So somewhere during all this being social and dancing, you will see a girl you’re attracted to. So naturally, let’s get into opening:
Opening
Let’s think about the most popular openers out there- 80’s dogs, who lies more, etc. What is it about these timeless (lame) classics that continually draws countless chodes? The proliferation of the canned opinion opener can be attributed to two key reasons.
1) Since the opener came from the internet, if a girl reacts negatively to it it’s not the guy’s fault, rather either the opener sucks (written by someone else), the girl sucks (she didn’t like the canned money opener), etc. In short, the guy’s ego is protected.
2) They are the safest – or rather lowest on the verbal escalation ladder. They are neither personal (talking about something abstract and not related to the guy or girl), nor are they sexual (puppies names).
Interestingly enough, it’s the same reasoning that makes opinion openers appealing that also makes them suck.
Let’s think about The CLAW- what makes it work so well? We all hear things tossed around like “the claw is firm but fair”, “the claw doesn’t discriminate” etc. But bottom line the claw is DECISIVE! Weakness is the enemy of The Claw. Claw with timidness and face a night of solitude – Claw with conviction and the world is yours.
Ok, enough with the abstract Claw rhetoric. Fact is, there is a ladder to sexual escalation, and by using The Claw you are automatically starting the set at a somewhat physically escalated point (dominant kino). The girl recognizes (most likely subconsciously) your boldness in beginning the interaction at a somewhat physically escalated point and naturally perceives this as a sign of value.
The same applies verbally. Opinion openers are the absolute least escalated form of dialogue possible. So yes, you can open with them – but basically you’re starting at square 0. Instead life can be so much easier if you simply open with the same conviction and verbal escalation that’s mirrored physically with The Claw.
Some examples of my favorite openers are
“Hey, I’m very good looking and I want to meet you, I’m Ryan
“Haha, that’s twice tonight, what’s your deal, who are you? Okay cool so it may be just me, but I’m pretty sure we shared a moment there. We did, didn’t we…”
“Hey, who ARE you?”
“Hey, I’ve got pretty cool hair but THAT
I can keep going but the idea is that all of these convey direct interest in the girl while establishing yourself as coming from a position of value. The first two use humor, but still set the tone ‘I’m hot shit and I get what I want.’ The latter two are more direct but still convey a playful dominance.
From here, you can see how any dialogue is going to be personal in nature. i.e.
Ryan: Who ARE you?
HB: What do you mean who am I? I’m Lisa, who are you?
Ryan: Well little miss Lisa, I’m Ryan, nice to meet you. Why are you here?
HB: Well my friends and I wanted to go out blah blah…
Ryan: No no, I mean, why are you in San Francisco? What are you doing here?
There’s a few things going on here. Firstly, pretty obvious, it’s 100% my frame.
What’s interesting is the tone and positioning from which I frame the interaction. Rather than normal chode-interview dialogue there’s an almost interrogatory tone here and a feeling of tension – as if I’m clearly GOING somewhere rather than just trying to keep the conversation alive. Also notice that she interpreted my questions in the least personal way possible, which I then re-framed and escalated on.
So when I ask “who ARE you?” the least personal answer is “I’m Lisa.” Moving up would be “I’m Lisa Evans.” And even higher on the ladder would be “I’m an artist” or “I’m a dreamer.” So when I say “Why are you here,” she again gives the least escalated response – talking about something completely impersonal and relevant only to a few hours of her life. I escalate a great deal here when I reframe to “no, why are you in San Francisco” – and since she’s already committed to answering the initial question, she’ll oblige and answer this one as well, giving us a great, highly personal verbally escalated starting point.
Ryan: No, no, I mean, why are you in San Francisco? What are you doing here?
HB: Oh…well I moved out here for work last year. I really wanted to be in advertising and this was the best place for me to do it.
Ryan: So you packed up, kissed your family goodbye, and left Iowa for the big city?
HB: Iowa!?!? Haha no, I moved from _____, blah blah, what about you?
So, with a little bit of boldness and some clever steering of the conversation you can see how we pretty quickly get the interaction personal and charge it with tension right from the get-go.
