Grow Your Game

I was recently sitting in the lounge at Heathrow waiting to head home and I was thinking. I have never written a blog about how to meet women in an airport. And the truth is, that it’s very simple.

First of all, airports are places that women go to connect to other places, right? If you think about the psychology of the airport, about half the time you’re traveling for business, and the other half you’re traveling for pleasure. But 100% of the time you want it to be pleasure.

So if I see a woman standing in line at Starbucks – because there is basically a Starbucks in every single airport – I would just say to her, “So, where are you heading to?”

She might respond, “Well, I’m heading to San Francisco.” I can ask, “Really, do you live there?” She says, “No, I’m just going on business.”

Then you can say, “Alright, so we’re in an airport. If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?” If someone is just going for a business trip, it’s not that big of a deal. They might be going to a great city, but if they are there on business, they probably won’t be able to see much of it.

If you can get someone to talk in fantasy-mode – if you can get them to talk about where they really want to go – then the conversation can be more fun.

For instance, if the woman says, “Oh, I’d much rather go to Italy,” you can ask, “Why Italy? What about Italy? Where in Italy?” If you’ve been to Italy, you can contribute something to the conversation and you can have a conversation about where you want to visit and where you’ve been.

It’s fun. You’re also getting someone out of that whole “Oh my God, I can’t believe…” zone. “I can’t believe I have to go on this business trip.” You’re getting her to think about things and talk about things that are pleasurable. You’re talking about things that are fun.

If you’re looking up at the flight departures/arrivals board you can do the same thing. Look at her and say, “Where are you heading to?” She answers, “Oh, I’m heading to Iowa.” You ask, “Okay, if you had to pick any place on this whole board, where would you go and why?” And you say it with a really big smile.

That’s how you start conversations in the airport. Make it fun, make it quick, and just be different! You can find out so much about someone when you do it in this way. Not only that, you’ll be able to find out where they live, where they are going – and who knows? Maybe they are from your hometown but are heading off for vacation, and you can have dinner with them when they return

Or maybe they are heading to the same place you are, and you have a date as soon as the plane touches down!

So what about on the plane? Particularly if you’re not sitting next to them?

It’s really the same thing on the plane. You take an inventory of where they are sitting, and then when you get up to use the restroom, you smile at them as you walk by. She’s probably totally bored on the plane, and she sees you smiling at her, and then the next time you pass by to go to the bathroom, just smile at her again and ask, “How’s the flight?” Or you could say, “Oh man, you are so lucky you’re sitting back here right now, I’ve got the kid kickers behind me! You wanna switch?”

I’ve done that. Or sometimes I’ll walk over and I’ll look at her and say, “Are the flight attendants treating you as well as they’re treating me? Because I’m sitting up front.” I’ll play around with it, and have a good time.

Those things work every single time on an airplane. You don’t need any more. Those are just simple ways to approach.

Now what if you see people in the concierge part of the airport – not near the gates, would you still just approach them and say, “where are you heading to?”

Why not? “Where are you heading to?” Let’s say you’re sitting in the lounge, waiting to take off and the woman in there is cute. You can stand next to her and say, “going home, or going on vacation?” If she’s on your flight, you’ve already made contact ahead of time. “Going home, or going on vacation?” That’s how you do that.

Let’s say you’re walking around, killing two hours in the airport between connecting flights. You see a woman sitting in an area that implies she’s going to San Francisco, and you’re going to Los Angeles.

You go over there and sit down next to her and ask, “Wait, is this the flight to LA?” She’ll say, “No, it’s to San Francisco,” and then you can say, “Oh man, I am so tired from traveling,” and then share your story with her.

“Man, I’m so tired right now, I’ve been on business trips all week long, and you know what? San Francisco sounds much better than going to LA on business anyway! Are you from San Fran?” You have her laughing and you’ve shared a little bit of a story. What happens next? You start communicating with her.

If you’re in a bookstore – I’ve done this a lot as well – and you see a woman with magazines, you can say, “Oh, People magazine – you must have a long flight! Where are you heading to?” That’s it. You don’t have to be so funny.

As I am writing this I am being chatted up by Alan a business traveler who has been making me read this whole thing to him and he has a question.

Go ahead Alan ask away.

Alan…… Right, you can get in a funny line a couple of minutes down the road, but I like to have a good, funny line to open, and that’s where I’m thinking and not acting. And it’s like the three-second rule – I’m sitting there waiting, and then it’s almost creepy when you wait too long!

David: Yeah, you’ve waited way too long and things are not going well. And the fact is, once again, this should all be based on observations. You’re not doing anything that is so earth shattering; you’re just getting inside her head. It goes to the whole theory of becoming a natural at doing this.

You’re not walking over there saying, “Let me ask your opinion, do you like 747s better or 767s?”

You’re not breaking her train of thought. The reason why so many guys mess up, when it comes down to it, is that you’re pulling her out of her train of thought. You don’t want to do this.

When you pull someone out of their train of thought, you’re inevitably going to crash and burn. She’s not going to be thinking about what you just said. You’re trying to make her think on an entirely different wavelength.

By opening her with observations, you’re getting her to think on the same wavelength of what she’s already thinking about.

So there you have it in airports!

And Alan as you asked me what I was working on to strike up this last part of my blog, you can do the same with women!!

Tomorrow… next time… later.

in other words… NEVER!

This is something that I really wanted to share with you from my own personal experience.

The other night I went out with the crew. It was very a quiet night a bunch of dudes at the bar and an empty dancefloor. Only girls in the place I passed as I walked inside they were having a cigarette.

Literally ONE STEP in the door I assess the situation…

I can either:

A) GO inside, scope for more girls if there are any, if not chat to my buddies about how chode the venue is until we slide off back home.

B) Just GO.

The time is now champ.

BOOM i turn and hit up the girls outside… “wow the club is WACK tonight!” they giggle and start asking questions about me.

ME: “Stop all the questionss damn we are in a club lets make the most of it!”

They pull me to the empty dancefloor and all three start grinding me like a music video… lovely.

Now the cutest one is going for it, we are chatting and she is totally comfortable with me grabbing her and putting my arm around her.

Its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT.

I guess my overarching natural frame these days is this (in order):

- I am amusing myself (in a fun chill totally comfortable and relaxed way)
- If there are girls in my reach ill grab them (for my amusement)
- Then I see if ***I*** want to pursue them further
- If yes then I let a girl know CLEARLY its GOING DOWN with us TONIGHT (all in the amusing cool atmosphere)
- Ramp it up sexually
- Leave to home

(keep in mind there is a LOT going on under each of these points)

No tricks, no rubbish, just pure fun in my world – and oh girls can join in too!

Anyway so my firends are leaving and I have the girl LOCKED DOWN TO GO. If I just grab her and walk out its over fun times for both of us.

My friend comes up “We gotta go”. SO instead i get her number and leave. She looks sad and confused. In my mind ill just call her and get her later or get a new girl tomorrow or something.

Ummmmm WHAT?! bzzzzzt WRONG TIM.

You have been in this situation 100 times.

This was a challenge I had quite a while ago – the girls are DOWN but i put it off till later for whatever reason and then REGRET it later.

So in the car the girl is texting me flat out but can’t come with me tonight now because her friends won’t drive her.

LESSON LEARNED (again).

DO it now!

No more of this “oh will get it later, tomorrow, next time” rubbish!
It’s bad for me AND the poor girl.

It’s because Im coming from such an abundance mindset, I know I can get another girl later if I want.

Very silly.

This is a reminder to YOU.
Why go to all that effort and fun times without finishing it off ?

Do it now !

Tomorrow… next time… later – does not exist.

Society influences us in countless ways, sex being just one of them, to become better sheep and to serve our society complacently. A big part of this control is brainwashing people, making them sad and frustrated. Why? Because, you can’t control happy people. If you are happy you won’t buy things, you won’t search for help, and you won’t search for happiness. As long as you are frustrated, as long as you think about problems, and as long as you think you are full of problems, you will work to make money and purchase more things to buy your happiness.

Religion, school, television, and commercials are constantly trying to keep you frustrated to sell you more and more things. Their main strategy is: create a problem, then sell a solution.

For example, both men and women want sex and to be together, because that makes us happy. Of course, when someone is happy, he doesn’t think about his problems and he doesn’t need more money. He is happy. That person won’t work hard, or at least not as hard as some unhappy person would work.

Somehow, in the last twenty years, something has come between men and women, creating an empty space between them. It’s to fill up this space that they sell things: “you feel lonely… buy this!”

Women are made frustrated and unhappy, bombarded day in and day out with messages in television, newspapers, and magazines like Cosmo, etc. where they are told that they’re not beautiful enough and what they must look like if they want to be desirable! Check Cosmopolitan magazine. Of course most readers will feel unhappy, because they can’t possibly look like the models inside. As we all know, beauty equals money in our society. With lot of money you can get plastic surgery, dress in expensive clothes, and look hot! So that means if you want a good guy, you must look beautiful, and to get money for that you must work incredibly hard.

Women are constantly unhappy because fashion always changes, and they are constantly forced to buy new shoes, purses, and clothes every now and then, because the old ones are passé. Those few who are able to keep up are filled with false confidence; they are beautiful right now, so they expect every man to fall for them. This also has the side-effect of creating venomous competition between women.

If you take a look at the female beauty industry, you will understand the problem even better! Everything from makeup and haircuts to shoes, perfume, clothing, and more are part of “looking beautiful,” and all of these things change every season. For a woman to stay on top of all of this she must spend quite a bit of money.

And just what is beauty? Every culture and society deems beauty differently. Fifteen years ago, sexy meant curly hair and big breasts. More recently, the top models are all exceedingly skinny with few curves. It’s no wonder then that many girls around the world become anorexic trying to look like the supermodels.

In our culture, society attaches high value to beautiful women, and a man’s happiness with his having one of his own. But, there is also a link between expensive goods and beautiful women. Take a look at some ads for high-class merchandise, and you’ll see a model next to the luxury car, or a model showing off that apartment or line of watches. Without one, you can’t have the other. But is it easy to buy those expensive things? Of course not! Men too need to work hard and long to earn the money to afford the things that can get them the attractive women.

What happens, though, when a man spends his whole life working until he has enough money and then goes for the high-class women? All too often, alone in a bar without his fancy car or job, he doesn’t have the confidence or personality to attract those very women.

Here’s the structure of an average Joe’s life: He finishes college with an average apartment, an average car, and a decent job. As he works hard over the years, he makes more money and so can afford a nicer place to live, better car, and finer wardrobe. All of this hopefully allows him to attract more beautiful women. He spends his life working for money to get things that will make him happy, and with which he can seduce women.

On the flip side is a woman’s life. A young woman finishes college and gets an average job. As she works and makes money, it is spent on her beauty in increasing amounts as she becomes more successful and can afford more. The better she looks the higher quality man she can attract. Some women spend up to 90% of their salary on their looks: beauty salons, tanning beds, new shoes, new purses, etc.

Unfortunately, while these things may make a woman happy, they are all temporary.

Our society is based on these rules. The beauty industry does billions of dollars in business because women feel unhappy with the way they look. If magazines suddenly told their readers that it’s okay to be fat and ugly, then the entire industry would go out of business. This is why they keep the population frustrated with ultra-thin models.

As a counter example, let me tell you about myself and my friend Shark. We used to try to spend as little money when going out with women. We were the worst customers in the country, drinking only tap water, but we still got the hottest women in every club. Not only that, but we got these women to cook for us, clean our apartments, take us out to dinner, etc. We were truly happy.

Can you imagine what would happen if most guys were able to succeed like this, getting what they want and being truly happy? Who would buy drinks, drive expensive cars, or wear Armani suits? Who would spend money if it wasn’t required for happiness? The economy would collapse! This is the reason why men are not supposed to succeed with women, because fewer people being happy means more people buying things to make them happy.

Here’s why what society teaches you is wrong:

First, women like nice guys. In reality, women hate nice guys. Have you ever asked yourself why you always see beautiful women with jerks, guys who treat them so poorly? And then, when you date a beautiful woman and treat her well, do you get “let’s just be friends?” Women in general hate nice guys because they are boring, predictable, addicted to routine, insecure, not fun, and serious.

Women are emotional creatures, and they want to feel emotions. Compare a nice guy who instills only one emotion, love, and a jerk who is going to give her love, hate, pain, pleasure, passion, anticipation, disappointment, etc. And all of that’s in just one day! If you were a woman, would you choose some boring, average guy who is going to give you sex like a routine, always the same, and have a monotonous relationship? Or would you rather choose some adventurous, crazy guy who will be totally unpredictable, interesting, challenging, and give you crazy sex? Of course you would choose the second guy, just like every woman does.

Predictability is the killer of attraction! An ex-girlfriend of mine once told me “you know, I really like nice guys. But you know what? I get bored with them very quickly, so I just dump them.”

Another thing that society tries to tell us is that women don’t like sex. This is completely false; women love sex just as much as we do, if not more.

Another thing that society tries to tell us is that women have all the power and control. In reality, they don’t feel that way at all. Women are incredibly insecure; just look at how many hours they spend in front of a mirror to look beautiful for other people. They are trying to attract men, which gives them the power.

The biggest mistake guys make is falling into the woman’s trap at the club. These men actively try to make themselves seem worthy to the women, “impressing” them with money, cars, etc. But, by trying to make himself worthy, a man is really communicating that he is of lower status than the woman. He desires her, he needs her, and she is above him. Women, though, are looking for dominant men who are above them.

A model once told me “we all want a guy who is just a little bit above us, a guy who has more power than we do. It doesn’t matter what it is, a car, job, money, or career.”

For millions of years, women have been choosing the strongest men for mates. For most of humankind’s history, this has a meant strong muscles, leadership qualities, and the ability to protect family. Even today women are insecure, searching for men who can make them feel safe. These men are preferably leaders who take control. Women, no matter how much they may say they don’t need a man, are still heavily attracted to powerful men.

Virginia Satir once said that the most basic human instinct is not toward survival, but toward the familiar. In other words, the thing that we are most likely to do is rarely concerned with our survival (or procreation). It’s just the thing we are most comfortable doing.

People are constantly repeating the same patterns in their lives. Everyone knows the woman who consistently complains about how she always dates jerks – and then she complains about how the new guy she likes is a jerk. People self-sabotage. They get really close to what they want, only to find some way to trip themselves up. This happens because it’s more comfortable for them to stay doing what they have always done.

To dedicate yourself whole-heartedly to something and fail means that you have to see yourself as a failure (at least in that moment). Most people are not strong enough to do that. But, fear of failure is only one side of the coin when it comes to self-sabotage – the other side of the coin is fear of success.

Fear of success is the fear of actually getting what you want and having to de-identify yourself as a guy who is unsuccessful. Most people are very attached to their current situation. They have integrated their reality, and the idea that they could actually get what they want means that they have to kill their attachments to their core identity. They are more comfortable with the idea of struggling than they are with actually becoming successful and having to stop complaining about their lack of success.

Think about it. If you were to become successful, that would upset the delicate balance of your life. If you were to have the level of success with women that you really want – not be some random guy on the internet – your life would change. You would change. If you get a bunch of one night stands then you are going to sleep a lot less. If you get a girlfriend your time on the weekends will stop being your own and you will have to integrate a new person into your life. So, it can be easier and more comfortable for guys just to sabotage themselves subconsciously and continue to struggle.

Some of the ways I see guys sabotage themselves in field is abandoning the interaction early, not getting a woman’s number every time they’ve been talking for over 25 minutes, not trying to move the woman around the venue, not trying to make out with every woman, not calling their numbers and trying to do dates, not pushing to get women back to their place, not qualifying, not hitting on the woman, not going back into groups that were no-gos, etc.

One of the most important things that you can do when it comes to self development is to determine what your specific negative patterns are and start breaking them. If you don’t go out every night – and you don’t have the sex life you want – then you need to start going out. Make an agreement with yourself that you will go out every night until you have the sex life you want. Now going out doesn’t necessarily mean that you are actively trying to pick up women every night. It could mean that you make the choice to go on a date instead of staying home and sleeping or you set up a date off the internet. But the main idea is that you need to try something different.

One of my favorite comedies of the last couple of years was “The 40 Year Old Virgin.” And one of the best game-related quotes I have ever heard in a movie comes when Andy is telling his friend that talking to women in the bar just doesn’t feel right. Jay says “What has felt right for you doesn’t work! You need to try some wrong.”

Sometimes what is right for us and brings us closer to what we actually want will feel wrong and uncomfortable. We have to push through that discomfort and have faith that what we are doing is bringing us closer to who we ultimately want to be.

Once you make the decision that something has to change in your life, break the cycle you are currently in by taking massive action.

Catchy title huh? What do these things all have in common? They all have what people have come to call ‘the magic pill mentality’ as the backbone of the thought process. This foundation is rotten, and as such, any structure (thought) built upon it will also be questionable. Before we get ahead of ourselves let’s take a quick detour through the different parts of the brain, perceptual filters, Evolution and Freud’s concept structure of the mind.

Evolution moves at a very slow pace. During most of the course history humanity lived in tribal societies. I actually read some kind of outrageous statistic that said there has been more knowledge created and documented in the last 100 years then in all the thousands of years combined before it! I totally believe this. Growing up I found history to be a really boring topic but now I am fascinated it- so much of what our behavior and our cultures / customs are based on events are based on the past.

One thing I have always found super-interesting are nature shows like the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, National Geographic, etc. Animals are amazing creatures to watch and to see their behavior in their natural surroundings can be breathtaking. Since we evolved from animals (I am not going to get into debate over creationism), a lot of our behaviors can be found in creatures like apes, gorillas, chimps, etc. One extremely interesting theory proposed by Paul D. MacLean is that of the reptilian complex or R-Complex. This theory seeks to explain brain function through the evolution of existing structures of the human brain. The triune brain consists of:

1. The R-complex (also known as the “brainstem”),
2. The Limbic system and
3. The neo-cortex.

The R-complex is named for the most advanced part of the brain higher mammals share with reptiles. It is responsible for rage, xenophobia and basic survival fight-or-flight responses. Often, the R-Complex can override the more rational function of the brain and result in unpredictable, primitive behavior in even the most sentient of creatures, humans included. The reptilian complex is the most ancient part of a very successful brain scheme, evolutionarily speaking.

Now on to Freud’s structure model of the Psyche. This should be a really basic review for anyone who has taken Psyche 101. Dr. Freud proposed there are three parts of the so called ‘psychic apparatus’. These structures are known as the Id, the Ego & the Superego. Today, we are most concerned with the Id.

The Id is dominated by what is called the pleasure principle. Well what is the pleasure principle you ask? The pleasure principle is a psychoanalytical term coined by our friend Dr Freud that deals with the ability to withhold gratification vs. instant gratification. This concept is the fundamental tenet of behavior modification (reward / punishment and pleasure / pain). That is another article unto itself. Back to the Id we find that the Id is responsible our basic (read animal) drives such as food, sex, aggression, protection of our territory and dislike of others not like us. You can picture the Id as a permanent two year who wants what he wants, when he wants, and will not accept no for an answer. The Id is a part of the physce but also functions as a survival mechanism (much like most of our other hardwired behavioral patterns).

Perceptual filters are outside the scope of this article and will be discussed in a forthcoming article but I would still like to touch on it briefly. Our beliefs, values and experiences create almost an aura of how we interpret and perceive reality. It is the glass is half full vs. half empty mentality. Sinn once told me a quote that has always stuck with me. “The person who says they can and the person who says they cant are both right- which person are you?”

It’s been a long time since I last wrote up a full field report, but I wanted to wait until I had something of actual value to write. Stories of street closes, direct game and same-night lays can be found everywhere on the web now, and as you know I like to really raise the bar. Although in this case I don’t think I was fully aware of just how high the bar was to be raised.

It all started with a call from Maxim magazine.

Reporter: Hi, is this Adam Lyons?
Adam: Yeah, it is.
Reporter: We’ve heard that you’ve been voted one of the top 3 pick up artists in the world and currently live in the UK.
Adam: Yeah I suppose I kind of have, though I plan on leaving the UK within the next few weeks.
Reporter: We’d love to interview you for Maxim and put your skills to the test. We’d like to prove that the UK has one of the best seducers in the world.
Adam: Well then how can I say no?
Reporter: Can you come to our office to complete a set of tasks to show us what you’re made of?
Adam: I’m there!

A wise man would have asked what the tasks would involve, but I’ve never been a wise man. Being the little media whore that I am, and always willing to show that unlike many other people in the community I can actually do the things I teach, off I set with a spring in my step.

I arrived at the office pretty much ready for anything- model parties, nightclubs, street approaches or alpha-male blowouts- what could they give me I hadn’t done a hundred times before?

Reporter: Hi there, nice to meet you. Okay we have 3 simple tasks for you.
Adam: Done!
Reporter: That’s what we love to hear! First we’d like you to pull a chick in a bar.
Adam: Hahaha easy.
Reporter: Then we’d like you to pull a chick off the street.
Adam: One of my specialties, no problem.
Reporter: Then we’d like you to go to an office you’ve never been to before, blag your way into the office, walk up to the hottest girl in the room in front of all of her co-workers and pull her while she’s working at her desk.
Adam: …ahem…I’m sorry, what?
Reporter: We know it’s a little too much to ask. If you can’t do it we understand.
Adam: Dude, too much to ask? Are you kidding me? No-one has ever done anything like this as far as I’m aware. This is almost impossible, I mean do I even have a reason to be there?
Reporter: No.
Adam: Can you even get me access to just chill in the room for a few minutes first?
Reporter: No.
Adam: Mate, you’re aware of just how impossible this is right?
Reporter: Look if you can’t do it, we can just find another…
Adam: Mister you really don’t know who you’re talking to. There is NO WAY I’m not going to do this, it’s an amazing challenge. I just want you to realise how bloody impossible it is before I go in there and make it happen.
Reporter: So you’ll do it?
Adam: Watch me.

And with that I headed off to the sales building for their office. Now I want you guys to realise that the bravado I showed the guy was actually just me building up my state. I needed a complete surge of confidence as this would be a one-shot challenge. No warm ups, no trial run.

We stand outside the sales floor looking into the room where there are around 50 people sitting at open desks. Approximately 6 sets of 8 desks lying around full of only two types of people. Hot babes, and alpha males talking loudly into their phones pushing sales. Fabulous.

What I needed was a way in.

The door opened and out walked Kiara. I smile and ask her if this is the sales floor. I ask her name, shake her hand, tell her goodbye, and then I open the door to the office and enter letting it shut behind me.

The game is on.

I move up to the first desk.

Adam: I’m so sorry to bother you, is Kiara here?
Desk guy: I’m sorry you just missed her.
Adam: Oh man typical, she probably went down to meet me. Mind if I wait at her desk?
Desk guy: No problem.

Game 1
Maxim office 0

I sit at the desk and open a random hot babe next to me.

Adam: Hi there, are you one of those girls completely into her work or are you someone who would love an excuse to not do something for a while?
HB: Haha, yeah I’m staring at the internet until I can go.
Adam: Awesome I’m waiting for Kiara and she’s taking forever.

We talk about life, about coffee shops, and other random stuff. I won’t bore you with the details as this is all basic game you can read anywhere. After 5 minutes I have her number and a potential date at a coffee shop.

Game 2
Maxim office 0

However, this was NOT the challenge. The challenge was to get the HOTTEST girl in the room. I could see her from where I sat. A very stunning brunette busy at the desk obviously trying to prove to the world she is more than just a pretty face. I’m sure she is too.

So I ask the girl I’m talking to what all the other desks do.

I find out that the super-hot chick is working on the desk that supplies sales for an international magazine. So I ask:

Adam: So if I had a friend that wanted to advertise in an international magazine I would need to talk to…?
HB: Paula, just over there.
Adam: Any chance of a introduction?
HB: No problem. Hi Paula, this is Adam…

From this point on we have a quick chat, but I’m aware time is of the essence so I go for broke.

Adam: Hey Paula, I have to make a move soon, but I’d really like to talk further about this and life and whatever so how about you and me do a work lunch, we get your office to pay for it, and we see what we can come up with together?
HB Paula: Sure thing, next Wednesday 1pm any good for you?
Adam: Done.

At that moment Kiara walks in. I stand up and leave the office with the biggest grin on my face, not before looking to Kiara and saying:

Adam: Thank you so very much for absolutely everything, I wish you well missy.

In summary:

Find a good reason to be there, wherever you are.
Social Proof works EVERYWHERE.
Get the day 2 under whatever means you have to, then run game in a more comfortable environment.