Grow Your Game

Todays video is all about how to create powerful first impression. The whole idea is to have fun and be playful!!

Do you know what is great? Practicing your storytelling. Women are attracted – actually, people in general are attracted to people who are charismatic and can tell a good story.

I know I’ve written blogs about telling stories before, but I want to go even deeper into this today. There are so many emotions that you can convey to people through stories. They tell something about your personality.

When you are there and you are talking to somebody, and they are in quiet mode – sometimes we’re in quiet mode, sometimes we’re in talkative mode – but let’s say this person is in quiet mode. All of a sudden, you start doing the talking – you’d better be interesting! All of us are interesting because we’ve all done things in our lives – but the difference is in the way we share that story.
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So, you’re dating a woman now whose only sexual experiences have been with men that are pump and dumpers. For those of you who don’t know what a pump and dumper is: it’s what I call ‘minutemen.’

Not the minutemen from the Revolutionary War.. They get in, they thrust their hips, they pump a few times, and then they dump all their little men: all their little sea-men to swim all over the place.

A lot of women who are young (and some unfortunately that are older) have only been with pump and dumpers and they have no idea of how unbelievably amazing sex can be with an attentive, sexually aware man. They don’t know sex with a man that has been reading these blogs – a man that really knows that sex and foreplay start right inside a woman’s mind.

So let’s say you’ve done it all right. You’ve started with sex and foreplay, and you’ve seduced her mind and you have her all turned on. How do you encourage this woman – who is basically very submissive in bed due to the fact that all of her experience is with Mr. Pump and Dump?

The reason why she is submissive, much of the time, is that she has never explored her own sexuality. A lot of women that have had pump and dumpers don’t know what they want sexually, and they are usually women that have never masturbated. They don’t know what feels good and what doesn’t. Their only experience is with Mr. P & D.

For those of you who think he is related to P & G, you’re absolutely incorrect. Pump and Dump is not Proctor & Gamble – though I heard that Proctor & Gamble makes their products for pump and dumpers. But it’s just a rumor that I heard!

Anyway, how do you encourage this woman to open up to her own sexuality?

First of all, this woman may or may not have ever had an orgasm before. I would assume that she never has. She thinks she might be having an orgasm – it might be a momentary wave – but she is not having a full-blown orgasm.

If you ask her if she’s had an orgasm, and she says, “I think so” – there is no “I think so” when it comes down to orgasms. Either you’ve had one or you haven’t! If a woman will tell you that she thinks she had an orgasm, it means that she has probably only experienced a little wave of pleasure and not a full orgasmic experience. Ladies, please chime in here and describe what a full orgasmic experience feels like so all the men know.

So let’s assume that she’s never had an orgasm. You’ve got to become the teacher in this relationship. She is probably the type of woman that just expects you to do whatever you want to do, and she’ll just lie there submissively.

So you need to show her slowly how amazing sex is. I would take some extra time and give her a full body massage. I would spend extra time kissing her and just touching her, everywhere except in her breast and her groin area.

I would take extra time when I go down on her and not only lick her, but to also touch all parts of her body also at the same time. I would also slip one finger inside as I was licking her in order to give her a different experience.

I wouldn’t ask her if she is coming. I would just continually do all the things that I know bring pleasure to a woman, and I would ask her, “how does that feel for you? Are you enjoying this? How do you like the pressure? I want to please you and I want to make you feel amazing.” Don’t say, “I want to give you an orgasm.” Don’t tell her you want her to scream and yell. Just say, “I want to make you feel wonderful. Okay?”

And take your time. Allow her to open up and allow her to see sex in an entirely different light. Don’t expect the magical orgasm right away. Don’t expect her to open up immediately. Your only job is to show her – through a soothing, relaxing, attentive sexual session – just how great sex can be.

Another way to do it, too, is when you’re having sex with her, is to do the opposite of what the pump and dumpers have done. Hold her really close to you so she can feel the tightness and feel the sensuality of sex, and then grind in very slowly as you pull her close to you. That way your pubic bone is actually massaging her clit at the same time. By doing that and staying deep inside her, you’re going to give her feelings that she has not had before and you’re going to get her to open up. You may actually get her to start having a clitoral orgasm that way, in time.

You are also going to show her a different side of sex, going to show her the sensuality of sex so that she can feel protected, warm, and nurtured during the experience.

Right now, all she feels is used. All she feels is that guys want to get inside, get off, and leave. So you’ve got to deal with the fact that she was with Mr. P & D. You’ve got to be tender and warm, and you’ve got to put absolutely no pressure on her at all.

By following these simple steps, you’re going to make her feel really comfortable, and you’re going to be able to get her to explore herself even more. She’ll surrender herself to you, in time, but you need to be very patient – because the other guys, the Mr. P & Ds, were not patient. It’s your turn to be patient now.

You know, I was just on the phone with a client of mine and we had an interesting conversation about how to deal with assholes. There is no other way to put it, right?

My client wanted to figure out how to get a particular asshole (“Mr. Asshole”) to like him. No matter how nice my client was to him, Mr. Asshole still acted like an asshole. That is, Mr. Asshole was still confrontational and disagreeable about almost everything. I told my client that an asshole is one because there is always shit coming out of their mouth.

There is no reason to befriend everybody. If you are nice to someone and they are an asshole to you or are just plain old rude to you, then you have done nothing to them to warrant their behavior. You’ve been nice, self-aware, non-confrontational, and you haven’t challenged them. You’ve killed them with kindness. Yet they still choose to be an asshole.

So what’s the point? You need to understand and accept the fact that you can’t make everybody like you and respond favorably to you.

The way I look at it is if someone is being an asshole, it’s really your ego that doesn’t like it. Your ego may not like that you can’t succeed in getting this person to think the way that you are thinking. Your ego may not like that you can’t get this person to respond favorably to you.

It’s also your ego that doesn’t allow you to just walk away from someone like this. If I have to deal with an asshole, then I will kill them with kindness during the one or two obligatory minutes I must spend talking to them. When I then walk away, I will just mutter “asshole” under my breath and walk away . . . because I just don’t care.

I don’t really care if somebody doesn’t like me or doesn’t respond favorably to me. All I care about is that I treat everyone with respect, kindness and integrity. That is the kind of person I am.

So if you are dealing with an asshole, you need to remember that it’s just your ego that is affected by them. Then drop the ego, and just walk away.

You know, it’s funny. Let me share with you a perfect story about needing to drop the ego. When I was recently in Hawaii, I surfed for four days. On three of those days I kicked ass – I got up on the board, I surfed and I had a great time.

I was there with my ex, Alison. She just started surfing not too long ago, but she’s already good at it. She’s one of those naturals. So on surfing day number four, I knew I felt a little stiff. I do yoga on a regular basis, so I went into a lot of yoga poses to try and unlock my body and get rid of some of the stiffness I was feeling.

I was still stiff after I did that though, and my intuition and my gut told me to just go out in the water and swim. Because I used to be a competitive swimmer as a kid and used to be a lifeguard, I should have just had a great time swimming the day away in the Pacific Ocean . . . but of course my ego wouldn’t allow that.

My ego made me get up on that surfboard because I wanted to surf one more day and because I wanted to prove that I could do a good job at it four days. So, what happened? My lower back jammed on my left hand side, and I spent the last couple days rehabilitating it.

By the time I post this blog, my back will be fine. The question is: Will I learn from my experience? That is, the next time will I trust my instincts and honor my body, or will I allow my ego to rule once again?

The analysis is no different when it comes down to dealing with assholes. You have to trust yourself. You have to be open, and you have to drop that ego. The more you keep that ego, the more hurt you will experience. So remember that not everyone is going to like you and you can’t catch every wave.

Todays video is all about how to find great single people online. Match.com would never want you to know what I am about to share.

Anyway lets talk today about the convenience that things like cell phones, iPhones and BlackBerrys afford us, there is one major drawback: Our constant attention to them may be putting a serious dent in our love lives. There are so many people who spend virtually all day every day giving their cell phone, iPhone or BlackBerry 100% of their attention. Those people are missing opportunities to meet people every day, and in fact may not be meeting people at all.

These are likely the same people, by the way, from whom I receive emails daily complaining that they never see anyone to meet. The irony is that those people are being honest when they say they don’t see anyone to meet . . . but it’s not because people aren’t there. They are victims of “self cell phone sabotage.”

I don’t want any of you to be sabotaging yourselves from finding great connections all because of your cell phone. So to help you be aware if you unknowingly killing your love life by “self cell phone sabotage,” here are 6 ways your phone may be ruining your dating life:

1. You’re Stopping Them Mid-Approach: You’re in a store where someone is checking you out – someone you’ve also noticed and found attractive. Then that someone decides to approach you, but the minute they take their first step in your direction, your phone rings . . . and you answer it. Not only do you answer it, but you proceed to have the same unimportant repetitive conversation with the friend who called you. By doing this, you have stopped someone who was already interested in you from approaching – and they probably won’t wait around to do it a second time.

2. You’re Totally Programmed: Let’s put you in that same store, and that same person you were attracted to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What do you do? Instead of reacting to what’s going on around you and reciprocating with a smile, you react like Pavlov’s dog to the “ding” of the incoming text and immediately look at your phone to find out who texted you. Not only did you miss that person to whom you WERE attracted smiling at you, but by not acknowledging their smile that person will believe you are not interested and they will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).

3. You’re Never “Here”: You could be out with a group of your friends in a great place filled with people you would want to meet. Instead of being present and talking with the people with whom you’re with physically, you are spending the entire time and devoting 100% of your attention to a full-blown conversation you are having with another friend via text message on your BlackBerry. Meanwhile a man or woman that you may have been interested in comes over and starts talking to your group. You are so involved in your text message conversation that you don’t even notice he or she is there. When you don’t acknowledge that person, they will assume you’re not interested and will walk away.

4. It Never Occurs To You To Look: It’s not that you don’t leave the house. You are in the grocery store, the gym, the book store, the coffee shop, or the dry cleaners EVERY DAY. So when I hear people say that they “never see anyone” to meet, I know immediately that they’re not “seeing” anyone because they’re simply not looking. If people want to meet people so badly why aren’t they looking? Well because they allow you to do virtually everything right from the palm of your hand, many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research and sending text messages. So even though they’re out in public, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with anyone – they don’t look at people, smile at people or flirt with people. It it any wonder they’re not meeting anyone?

5. You Make Your Date A “Third Wheel”: You’ve met someone you think you might really like, and you go out on a date with them. So there you are enjoying their company and feeling like there might be an amazing potential connection. Then the red light on your phone starts flashing or your phone starts vibrating alerting you that a text message has just been received. What do you do? Despite the fact that you’re in the middle of a great date, you just can’t resist picking up your phone to see who sent you that text. When you do this, you immediately turn off the person with whom you’re on the date. Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages, and nobody likes to feel that their date’s attention is not focused on them. You’re date will feel like a “third wheel.” You’ve also shown your date that your first priority will always be your phone.

6. You’re Always Available But Never Free: When someone tells me that they don’t get approached, or that they never “see” anyone to meet, I know that most of the time this is because that person does not make themselves available. In the case of people who are glued to their cell phone, their BlackBerry or their iPhone, what is happening is that they are “available” in that they are in places where they can meet people but they aren’t ever free. People won’t approach them, because they always seem busy with whatever they’re doing on their phone. They also won’t ever notice potential opportunities to meet people because they never look up from their phone.

So while I love the flexibility and the convenience that my BlackBerry affords me in being able to conduct so many of my business and personal affairs from ANYWHERE, I want to caution everyone to not let them take over your whole life. By doing so, you may be unknowingly killing your dating life.

Start being conscious about how much time you are spending glued to your phone, and try to avoid behaviors like these. Just think how many people you may have completely missed who wanted to meet YOU. Start paying attention to what’s going on LIVE around you. You won’t believe what (and who) you’ve been missing!

Juicy…

It’s really funny because men don’t need any special reason to check out a woman’s ass . . . let alone women wearing something with the word “juicy” or “belief” written across it.

I was just in the grocery store and saw a woman wearing sweatpants that had the word “juicy” on it, and then saw another one in a different aisle with the word “belief.” Every time I see this, I always think how interesting it is how many women wear things like this.

Women get so annoyed that men check out their asses, but then they go out, buy and wear sweatpants with words like “juicy” on them all but putting a neon arrow pointing to their ass.

I mean, women know we’re curious and they know we don’t like a lot of text at one time. If women really wanted men not checking out their ass, then they would put a whole paragraph on the ass of their pants.

Anyway, I believe in juicy. Really, it’s true that if we’re looking at your ass we already think you’re ass is juicy.

So on to today’s juicy blog…

Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about the realities of good sex.

Sex should never get boring. The truth is that if you have good and open communication with your partner about what feels good and what you desire then sex should never get boring.

You and your partner should always be wanting and willing to please each other. So if you combine that with open and honest communication about what you each desire then you are going to have some amazing sex.

Let’s also talk about something else about good sex. Everyone is always talking about new sexual positions. They want something new to do other than 69. They’ll say, “I want to do 77. I want to do 48. I want to do 62.” The bottom line is that there are probably only four or five positions that really feel good to both of you or that allow both of you to orgasm really amazingly.

Let’s go even deeper into this. Let’s say you like five positions. Then let’s say you are really good at certain foreplay things, so that’s ten or fifteen more things you like to do. Finally let’s say there are ten different places in your house that you like to have sex.

There are then more than twenty different ways you can have sex that you both really enjoy. So if the average couple has sex two days a week (which, by the way isn’t enough for me), it is going to take you months to do everything you both like one time before you have to ever repeat things. Plus, by the time you get back to repeating something, it will seem new and exciting again.

Sex should never get boring with the person that you are with, because you should always be coming up with new and fun things to do and really enjoying each other’s bodies. It is amazing when someone knows everything you like. They know how to make you feel good, and they know how to make you orgasm in ways no one else does.

Granted, the newness does wear off. Everybody loves that newness. It is so great, and I love to have, new sex.

If you think about it, though, new sex is actually nerve-racking. When you’re having sex with someone you’ve only slept with once or twice, you don’t know what they like or what they are feeling.

Being with your lover and getting to know them in every which way, however, is the ultimate intimacy. Learning somebody, feeling them, experiencing things with them, and then making love to them, is beautiful. It is a beautiful thing to experience somebody and get to know everything about their body, because just when you think you know everything about their body you find out something new.

Last night my girlfriend and I were out to dinner enjoying a great meal of sushi and Sake. As we’re sitting there having a conversation, the topic of single mothers and deadbeat dads comes up (because I was sharing a story about some people I know).

That reminded me of a woman I dated about fourteen years ago named Denise. I told my girlfriend the story about the time that Denise dropped her kid off at my office, and the kid proceeded to wreak complete havoc.

I said it was at that moment I realized that I could not be in a relationship with her, because I was not ready to take on someone’s kid and to be a dad. No matter how wonderful Denise was, I simply was not in that place in my life.

All of a sudden, and just as I finished that sentence, out of the corner of my eye I notice this woman with crazy eyes at another table peering toward our table. We had not been speaking unusually loudly. We were just speaking in a normal conversational voice to each other.

The woman with the crazy eyes at the other table then said, “Excuse me. Do you mind? This really hits home for me.” I look over there and all I see is a kid sitting at the table with her eating a sundae.

I’m thinking, “This woman is a crazy mother and a nut!” I look at my girlfriend, but I can’t say a word because I unbelievably have this person leaning in, eavesdropping and telling us what we are allowed to talk about with each other across the dinner table.

Now I’m ready to just battle down with this woman, but my girlfriend gives me a cautioning look and says “The kid’s here.” So, we just got up and we left. This woman was out of her mind!

Do you look at another couple like that when you’re out in a restaurant? Let’s say a couple has a date and they’re talking dirty to each other, whispering sweet nothings and having a good time telling each other all the things they want to do to each other later.

Are you going to be the buzz kill in that situation? Are you going to look at them and say “Excuse me. I haven’t been laid in over three years and this is really hitting close to home for me. I’m really tired of masturbating nonstop. So, would you mind not talking to each other like that?”

What about if you’re sitting next to a couple in a restaurant and a man is sharing with his wife what a great day he had at the office. Would you ever look at them and say, “I have a really shitty job. Do you mind not talking about that right now?”

Anyone who is familiar with my work knows that I am all about eavesdropping. I encourage people to join conversations. If you hear a group of people talking about something that interests you, join the conversation and add to it.

You, however, should never join a conversation to kill it. Never put your crazy psycho energy on someone else. Never tell anyone what they should (or should not) talk about in a private conversation.

So what I was talking about privately to my girlfriend hit home for this woman? I am sorry you may have made some bad choices. I am sorry that the man you chose is a deadbeat dad to your daughter. My heart bleeds for you.

You know what, though? You should never ever listen to someone else’s conversation and tell them what they should or shouldn’t say.

This would only happen in California. This woman was crazy.

We actually had a wonderful laugh about it as we left. In fact, the whole way home we kept laughing and wondering what was wrong with that woman.

Why do people feel the need to do things like this? It reminds me of a blog I wrote a long time ago about people like this. Really, what is wrong with some people? Crazy energy. Crazy eyes. Crazy people.