Grow Your Game

It’s easy for new dudes to get caught up in cocky/funny and negs/teasing and all that. It’s hard to know what to counter-balance it with. So, if you’re new you should try this. And for advanced guys, this vibe might be something you’re already doing; you just need to understand why it works so you can calibrate it properly.

I call this vibe “Everyone loves EVERYONE!” and women get really into it.

What is it?

It’s basically a mixture of friendliness, building commonalities, and over-exaggerating connections with people.

Step 1 – Agree with something she says. Get excited about how much you agree.

“You love Canada? Oh my god I fucking love Canada so much!!!” (Go into a long story about Canada.)

Anticipate whether she will love or hate something, based on her character, and then agree with it instantly.

“Atlantic City? I hate it. You hate it too? Yeah, it sucks!! So scummy! Dirty! Yucky! Never going back again…” (Lead into a long story about AC.)

Step 2 – Play up commonalities, even if it’s a reach.

“Wait, you’re from Nebraska? My Mom used to tell me bedtime stories about Nebraska. She said the sky in Nebraska was made of gumdrops and magical bits of candy corn. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

If it flops, you play it off as ironic. “Ha-ha, just kidding. My mom’s never even heard of Nebraska.”

Play up real commonalities too. “You have a dog? What is its name? I used to have this dog Chico, he’d jump through a hoola hoop and do all these cool tricks. You’re a dog person? Me too!”

Play up commonalities that everyone has (these are the easiest).

“You like movies? Me too! What kind? Oh yeah I love those! I saw it on TBS.”

Step 3 – Talk about all the people you know and how you love them all.

“I’ve only been coming here for 2 weeks, but I feel like I know everyone here and they are like my old friends. You ever get that feeling?”

“Everyone is so nice in Los Angeles. I’ve only been here 2 months, and people are asking me to party every night. Man, it’s the most party-happy town I’ve ever been to in my life.”

Step 4 – Tell stories.

Start stories with the following phrases:

* “When I was little…”
* “My mom used to tell me…”
* “When I was in high school…”

She says she has a boyfriend, you say “Oh sweet, tell me all about it baby” while physically escalating.

She says “I’m not having sex with you” you say “That’s a great idea, ’cause then I can finally have a female friend. I’ve always wanted a purely plutonic friend” while physically escalating and sending mixed signals.

Yeah I know a lot of this stuff sounds like ass-kissing, but it’s a good mix with some of the harder game tactics. And you can use it on the peer group if you get good at it.

Why is this appealing?

Women are always looking for more and more friends, more and more orbiters, more and more social resources. It seems their hunger for this never subsides. It’s never enough. That’s why they keep building to 123865 friends on MySpace. Their instinct tells them that if you can build your social resources, you will always have a backup plan if something goes wrong. You will always be able to regain social value, or get a new guy, or provide for children, or get help taking care of children, or get protection from danger… the list goes on and on.

Some important motivators of female behavior are:

Fear of abandonment – this affects women’s decision making processes all the time. Even little things in daily life are affected by this.

Preservation of relationships – women try to preserve relationships all the time, even when it seems pointless to men. That’s why a woman says “we can stay friends” after a breakup and “let’s just be friends” when she’s discussing some guy who only wants to sleep with her. They just can’t let it go. They want to preserve every relationship. They want to always have the potential for some social advantage… a backup plan… someone to help her… someone to say good things about her and build her overall popularity.

So when you mix all that together, a lot of women go ga-ga for this kind of a vibe. It makes them feel like everyone loves everyone when you’re around. If you watch closely how women interact with their female friends, they’re always trying to create this utopia of everyone loving everyone. The utopia actually occurs for brief moments on Oprah and The View from time to time.

Throw the occasional hard-game tactic in. Play some hard to get. Ignore her for a while. Then come back to this. Throw sexual game in too. And always keep the physical escalation going.

When does a woman decide that she will sleep with you? Keep in mind that women run on emotions. Knowing that, what should you be focusing on? Making emotional connections.

This is why I’m not so concerned with DHV stories, but rather, connecting with her. The very fact that the two of you have many connections, is a DHV in it’s own right. You’ve already separated yourself from all of the strange men out there.

Let’s use Barbie Doll as an example of this:

Assanova: “What’s your major?”

Barbie Doll: “Textiles & Clothing.”

Assanova: “My mom does that!”

A connection is made.

Assanova: “I like your glasses. They stand out. I would so rock those.”

A connection is made.

Assanova: “Look at your artsy jacket. I have this crazy jacket with crazy stitching everywhere. It pops
out, just like the one you have.”

And another connection. Noticing anything? There’s something else in the above dialogue. Focus. While you are talking to a girl, and you manage to find something that you have in common, focus in on it.

When you focus on a commonality, it allows you to make many rapid emotional connections. But what if my mom wasn’t into textiles & clothing?

I simply would have asked her what she plans to do with that (her degree). In essence, I would have had her expand on that topic until I found something that hooked.

So in general, use your experiences (not fake out of place DHV stories) to make several connections, and focus on commonalities.

Location

If you haven’t caught on already, when you go to a location where women live the same lifestyle and share the same interests as you, the chances of making connections surge, when compared to going to a place where women don’t share your lifestyle.

Location is what makes or breaks your chances before you even get started.

The Stop-Loss Clause

What if you’re expanding, and the conversation is going nowhere? It’s really simple. You keep quiet and see if she re-initiates conversation with you. If she does, then she’s attracted to you. But what if you’re not sure if she’s attracted to you?

This is when you go Mode One . I’m not going to spend much time on this, but this is where you need to establish that there is attraction between the two of you. If you haven’t told her that you find her attractive, then you need to do so. Example:

Assanova: “So, do you like what you do?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Assanova: “What do you do?”

Girl: “Work.”

OK. This is an extreme example. Maybe she’s not into me? Or maybe she’s really just shy and intimidated by me? If you haven’t already, like the example of using it as your opener, then establish the attraction:

Assanova: “You seem like an interesting girl. And I think that you’re attractive. I wanna take you out. Is that something that you’d like to do?”

Seeing that you have established that you want to see her in the sexual sense, she knows that if you go out, it is a date, and not just “hanging out”.

She has two choices: To go out with you, or to just say no. If she says no, or gives you any kind of bullshit, walk away immediately. If she decides, “yes, I wanna go out with you” or if you just knew that there was attraction and it didn’t have to come to this point, then it’s time to move on to the next chapter.

Don’t walk away from her after you get the number. She likes you. So why would you stop there? This is about going for the one-night stand. Next time I’ll talk about the power play.

Do you ever get down when a girl is literally ALL OVER YOU in the club, but then won’t answer your calls the next day? When her friends literally have to drag her away from you, but then you can’t get her to meet up with you to save your life? The missing piece my friends is COMFORT.

And guess what…Everything you’ve read on the subject is WRONG. To this day, I have yet to find someone who effectively addresses comfort. We read all these guides like “Rapport Questions to Ask” and good topics to talk about to build comfort…its all a load of shit.

There is this misconception that comfort is the result of time spent with the girl. That time spent with a girl = comfort. This is totally incorrect. Often comfort is a byproduct of time spent with the girl, but there is absolutely no direct correlation. In truth, comfort is a product of understanding.

How do girls explain comfort? connection?

“We just clicked”
“It felt like we just knew eachother”
“He just got me”

These are not time based, these are moment-based. Comfort happens in shared moments.

It’s when you pause for a moment, stop thinking about what to say next, stop thinking about putting your dick in her, stop thinking about everything. Just pause, look into her eyes and empathize with her. I promise you, no matter how beautiful or rich or anything she is, she is going through something. She’s troubled by something, excited by something, timid about something. Pause for a moment and just realize that she has these things she’s dealing with, she’s going through, and while you may not know what she’s going through, you do know that she’s going through it.

Look at her with all your emotional generosity, and communicate to her “sweetheart, I honestly don’t know what it is you’re going through, but I do know you’re going through it, and I want to be there to tell you it’s going to be okay” Communicate it in such a way that even if she walks away a minute later, she does so feeling a little bit more at ease about her situation.

And even further, try to UNDERSTAND what it is she’s going through.

A little while ago I met a girl who had just moved to the city. She had few friends, no place to live, and was basically completely overwhelmed. To top it off, this small town girl had wandered into the biggest meat-market bar in the city and had tonnes of guys trying every trick imaginable to blow their load in her. They all saw her as nothing more than the cute, easy to talk to blonde. I was one of these guys – until I paused and looked at her. In an instant I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for this girl. She wasn’t some slut looking to get laid on a Thursday night – she was in a new place and wanted to make friends. She wasn’t some powerful hottie who rejected guys for validation – she was just a sweet, small town girl, lost in the city, and in completely over her head.

I paused and looked her in the eyes, just a look of affection. All night she had put on this care-free exterior, confident, absorbing all the male attention. I slowly and lovingly pulled her in to me and gave her a warm hug. I looked her in the eyes again and asked “are you okay – really?” She looked at me with timid expression and said “really?”. I nodded. “Well, I’m a little nervous, I still haven’t found a job, I’ve still got nowhere to live, I’m running out of money, and even little things like doing my laundry are stacking up.” I hugged her again, communicating nothing more than acceptance and empathy. “Sweetheart, I know it can be really daunting starting from scratch in a new city, but believe me, it’s worth it, and once you get through this you’ll be really glad you did.” In an instant her demeanor changed, she became nothing more than the sweet girl, new in town, and unsure of herself, but completely open to me. I genuinely felt for this girl – she was really going through something and I wanted to do something nice for her. “I’ll tell you what… tomorrow we’ll sit down together and go through Gumtree and find you a place to live, and once we’ve got that taken care of the rest will fall into place”.

From then on, the other guys seemed to dissolve away – like they were invisible (do you really think that after that she’d go home with the guy who asked if her nails were real then spent the next 4 hours asking her favorite movies and music, “fractionating” attraction periodically?). She spent the night, and I kept my word. I feel good helping others, and she and I are still friends.

The saying is “the self always shines through”. This is true – girls see your heart, not your words. The thing is, there is no need to fake it. Just be an emotionally affectionate person. Be giving with your sympathy and genuine with your empathy.

If comfort is something you struggle with, I suggest you watch the movie Maria Full of Grace. Think about how you would interact with her – if you could communicate with her what would you express? Would you race to get your dick in? Or would you honestly just give her the little bit of emotional support that would mean the world to her? (for those that haven’t seen it, it’s about a girl who moves to America with little money, not speaking english, and knowing no one).

These days my phone rings a lot – girls like to talk to me. They call me about how their nervous about an upcoming exam. How they’re excited about a new job. How they feel guilty about sleeping with a guy.

Adulthood can be a pretty lonely place – often all we need is just a little bit of compassion, a small amount of understanding – if even just for an instant. Where we share ourselves with someone, put ourselves out there completely open and on the line, and the other person gently tells us “hey, I see you, and it’s ok”. Just to be accepted and not judged. To be reassured but not patronized.

When you can give this to those you interact with, not only will you notice your calls start being returned, you’ll also find the overwhelming joy of sharing compassionate moments with beautiful people.

This is really the most exciting stuff that I’ve ever run into in the community, if you guys were lucky enough to be in NY for Day game a month ago, or Phoenix, or NY this last weekend you guys have gotten a taste of Advanced Comfort.

How this system came to be was as Future and I have become better friends, I would notice that he was getting reactions from girls unlike ANYTHING I had ever seen before, basically girls fell MADLY in love with him. He also didn’t get LMR and converted every day 2. In fact recently he helped me when I was having some problems with HB perfect stripper. The guy’s comfort game is better than ANYONE I’ve seen.

So I started to look at what exactly he was doing and over the course of about 6 months we have backwards engineered comfort to produce THE EXACT SAME RESULTS. It truly is the most powerful system I have ever seen for making woman truly crazy about you. Here’s a brief preview, plus a couple of new things I noticed tonight. This system was responsible for 16 lays of mine in late June early July of last year.

1. Passion/Purpose- You must be able to convey to her convincingly that you are a man of a greater purpose. That you are going places she will want to be. You are driven to pursue your life goals and do so without any sort of hesitation. In fact your purpose has driven you to become pre-selected by women, a leader of men and a protector of your loved ones.

2. Seeing her the way she wants to be seen. Every woman has a purpose that she secretly strives to achieve. There is a reason why she does what she does, or doesn’t do what she wants to. Find out what this value is and you will be able to give her the most amazing compliments she has ever heard. She needs to feel that you see her, as the person that little girl inside her yearns to be.

3. Hot/Cold. The hot comes in the form of the most amazing compliments she has ever heard, the cold comes in the form of SMALL releases. I.E you are absolutely amazing and whatever you want to be I can see you doing that because of x,y and z. Too bad you’re such a douche bag. The key is that you do not tell her that she doesn’t have what it takes to be who she wants to become.

4. Future Projections- This is different from future adventure projections, which are silly. These are plans that you are making with her anytime from a week to a year down the road, that show her that you are a man of action and she can come along if she wishes.

5. Emotional Honesty- The second part of future plans, is that EVERYTHING that you say you are going to do, you must do. If she ever feels that you are not truthful, the entire power of Advanced Comfort will be lost as she will not believe that you actually see her that way. She will think you are just trying to get into her pants.

6. Whirlwind Courtship- Advanced comfort breaks the rules of only seeing a woman once a week or talking to her once a day. In fact the more time you log, the more powerful the method is as it is further reinforcing your legitimacy.

7. The feeling that both of you are bound for greatness and you are on the same path. The key to this is to show her that you are going to be someone AMAZING, then ratifying that she can be someone amazing and helping her on her path. Pushing her in the right directions the way someone did for you earlier. You guys are on the same path, you just happen to be further along.

This is all based on stuff that Future did naturally that I have backwards engineered. This is the real deal. Technology is morally neutral but if you have an understanding of this, I implore you guys not to use it the wrong way.

What gets in the way of REAL connections between people is social masks. You know, the happy face that you put on to get through your day.

The lady at the checkout says “Hi! How are you?”, and you just say “fine”. The real truth might be that your dog just died, that your insides feel twisted, your heart feels like it’s caved in, and that you’re exhausted.

Ba Ba BAAAA! SOCIAL MASK TO THE RESCUE! Here to save you from spilling it all out to the checkout lady. What do you say instead? “Uh, fine thanks. Are these fish sticks two for one?”

Crisis averted! Thanks for saving me again, Social Mask!

Let’s be realistic – social masks are both valuable and appropriate at certain times. But if you don’t know how to take it off, it can really kill the juice with women.

Instead of at the supermarket, let’s pretend you’re on a date with a chick to whom you’re super attracted. You’re hurting inside, but still, you’re wearing the social mask that says everything is just fine.

Most guys have absolutely no idea just how aware and sensitive women are. When you’re holding something back or you’re resisting your emotions, women can sense it and the result is that they feel something’s ‘off’.

When women feel something is “off” they just can’t trust or open up to you in the way they really want to. And quite bluntly, that’s the beginning of the end right there.

So this means you’re meant to just curl up in to the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep in the middle of the date, right? Actually, we’d recommend against that.

But when a guy drops his social mask, and is willing to ‘own’ his emotions, it makes him astoundingly more sexy to a woman.

So what does “owning your emotions” actually mean? Let’s say you’re on a date and you’re feeling really sad about your ex-dog. If you can fully feel your sadness, without “collapsing” AND still remain fully engaged, present and connected to your woman at the same time, then you have just been nominated for sexy man of the year award.

Now, just like riding a bike, it takes a little practice. But when you get the hang of dropping the ol’ social mask, feeling your emotions and still being rock solid with her, you’ve started on the path to being the kind of man that even the most radiant women dream of meeting.

Isolating a girl is a crucial way point in picking up a girl in a bar. Guys who come to me and tell me they’re advanced, but then miss this out, and can’t see where they’re going wrong.

Why Isolating is Crucial

The purpose of approaching a girl is to build an emotional connection with her. It’s not about building lots of attraction, or impressing your friends, or getting some weird validation kick from getting her to tell you how special you are. It’s about building a connection so she’ll want to see you again, or about taking her home that night.

Since we like to suggest that you approach groups in night clubs, building an emotional connection is made harder. Why’s it harder to build an emotional connection with a girl in front of her friends?

1. She probably acts differently around her friends than when she’s alone

2. She doesn’t want to look too easy in front of her friends

3. She’ll have to divide her attention between you and her friends

4. It looks cheesy to open yourself up in the same way and say the same things as you can and should to build a connection in front of a group

If that’s not reason enough to get you wanting to isolating, realise that it’s also about getting her to comply with you. Once you’ve attracted her enough that she wants to be alone with you, you know she’s attracted enough to start qualifying and building comfort with.

When to Isolate

You want to isolate as soon as possible. If you isolate too quickly though, it might weird her friends out a little, and you may get more interrupts. If you want to play it safe, befriend the group she’s with before isolating her.

Like any form of escalation though, the important thing here is to PULL THE TRIGGER and just do it! When you’ve got a fair amount of attraction, and got her to start qualifying herself, go for it! There’s no real optimal point, and there are no prizes for perfect timing. Try isolating early and often… if you have the faith that it’ll work, it normally will!

Mini Isolations

Mini isolations are when you stay in the group with your target, but turned towards each other, or a few steps away. This way, you guys have your own private bubble, without spooking the rest of the group, and without you needing to get her to leave her friends.

This is mostly easily done with a wing who’ll occupy the obstacles, but if you can’t, just start talking quietly to the target. The other members of the group will normally start talking amongst themselves. Take a small step out of the group so your target faces you, and you’re in!

It’s not as effective as full isolation, but I tend to use it for the last little bit before full isolation to get the connection I need to go for the full isolation, and to start amping up the touching.

Full Isolation

This is what you’re aiming for – the two of you away from the group, preferably in a quiet area where you can really connect. It’s easier than you think. Some techniques I use:

1. “Hey, I’m going to show you something cool, but we need to sit down”, and then take her by the hand and lead her to somewhere to sit. Don’t hesitate!

2. “Man, the coolest thing happened to me the other day. I’ll tell you all about it, but it’s a bit too loud here, let’s go somewhere a bit quieter”

3. “I need a drink – come keep me company at the bar”

4. “I want to dance, but I’m not sure if you’re going to be a great dancer. You are? Well let’s go then!” – I’ll dance a bit, amp up the touching, then move her to somewhere quiet

Once Isolated

The first thing I’ll do when isolated is to tell them a story, play a game, or start running comfort. I recommend having a piece to quick it off with planned, but it’s no big deal. If you have a complete brain freeze, just start asking her questions about herself until you think of something better…

Next step? Get her ready for the kiss…