Grow Your Game

I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.

My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.

I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.

Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.

What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).

In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.

All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.

The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.

You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.

There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.

You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.

If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.

Last night my girlfriend and I were out to dinner enjoying a great meal of sushi and Sake. As we’re sitting there having a conversation, the topic of single mothers and deadbeat dads comes up (because I was sharing a story about some people I know).

That reminded me of a woman I dated about fourteen years ago named Denise. I told my girlfriend the story about the time that Denise dropped her kid off at my office, and the kid proceeded to wreak complete havoc.

I said it was at that moment I realized that I could not be in a relationship with her, because I was not ready to take on someone’s kid and to be a dad. No matter how wonderful Denise was, I simply was not in that place in my life.

All of a sudden, and just as I finished that sentence, out of the corner of my eye I notice this woman with crazy eyes at another table peering toward our table. We had not been speaking unusually loudly. We were just speaking in a normal conversational voice to each other.

The woman with the crazy eyes at the other table then said, “Excuse me. Do you mind? This really hits home for me.” I look over there and all I see is a kid sitting at the table with her eating a sundae.

I’m thinking, “This woman is a crazy mother and a nut!” I look at my girlfriend, but I can’t say a word because I unbelievably have this person leaning in, eavesdropping and telling us what we are allowed to talk about with each other across the dinner table.

Now I’m ready to just battle down with this woman, but my girlfriend gives me a cautioning look and says “The kid’s here.” So, we just got up and we left. This woman was out of her mind!

Do you look at another couple like that when you’re out in a restaurant? Let’s say a couple has a date and they’re talking dirty to each other, whispering sweet nothings and having a good time telling each other all the things they want to do to each other later.

Are you going to be the buzz kill in that situation? Are you going to look at them and say “Excuse me. I haven’t been laid in over three years and this is really hitting close to home for me. I’m really tired of masturbating nonstop. So, would you mind not talking to each other like that?”

What about if you’re sitting next to a couple in a restaurant and a man is sharing with his wife what a great day he had at the office. Would you ever look at them and say, “I have a really shitty job. Do you mind not talking about that right now?”

Anyone who is familiar with my work knows that I am all about eavesdropping. I encourage people to join conversations. If you hear a group of people talking about something that interests you, join the conversation and add to it.

You, however, should never join a conversation to kill it. Never put your crazy psycho energy on someone else. Never tell anyone what they should (or should not) talk about in a private conversation.

So what I was talking about privately to my girlfriend hit home for this woman? I am sorry you may have made some bad choices. I am sorry that the man you chose is a deadbeat dad to your daughter. My heart bleeds for you.

You know what, though? You should never ever listen to someone else’s conversation and tell them what they should or shouldn’t say.

This would only happen in California. This woman was crazy.

We actually had a wonderful laugh about it as we left. In fact, the whole way home we kept laughing and wondering what was wrong with that woman.

Why do people feel the need to do things like this? It reminds me of a blog I wrote a long time ago about people like this. Really, what is wrong with some people? Crazy energy. Crazy eyes. Crazy people.

It’s easy for new dudes to get caught up in cocky/funny and negs/teasing and all that. It’s hard to know what to counter-balance it with. So, if you’re new you should try this. And for advanced guys, this vibe might be something you’re already doing; you just need to understand why it works so you can calibrate it properly.

I call this vibe “Everyone loves EVERYONE!” and women get really into it.

What is it?

It’s basically a mixture of friendliness, building commonalities, and over-exaggerating connections with people.

Step 1 – Agree with something she says. Get excited about how much you agree.

“You love Canada? Oh my god I fucking love Canada so much!!!” (Go into a long story about Canada.)

Anticipate whether she will love or hate something, based on her character, and then agree with it instantly.

“Atlantic City? I hate it. You hate it too? Yeah, it sucks!! So scummy! Dirty! Yucky! Never going back again…” (Lead into a long story about AC.)

Step 2 – Play up commonalities, even if it’s a reach.

“Wait, you’re from Nebraska? My Mom used to tell me bedtime stories about Nebraska. She said the sky in Nebraska was made of gumdrops and magical bits of candy corn. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

If it flops, you play it off as ironic. “Ha-ha, just kidding. My mom’s never even heard of Nebraska.”

Play up real commonalities too. “You have a dog? What is its name? I used to have this dog Chico, he’d jump through a hoola hoop and do all these cool tricks. You’re a dog person? Me too!”

Play up commonalities that everyone has (these are the easiest).

“You like movies? Me too! What kind? Oh yeah I love those! I saw it on TBS.”

Step 3 – Talk about all the people you know and how you love them all.

“I’ve only been coming here for 2 weeks, but I feel like I know everyone here and they are like my old friends. You ever get that feeling?”

“Everyone is so nice in Los Angeles. I’ve only been here 2 months, and people are asking me to party every night. Man, it’s the most party-happy town I’ve ever been to in my life.”

Step 4 – Tell stories.

Start stories with the following phrases:

* “When I was little…”
* “My mom used to tell me…”
* “When I was in high school…”

She says she has a boyfriend, you say “Oh sweet, tell me all about it baby” while physically escalating.

She says “I’m not having sex with you” you say “That’s a great idea, ’cause then I can finally have a female friend. I’ve always wanted a purely plutonic friend” while physically escalating and sending mixed signals.

Yeah I know a lot of this stuff sounds like ass-kissing, but it’s a good mix with some of the harder game tactics. And you can use it on the peer group if you get good at it.

Why is this appealing?

Women are always looking for more and more friends, more and more orbiters, more and more social resources. It seems their hunger for this never subsides. It’s never enough. That’s why they keep building to 123865 friends on MySpace. Their instinct tells them that if you can build your social resources, you will always have a backup plan if something goes wrong. You will always be able to regain social value, or get a new guy, or provide for children, or get help taking care of children, or get protection from danger… the list goes on and on.

Some important motivators of female behavior are:

Fear of abandonment – this affects women’s decision making processes all the time. Even little things in daily life are affected by this.

Preservation of relationships – women try to preserve relationships all the time, even when it seems pointless to men. That’s why a woman says “we can stay friends” after a breakup and “let’s just be friends” when she’s discussing some guy who only wants to sleep with her. They just can’t let it go. They want to preserve every relationship. They want to always have the potential for some social advantage… a backup plan… someone to help her… someone to say good things about her and build her overall popularity.

So when you mix all that together, a lot of women go ga-ga for this kind of a vibe. It makes them feel like everyone loves everyone when you’re around. If you watch closely how women interact with their female friends, they’re always trying to create this utopia of everyone loving everyone. The utopia actually occurs for brief moments on Oprah and The View from time to time.

Throw the occasional hard-game tactic in. Play some hard to get. Ignore her for a while. Then come back to this. Throw sexual game in too. And always keep the physical escalation going.

When does a woman decide that she will sleep with you? Keep in mind that women run on emotions. Knowing that, what should you be focusing on? Making emotional connections.

This is why I’m not so concerned with DHV stories, but rather, connecting with her. The very fact that the two of you have many connections, is a DHV in it’s own right. You’ve already separated yourself from all of the strange men out there.

Let’s use Barbie Doll as an example of this:

Assanova: “What’s your major?”

Barbie Doll: “Textiles & Clothing.”

Assanova: “My mom does that!”

A connection is made.

Assanova: “I like your glasses. They stand out. I would so rock those.”

A connection is made.

Assanova: “Look at your artsy jacket. I have this crazy jacket with crazy stitching everywhere. It pops
out, just like the one you have.”

And another connection. Noticing anything? There’s something else in the above dialogue. Focus. While you are talking to a girl, and you manage to find something that you have in common, focus in on it.

When you focus on a commonality, it allows you to make many rapid emotional connections. But what if my mom wasn’t into textiles & clothing?

I simply would have asked her what she plans to do with that (her degree). In essence, I would have had her expand on that topic until I found something that hooked.

So in general, use your experiences (not fake out of place DHV stories) to make several connections, and focus on commonalities.

Location

If you haven’t caught on already, when you go to a location where women live the same lifestyle and share the same interests as you, the chances of making connections surge, when compared to going to a place where women don’t share your lifestyle.

Location is what makes or breaks your chances before you even get started.

The Stop-Loss Clause

What if you’re expanding, and the conversation is going nowhere? It’s really simple. You keep quiet and see if she re-initiates conversation with you. If she does, then she’s attracted to you. But what if you’re not sure if she’s attracted to you?

This is when you go Mode One . I’m not going to spend much time on this, but this is where you need to establish that there is attraction between the two of you. If you haven’t told her that you find her attractive, then you need to do so. Example:

Assanova: “So, do you like what you do?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Assanova: “What do you do?”

Girl: “Work.”

OK. This is an extreme example. Maybe she’s not into me? Or maybe she’s really just shy and intimidated by me? If you haven’t already, like the example of using it as your opener, then establish the attraction:

Assanova: “You seem like an interesting girl. And I think that you’re attractive. I wanna take you out. Is that something that you’d like to do?”

Seeing that you have established that you want to see her in the sexual sense, she knows that if you go out, it is a date, and not just “hanging out”.

She has two choices: To go out with you, or to just say no. If she says no, or gives you any kind of bullshit, walk away immediately. If she decides, “yes, I wanna go out with you” or if you just knew that there was attraction and it didn’t have to come to this point, then it’s time to move on to the next chapter.

Don’t walk away from her after you get the number. She likes you. So why would you stop there? This is about going for the one-night stand. Next time I’ll talk about the power play.

Do you ever get down when a girl is literally ALL OVER YOU in the club, but then won’t answer your calls the next day? When her friends literally have to drag her away from you, but then you can’t get her to meet up with you to save your life? The missing piece my friends is COMFORT.

And guess what…Everything you’ve read on the subject is WRONG. To this day, I have yet to find someone who effectively addresses comfort. We read all these guides like “Rapport Questions to Ask” and good topics to talk about to build comfort…its all a load of shit.

There is this misconception that comfort is the result of time spent with the girl. That time spent with a girl = comfort. This is totally incorrect. Often comfort is a byproduct of time spent with the girl, but there is absolutely no direct correlation. In truth, comfort is a product of understanding.

How do girls explain comfort? connection?

“We just clicked”
“It felt like we just knew eachother”
“He just got me”

These are not time based, these are moment-based. Comfort happens in shared moments.

It’s when you pause for a moment, stop thinking about what to say next, stop thinking about putting your dick in her, stop thinking about everything. Just pause, look into her eyes and empathize with her. I promise you, no matter how beautiful or rich or anything she is, she is going through something. She’s troubled by something, excited by something, timid about something. Pause for a moment and just realize that she has these things she’s dealing with, she’s going through, and while you may not know what she’s going through, you do know that she’s going through it.

Look at her with all your emotional generosity, and communicate to her “sweetheart, I honestly don’t know what it is you’re going through, but I do know you’re going through it, and I want to be there to tell you it’s going to be okay” Communicate it in such a way that even if she walks away a minute later, she does so feeling a little bit more at ease about her situation.

And even further, try to UNDERSTAND what it is she’s going through.

A little while ago I met a girl who had just moved to the city. She had few friends, no place to live, and was basically completely overwhelmed. To top it off, this small town girl had wandered into the biggest meat-market bar in the city and had tonnes of guys trying every trick imaginable to blow their load in her. They all saw her as nothing more than the cute, easy to talk to blonde. I was one of these guys – until I paused and looked at her. In an instant I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for this girl. She wasn’t some slut looking to get laid on a Thursday night – she was in a new place and wanted to make friends. She wasn’t some powerful hottie who rejected guys for validation – she was just a sweet, small town girl, lost in the city, and in completely over her head.

I paused and looked her in the eyes, just a look of affection. All night she had put on this care-free exterior, confident, absorbing all the male attention. I slowly and lovingly pulled her in to me and gave her a warm hug. I looked her in the eyes again and asked “are you okay – really?” She looked at me with timid expression and said “really?”. I nodded. “Well, I’m a little nervous, I still haven’t found a job, I’ve still got nowhere to live, I’m running out of money, and even little things like doing my laundry are stacking up.” I hugged her again, communicating nothing more than acceptance and empathy. “Sweetheart, I know it can be really daunting starting from scratch in a new city, but believe me, it’s worth it, and once you get through this you’ll be really glad you did.” In an instant her demeanor changed, she became nothing more than the sweet girl, new in town, and unsure of herself, but completely open to me. I genuinely felt for this girl – she was really going through something and I wanted to do something nice for her. “I’ll tell you what… tomorrow we’ll sit down together and go through Gumtree and find you a place to live, and once we’ve got that taken care of the rest will fall into place”.

From then on, the other guys seemed to dissolve away – like they were invisible (do you really think that after that she’d go home with the guy who asked if her nails were real then spent the next 4 hours asking her favorite movies and music, “fractionating” attraction periodically?). She spent the night, and I kept my word. I feel good helping others, and she and I are still friends.

The saying is “the self always shines through”. This is true – girls see your heart, not your words. The thing is, there is no need to fake it. Just be an emotionally affectionate person. Be giving with your sympathy and genuine with your empathy.

If comfort is something you struggle with, I suggest you watch the movie Maria Full of Grace. Think about how you would interact with her – if you could communicate with her what would you express? Would you race to get your dick in? Or would you honestly just give her the little bit of emotional support that would mean the world to her? (for those that haven’t seen it, it’s about a girl who moves to America with little money, not speaking english, and knowing no one).

These days my phone rings a lot – girls like to talk to me. They call me about how their nervous about an upcoming exam. How they’re excited about a new job. How they feel guilty about sleeping with a guy.

Adulthood can be a pretty lonely place – often all we need is just a little bit of compassion, a small amount of understanding – if even just for an instant. Where we share ourselves with someone, put ourselves out there completely open and on the line, and the other person gently tells us “hey, I see you, and it’s ok”. Just to be accepted and not judged. To be reassured but not patronized.

When you can give this to those you interact with, not only will you notice your calls start being returned, you’ll also find the overwhelming joy of sharing compassionate moments with beautiful people.

This is really the most exciting stuff that I’ve ever run into in the community, if you guys were lucky enough to be in NY for Day game a month ago, or Phoenix, or NY this last weekend you guys have gotten a taste of Advanced Comfort.

How this system came to be was as Future and I have become better friends, I would notice that he was getting reactions from girls unlike ANYTHING I had ever seen before, basically girls fell MADLY in love with him. He also didn’t get LMR and converted every day 2. In fact recently he helped me when I was having some problems with HB perfect stripper. The guy’s comfort game is better than ANYONE I’ve seen.

So I started to look at what exactly he was doing and over the course of about 6 months we have backwards engineered comfort to produce THE EXACT SAME RESULTS. It truly is the most powerful system I have ever seen for making woman truly crazy about you. Here’s a brief preview, plus a couple of new things I noticed tonight. This system was responsible for 16 lays of mine in late June early July of last year.

1. Passion/Purpose- You must be able to convey to her convincingly that you are a man of a greater purpose. That you are going places she will want to be. You are driven to pursue your life goals and do so without any sort of hesitation. In fact your purpose has driven you to become pre-selected by women, a leader of men and a protector of your loved ones.

2. Seeing her the way she wants to be seen. Every woman has a purpose that she secretly strives to achieve. There is a reason why she does what she does, or doesn’t do what she wants to. Find out what this value is and you will be able to give her the most amazing compliments she has ever heard. She needs to feel that you see her, as the person that little girl inside her yearns to be.

3. Hot/Cold. The hot comes in the form of the most amazing compliments she has ever heard, the cold comes in the form of SMALL releases. I.E you are absolutely amazing and whatever you want to be I can see you doing that because of x,y and z. Too bad you’re such a douche bag. The key is that you do not tell her that she doesn’t have what it takes to be who she wants to become.

4. Future Projections- This is different from future adventure projections, which are silly. These are plans that you are making with her anytime from a week to a year down the road, that show her that you are a man of action and she can come along if she wishes.

5. Emotional Honesty- The second part of future plans, is that EVERYTHING that you say you are going to do, you must do. If she ever feels that you are not truthful, the entire power of Advanced Comfort will be lost as she will not believe that you actually see her that way. She will think you are just trying to get into her pants.

6. Whirlwind Courtship- Advanced comfort breaks the rules of only seeing a woman once a week or talking to her once a day. In fact the more time you log, the more powerful the method is as it is further reinforcing your legitimacy.

7. The feeling that both of you are bound for greatness and you are on the same path. The key to this is to show her that you are going to be someone AMAZING, then ratifying that she can be someone amazing and helping her on her path. Pushing her in the right directions the way someone did for you earlier. You guys are on the same path, you just happen to be further along.

This is all based on stuff that Future did naturally that I have backwards engineered. This is the real deal. Technology is morally neutral but if you have an understanding of this, I implore you guys not to use it the wrong way.