Natural Game: Be Emotionally Proactive
Thursday
May 1, 2008
I’ve been going natural for a while now, with no real focus on structure or routines. I didn’t make a conscious decision to do this. It just sort of happened and worked, but I wasn’t sure why or how. I started trying to figure out what the common factors were – the things I was doing on an ‘ON’ night and the things I was neglecting on an ‘OFF’ night. Here’s my current thinking:
Natural game is about being emotionally proactive.
How relaxed are you when you’re gaming? How does your body feel – are you holding tension in any muscles anywhere, feeling jittery, eyes darting around, etc?
Also how much are you ENJOYING gaming? How often are you having a genuinely awesome time in set, finding your own banter funny and just basking in the vibe? Are you able to decide to work up an awesome state and then DO it, pretty much at your own choosing?
The trouble with the inner game advice of ‘just relax and have fun’ is that it’s not obvious how to actually do it if you don’t feel it in the first place. You know that being relaxed and playful is important, but don’t really know how to get there.
Well, the cool thing is you can proactively cultivate these states.
If you WORK HARD at being relaxed and playful then eventually you develop these deep grooves of awesome states in your mind that you just automatically get into when your out, and the game you know just flows from there. You start to develop such strong positive anchors to clubs and bars that you can’t HELP but enjoy the game. It’s all about getting yourself to where it flows from your core rather than you having to push it out.
So the way to do it is this:
Switch your focus from being outwardly proactive (”I must do this or say that to get girls”) to inwardly proactive (”I must GENUINELY FEEL a certain way to get girls”)
So the two main states that I found really useful to cultivate were being relaxed, and being playful. I find that if you’re relaxed first, then sexual state and dominant urges come naturally.
Being Relaxed
Go out with nothing in mind but an opener – IF that. As soon as you feel yourself needing to ‘do’ or ‘get’ something in-set, be aware of your body. It’s not that you ACTUALLY need C&F or stories or whatever, it’s that you tensed up somewhat. Let go of that tension. Literally relax your shoulders, stomach or brow, wherever that stress is. Use those conversational pauses to RELAX yourself.
You need to be vigilant with this, really be aware of every little tension that pops up in your body, and consciously let it go: e.g. if you run out of things to say, and your stomach tenses up – you relax it. The words will just come, when you’re relaxed. If you think you should go for a kiss, and you tense up – you relax it. Things will just WORK if you’re relaxed. Especially remember to relax tension in your facial muscles.
Being Playful
Sometimes, you might be relaxed, but perhaps just too serious, analytical or lethargic. The cure for this is making yourself playful. Not just acting it, but actually taking steps to FEEL PLAYFUL. Start with a smile, and hold it…what’s funny about the situation? What’s funny about the girl? Open in a Borat accent. Tap her on the shoulder and just squint, or throw ice down her cleavage (field-tested!) Do whatever YOU find funny, because your goal is to make YOURSELF feel playful.
‘Doing C&F’ only works because you are faking that you are in a playful state… Cut that shit out and actually FEEL PLAYFUL in the first place. How do you do it? Start with your physiology – you’ll notice a million ways to get that vibe rolling when you start focussing on it.
As you consciously change your state through action, you open the door to all your game resources, and they flow effortlessly – it’s really awesome.
So the idea is to be proactive, but not about what you’re saying or doing but what you’re FEELING – by consciously correcting your emotions internally, you start carving out deep, wide neural highways to those peak states… and your game will flow from there.
Sometimes you’re ON right away – awesome, just go with the moment! But sometimes you’re state just isn’t there, and you have to make a change – and this stuff has become a pretty reliable way to get myself in the zone and have an awesome time nearly every night. I’m also finding myself closing more frequently and much more effortlessly.
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