or muscles on my back, having fucked only two girls which literally fell in my lap by some weird ‘lucky magic’. And now, college girls never looked at me, and I, AGAIN, got stuck hanging out with dorks. On top of that, my high school girlfriend dumped me, for someone else. That’s when I got fed up with this shit and decided to take actions. This is about time I stumbled on first excerpts from this community.

This is what I learned:

Perception

People live in world of perceptions. NOTHING IS REAL. Your value is NOT REAL. It’s ONLY A PERCEPTION. It’s like a matrix.

And matrix is fun to play. So let’s learn how to play social matrix, and play it well.

First of all: everything starts from within. What are you doing, right now?

I am going to talk about three out of four stages of your (consensual) life:

High school – Don’t stress this much. (I’ll say a little bit, because, once you graduate, who cares, who your friends are!? You’ll make new friends in college)

College – This is where you MUST SHINE! Your entire career will depend on this aspect of your social time line. If you ARE NOT in college, you’re missing 80% of your life experience. This will shape how your life pans out. In college you get second chance to start everything from scratch and do something with your life. Do eeeet!

Job – Career not a ‘part time’ job. This is also important, because, it’s very easy to fall into routine and get out of touch with social aspect of your life. Most guys get married by the time they graduate college and stop hanging out with friends. It becomes hard for ‘single’ dudes to see their married [pussy-whipped] friends. I am still in college, and I am not married. I don’t really have much to say about that. By then you should already have your social circle established.

Let’s start with high school:

Play Sports

Any kind of sports you can. You’re a MAN and man should play sports. This is adrenaline. If you can’t make it on football team, do wrestling, play basketball, baseball, tennis, at least, play soccer. Everyone can play soccer in US. I wrestled in high school and I LOVED IT. If it wasn’t for wrestling I wouldn’t be able to meet any friends at all.

Join Clubs

As many as you can! Every high school has clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are in ‘nerdy’ club. It’s not a fucking big deal. The point here is to learn how to socialize. You must interact with and around people to understand people. If you’re on this forum, you ought to be 18, so you have almost a year left before college. Use high school to catch up on your social skills. Talk to everyone. This is your ‘test field’.

Watch Sports

and know major players and big teams. In US it’s Baseball, Football and Basketball, in Europe/Canuck-land add Soccer and Hockey. Either way, know what’s going on. Guys talk about sports all the time; this was big for me, I didn’t understand most of American sport, but I wish I did. I would blank out, when conversations turned to baseball or football.

Learn Your Cliques

Know who’s whose friend. See who’s got beef with who, and why. Try to absorb as much information as you can, but NEVER EVER open your mouth. You can LEARN a lot about people’s insecurities and weaknesses by LISTENING to rumors. When you start realizing that NOBODY is perfect and everyone is afraid of something, talking to these people becomes A LOT less intimidating.

Socialize

Where do you sit at your lunch table?? In the corner? With dorks? Fuck them. Find the LEAST intimidating cool guy; every high school has one. It’s naturally social dude who really, genuinely, loves everyone. He might not be the coolest crème of the crop, but gotta start somewhere. Sit next to him. Shoot shit with this guy; talk about girls, cars, and sports.

Don’t Ever Let Them See You Sweat

Don’t worry about your social status. If you show desperation, you lose respect of people around you. If you show anxiousness, you lose confidence. Don’t let them see your weaknesses.