I think it’s important to visit the wide range of forums that make up The Community from time to time, and to get a feel for the “word on the ground” - it’s all too easy for instructors to lose touch with the ‘middle-class’ - guys who aren’t beginners, but also haven’t made it up to instructor level.
I’ve noticed that a lot of guys who are just starting out are posting questions asking about very advanced techniques - everything from The October Man Sequence to some very high-level inner game stuff.
This is kind of depressing.
Misunderstanding the Hype
Most companies tell guys that their level of success with women is not dependent on what they look like. That’s true, but, what they actually mean is: it doesn’t matter what you were born looking like. You’re going to need a certain level of good looks to get the success you want, but that level is within reach of EVERY guy with a small amount of work.
Instead, guys get caught up with the idea that you can attract and date the most attractive women even if you’re smelly, ugly, socially awkward, introverted and shy. All you need is some magic lines, some trick or routine. It just doesn’t work like that - you can’t be a lame guy and just learn a bunch of lines. You can’t be socially incompetent and then apply a thin veneer over that.
But what you can do, with absolute certainty, is go from being a lame guy to an ultra cool guy - you just need to work on some fundamentals.
Tackling Your Looks
Becoming good looking is about grooming, fashion, and working with your natural looks. It’s actually pretty easy. You don’t need a whole bunch of money (check out second-hand stores like Buffalo Exchange), but you do want clothes that are in style NOW - not five years ago when you were last single. Not clothes you’ve been holding on to since you were in college. If you have the money, get a style consultant - if not, buy GQ, find a few fashion role models, and go from there.
You also need to look after yourself. Hit the gym four times a week - you don’t need to be super-ripped, but the difference you’ll see in your self-esteem, energy, and your natural glow after just a week will be huge.
Get a good, stylish haircut. Spend some money the first time, then take a bunch of photos so a cheap hairdresser can do it next time. Learn how to manage your dental hygiene so you always smell nice (hint: tongue scraper). Get a good deodorant and a good cologne. Hell, why not even experiment with an over-the-counter teeth-whitening program?
Basic Social Confidence
If you can’t make eye-contact, you can’t play. If you need to, go to a strip club, and sit in Pervert’s Alley (the front row of the stage where you have to tip) and focus strictly on holding eye-contact with the naked hottie.
Vocal projection - this is huge. No student is EVER loud enough EVER. Do a quick search online for vocal projection exercises. Practice practice practice. If you need to, start singing kareoke! Work on your tonality - practice speaking in different pitches until you have a wide range that you can use to convey emotions - don’t be like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Can you hold a normal conversation with someone where they walk away thinking you’re normal? Or do you cling to routines, cocky/funny, NLP patterns, etc? You need to be able to maintain a pleasant conversation with anyone anywhere by observing social norms, and not being needy, creepy, or boring. Easiest way to do this: force yourself to socialise. Get a job in a bar if you need to. Take up some new hobbies. This is a skill that needs to be LEARNED, and the only way to learn is to practice.
Conclusion
Fix the above alone, and you’ll see your results go up. Then you can start adding actual game - learning to tease, learning to touch, learning to tell stories.
All of us come here for a reason. You have to destroy and rebuild, not simple slap a layer of external techniques on to a lifetime of bad habits.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:19 am
I thought MM was all about routines, good to see they have a holistic approach to getting good at PU.