Grow Your Game

There are three kinds of hoops we use in Love Systems. Use these once you get some attraction going:

1. Exaggerated/Unrealistic Sexual Hoops

The first hoops should be clearly not 100% serious. It’s like a cartoonish illustration of you having sex with her; it’s supposed to be funny, a little bit out there, but not enough so she could say anything about it. In other words, it’s a joke that happens to convey your intentions in a socially-appropriate way:

For example:

DAHUNTER: “I haven’t told you this but I’m a master at the hidden arts of kama sutra.”

HER: “Hahaha, what?”

DAHUNTER: “Yeah, did you see the girls that were following me earlier? They’re the girls that I’ve slept with. They follow me everywhere; they just can’t get enough. It’s kind of annoying but I don’t blame them. Once you go Dahunter, you never go back.”

Or:

DAHUNTER: “See those girls? They’re my wives. That one there in particular is crazy in bed. She doesn’t look like all that but under the sheets she’s freaky.”

I submitted a bunch of routines like this (the above are examples of very short routines) to the Love Systems Routines Manual.

2. Direct Sexual Hoops

These hoops make your intentions clear, but they avoid a potentially awkward and state-killing pause by quickly disqualifying and “releasing” the tension.

It’s similar to the Qualification process. In Qualification, you help her “win you over” and then you give a big compliment… but “release” the tension with a disqualifier. Qualification is covered very well in Magic Bullets and even better in a couple of my favorite interviews – Qualification by Sinn and the more advanced Issues in Qualification by Braddock, Mr. M and Sphinx.

For sexual hoops, the disqualifier should push her away just a little bit.

For example:

DAHUNTER: “Just so you know, I’m going to try to hook up with you. You should run away; you’re too nice, I would just do bad things to you.”

HER: “I’m not too nice!”

But without a disqualifier, here’s what it would sound like:

DAHUNTER WITHOUT LOVE SYSTEMS: “Just so you know, I’m going to try to hook up with you.”

HER: “Well, you can try, but I don’t know how far you’ll get.”

Here are some better examples of sexualization with a release:

DAHUNTER: “You know, you’re kind of cool. Like how you [insert] and even if I wasn’t trying to get into your pants, I still think it’d be cool to hang out with you.”

DAHUNTER: “You know, I’m gonna try to hook up with you. You should go that way.”

DAHUNTER: “You know, you should really get away from me. I’m bad news.”

HER: “Why?”

DAHUNTER: “Because if you stay any longer, I’m going to try hook up with you.”

DAHUNTER: “You’re hot… do you have a sister that I can hit on?”

3. Fantasy Hoops

Once you’ve gotten through the first two hoops, you can test the ground on common, deep (but usually unspoken) female sexual fantasies – usually involving being dominated or ravished. This will only succeed if you’ve done your work with the smaller first two hoops and if the vibe is “on.”

In contrast to the direct sexual hoops, here the disqualifiers will be softer, but with occasional harder disqualifiers thrown in to keep things interesting.

For example:

DAHUNTER: “I’m going to ruin you for all men.”

HER: “Why?”

DAHUNTER: “Because I can’t stop thinking about doing bad things to you.”

Or:

DAHUNTER: “I would so take you home and ravish you so hard, you wouldn’t be able to walk straight for the next couple days…”

HER: (Visualizing what you just said)

DAHUNTER: “Oh my God, what are you doing to me? I’m a nice person, I can’t do this, I want to be a virgin until I get married.”

Or:

DAHUNTER: “You know what I would do to you, I would put your legs over here (indicating her shoulders), I would get on top of you and completely dominate you while I was taking you really hard.”

HER: (Absorbing your comment)

DAHUNTER: “Oh no, wait, I’m not that easy. I gotta go; I don’t know what you’re doing to me but I better go get a drink or something.”

DAHUNTER: (Starts to walk away… interrupts himself and comes back)

DAHUNTER: “Okay, come with me, let’s get a drink, but let’s be good. I don’t know why but I’m just drawn to you for some reason… stop trying to seduce me. I want to be a priest one day; I can’t have sex.”

Commentary

If you do the hoops correctly, she will be turned on and a same-night encounter is on the agenda.

You took her through the first hoop, which is playful sexual introduction, and she accepted it.

You took her through the second hoop, which is grounding your sexual intentions to reality and showing her that you’re “for real,” and she accepted it.

Then you took her through the last hoop, and you played on her fantasies and got her really turned on (and did some push/pull), and she accepted the frame.

What I’m about to reveal to you may change the way you structure your day entirely, so be prepared to have your mind blown. There is one place, one environment, one setup that is fricking custom made for any kind of confident approach (direct, indirect, opinion, storytelling, situational, etc.) that you’ve probably been missing for years… and I’m about to lose my advantage by sharing, but that’s just me. I’m a giver.

Ready? There is a place to meet healthy, normal, beautiful girls every single day and change your life for the better. Any guesses?

I’ll give you a big hint. It’s not a bar.

The gym.

You cannot find a better setup for creating quick connections with the best possible chance of success. Here’s how I do it.

First, pick a gym that has hotties. Find out when they go. You don’t need to pick the most expensive place (remember, hot single girls do not tend to be rich… they tend to find the gyms with the best classes and nicest stuff that they can afford).

Preferably a slightly off-peak time. You will be doing this for results, not for reps (don’t give yourself a 50 set challenge in the gym). This is all about working efficiently.

Walk in and warm-up by chatting to anyone you see on the way in. Joke with whoever is working the desk. If it’s a girl, flirt your a*s off. Get social on your way in. While walking in, use your peripheral vision to scope the cardio machines on your way to the locker room. Be sly and note where the cutest girls are.

Change and come out. Dress appropriately, but a little colorful (and make sure you smell good… good time to use a cheap ass scent like Axe). You don’t have to be totally studly, but it helps if you have a little tan, and if your arms are in shape, go sleeveless. Look like you mean business. Walk into cardio room and find an open machine next to a cute girl. If there are none, wander around and do some other workout while waiting. You can lift, stretch, whatever.

Keep your eye on the cardio room. This is all about being opportunistic. When you see a spot open next to a cute girl, stroll up and start your workout there. The next step is critical.

Start the machine (it can be anything… bike, treadmill, whatever) and start a light workout.

Turn to the girl next to you, and lightly tap her arm while you look at her with agentle smile on your face, and motion for her to take her headphones off (she will almost always be wearing headphones, which prevents 99.999999% of the known universe of dudes from talking to her, which is what makes you such a stud for being able to do this).

Now smile. Really smile and look as friendly and normal as you can. One technical note… if she’s running flat out on a treadmill, wait till she slows down. You want to be able to do this when she can converse.

Then go into your opener. It can be anything. I’ve used sincere (you are super-cute), pussified indirect (i’m taking a storytelling class and need some feedback), and in-between. Just make sure you get her attention soon with something interesting. I actually like to be playful, then banter and do some storytelling here, because it gives you something interesting to discuss.

Remember, working out, especially on cardio machines, is deathly, deathly dull. If you can make the time go faster by talking, she’ll love you for it (why do you think women walk and jog in groups when they exercise outside? socializing alleviates boredom for them).

Tell your story and start vibing. Get real comfortable. Use light kino where possible (a slow handshake when you get her name, light shoulder taps in stories, high fives at high points). Don’t play games. Introduce yourself early. Get her name and use it in conversation. Go real basic with the small talk (where you from? do you live around here now?) and share interesting stories about yourself. If it’s on at all, she will keep talking. Just make it like a chat between friends… you can game, but keep it light and friendly (i.e., don’t spank her a*s while she’s trying to jog).

Examples of things I say right at the start, all with big big smiles and making things sound as fun as I can. Serious will get you killed in the gym.

“is this machine taken? cool… but if anyone comes back to claim it, i’m telling ‘em you said i could have it, so you better be prepared to protect me.”

“this thing isn’t hard to use, right? i just want to watch tv and have it look like i’m working out. my god, tell me that’s not sweat, you just dumped water on yourself to look cool, right?”

“do me a favor, watch my stuff for a second? if anyone comes and takes it, run them down and kick ‘em in the shins. use your kickboxing skills to protect me, and you can be my new girlfriend.”

“is this tv set to espn? crap. i gotta find the one with the soap operas, or a telenovela. now that’s some good fricking distraction right there… nothing but hot people hooking up with really badly behaved other hot people… girl, can’t you see he’s a dog?!? Not like me. I’m a perfect gentleman, and would never do things like flirt with a cute girl at the gym.”

Anything, really. There’s a basic structure to opening in the gym. For those of you who have taken one of those “outdated” pickup workshops , you may notice that these openers all follow the 1-2-3 structure. You get her attention, then say something that is relevant to what is going on around you, then quickly change gears to playful flirting.

Once you open this way, just start vibing. Here is the practice part. Half the time I go to the gym now, I just get this far… and then slide into some wide rapport.

Try to get in a good 20 minute conversation. If it’s going well, you’ll have good rapport and time will fly by (side benefit… it makes this workout way more fun). When you get to a point where you feel you’ve gotten comfortable and she’s smiling and asking you questions, make your closing pitch. Something like I really have to go and get my real workout in… but I really like talking to you. We should hang out this week. What are you up to Tuesday?

Try to keep your day2 suggestion something very soon so she can try to answer. If she says anything other than an outright rejection, just say, Awesome. Let’s get a drink Tuesday at 7 at (insert standard day2 place here). Give me your number.

Now you can show off a bit. You won’t have your phone with you, and no one will have a pen and paper. So just have her tell you her number, and say “of course I’ll remember. This is destined to be.”

Give her a big smile, and tell her you’ll send her a text later today. Then make your exit and work out for real. You want her to see that you aren’t just there to pickup chicks. If I’m on a treadmill, I like to crank up the incline and speed and start running intervals. Or you can go lift. Pick something basic that you can focus on. And then… well, that’s it.

The cardio approach gives you a captive audience, and once you break the headphone barrier, you have the chance to demonstrate amazing confidence, charisma, and authority. It will be very weird at first, but if you can start doing it, it will change your whole approach to daygame. I now have this planned in my daily workouts, like today I’m doing deadlifts, plyometrics, 20 minutes interval running, and 15 minutes of banter.

Try it out, and let me know your results. If this works, I’m thinking a cross-promotion with 24-Hour Fitness is in order…

It is both easier and harder to make a woman into your girlfriend than it is to casually date her. Because monogamous relationships are the dominant relationship type in our society, women will often assume that this is where your relationship is going unless either of you say or do something to imply otherwise.

traditional relationships with most of the people you’ve slept with. This is because people often do “say or do something to imply otherwise”. This can be very subtle. For example, if she mentions other men or dates at any point of your interaction after the first hour or so, she’s probably not looking for a traditional relationship. If you have a “party” vibe about you and never seem to get serious, she may assume the same about you.

Now, let’s assume that you do want a traditional relationship. How do you get this enticing woman to be your girlfriend?

The good news is that a lot of this process is not all that different from getting her to sleep with you – show enough interest to get her looking in that direction, but not so much that you come across as pushy, clingy, or not a challenge.

In other words: Get close to her without being clingy.

Your goal is to get to seeing her 2-3 times per week and for her to come to the conclusion herself that she doesn’t want to see other men and/or that she’d rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won’t see other women. It’s important for her to come to this conclusion herself as opposed to your pressuring her.

If you pressure her into a commitment before she feels completely ready – or at least ready enough to bring it up or hint strongly at it herself – then you’re significantly adding to the likelihood that she’ll cheat on you later. So let’s not do that.

For best results, start when in comfort. Vague long-term plans based on common interests are a great idea. For example, if I’m dating a woman who tells me she loves art, I’ll talk about how we have to go to the Getty Museum one day. If we realize we both love ice hockey, I’ll comment on how we have to go to a game. If she wants to be a better cook, then I’ll suggest we take a cooking class at the place under the Arclight, and maybe make it more specific by agreeing on what kind of cuisine we should learn. Not only are you uncovering great date ideas, but you are also

1) reinforcing any emotions she has that you and her have some exciting possibilities ahead

2) communicating that you see potential for some kind of longer-term relationship with her

3) helping her imagine herself with you in other contexts in the future. Don’t actually plan anything at this stage – keep it vague. Planning is boring for many women and takes away excitement and adventure and can make everything feel “too serious” to her.

Right after you first sleep with her is a key time. Solidify the connection if you can. Stay over or invite her to stay over. Have breakfast together. Call her the next day. Communicate to her by your actions (without saying it) that she’s not a one-night stand to you. That’s easy enough. Now do all of that without being clingy. There’s no formula here. You’re just going to have to use your intuition.

Also remember that women can be very unpredictable right after sex, so she may display emotions that actually have nothing to do with you. Don’t react to these. Society (both the media and her peer group) bombard her with messages that her worth is tied up in her sex appeal but also makes women feel guilty or cheap for enjoying their sexuality. If she’s got some odd emotions to deal with, the last thing she needs is some guy being needy. She may well act very distant from you, but still like you a great deal.

Call the next day. Handling this call correctly is crucially important. It must not be awkward.

Don’t refer to having had sex with her. Don’t call to “check in” with her. Call because something funny happened that you want to tell her about. Be the same natural, fun, and interesting person you were before you slept with her. Don’t let any awkward silence develop, but don’t sound nervous or talk too much or too quickly. If you’re worried about awkward silences, cue up enough topical things to talk about for at least an 8-10 minute conversation. Don’t rush into making plans unless she seems very warm and comfortable to you on this call. End the call first.

On one of your next calls, invite her to do something. If she sees you again after you’ve slept together, you’re well on your way. Use each time you see each other to discuss mutual interests and upcoming events. Further dates will follow naturally out of these conversations. For example, say you are both talking about your love for classical music. You mention that you have tickets to the symphony for next Friday. Presto. You have another date.

At some point, she should give off some indications that she’s committing to you. For example, she might reserve part of her weekend for you, or wants to know what you’re doing on the weekend so she can make her plans. She might suggest a weekend getaway. Introducing you to her friends more than once is a very good sign. Listen to how she introduces you, and make sure to invite her along when you are doing some activities with your friends especially exciting high-status activities. Remember, women lose social value if their friends perceive them as easy, so if she’s introducing you to them more than once, she is probably not introducing other men at the same time.

If she hasn’t given any of these signals, be patient. Use the telephone to your advantage. A couple of phone calls during the week, ideally 10 minutes or so, to tell her about something interesting that happened or to check in on something specific in her life (if she was sick before, to find out if she’s feeling better, if she just started a new job, to find out how that went) works wonders. It shows that you care and that you listen.

At some point, she will bring up the idea of you as her boyfriend or ask you if you’re seeing other women. This is not a time for a jealousy plotline. Just be genuine here. Your goal is very close.

It is a rare woman who will see you 2-3 times per week and never refer to you as her boyfriend or initiate a discussion about the future. But if it happens, then the responsibility falls on you to say something like “I feel funny bringing this up, but I realized we never actually talked about this. Are we supposed to be seeing other people?” Be emotionally neutral – and not nervous – when you say this. One way or another, this will resolve the issue.