Women are attracted to men who are confident and unreactive to them. It’s easy to fake confidence though, so women will often try and ‘test’ men and throw them off guard to see if they’re as confident as they’re projecting.
We call these ’shit-tests’, and normally they’re manifested by the woman making a negative assumption or comment about you. The degree to which you either reinforce or reject that ‘frame’ determines if you pass or fail - if she becomes more or less attracted to you.
Let’s take an example: the classic shit test “Are you a player?” If you say “No!” it looks like you’re getting defensive. If you say “Yes!” it looks try-hard. So what can you do?
a) You can ignore the comment entirely, and keep going with your game plan:
Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Man, you know what I saw today? [routine]”
This is my favourite way to hold the frame, but a girl can just keep repeating the question if she wants to be a pain.
b) You can make the question look absurd:
Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “What is it about players you like so much? I’m actually a card-carrying member of the ancient order of Make-Out Whores. My father was a Make-Out Whore, and his father before that. It’s a great honour! Anyway, [routine]”
c) You can throw her a shit-test back
Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Are you just a typical San Diego party girl?”
Like her shit-test, it’s a great double bind - however she answers, she’s playing in to my frame. If she says ‘yes’, I can ‘dismiss’ her and say “I know what those are like, and they’re trouble”. If she says ‘no’, I can tell her that’s good because I’m sick of those girls, but she’s probably not adventurous enough.
d) You can misinterpret what she said, and then disqualify
Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “Oh my God, you’re attracted to me! It’s too bad, because you’re really not my type…”
Not only are you labelling her as attracted to you (and people normally play in to labels), but you’re then immediately disqualifying her too - you’re setting up the frame that she wants you, but can’t have you.
e) You can use a total non-sequitur
Her: “Are you a player?”
You: “My friend eats lemons. [Next routine]”
One part ignorance, one part humour, with some illogical chick sense thrown in - it also subtly sends her the message that you won’t jump through her hoops. If you say the same thing every time she throws you a shit-test, it becomes good call-back humour too.
