Attraction happens differently for men and women. Men are very visual and so attraction often happens instantly. Women are initially attracted to a man’s looks, but something else is also happening. Women are attracted to a man’s energy, confidence, tone of voice and the way he listens when they speak. To attract a man, a woman needs to seduce his eyes with her sex appeal. To attract a woman, a man needs to intrigue and seduce her mind. This process builds over time and then can subside. I call this concept ATTRACTION MOMENTUM.
Men think they have to ‘wow’ a woman, because a man’s experience of attraction is instantaneous- a hot girl will be attractive to him immediately. So a lot of men talk too much and think that they have to similarly ‘wow’ women. Instead they usually should just shut up and listen.
The Approach
The first step of the interaction is the initial approach. Women can see you coming from a mile away. They smell you, and if they are attracted to you they want you to approach them. But it is the way you approach that will cause the attraction momentum to either rise or fall.
Men that walk over immediately are ones who tend to be received well by women. Ask any woman what her feelings are about the way a man approaches, and she will tell you that if she hears the “Jaws” theme playing in her head she will lose any of the initial attraction that she was feeling. Most men tend to circle like sharks for hours before they approach, and by the time they finally do approach the woman is turned off by him.
The Pick-Up Lie
For every woman that is sitting in a café reading the newspaper, there is a man thinking that he can just walk over to her with some canned line and a few follow-up questions. Men believe that there is an approach that will work in all situations, or that there are custom approaches that will work regardless of what she says. It’s that mindset that kills all attraction for women, yet men think that there is some magic approach that will work in all situations.
Men will actually spend time looking for someone who can give them that answer, that “magic approach,” so they will be attractive to all women in all situations. Men will use an approach over and over, memorizing it so they can perform it in front of a woman. The truth is that women are looking to connect with a man . . . not to watch a one man show.
That alone will kill the attraction momentum for women. Women are present in the moment whereas men think about what they have to say. You need to observe what she’s doing so you can jump into her head when you talk to her. This way, the conversation is based on something she’s already feeling or doing so it’s natural.
Keep Present In The Moment
Keep present in the moment so that the conversation is just an extension of her thoughts. If what you say is an extension of her thoughts, she won’t even realize what’s happening. She won’t have her defenses up, and by doing this you will be bonding with her about the things she’s already thinking.
Making the attraction meter go up instead of down, is to listen and to react to what she is saying. Women start on a subject and then go deeper into it, creating a bond between them. That is the exact type of bond you need to create with a woman in order to cause the attraction to rise instead of fall. I have found in coaching thousands of women over the last 10 years that the only way to build attraction in a woman is to bond with her in the moment and jump inside her head.
