I’ve often had over-the-top ideas that I want to accomplish. Maybe I weigh 120 pounds and want to make it to the college football team. Maybe I’ve been flunking classes all through high-school but then decide I want to get in to the best college. Or maybe I can’t get a girlfriend and decide I want to be able to meet women any time and any where. My life has been full of ideas like these that I’ve followed through on.
People tell me: “Wow, you’re so dedicated”, but I can’t relate to that. It’s like telling a kid who plays basketball after school for a few years that he’s really dedicated. It’s not dedication, it’s routine. It’s habit. It’s a hobby.
Where do you want to go?
First, I’ll get an idea of exactly what I’m trying to accomplish, and what’ll be involved.
I have this general principle that while I’m not all that smart, neither are most people. They walk through life in a trance, and generally don’t break out of their habits. They listen to and accept what others tell them without looking at the finer details.
Everyone tends to assume that the people at the top of their fields have super-efficient and super-powerful ways of doing things, but normally they’re just as disorganized and using the same methods as everyone else - they just have the right set of habits that they do day in day out. Human habit is human habit.
I tend to think there’s pretty much no limit to the level I can reach as long as I have an idea of what the top looks like. In fact, I tend to assume I can surpass it even before I start.
How to get there?
Next, I try and figure out how long it’ll take to get where I want to go, and what I need to do DAY to DAY. This is proactive and logical reasoning. I don’t wait until some girl dumps me to decide I need to start going out and meeting new people - that is, until I’m emotionally compelled. Instead, I think to myself: “I need to go out 3 to 7 nights a week for a couple of years to get the success with women I want”.
At that point, you have to start showing up.
I fully accept the time commitment I’m making. If I get tempted to change my plans, I stick to it anyway - if I can’t trust myself to go through with the day-to-day commitment in one area of my life, then I can’t trust myself with the next area - and if you can’t do that, why start anything new?
Another important point is to show up whether or not the conditions are ideal. If I’m not dressed properly, I’ll still hit the clubs. If I’m not feeling, I’ll just go out for a short time to keep the habit. It’s the same as going to the gym: even if I’ve not slept properly, or I’m busy, or I’m sick, I’ll work around it. If I’m too tired to have a good workout, I’ll still show up and push through it. If I’m too busy, then I’ll rush through it, and won’t worry about eating before or after. If I’m sick, I’ll show up and just stretch out.
Having these contingency plans in your head before you start is also helpful - if you know what you’ll do in common difficult situations, you won’t have to think about it and talk yourself out of it.
Making Progress
Progress at first is likely to be nearly non-existent. In fact, sometimes, you’ll even go backwards first - a big J curve. If you can push through the initial pain, you’ll find your results take off.
Most people quit because starting something new is really hard, and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that get to a level where progress is fast, noticeable, and the activity becomes fun - it becomes a hobby.
But keep in mind at first you’ll be banging your head against the wall to make the most miniscule advances.
Take picking up chicks. If you’re starting out as a total loser like I was, then you’re going to get zero progress for a few months. You’ll go out, and people will be really unresponsive and hard on you. It’ll stay that way too for a while because you’ll be getting rejected, and you’ll feel pretty bad. On the plus side, however, you are learning you won’t die, which is pretty key.
This is where blind faith comes in. I’ll try and figure out what the basic training is, and do it over and over and over, regardless of it I get a result. I am outcome independent. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to where it’s supposed to be.
My criteria for success isn’t how well I did - it’s if I showed up and did what I was supposed to do.
Final Thoughts
If you think back to the last six months or a year, it seems like nothing. That time passes so fast. You get older and decades start to fly by.
But when you start implementing a habit, you’re thinking about the outcome, and how hard the training is. You go through one session, or you go out one night, and because you’re just starting, you remember every little detail. It seems like a lifetime! Then you think “six months to a year of this?!”
That’s a trap to avoid. If you think like that, you won’t get anywhere. The point is to keep going and not to try and get results. Go out, follow your plan. Don’t think: “six more months”, think: “this is what I’m doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle”.
To me, it comes down to:
- Get an idea of what you want
- Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to make it happen
- Accept that your new activity is a part of your life for the duration you decided, and never decide based on emotions if you’ll show up or not. Just show up.
- Don’t focus on results, focus on showing up
- Make it a hobby. Shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you it might help
Remember, don’t focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success showing up, and following your plan. Good luck!
March 19th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I’m quite good at ’showing up’ but not so good at pushing myself once I’m there. Like I’ll go out on my own if I had to and socialise… but maybe not as much as I’d like. Any ideas?