Grow Your Game

It is both easier and harder to make a woman into your girlfriend than it is to casually date her. Because monogamous relationships are the dominant relationship type in our society, women will often assume that this is where your relationship is going unless either of you say or do something to imply otherwise.

traditional relationships with most of the people you’ve slept with. This is because people often do “say or do something to imply otherwise”. This can be very subtle. For example, if she mentions other men or dates at any point of your interaction after the first hour or so, she’s probably not looking for a traditional relationship. If you have a “party” vibe about you and never seem to get serious, she may assume the same about you.

Now, let’s assume that you do want a traditional relationship. How do you get this enticing woman to be your girlfriend?

The good news is that a lot of this process is not all that different from getting her to sleep with you – show enough interest to get her looking in that direction, but not so much that you come across as pushy, clingy, or not a challenge.

In other words: Get close to her without being clingy.

Your goal is to get to seeing her 2-3 times per week and for her to come to the conclusion herself that she doesn’t want to see other men and/or that she’d rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won’t see other women. It’s important for her to come to this conclusion herself as opposed to your pressuring her.

If you pressure her into a commitment before she feels completely ready – or at least ready enough to bring it up or hint strongly at it herself – then you’re significantly adding to the likelihood that she’ll cheat on you later. So let’s not do that.

For best results, start when in comfort. Vague long-term plans based on common interests are a great idea. For example, if I’m dating a woman who tells me she loves art, I’ll talk about how we have to go to the Getty Museum one day. If we realize we both love ice hockey, I’ll comment on how we have to go to a game. If she wants to be a better cook, then I’ll suggest we take a cooking class at the place under the Arclight, and maybe make it more specific by agreeing on what kind of cuisine we should learn. Not only are you uncovering great date ideas, but you are also

1) reinforcing any emotions she has that you and her have some exciting possibilities ahead

2) communicating that you see potential for some kind of longer-term relationship with her

3) helping her imagine herself with you in other contexts in the future. Don’t actually plan anything at this stage – keep it vague. Planning is boring for many women and takes away excitement and adventure and can make everything feel “too serious” to her.

Right after you first sleep with her is a key time. Solidify the connection if you can. Stay over or invite her to stay over. Have breakfast together. Call her the next day. Communicate to her by your actions (without saying it) that she’s not a one-night stand to you. That’s easy enough. Now do all of that without being clingy. There’s no formula here. You’re just going to have to use your intuition.

Also remember that women can be very unpredictable right after sex, so she may display emotions that actually have nothing to do with you. Don’t react to these. Society (both the media and her peer group) bombard her with messages that her worth is tied up in her sex appeal but also makes women feel guilty or cheap for enjoying their sexuality. If she’s got some odd emotions to deal with, the last thing she needs is some guy being needy. She may well act very distant from you, but still like you a great deal.

Call the next day. Handling this call correctly is crucially important. It must not be awkward.

Don’t refer to having had sex with her. Don’t call to “check in” with her. Call because something funny happened that you want to tell her about. Be the same natural, fun, and interesting person you were before you slept with her. Don’t let any awkward silence develop, but don’t sound nervous or talk too much or too quickly. If you’re worried about awkward silences, cue up enough topical things to talk about for at least an 8-10 minute conversation. Don’t rush into making plans unless she seems very warm and comfortable to you on this call. End the call first.

On one of your next calls, invite her to do something. If she sees you again after you’ve slept together, you’re well on your way. Use each time you see each other to discuss mutual interests and upcoming events. Further dates will follow naturally out of these conversations. For example, say you are both talking about your love for classical music. You mention that you have tickets to the symphony for next Friday. Presto. You have another date.

At some point, she should give off some indications that she’s committing to you. For example, she might reserve part of her weekend for you, or wants to know what you’re doing on the weekend so she can make her plans. She might suggest a weekend getaway. Introducing you to her friends more than once is a very good sign. Listen to how she introduces you, and make sure to invite her along when you are doing some activities with your friends especially exciting high-status activities. Remember, women lose social value if their friends perceive them as easy, so if she’s introducing you to them more than once, she is probably not introducing other men at the same time.

If she hasn’t given any of these signals, be patient. Use the telephone to your advantage. A couple of phone calls during the week, ideally 10 minutes or so, to tell her about something interesting that happened or to check in on something specific in her life (if she was sick before, to find out if she’s feeling better, if she just started a new job, to find out how that went) works wonders. It shows that you care and that you listen.

At some point, she will bring up the idea of you as her boyfriend or ask you if you’re seeing other women. This is not a time for a jealousy plotline. Just be genuine here. Your goal is very close.

It is a rare woman who will see you 2-3 times per week and never refer to you as her boyfriend or initiate a discussion about the future. But if it happens, then the responsibility falls on you to say something like “I feel funny bringing this up, but I realized we never actually talked about this. Are we supposed to be seeing other people?” Be emotionally neutral – and not nervous – when you say this. One way or another, this will resolve the issue.

A lot of us, as guys, are telling ourselves we don’t deserve women we ACTUALLY ALREADY DESERVE.

And the results, of course, are disastrous.

It ends up being kind of like one self-fulfilling prophecy after another…which makes perfect sense, when you consider that women FOLLOW OUR LEAD.

Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “You get what you hope for.” Well sometimes, if not usually, you get what you hope AGAINST also.

As you probably know already, the guys who pick up the phone and call me aren’t often guys who are starting from square one with women.

Some are, and that’s fine also. But they aren’t typical.

Most guys who call me are interested in going from GOOD to GREAT with women. They are sick of “settling” and are ready to move on to having the highest-quality women in their lives.

But invariably, guys I talk to—even the ones who are at square one–are genuinely good men with a lot going for them. That goes whether they have a dating life at the moment or not.

I’ve noticed an odd pattern, though. It’s one that is especially evident when they try online dating—although everything I’m about to cover applies to meeting women elsewhere too, so hang with me here.

The pattern is this: They get rejected…A LOT. And they flat-out cannot understand why even average women are repeatedly blowing them out. We’re talking ZERO success.

After all, they’ve got SO MUCH to offer a woman. What’s up with these chicks? Can’t they see that?

Well, here it is: YES…those women they CAN see that. And that’s EXACTLY the problem.

Here’s what I mean.

For the sake of argument, let’s draw a picture of a quintessentially perfect guy who should have no “limiting beliefs” whatsoever.

Consider a successful professional. Let’s say he’s 35-years-old, in peak physical condition and financially stable. Better yet, he’s got the “Big Four” (masculinity, confidence, ability to provide security and character) in full effect.

But perhaps he’s getting over “Mr. Nice Guy” stuff, or he’s coming off a brutal break-up of a multi-year relationship that has knocked him flat.

For some reason, he’s not enjoying a wildly successful dating life at the moment.

So based on advice he picked up somewhere along the way, he decides to go after some “average” women online to “warm up” his skills…and perhaps build his confidence.

Well, that ends up not happening. In fact, his confidence takes a massive hit instead.

NOBODY responds. NOT ONE WOMAN.

His head spins. Clearly his pictures sucked, his profile wasn’t sharp enough and his first-emails lacked SOMETHING…right?

So he tightens everything up and goes for a second round.

Yet…all he hears in return are pins dropping and crickets chirping.

Dejected, he GIVES UP.

Well, guess what?

His initial self-assessment was 100% correct. He DOES have tons to offer a great woman.

The problem? HE WASN’T GOING AFTER GREAT WOMEN.

Instead, he e-mailed women he considered “average” enough that they were sure to like him.

Well, yeah…ironically enough, they DID like him.

But they probably also were fully INTIMIDATED by him, and were left wondering, “What on Earth does a guy like THAT want with a woman like ME?”

Yep…these are the thoughts that go through some women’s minds.

If you think I’m kidding you should read Emily’s mail sometime. Women who don’t value themselves as highly as they should seriously AVOID writing back the sharpest guys.

They automatically assume ulterior motives…and that’s IF they don’t somehow believe that the guy’s profile (and could that be YOUR PROFILE?) is a fake or a scam.

Raise your hand if YOU have ever actually gone through a “slump” online only to finally get a date and have a woman say, “So, um….when’s the REAL version of you going to jump out from behind a bush? You’re TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.”

If that has happened to you, here’s the deal: You are SETTLING before you even get STARTED. Just like I’m talking about here.

Now listen, this isn’t something to beat yourself up over. The “rejection” you are perceiving could really be a series of backhanded compliments.

No joke.

In fact, I personally suffered through an embarrassingly long stage of it myself.

But the breakthrough came for me when I realized that it was time to TRUST the process I had worked so diligently on. I had spent ENOUGH time learning how to be the kind of man women truly want. I had spent ENOUGH time on figuring out how women think.

It was time to “fly without a net” and actually start approaching the VERY SHARPEST WOMEN out there…online OR offline.

I put my fire suit on, believe me. After all, like most of us, I considered the highest-quality women UNTOUCHABLE.

But here’s the thing…when I started focusing on the women I REALLY FELT I DESERVED, great things started happening.

That’s the breakthrough that resulted in solid response rates online. That’s what really started to “raise the bar” all around.

Why?

Well, simply enough, great women realize they DESERVE a high-quality guy. And when he shows up, they TAKE NOTICE.

And guess what? Time and again I’ve watched guys I know experience a similar breakthrough.

It all started for them when they put their thoughts of having lots to offer a great woman into GEAR, once and for all.

So what’s the deal? Do you suspect you are what a great woman should want, but you aren’t going after great women?

Are you feeling rejected, when in reality you’ve been intimidating “average” women with your above average expectations?

Are your requirements in a woman not backed up by your willingness to swing for the fence in trusting the great ones REALLY ARE waiting for you to approach them?

Have you ever stopped to think that were you to actually get those “average” women to go out with you, NEITHER of you would be happy?

Meanwhile, have you ever considered that the truly sharpest women are often the most likely to go DATELESS?

I told you this article was going to involve yet another CRAZY concept. But it’s not so crazy once you discover how your REALITY changes…if only you’ll put what we’re talking about here into practice.

Be a man. Lead. Deserve what you want. And give those great women the rare, desirable experience in a man that they’ve been craving.

My recommendation is to start doing it today. But just in case you could use a real “wake up call” that puts everything into perspective for you, I’m going to cover that for you next week.

So stay tuned. If you are the one who is now suddenly intimidated by going after the high-quality ones, I’ll be sharing with you the mindset for making it happen.

You’ve done everything it takes to get your own game together, and you’ve been a man or woman who deserves what you want for sometime now. In fact, you’ve found a partner as terrific as you are, and the question has inevitably surfaced: Is it time to “pop the question” around here?

I believe a lot of us really have not spent enough time ruminating upon what it really takes to consider a decision to make marriage plans. And make no mistake, my friends, this is the kind of thought that should go on long before you are ever in the position to actually act upon what you think and / or feel.

Indeed, getting engaged should never be a “knee-jerk” decision. In fact, nothing involving “jerks” of any kind should ever be a consideration.

So whether you are in a serious relationship right now or not, let’s consider the top ten signs to look for when considering marriage:

1) You are attracted to each other

First, you absolutely, positively must be sexually attracted to the object of your affection. This is NOT being shallow, as we’ve discussed previously. Don’t you appreciate how I freely endorse making this a priority? Thought so. Feel better now? LOL

2) You actually like each other

Laugh if you will, but I’ve seen first-hand how couples justify long-term relationships despite getting on each other’s nerves big time. I personally don’t get it, and if you deserve what you want I surely hope you don’t want that.

3) You’ve spent enough time together to really know each other

Let’s not talk in terms of calendar time here. If a couple is in a long-distance-relationship (LDR) for two years and see each other once a month for two days, they may see each other about as much as a couple who lives two blocks apart and has been joined at the hip since they met a month ago. When you know that you’ve seen the person at his or her most relaxed (and at his or her worst, for that matter), then and only then are you in a position to speculate regarding what the future really holds.

4) You are on the same page spiritually

Don’t underestimate the importance of this. If you believe that God should be at the center of your relationship, it can only be that way if your would-be partner agrees. If this hasn’t been talked about yet, make it a priority to do so. Even if you are both agnostic or atheist, for that matter, it’s still a good idea to discuss your world views and make sure you are in agreement on what your core beliefs are.

5) Your long-term goals are similar

If your futures are taking you in different directions, either someone is going to have to compromise, or your futures don’t have each other in them. Period.

6) You know how to play together

Sure, she goes shoe shopping while he watches the NFL. But do you know how to enjoy leisure time together? We’re not just talking about sex here? I always thought it would be amazing to find a woman who would want to go BMX racing with me. As it turns out, that wasn’t so farfetched. Couples who play together stay together.

7) You both want to be married

Do both of you really desire marriage? If you feel you are trying to persuade someone out of the single life who still wants to be there then guess what…you are not making valuable use of your time.

The basics in your lives are handled

Are you mentally and physically healthy? Is your self-esteem in good shape? If you carry heavy concerns that consume you, it’s not time to invite someone else into your world permanently. After all, that would only give your heavy concerns someone else to consume. And that’s not part of a balanced relationship.

9) You have no doubt in your mind that your partner is committed to you as you are to him/her

Ah yes…the “trust” factor. Kill all jealousy in order to ready yourself for a committed relationship. And make darn skippy sure that’s okay to do. If there are signs your future husband or wife would cheat on you, then forgettaboutit. Really.

10) You have no doubt in your mind that you are committed to your partner as he/she is to you

Turnabout is fair play here. Are you completely sure you are trustworthy? Do you harbor fantasies about cheating on your future spouse? If you are focusing too much on someone else—especially if that “someone else” is potentially available to you, then my suggestion is to get that resolved before feigning “commitment” to someone who would be truly committed to you.

Whether you feel you are ready for marriage or not is okay. One should never feel pressured either way. The framework for a solid marriage with a great long-term prognosis can only be established when both partners truly want to be there…and believe wholeheartedly in both the future and in each other.

After all, isn’t that what love is for?

I’m a 38 years old, balding, heavy-set man who wears Hawaiian shirts most of the time.

I am also one of the most experienced and socially-mature players in The Game. Despite my looks I do amazingly well with women of all cultures, styles and tastes.

So what is my secret? What is the magic formula that has facilitated my happy life?

I empower women to make their own choices

For the past 15 years I have had a primary girlfriend who I would live with and usually between three and six secondary girlfriends, plus a number of casual partners who might join in the fun sometimes.

The primary girlfriend bears the title of girlfriend and may refer to me as her boyfriend, while the others recognise that they can behave towards me as if I were their boyfriend, but that our relationship is not the overriding one.

I used to manage a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ system with my primary, and the others would respect that they had to keep things quiet, but it was always a losing proposition- the girlfriends would want more and eventually discontent and jealousy would tear my playhouse down.

8 years ago I recognized the trouble- I didn’t want a harem like this!

So I promised myself that I would no longer allow women to live in denial about their rivals; but this made for very uncomfortable situations of nasty infighting, so it needed to be modified once again.

I finally developed my two rules which has served me very well since 2000.

For all of the women in my life, from my primary (with whom I live with in Toronto) to the girls I met and slept with last weekend in Los Angeles, whom I don’t know if I’ll see again this year, the two rules are absolute, inflexible, intractable and adamantine:

Rule One: I will be no woman’s only male lover!

Rule Two: Every girlfriend must commit to do her best to get along with my other girlfriends.

These two simple pillars keep my house happy, my ladies ecstatic and my sacs drained.

Here’s a little more detail in case the beauty of these rules is lost on anyone:

Rule One

Every woman I am with knows immediately (because I tell her outright) that when I’m not with her, I’m with someone else. Therefore I need for her to understand that she will not ever be entitled to unlimited, unrestricted nor exclusive access to me and so she will need to find ways to keep herself amused when I am elsewhere.

No amount of ‘But Baby, I only want to be with YOU!’ will ever shake my resolve, as that situation is a sure fire road to hell, when a girl’s resentment begins to perk up and she becomes a green-eyed monster.

So by insisting she has other male lovers, I remove her justification for being uptight with me when I’m unavailable to satisfy her cravings. I also ensure that she continually expands her skill set and her expectations, thereby keeping me on my toes and preventing my complacency.

Rule Two

Every girl knows I’m sleeping around, just as they are, and they understand that there are others. They begin to realize that there is no such thing as a rival and that putting down other girls in the circle won’t help anyone, and will in fact bring about their own removal from the circle.

The second rule guarantees a fundamentally harmonious and happy lifestyle which has been working for me for most of this decade and shows no signs of slowing down or falling apart.

Source: Unknown

I first read this article a few years ago. Let me preface it by saying: at the time, while I was still learning how to meet women, it seemed like world-shattering gospel truth.

Having improved dramatically, having learned a lot more about women, I’m in a place to better evaluate it. Some of the points he makes are compelling – women are largely more driven by their emotions than men. Women are considerably better at rationalizing away behaviours than men. And my female friends do seem to have a much, much higher propensity to cheat than my male ones, and then invent reasons why “it didn’t count”.

On the other hand, this is far from true of all women, and the original author seems awfully bitter. What I will say is: you can’t gauge fidelity from what a girl is like. Some of the most faithful girls I’ve known have been some of the most hedonistic and sexual, where some of the least have seemed prudish and dull to most.

I grew up watching Disney movies. I used to believe in true romance and “true love will always prevail”. I was looking for a woman to be my equal, to be my partner. I wanted to find that one true love, and for us to be commited to each other forever. Most of all, I believed women wanted the same thing.

Now I know the truth – these things were only possible when society was able to enforce it. Now that women are ‘liberated’ (and thus at the mercy of their own emotional urges and more base instincts), this is an impossible fairytale.

I don’t consider myself a misogynist – I love women. But I am a sexist – I believe women are vastly different from men, and by the standards that men hold other men to, women are inferior too.

Perhaps you’re starting to rationalize at this point. I must be a bitter loser, right? I can’t prove it to you either way, but I enjoy more success with women than almost anyone I know. I’ve slept with over 200 women, and right now, I’m regularly seeing 5 different normal, healthy, well-adjusted, good-looking professional women.

Am I really good looking? No. My looks are pretty average. I don’t work out (although I’m not overweight), I don’t dress that well. And I didn’t have much success with women at all when I was younger. Then I decided to go out and start trying to meet women. I was willing to face rejection 1,000 times a night, and do it over and over, trying everything I could until I finally cracked it.

I completely set my ego aside. I didn’t get laid at all for the first few months. Then it started happening every few weeks. Then pretty often. Then all the time! I wouldn’t have thought this possible in high school.

Now I can go out any night of the week and pick up a woman. I can usually pick her up in front of her friends. Women will even slip me phone numbers when their boyfriend has gone to take a leak. I can meet women in the street or at the supermarket, and often have them back at mine for sex in 30 minutes. If I have to settle for a phone number, and meet her a few days later, I will fuck her that next day.

Here’s where it gets more interesting: what I do doesn’t change in the slightest if she’s single or not. If she has a boyfriend or not. Hell, if she has a husband or not. I just do my normal routine, and then I fuck her. Maybe she’ll mention the guy so she won’t feel guilty when we have sex – that was it’s ‘my fault’. Most of the time though, they just won’t mention it until after sex. Perhaps her phone will go off, and it’s her boyfriend; she’ll give him some bullshit story about where she is without the slightest trace of guilt.

The only factor that determines if a girl will cheat on her man with me, is my own skill level. When my skills were pretty poor, I used to get shut down all the time. Once I got good, pretty much anyone’s wife or girlfriend were within reach.

The sweetest, most innocent girls you’ve ever laid eyes on will cheat at the drop of a hat. The one thing that most men are looking for – loyalty – just isn’t there with women. “Honour”, “word is bond” – these ideas just don’t have the same impact for women. Why? Women are emotionally driven – if they feel it, they do it – end of story. And later, they rationalize it to themselves.

Nothing is more important, or compelling, to a woman than:

• The way she feels
• Learning more about her inner self and having emotional realizations

That’s why even the most intelligent women love astrology, chick flicks, crappy daytime TV, stupid quizzes in magazines that reveal “Which character from Friends you’re most like”.

Men are far from perfect, and far be it from me to suggest they are. All I’m trying to say is that I’ve spent a lot of time with women, and I know how they are. It feels like I took the Red Pill in the Matrix – sometimes I’d rather not know. How can I ever get married now? How could I be the chump who pays for everything and goes through life not worrying because he ‘trusts’ his woman?

Would you leave your dog alone with a steak? Of course not. But you can’t hate the dog for doing what’s in its nature. You can’t trust a dog. But you can trust a dog to be a dog.

Some men are disloyal, but: I could never trust a woman to be loyal. Some men are bad Presidents, but I could never vote for a woman to be President – can you really expect a woman to regard her own promises as more important and compelling to her than the emotions she feels in the moment? She’ll just rationalize it later.

Did you know that the median 23 year old chick has had three times as many sexual partners as the average 23 year old guy? How’s that possible? If a woman’s getting laid, surely a man is too?

But most men hardly ever get laid. And when they do, they ‘got lucky’. But there’s a small group of guys who get laid all the time, and sleep with many many women. It’s evolution at work. Women follow their emotions, and that leads them to sleep with men who spike those emotions – they want the top man, so the top man fucks lots of women.

The irony? Sexual revolution, feminism, etc, has resulted in a return to harems. Women, at the mercy of their emotions are volunteering for the modern equivalent of harems. Lucky me, eh?

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over two years now, and some of you have been lucky enough to meet the lady herself. She’s pretty, she’s intimidating intelligent, she’s cultured, she’s a sportswoman, she’s funny, she’s a great cook … but most importantly, she’s lovely. This is the kind of girl I got in to the game to meet.

Two years in to this relationship, with a bunch of relationships behind me that didn’t go sooo well, I think I’m finally in a position to start giving some fairly useful relationship advice.

And the first topic I want to cover is jealousy. Two reasons:

1) I used to be insanely jealous, and I cracked it
2) It seems to be the thing people ask me about the most

Some Background

A girl called Jenny was the reason I got in to the game. I met her in Sweden, at a wedding, and she was lovely. She was really pretty, really lovely, and for some reason, she took a shine to me. She was the second person I had sex with, and I’d just come out of a pretty abusive relationship. She made the whole thing happen, from start, to finish.

On the same night I met her, a ‘friend’ of mine was there, who was a natural, and had also taken a shine to her. After she’d kissed me, straight away he isolated her to try and kiss her too, even though his at-the-time fiancé was there. He lived in a different country tho, so while I was pissed off, after he left I thought nothing of it.

I flew backwards and forwards to Stockholm to see her, almost every week, even though I was earning very little at the time. I was ultimate wuss-nice-guy. I spent lots of money on her, I always made an effort to do the things she wanted to do. All this time spent seeing her meant I was neglecting my friends and family and life in general.

One weekend we went to see mutual friends, and the natural guy was there. He spent the whole time flirting with her, and I could see her responding to it. It really crushed me. I felt powerless. I didn’t know what I could do.

This girl was a pillar of my reality. She was a bright spot in the pretty dreary life I was living at the time. She made me feel good about myself and confident, that I had such a pretty sophisticated woman with me, even though I had no idea how, why, or what had brought her in to my life (actual answer: she was on the rebound in a major way).

Seeing this guy slowly but surely take her away from me was crushing. He tried to kiss her in front of me several times, and I didn’t know what I could do. When I brought it up with her, she got weird about. My Mum had always complained about my Dad getting jealous when I was younger, and made it out to be a terrible terrible character trait, so not only was I jealous, hurt, and scared of losing this girl, I was also filled with self-loathing and shame for being jealous too. Ouch.

A few weeks later, I found out he’d flown to Stockholm to see her. I rang her up and ended it ‘mutually’ just so I wouldn’t have to tell anyone that really she’d dumped me for him. A year later I found out they were married when I saw some photos of the wedding on a friend’s website.

Exegesis

This fucked with me a fair amount. I started to wonder how I could ever trust women again, and also: how could I ever be in a relationship again, if I could go through the pain of watching someone else steal my girlfriend in front of my eyes? Not a great place to be.

More observant readers will have noticed some critical points here however:

• I was using this girl as a source of validation – and a major one at that. I felt good about myself because I was with her, not because of me.
• I spent a lot of time focusing on this girl, and not on my life in general
• I went out of my way to be as ‘good’ a boyfriend as I could be, all the time, and trying to make sure she was happy
• I got weird and acted jealous

Explanation

Of those, the first point is by far the most important. Defining your life in terms of girls will fuck you up. I promise. Whether it’s in terms of one girl, or in terms of “HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ALL THE GIRLS I’M FUCKING” repeated endlessly, it’s a sure-fire way to make yourself very very unhappy in the long run.

You have to see your girlfriend as someone who makes you happy, and someone you want to spend time with. Nothing more, nothing less. Having a girlfriend doesn’t make you a different or more worthy person than you were the day before you had one. Read that line again: it’s a common mental sticking point. In a recent episode of Peepshow, the main weirdo guy has a little monologue about: “Now I can go to the school reunion and show everyone I’m a normal person, with a normal house and a normal fiancé! Ha!”

This is broken. Really broken. Focus your life outside of your girlfriend. Don’t brag about her to your friends. Don’t look at other guy’s girlfriends, and judge yourself against them by that (or by anything, for that matter).

Most importantly: be willing to walk away. Look: your girlfriend should be a source of net joy in your life. Every day. My rule is: if I wake up three mornings in one week and I don’t want to be with my girlfriend at the time, it’s over. Done. Finished. Your girlfriend should be a source of joy and happiness, not a source of drama and misery out of some fucked-up feeling of loyalty. If you’re in a relationship, and it’s not ACTIVELY MAKING YOU HAPPY: end it. Now.

Being a good boyfriend

This has been written on at length elsewhere, and I’m tempted to write something lengthy on it myself at some point, but in short: what you’ve been told makes a good boyfriend, and what actually makes a good boyfriend rarely meet.

Girls do not respond well to being allowed to always do what they want when you’re together. Girls do not respond well to there never being any drama (this doesn’t mean you need to argue a lot – I intend to write a lot about this soon – it’s really key). Girls do not respond well to you always doing what they want you to do. Girls do not respond well to you dropping everything and focusing on them, just because something is a little bit wrong.

In short: do what you want. Almost any time she starts an argument, it’s because she’s not feeling loved enough – do NOT try and engage this shit logically. Read “David Deida – Way of the Superior Man”. Have boundaries. Show her those boundaries. Mark them out. Make sure you take a piss in every corner of her bedroom, 3.5 times a month (just checking you’re paying attention).

Finally, acceptance

The final piece of the puzzle: if your girlfriend fucks another guy, you haven’t changed as a person. You’re still the person you were the day before. To the best of my knowledge, my g/f has never cheated on me – but I’m open to the possibility that some day she’ll fuck another guy. I accept that. She’s human. It happens. It doesn’t affect my value in the slightest.

Were I to sleep with another girl (and I haven’t and won’t), that hasn’t changed my g/f in the least. I’ve slept with a number of married women, engaged women, women with boyfriends. None of them loved their other halves any less after I fucked them. It didn’t mean anything.

What’s more: getting jealous about it doesn’t help in the slightest. It’s entirely negative. The only thing I can do if I think she’s cheating on me, if I’m getting jealous, is try and be the best boyfriend I can be. Try and be the best option that’s on offer. And utter acceptance of this is the only way forward.

She knows I have options. I’d never tell her that, never rub it in her face, but she knows I have female friends who’d jump at the chance to be with me. She knows I’m an attractive guy who other women want to be with. I make an effort to be that attractive guy still. This stops there being a weird power imbalance in the relationship – something that’s really important.